Taylor and Karlie walked home side by side, their shoulders brushing occasionally. Both girls blushed every time it happened. "I am dreading the day I have to use make up again," Karlie declared out of the blue.
"What?" Taylor laughed confused at the random statement.
"I'm just saying that I'm not using any make up while I'm here. But when I'm back at my job eventually I'll have to use it again. And I really don't want to," Karlie elaborated, "I think I'm getting too lazy."
"Well, I think that you look absolutely flawless without make up. You really don't need it." Taylor meant every word she was saying. She had never met a person more beautiful than Karlie. Why the model ever thought that she needed to use any make up was beyond her.
Karlie's face flushed a light shade of red as her eyes were locked on the ground in front of her. "Thank you."
"I'm just telling you the truth."
"If you say so," Karlie trailed off.
Neither Karlie nor Taylor wanted to address the underlying tension in Karlie's statement. Karlie had to go back to her job, back to New York City at some point. And so did Taylor. They couldn't hide forever. The way they were living in some small California beach town could not be compared to the life that was awaiting them back in the City.
"Where did your mind just go?" Taylor asked. She noticed Karlie falling quiet again.
"Nowhere," the model shrugged her shoulders.
"Karlie."
"Taylor," Karlie replied, imitating her girlfriend's tone.
"You can tell me."
Karlie looked at the girl next to her and found those deep blue eyes trained on her. The model sighed. "It's just that I still haven't told anyone anything. My family, my friends they all think that I'm still happily dating Josh and that's not true. They couldn't be farther from the truth. They don't even know where exactly I am. They don't know who I'm with. I'm gonna have a lot of explaining to do once I go back. And I don't even know how to explain all of this."
"Hey," Taylor said as she reached out for Karlie's hand. They had stopped walking long ago. "If you want to you can fly back to New York. You can talk to your family and come clean about everything that's been going on. We can figure out how to tell them. You can meet up with your friends and tell them, too if you want. I'll wait here for you."
"But I don't wanna leave. I want to stay here with you and not think about the consequences that might have," Karlie replied. Taylor could see a whirlwind of emotions in her favorite pair of green eyes. She could see how torn Karlie was between their little California bubble and real life back in New York.
"That's not healthy, baby."
"What you're doing isn't healthy either," Karlie pointed out and immediately wished she could take the words back. Taylor averted her gaze to the ground and let go of Karlie's hand.
"I know that, Karlie. I know that I'm a huge mess and I more than likely need professional help. But at least I'm trying to deal with my shit. I'm trying to get my life back together. You aren't. You're here hiding from all your responsibilities. You're not even trying to get your shit back together."
"And you're not hiding from your responsibilities? You ran away, Taylor. You left me and everyone else behind without a single word. How is that getting your life back together? How is that dealing with your shit?" All the anger and disappointment and sadness she had felt weeks ago bubbled up inside of Karlie again. She knew that it wasn't fair to hold these things against her girlfriend but she couldn't help herself. She was so torn and confused and utterly helpless.
"Oh, you're one to judge, Karlie! Look around, you ran away from everything and everyone without a word, too. You're no better than me."
That silenced Karlie. She knew that Taylor was right. She couldn't judge her. Not when she was doing the exact same thing. "I'm sorry, Taylor. I shouldn't have said that. We made a deal not to hold that against each other. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, Kar. Your family knows where you are, right?"
"My mom kinda does." Karlie nodded her head, "I told her that I'm in California when she called. I'm just constantly thinking about them worrying about me. And what if they have talked to Josh for some reason and already know about the breakup?"
"You have to talk to them. There's no other way."
"Is it weird that I'm actually scared of that conversation?" Karlie asked.
"No, it'll be one of the toughest talks you ever had but it'll be worth it. I think that you'll feel better afterwards."
"But I have to do it in person," Karlie trailed off.
"You have to do it in person," Taylor agreed.
"I don't want to leave," Karlie whined. She knew that her girlfriend wasn't doing well. She was worried about the things she might do while the model was gone. She couldn't just leave her alone.
"This conversation has come full circle," Taylor tried to lighten the mood a little. When she saw that Karlie still didn't feel any better she said, "You can start with Lily if you want. You can call her up and tell her everything. She won't mind you doing this over the phone and maybe you'll feel a little better."
"Can we do that together?" Karlie asked, sounding unsure.
Taylor nodded her head, "Of course."
"Can we do it today?"
"Yes, but we have to get home first," Taylor replied with a smile on her face. They had a big evening ahead.
---
"Who thought that painting the kitchen blue was a good idea to begin with?" Taylor asked as she put the shopping bags on the kitchen counter. Their conversation had taken a much lighter turn.
"I'd say the person you bought this place from is a save guess," Karlie replied with a laugh.
"Smartass," Taylor countered as she rolled her eyes.
"Hey," Karlie exclaimed. "Rude."
"Boo-hoo," Taylor laughed.
"Anyway it's only a light shade of blue and may I remind you that you are the one who decided to rent a place with a blue kitchen?"
"I get your point," Taylor surrendered.
"I think we'll have to paint the kitchen twice to get it completely white," Karlie observed as she stared at the kitchen ceiling.
"That's what I thought, too," Taylor agreed as she looked around the kitchen. She couldn't wait to finally get started.
"Why don't we paint the ceiling yellow?" Karlie asked still looking up at the bare wood above her.
"Yellow?"
"Yes, a light shade of course. It would make the place a little brighter. You said yourself that you wanted the kitchen to look brighter when you showed me around, remember?"
"You remember that?" Taylor asked her eyes widened in surprise.
"Of course I do," Karlie smiled. It was obvious to Taylor that the other girl had no idea how much something as simple as Karlie remembering some comment she had made about the kitchen meant to her. It showed Taylor once again how much Karlie cared.
"Yellow it is," Taylor grinned. "As if you don't already make the place brighter," the blue-eyed girl muttered to herself. Judging from the grin on Karlie's face she had heard Taylor anyway.
"What about the floor, thought?" Taylor asked, trying to ignore the blush forming on her cheeks.
"The floor can stay the way it is, I think. We don't wanna bite off more work than we can chew."
"That's true. So, the cupboards are all gonna be white, the ceiling yellow and the floor stays?" Taylor summarized. She loved how their place was slowly taking shape; at least it did in her head.
Karlie nodded her head, similar thoughts running around in her head. "What about the living room?" she asked.
"We could paint the wall behind the TV in a new, lighter shade of blue," Taylor suggested. "The shade now doesn't look pretty anymore. It's too dark."
"Agreed," Karlie said. "With the ocean in the background it fits perfectly."
"Maybe that was the thought of the owner before me, too," Taylor thought out loud.
"But then they used too much paint and it turned out too dark," Karlie finished the thought, causing Taylor to laugh. "The ceiling could be white like the other walls?"
"I love it! The place is gonna look even more beautiful than it already does," Taylor squealed as she jumped up and down with excitement.
"Let's eat something and then we can get started." Taylor's excitement was rubbing off on Karlie.
"And tonight we'll call Lily?"
"And tonight we'll call Lily," Karlie confirmed.
---
Taylor and Karlie ate some sandwiches for a late lunch/early dinner. Karlie was pleasantly surprised to see Taylor actually eating the whole two sandwiches she had prepared for her. Maybe, just maybe, Taylor was getting better again. Maybe.
"Where do you wanna start?" Karlie asked once they had finished eating.
"The kitchen ceiling?" Taylor suggested as she carried their plates to the sink.
"Perfect."
"Thank god you're a giraffe," Taylor giggled a little while later as the two girls got started on painting the ceiling white.
"Hahaha," Karlie replied, her tone laced with sarcasm. "You're not that short, either by the way."
"Still, I'm not a giant." Taylor shrugged her shoulders. She had always loved to tease Karlie about her height.
"First I'm a giraffe, now I'm a giant. Make up your mind, babe."
"Giant." In hindsight Taylor should've seen the paint brush coming her way. But she saw it just in time to shield her face.
"Take that back," Karlie said as she got some white paint on Taylor's arm.
"No." Taylor darted across the room to avoid any more paint attacks from Karlie.
"Take it back," Karlie repeated as she slowly moved closer towards Taylor, her paintbrush in front of her.
"No."
"Take it back."
"No."
"Giraffes are way cuter than giants," Karlie argued once she had almost reached her girlfriend.
"Well, you remind me more of a giant," Taylor said with a smug smile. She reached behind herself for her own paintbrush but Karlie had anticipated the move. She reached out just in time to get a hold of the singer's arms. Taylor struggled against Karlie's strong hold but the fight was useless. Karlie was way stronger than Taylor. And both girls knew that. But since Karlie was holding the paintbrush in the same hand she held Taylor's left arm, she accidentally got some paint on her own clothes anyway.
"No, no, no," Taylor shook her head, a fearful look on her face as Karlie managed to hold both of Taylor's wrists in one of her hands and used the other to move the paintbrush in the direction of her girlfriend's face again. Despite Taylor's struggles Karlie managed to paint the blue-eyed girl's nose white.
"Ha," Karlie cheered. Taylor used that one moment Karlie wasn't paying attention and grabbed her own paint brush before completely freeing herself. She started running across the room, but soon Karlie's strong arms were wrapped around her waist. Taylor squealed as Karlie pulled her back towards her.
"You're not getting away that easily," Karlie whispered into Taylor's ear, causing shivers to go down the shorter girl's spine. Taylor turned around in Karlie's embrace, making sure to hide the paint brush behind her back.
"I guess you're right." Taylor looked up into Karlie's eyes. They both leaned in for a kiss but right when their lips were about to meet, Taylor pulled out her paint brush and got white paint all over Karlie's cheek.
"You're evil!" The taller girl exclaimed in surprise.
"You call it evil, I call it justice."
The couple didn't finish the ceiling until late in the evening since more paint wars tended to break out between them every now and then. Not that they minded. They were in no rush. The longer this project dragged on, the longer Taylor's mind was occupied. She didn't think about anything but Karlie and paint while they were working. There was no space for negative thoughts.
"I think this is done," Taylor said as she looked upwards.
"Yup," Karlie agreed.
"We've got to shower," Karlie stated as the two girls were standing in the bathroom.
"Why the hell did you paint my whole arms white?" Taylor laughed as she examined the damage Karlie had caused in the bathroom mirror.
"You're one to talk," Karlie said, feigning seriousness. "My hair is so white. This is gonna be hell to get rid of." She eventually joined in on Taylor's laughter. The events from that morning vanished from her mind. Karlie was just so relieved to see her girlfriend being happy again. Even if it was only for a few hours.
"I'll shower first so get out," Taylor said as she playfully pushed Karlie out of the bathroom.
"You know that we could save water and time if we'd just shower together," Karlie argued which caused Taylor to laugh as she closed the door.
Karlie sat down on the floor giggling to herself. They had had such a good day. Sure, the morning had been an emotional roller coaster but the afternoon was just so good. Karlie was reminded of the person Taylor used to be before things got too much. Karlie was about to go to a drawer to get some clothes when she noticed the bathroom door being open a crack. Taylor probably hadn't closed it properly. The model got up to close it. She didn't mean to peak but she caught sight of her girlfriend undressing anyway. But what she saw scared the hell out of her. Taylor had always been a skinny person but in that moment she looked way too skinny. She was just skin and bones. She didn't look like her old self at all anymore. Karlie hurriedly closed the door before Taylor could notice her. She had to do something fast. She had to do something before it was too late.
When they got into bed a little later Karlie held Taylor as close as possible. This situation scared her. This situation made her feel helpless.
"You're really staying up for me tonight, aren't you?" Taylor broke the silence that had settled over them. She slowly turned around in her girlfriend's arms.
"I told you that I'll stay up with you until you are asleep," Karlie reminded her and pressed a kiss to Taylor's nose.
"You really don't have to, babe. You must be tired."
"This is the only way I know how to help you," Karlie admitted as she softly caressed Taylor's cheek.
"You're the best girlfriend in the whole world, you know that right?" Taylor asked before kissing Karlie on the lips.
"You could get me a mug with that," Karlie smiled as they parted.
"Do you want a hot chocolate?" Taylor asked a little while later. She could feel her heart beginning to race again. She could feel the negative thoughts trying to creep into her mind. She had to get out.
"What is it with you and hot chocolate?"
"My granny used to make it for me when I couldn't sleep," Taylor said as she sat up in bed, taking deep breaths. "She made the best hot chocolate in the world."
"I'd love a hot chocolate," Karlie grinned.
"We'll call Lily tomorrow, okay?" Taylor asked.
"Okay," Karlie nodded her head. They had been so preoccupied in the kitchen that the call had slipped their minds.
Taylor got out of bed and headed into the kitchen. Her heart was hammering against her rib cage with such force; she was scared her bones might break. She could feel a headache looming. The thought of going back into that bed suffocated her. She had to take her mind off of things.
"You okay?"
"Shit, you scared me!" Taylor exclaimed.
"I'm sorry, babe. You've just been staring into nothing for the past few minutes," Karlie said as she walked up behind Taylor and wrapped her arms around the girl from behind. "What's going on in your head?"
"Nothing. I'm just tired that's all."
"You're lying," Karlie observed and peppered Taylor's neck with small kisses.
"Fine," Taylor sighed, "I hate being in that bed, okay? Just the thought of being in there waiting for sleep to come is exhausting. I know that sleep won't come. I can feel it. So lying in there is completely useless."
"Is that why you usually stay outside?"
Taylor nodded her head. "Yeah, the waves, the fresh air, it's pretty calming."
"Then let's sit outside for a little while," Karlie suggested. She was set on doing whatever possible to make Taylor feel at least a teeny tiny bit better.
"You really don't have to do that, Kar. You can go back to bed. I'm not holding you to your promise," Taylor replied as she watched the milk getting warm. Once she saw bubbles on the surface she turned off the stove.
Karlie just rolled her eyes. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."