Jema.
Oh my goodness!! What have I done?
Deanna saw what I did to her ex girlfriend. She was surprised sa ginawa ko, I can feel it just by looking at her na nakatingin din sa akin.
Pero biglang kay Elaine uli ang attention nya because Elaine came running towards her.
"Babe, look what she did to me." sumbong agad ni Elaine.
I looked at Elaine and dumudugo nga yung ilong nya. Napalakas ata talaga yung pagkasapok ko. Ngayon ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon para makilatis sya. Ang babaeng minahal ni Deanna o baka mahal pa hanggang ngayon.
Maganda nga itong si Elaine, kahit sino siguro magkakagusto at magkakandarapa sa kanya. Kawawa naman, mukhang masisira ang matangos nyang ilong dahil sa akin.
Nakupo, baka kasuhan pako nito ng physical injury, huwag naman sana. Hindi ko naman sinasadya, siya itong nauna na nang insulto. At Hindi rin ako basagulero na tao. She really provoked me. Sinadya nya kaya?
I was about to say sorry kay Elaine pero hindi ko na nagawa kasi hinawakan agad ni Deanna yung mukha nya at kamay. Inalalayan nya itong lumabas ng opisina pero tumingin sya uli sa akin bago sumara ang pinto. Blangko ang mukha nya.
Shit, bakit ganun? Ako ang nanapak pero ako ang mas nasaktan?
Mas gugustuhin ko pa na magalit sa akin si Deanna. Kahit na sigawan nya ako, okay lang. Pero yung ipakita nya sakin na parang balewala ako, mas masakit yun. Para na rin akong nasampal ni Elaine.
Mabuti na lang at kokonti pa mga tao dito sa office pero same pa rin ang effect nun, napahiya ako. I nearly cried but I stopped and controlled it.
"Okay ka lang Bes? Kalma lang ha, sya naman ang nauna at may kasalanan." sabi ni Kris.
Bea took my hand and lead me to my table. My hands are still shaking.
"Take a deep breath, J. Don't mind that bitch, she deserves it." sabi nya sabay haplos sa likod ko.
"B-but Deanna saw it. She will hate me for sure. Did you see her reaction? Hindi nya ako halos matignan kanina. I know naman na mali yung ginawa ko. Mag so-sorry nga sana ako pero umalis na sila." mahinang sagot ko.
"I'm sure babalik si Deanna dito Bes. Explain mo sa kanya yung side mo ah. Teka nga pala, yun ba yung ex-girlfriend nya sa US?" tanong ni Kris.
Tumango ako.
"Bakit nandito?" tanong nya uli.
Yan din ang tanong ko.
"Hindi ko rin alam, Bes." sagot ko sabay tulo na ng mga luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan.
"What? You mean to say, Deanna didn't even tell you about her? Na nandito sa Pilipinas ang ex girlfriend / fiancée nya.?" medyo tumaas ang boses ni Bea.
I nodded. Wala na akong lakas magsalita pa. Inabutan ako agad ni Kris ng tissue. Si Bea naman ay tahimik lang pero bigla ring lumabas ng office.
Kung medyo nagkakaproblema na ang relasyon namin ni Deanna, mas lalo na itong lumabo sa ngayon.
I should have just stayed at home.
----------------------------------------------------------
Deanna.
We came back home before midnight kagabi. Nagyaya pa kasi si Elaine na mag dinner. I gave in to her request since gutom na ako.
Pagdating namin sa condo, mom is still awake, may jet lag pa ata. I greeted and kissed her sa cheek.
I immediately charge my phone and turned it on habang nagcha-charge. Andaming text messages na pumasok pero I read first yung galing kay Jema.
5pm
Baby, where are you? Miss you.
6pm
Baby, pauwi na ako. Ingat ka po.
630pm
Home na baby. Ligo lang ako saglit.
715pm
Uy, baby, san ka na? Nagpapa miss? Effective po, miss you na. I love you.
8pm
Alright, naka off ang phone, baby? Ok po, reply naman when you get this.
No! It's happening again, just like before. Yung sa voicemails nya. I dialed her number pero naka off naman ito.
Of course. It's late na, tulog na yun.
I calmed myself and tried to relax. I will just talk to her tomorrow. I'm gonna tell her na about my Mom and Elaine. Mas maganda sa personal ko gawin yun para maintindihan nya bakit hindi ko nasabi agad.
Naputol yung pag iisip ko ng biglang nagsalita si Elaine.
"Hmm, I'm gonna change my clothes first. Where's my room, babe?" she asked me.
Huh, she's still here?
My unit has two bedrooms. So I told Elaine that they will be staying sa guest room.
"Elaine, why don't you stay at Deanna's room, she got bigger bed, you'll be comfortable there." mom said.
"What? No. She can stay with you in the guest room. It's bigger too like mine." inis na sabi ko.
"It's okay mom, don't worry about me. I want Deanna to have a good sleep because she's tired haha. She's been following me the whole time in the shop. How sweet." Elaine said while smiling at me.
She took her bag and went to the room.
My mom is looking at me. We haven't had the time to talk and I'm very tired and sleepy na. All I want is to lie down in bed and think of my love.
"Deanna, someone came looking for you earlier." mom said.
"Who?" I asked.
"She said she's your friend, I forgot the name. Ah yes, it's Jema. She wants to give you something but I declined. She mentioned that you didn't know she's coming so I just told her I will inform you when you come back with Elaine." she said casually.
Napatayo akong bigla sa sinabi nya.
"What the heck, mom! You could have told me that earlier. Why only now?" I raised my voice and starts pacing back and forth.
So, alam na ni Jema na nandito si Elaine. I'm in big trouble na talaga.
"What's your problem Deanna? Don't you dare raise your voice on me. Sit down!" she nearly yelled at me.
Sumasakit na talaga ang ulo ko. Paano ko ba sasabihin kung sino si Jema sa buhay ko? I took a deep breath muna.
"She's my girlfriend, mom. Jema is my girlfriend!" there, I finally said it.
Mom was shocked but she wasn't looking at me. Nakatingin sya sa likuran ko. I turned around and saw Elaine.
She's back again. Nakapantulog na sya.
"Oh, so you already have a girlfriend here." she said.
"Babe, I'm so happy for you." she added trying to sound joyful but I can see tears forming on her eyes.
Napaka plastic talaga nito.
"Are you sure? Because I am very happy right now. Happy because of her. Did you hear that Elaine? I am very happy because of Jema, not you." I said while approaching her.
I can't stop myself being sarcastic at this point.
Elaine didn't say anything, she just ran away from me and went to the guest room.
My mom shook her head and told me to sit down next to her. I have no energy to argue anymore so I followed her.
"Now, listen carefully sweetie. I feel that you are dying to know why I am here with Elaine." she said while holding my hand.
I just nodded so she will continue.
"Anak, I knew what happened in the past between you and Elaine. I also knew that what she did to you was wrong. When she broke your heart, not once but twice, I was broken too. As a mother, I can feel your pain. That's why I supported your decision the first time you wanted to stay here. Then you get back together which is fine with me and your dad. You know that we love you and we will support you, no matter what." she continued.
I stayed quiet. I want my mom to continue. We seldom talk like this, kaya sasamantalahin ko na. I didn't know na ganito pala ang nararamdaman nila sa situation ko.
"A month ago, Elaine's mother called me. She told me that Elaine was diagnosed with acute leukemia." she said.
That caught my attention. What does she mean by leukemia? I looked at my mom. She can feel I'm panicking so she hold both of my hands now.
"Anak, Elaine got a blood cancer. The cancer is progressing. Her parents immediately booked her for treatment. They wanted her to undergo stem cell transplant and chemotherapy asap."
"The doctor just gave her 6 months to live. Elaine knows about it but instead of going through the treatment to prolong her life, she wanted to come here and see you. Her parents cannot stop her, you know how stubborn she is."
6 months to live. 6 months to live.
My tears started flowing.
"That's why they asked me if I can accompany her. Elaine wanted to come alone but you might not entertain her after what happened. So I decided to come too and see you, for two weeks."
"Anak, if it's not too hard to ask, can you please make sure that Elaine will have the best two weeks of her life, here, with you?" she tearfully requested.
2 weeks? How will I do that?
After hearing the bad news, I finally broke down. My mom hugged me tight. I think my heart stopped at that moment.
I wanted to shout to get rid of my anger and my frustration. I have too many questions.
Why? Why does it have to be like this? Why Elaine? Madaming masamang tao sa mundo, pwede namang sila na lang ang tamaan ng sakit.
I know I have Jema and I love her so much. But you can't blame me for feeling lost about Elaine. She was and still a part of me. I loved her and the feeling will stay forever even if I have my own life now.
I stood up and was about to go and see Elaine but my mom stopped me.
"She didn't want your pity, anak. Just pretend that you didn't know about her illness, for her sake. The doctor advised us not to give her too much stress."
"Sorry about your girlfriend, Jema, because you didn't tell me about her. It would have been a different encounter if I knew. But you have to remember that Elaine is our priority now." she said before saying good night to me.
-------------------------------------------------------
I stayed awake all night. I was restless and tired at the same time. Mukhang sasabog yung ulo ko sa dami ng iniisip.
I prayed silently, for Elaine. I prayed that she will be strong enough to get through this problem, with me.
I remembered my dream before, the one where I was desperate to help someone. Sya pala yun, si Elaine. She's the one asking for help.
Eventually, I feel asleep but was awaken by the alarm.
I lazily opened my eyes and checked the time. It's 6am. Bigla akong bumangon ng maalala ko yung situation ni Elaine. Nalungkot akong bigla.
I went to the bathroom and had a shower.
Mom was already cooking breakfast when I went to the kitchen. Elaine was there at the table drinking coffee.
"Good morning, babe. Sit down, I'll make your coffee." she said and stood up to get a cup.
"Good morning too. Hi, mom." I replied and kissed my mom's cheek.
I sat down and looked closely at Elaine. She got long straight hair and fair skin. She lost weight and she's paler compared to the last time I saw her. Her eye bags are clearly seen now but she's still beautiful though.
I really like her eyes. Dun ako unang na-inlove, sa mga mata nya. Pero sa paglipas ng panahon, I realized na hindi pala important ang physical appearance ng tao. Yung ugali na rin pala ang titignan mo, habang tumatagal.
I felt sad all of a sudden. Sad for her fate. Ang bata pa nya para mawala sa mundong ito. Life is unfair sabi nga nila di ba. Eto na yun.
We had our breakfast quietly, kahit na anong pep talk ang gawin ni mom, wala talaga.
I was getting ready to get to work when Elaine said;
"I want to go with you babe, I want to see where you work."
"What? Why?" I replied instantly.
"Because I don't have anything to do today, babe. I want to spend my day with you. Please." she said while giving me puppy eyes.
Patay na. I cannot say NO to her now.
How about Jema?
Hindi pa pala kami nagkakausap ni love. I better call her now.
"Okay, if that's what you want. You get ready now because we will leave in ten minutes. How about you mom?" I turned to her.
"No. I'll call my amiga from college. She wants me to have lunch with her. I'll be back here late afternoon." mom said.
"Yey, thanks babe." Elaine said.
She stood up and went to my side. She kissed me quick sa lips.
I'm in so much trouble now.
---------------------------------------------------------
I tried calling Jema pero ayaw nyang sagutin ang tawag ko. Baka nagda drive na.
When we reached the office, bumaba na si Elaine sa lobby bago ako nag park. I told her to wait for me but she's gone pagbalik ko.
I felt nervous all of a sudden. So I hurried up at nakarating naman ako agad sa office namin.
Pagbukas ko ng door, Jema raised her hand and it landed on Elaine's face.
"What the fuck?" I blurted out.
Jema was shocked to see me there. I was about to ask her what's wrong when Elaine came to me. Her nose is bleeding.
I immediately touched her face and hand. I'm thinking of her condition when I saw the blood so I guided her out of the office.
I looked at Jema one more time before I closed the door. I don't know how I feel to be honest.
I took Elaine at Fhen's room muna and gave her my handkerchief.
"What happened there?" I asked.
"I'm just trying to introduce myself to her, babe. But I think she didn't like the way I approached her. Maybe she woke up on the wrong side of the bed."
"It's okay, babe. Don't worry." she added.
She tried to smile but can't because of the blood and the pain.
I'm confused because I know Jema. She won't do something like that without a valid reason talaga.
I should have gone to her and assured her that it's gonna be alright but Elaine needs me more.
There was a knock on the door so I shouted and told the person to come in.
Bea entered and looked at us.
"You better take her to the hospital, Deanna. Her nose needs checking, there might be a broken bone." she said.
"Yes, I will do that Bea. What actually happened?" I asked and lumapit ako sa kanya para hindi marinig ni Elaine ang usapan namin.
"Well, your ex-girlfriend provoked Jema. I don't know what she told you but believe me, Jema is the one hurting more, because of what you are doing." she replied.
"Dude, I know I already gave up my feelings for Jema but remember that I won't hesitate to get her attention again if you keep treating her like that."
I was surprised sa sinabi ni Bea.
"You better make up your mind, Deanna. It's not fair and it's not funny anymore." she added and gave me a warning look before she left the room.
That got me thinking. What she said was true. I am being unfair to Jema. I'm trying to make Elaine happy but I'm hurting Jema in the process.
I think I know what to do.
Fhen came in afterwards and she let me take Elaine to the hospital.
I took a sighed of relief when the doctor told us that there's no broken bones on her nose.
Inuwi ko na rin si Elaine para makapag rest sya. I stayed with her the whole afternoon since my mom is still out.
I called Jema when Elaine was asleep.
She answered on the first ring.
"Can we talk?"
"Oh, may balak ka pa palang kausapin ako."
"Please Jema, I really need to talk to you."
"Sige, tutal may sasabihin din ako sayo. Actually marami din akong itatanong sayo, Deanna."
"Okay, I'm on the way to your place now."
"Hintayin kita."
Then the call ends.
---------------------------------------------------------
Jema.
Bakit kinakabahan ako sa linya nyang "can we talk"?
I mentally prepared myself. Eto na ba yung oras na sabihan nya ako ng "it's over".
Binuksan ko agad ang pinto pagkarinig ko sa doorbell.
Deanna went straight to the couch pero nakatayo lang. Parehas kaming tense so umupo ako at sumunod sya. Magkaharap kami ngayon.
"Simulan mo na, Deanna. I'm willing to listen." sabi ko.
-------------------------------------------------------
Deanna.
I'm here now at Jema's place.
"I'm very sorry, Jema." I started.
"For what?" she asked.
"For everything. Sa lahat ng nagawa kong kasalanan sayo. I can't even count how many mistakes I had and how many times I made you cry."
"But always remember that I love you, Jema." I confessed.
"You love me? You have a funny way of showing it, Deanna." she replied.
"Yung nangyari kanina bakit balewala lang ako sayo sa harap ni Elaine? I know what I did was wrong pero naisip mo ba kung bakit ko nagawa yun? Ha? Dapat nga ako ang iniisip mo eh hindi yung siraulo mong ex girlfriend."
"As your girlfriend, may karapatan naman ako sigurong mag demand ng attention mo!" she shouted at me.
"I'm yours, Deanna!" she said it with so much emotion that I can't stand to look at her.
"Pero ikaw? Akin ka ba?" she asked while crying.
I just stayed quiet.
"Dammit, Deanna. Just say it. Na ayaw mo na. Na si Elaine pa rin ang pipiliin mo para alam ko. Huwag mo naman akong gawing tanga."
"Sabi nila pag mahal MO ang isang tao at mahalaga sayo ang taong ito, hindi mo sya paiiyakin. Hindi mo sya pababayaan at higit sa lahat, hindi mo iiwanan. Pero yun ang nararamdaman kong ginagawa mo." sabi pa nya.
"I know, Jema and I'm very sorry. During our short relationship, nagawa ko lahat yun sayo, love. I didn't mean to, hindi ko sinasadya."
"Dapat pala, bago ako pumasok sa panibagong relasyon, tinapos ko muna pala dapat yung dati. Inayos ko muna dapat si Elaine at ang sarili ko na rin." sabi ko.
"I thought I was ready na talaga but I was wrong." dagdag ko pa.
I don't know if I can continue telling this to Jema so I stopped momentarily.
"I want to tell you na yung pagmamahal ko sayo, that is true, Jema. I love you. I still do." I said while looking at her.
"You have to choose, Deanna. Hindi pwedeng ganyan. You can't have both me and Elaine at the same time." she pleaded.
"I love you, Jema but I can't continue with our relationship right now. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm going back to the US again, with Elaine." I finally cried after saying this.
"Hey, don't cry." sabi ni Jema.
What? After all I've said, yan ang sasabihin nya? Dapat nga minumura nya na ako ngayon.
That's why I cried some more. I can't stop myself.
"Stop crying, baby." she said again.
"I love you. But the timing is wrong. Sorry again." I said again.
"Stop saying sorry, Deanna." she said.
--------------------------------------------------------
Jema.
Matagal ng wala si Deanna pero naaalala ko pa rin yung mga pinag usapan namin kanina.
"I don't know what you want me to do." sabi ko sa kanya.
"You have a lot of dreams in your life. Sa sarili mo at sa pamilya mo. Ayokong maging hadlang ako para maabot mo ito. We are still young pa naman. Who knows? Baka tayo pa rin sa future." sabi nya.
Pampalubag ng loob siguro sa akin yun. Ano? Paaasahin nya ako?
We decided to split, to break up kahit na masakit sa akin. Kahit hindi malinaw sa akin ang lahat.
She said she loves me but she wants to stay with Elaine naman. How weird is that?
I will just cherish the moments we had together. Because, that's how you grow up as a person, right?
I could definitely take baby steps again when it comes to a relationship.
Kung ang kapalaran na ang magtakda na magkakasama uli kami, then I will let fate to do it.
In the meantime, I will slowly learn the things I want to know and what to do in my life.
I called Mafe, na miss ko bigla my family. Sinabi ko na uuwi ako ngayong gabi.
Ayaw ni Mama dahil medyo late na raw pero sabi ko hindi na masyadong traffic kaya 1 oras lang, nasa Laguna nako.
As I was driving, the radio suddenly played one of my favorite song, "Let Her Go", by Passenger.
🎶Well you only need the light
when it's burning low,
Only miss the sun when it
starts to snow
Only know you love her
when you let her go.
When you let her go. 🎶
God, I already miss her. Did I make the right decision?
I love Deanna, so much, that I'm willing to let her go, muna.
I didn't notice I'm crying hard na pala and my eyes went blurred. My driving became eratic.
By the time I wiped my tears away, there's a big truck coming my way.
Then I heard a loud noise.
I saw Deanna's face before I blacked out.
THE END.
--------------------------------------------------------
This is it guys, the finale.
They are both young pa, kaya wala man lang lumaban para sa pagmamahalan nila.
Malalaman lang nila ang importance ng bawat isa, pag nawala na.
I hope you enjoy it up to the last.
Please vote, comment and share.
Thank you. 🙂