"this love will take my everything,
one breath, one touch would be the end of me..."
***
What felt like a century was probably around five minutes. I finally heard two pairs of tires screech loudly when Taehyung's car turned up around the corner speeding and wavering for a couple of seconds before abruptly pulling up in front of me.
Taehyung jumped out of the car without even turning the engine off, his face darkened and his forehead and eyes covered by a black baseball cap.
Two large strides were all it took for him to get to me while I stood there, my limbs pinned to the ground underneath my feet. His eyes quickly scanned me from head to toes, sweepingly checking whether I was okay and whole.
He pressed his hands on my shoulders tightly, pulling me toward him. His gaze overflowed with care and concern, his hitched breathing gave away how worried he was.
"Get in the car." He said firmly and walked after me to the passenger's seat, closing the door for me before hopping back in front of the wheel.
Taehyung stomped on the gas pedal and I grabbed the edge of my seat, preventing my whole body to lean forward because of the sudden acceleration.
He didn't say another word, just kept driving wordlessly, his fingers white-knuckled on the leather wheel. Adrenaline flooded through my system as I folded my sweaty palms in my lap, stealing a quick glance at him. His chiseled jaw was clenched, his blank expression showing nothing more and nothing less. His eyes were still covered by the baseball cap, making it extremely hard for me to decipher the emotion his face conveyed.
"Taehyung?" A voice I hardly recognized as mine escaped my throat and a single muscle twitched on his face when he heard his name roll out on my tongue.
"Hmm?" He hummed, not even looking at me. He put one elbow on the door on his left, placing his fingers in front of his lips, rubbing them.
"Aren't you going to ask me what's going on?" I nibbled nervously on my lower lip, my eyes still not leaving Taehyung's face as I was beginning to wonder whether he was ignoring me on purpose.
"I was waiting for you to start talking." He uttered in a stern and lukewarm voice, devoid from any affection.
I gulped loudly while the emotions inside of me started to violently crash into each other, causing my brain to short-circuit.
"I can wait all night if you'd like, but I want to know what you were doing in the woods, in the middle of the night, all alone." Taehyung's gaze cast over me at last, but in a way that I wished he'd never look at me again. He didn't look angry, nor sad. His glare was just empty, just a wall of blankness.
I inhaled sharply at the sight and my heart dropped. Suddenly, it became clear to me what the right thing to do was. I couldn't lie to him, lying was the sole thing I loathed the most. Even though by hiding and going to meet Jungkook I was dishonest with Taehyung, I didn't want to keep this up.
No matter what it would cost me, even if he'd hate me, I had to tell him the truth.
"Taehyung," I called out his name and took a pause to clear my throat so that my voice could sound more stable, but to no avail. "Jungkook came back."
Taehyung suddenly stomped on the brake with all of his force and my whole body abruptly leaned forward, my palms slamming on the dashboard, an instinctive reaction of my brain so that I don't smash my head into it. The car stopped in the middle of the road.
"He did?" Taehyung's voice was flat and hoarse as his eyes didn't even dart from the road to look at me.
"Yes." I nod slowly before the heavy silence falls onto our shoulders.
"So I take it you were with him tonight." Taehyung put one hand in front of his mouth as the other gripped around the shifting gear tightly.
"Yes, I was," I confirmed again.
He remained silent of a couple of seconds, his silence was like a knife in my ribs, cutting me in deep. He looked so distant and it made my heart ache. It was hurting him, I was hurting him. Just thinking about that was unbearable, witnessing it was a whole lot worse.
"The reason I didn't tell you is because everything just happened so quickly." I started talking again, anything just to break the awful silence between us. I was well aware I sounded like I was making excuses, and truth be told, I probably was. I just couldn't stand the sight of Taehyung not looking at me.
It was childish, thinking that I'd just explain and everything would make sense.
"Jungkook followed me one evening when I was going home," I murmured trying to keep my emotions in. "He looked so afflicted. He said that he was sorry and wanted to talk to me, to explain everything. He was terrified that someone might hurt me."
Taehyung's long slender fingers curled up in a fist and I could feel the tension build up in his body. However, he still listened wordlessly.
"I- I wanted to hear him out. I wanted to talk with him," I stuttered, wrapping my arms around myself in an attempt to warm my body that had suddenly started to shiver. "To understand why everything happened the way it did."
"You wanted to know why he was back." Taehyung cut me off, coldness exuding from the sound of his voice. He glared at me, eyes deprived of any kindness, just neutral curiosity.
"That too." I let out a deep sigh and my heart started hammering inside my chest as Taehyung's eyes observed me, examined me, reached into the deepest corners of my mind. "Jungkook, he- he told me he had to run and hide. His family forced him to obey their will and threatened him that if he didn't, they'd hurt all his close ones. He explained to me that his parents aren't even his real parents. They took him away from his real family just to raise him so that he could take over their filthy business when he grows up. They just wanted to use him at their own convenience, like a puppet. They took away his childhood and his free will. And now, his freedom as well."
Taehyung remained silent for a while, his eyebrows frowned and his lips pressed into a thin line.
"All of these are just reasons he left," He muttered under his breath. "Didn't he mention why he was back?"
I lowered my gaze anxiously as my fingers played with a stray thread on my jeans.
"I have no idea." I mumbled inaudibly, darting my eyes to the window on my right. "He- he said it was because I wasn't letting him go. But I don't believe it's just that."
"I still don't get what you were doing all alone here." He clenched his jaw and lowered his gaze, the cap now covering his eyes completely. "Did he hurt you?"
"No, of course not." I denied right away. Jungkook didn't physically hurt me. The pain from his betrayal still lingered on my mind, making my gut twirl. I was so mad at him, but I was madder at myself. "We had an argument and I stormed off."
This was still partly true. I suddenly felt sick. I was so determined to be straight-forward with him, but I just couldn't tell him everything. It would devastate both me and him.
Taehyung let out a quiet grunt as he started the car again, his face illuminated by the fluorescent light of the panel in front of him. He started driving slowly, his coffee brown orbs pinned to the road ahead.
"Taehyung?" I whispered his name, desperate to regain his attention.
"I'm taking you home." He announced, the coolness in his voice sent unpleasant shivers down my spine.
"Aren't you going to say something?" My eyes rounded as I watched him put on his poker face again, acting as though what I had just told him was nothing of importance.
"What do you want me to say, Y/N?" He snarled and I winced, his words hitting me harder than stones.
"Anything." I breathed out, choking on my own words.
Taehyung stared at me, his cold eyes fueling my anguish even more. At that moment I wanted to touch him, to embrace him more than anything. I wanted to witness his face light up with his illuminating smile again, I wanted me to be the cause of his smile again.
But the corners of his lips didn't even move.
"You lied to me. You hid things from me. I stayed up all night tonight, going over thousands of scenarios in my head, thinking about how something terrible must have happened to you." Taehyung let out a small growl of pure frustration that clasped on my throat as his words sunk deeper and deeper into my mind. "Why didn't you just tell me that he was back?"
"I- Because I wanted to see for myself first what Jungkook was up to." I blurted out, digging my nails in my palms so hard it almost caused me pain.
"You have that right," Taehyung uttered calmly. "But I can't help but wonder whether there was another reason you wanted to meet with him. A reason you wouldn't want to share with me because you know it would hurt me."
His words reverberated in my head like a clap of thunder. Taehyung was right and we both knew it, the deafening silence hovering in the car after his last words just confirmed it.
"Taehyung, I just need you to understand-"
"No, I need you to understand." He interrupted me, his stern voice tearing through me like sharp glass. "I thought that we could trust each other. I've never been anything other than honest with you, no matter what that cost me. I respect you and your choice, whatever it may be. I was patient. I was understanding. Never ever did I try to brainwash you or turn you against Jungkook. But hear my words now, because clearly you haven't realized what I'm about to say."
Taehyung took a deep breath in as I stood next to him, anticipating what he's about to say.
"Jungkook walked out on you like it was the easiest thing in the world to do." He let out and suddenly his words made the blood in my veins freeze, the abrupt revelation leaving me breathless. "Never forget that."
At that moment I knew he wasn't being harsh, he was just saying the truth. It was hard to digest, but it was absolutely true. I sunk even deeper in the whirlwind of emotions that were fighting for dominance inside of me right now.
Taehyung pulling up in front of my apartment building snapped me out of my trance, making me glance at him. He was still as motionless, his gaze averted from mine.
"Good night, Y/N." He said in his low velvety voice and a giant ache tug onto my heart.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" I mustered all my confidence for my voice to sound stable, but the words just came out cracked and raspy.
"My graduation ceremony's tomorrow," Taehyung grumbled bitterly, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "I told you last week, but your mind must have been preoccupied with other things."
Oh, my God. I completely forgot about this. Was I really that negligent to what he had said to me?
I felt horrible. All this time, Taehyung had gone out of his way to take care of me. Had it not been for him, I'd be probably on the verge of a mental breakdown by now. He was my haven, the safety jacket that kept me from drowning. He was kind and tender, nursing me back to life. It suddenly hit me how delusional and selfish I'd been.
I gripped on my seat so tightly that I felt my pulse beating against my skin.
"I can come to the ceremony if you don't mind." I probably sounded pathetic but I didn't care. I was desperate to be there for him in one of the most important events in his life, to give back the support he had given me.
"Whatever," Taehyung waved his hand nonchalantly and I finally realized what was hurting me the most in his attitude at that moment – it was the disappointment. He was disappointed with me and I just hated that. "You can come if you're not busy."
The way he emphasized that last word echoed painfully through my mind.
"I'll be there." I promised and Taehyung just sighed, his eyebrows dipping slightly. The distance between us expanded by the minute, like an empty pit that just gets deeper and deeper with time.
Taehyung turned his head around, looking away from me. With great pain, I sensed that was my cue to leave. There was nothing left to be said, nothing left to be done.
A faint panic raced through my mind as I slowly realized that nothing would be the same after that night.