CHAPTER fifty- five|BROTHER DEAREST
Imagine dragons~ burn out
❝patience only gets you so far, blood will get you further.❞
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I HAD STUMBLED from Katniss' hospital room so quickly that I did not see who was around me -or in front- until my pale hands caught the edge of their dusty clothes and I stepped on their leather shoes. I had never done that before, but whoever had caught me seemed to be so used to it that it was almost second nature for their long warm fingers to touch my clothed arms. As I looked up I saw the tanned skin and blonde hair of someone that I did not want to see; stumbling backwards into the rock wall seemed like the only thing I could do to get away from him.
"Finnick." I squeaked as I winced. He looked lost- terrible compared to what I was used to seeing when I looked at him and yet he smiled as if he was fine when he saw me- then he looked at the space between us as if it was a gun ready to shoot.
"Lorna hey- um is Katniss ok?" Finnick rubbed the back of his neck with his hand as he watched the space.
He looked like he wanted to say something different, words were waiting on the tip of his mouth ready to jump out and ruin whatever plan he had before he saw me, but he was so careful as he spoke. I had never seen him have to think about what he said more- it was as if we were strangers. Or something far less important than that.
"She's fine." I nodded my head as I awkwardly looked back at the door. He didn't want to go in to check on her so we stood, the silence between us louder than any words we could ever say. I wanted to tell him so many things, but how was I sure that it was really what I wanted? I couldn't be so brash; my blonde hair was finally useful when a single strand of it fell in front of my guarded eyes. His own eyes were grey as he watched me glance down the hall at the faint sound of footsteps; that was how I knew that he was upset.
The water made his blue eyes distort into a lifeless grey.
"Lorna, look we need to-"
Just as the man from Four began to speak someone rounded the corner- my brother was walking so quickly that I was sure he was almost running towards us. When he stopped by my side he glared at Finnick like he was a stain on his fresh white top; Finnick shrunk back slightly as he glued his mouth shut again. I wanted to know what he said- Remy beat me to it.
"What are we talking about?" Remy asked as he rocked on his heel with his hands deep in his pockets.
Finnick didn't answer. He shook his head as he walked away, and Remy watched it as if it was his own personal victory of the day. It wasn't a victory, I wanted to hear what he had to say.
My heart fluttered when I saw him; truthfully I didn't want to leave his warm presence when I first fell into Finnick because for the first time in many, many days I felt like I could breathe without some horribly cold air drying out my throat. I wanted his sun- the beautifully scorching noise of his voice was more than enough to raise the hairs at the back of my neck or a soft pink blush to my cheeks. I thought of that as he walked away, it brought the smallest smile to my chapped lips.
"You ok?" Remy asked me as he dipped his head. I never understood his height, but there were so many more important things to worry about that I didn't even notice it at first. Was it stupid to think about Finnick at a time like this? Was it not fair?
"I don't know." I mulled it over as I once again looked at the hospital room Katniss was in with Johanna. She seemed disappointed in me; now was the perfect time for her to tell me what it was the she would do if she was me. I trusted Katniss with things like that- God knows that if anyone knew the pain of real uncensored love it would be her.
"Remy, is it selfish if I want to sort things out with Finnick before I try to help the rebellion?" I asked timidly.
I really wanted to know his answer. He was the only one that I could look towards as a family influence- I needed someone to tell me that I am not being stupid. It was all so confusing- I had all the same memories and the same unquenchable thirst that pulled me to him- but I didn't trust it anymore. I just wanted to be with him before; there was so much more at stake now that he needed me to tell him if he should love me. I couldn't tell- I was lost and my brother should of been the one to help me find my answers.
"Yes." Remy seethed bluntly.
He was no longer being comforting, it was as if I had been asking him the same question for years as he annoyingly crossed his arms. His pupils grew so that there was almost no space left in his eyes- he looked cruel. I hadn't notice that he straightened up again but he had; my brother had never looked down as much as then.
"Finnick doesn't deserve your attention Lorna, you deserve so much better than a murderer who couldn't even look after a ten-year-old for more than a week. Hell, look at him- why do you want to hang around with someone that is as unstable as that? God, I bet he never even loved you. Why else would he try and get out of whatever it was that you two had?"
Remy seemed to hate Finnick. I hadn't thought it was that bad, but there seemed to be a deep-rooted hatrid in his gut that drove him away from the Victor.
"He didn't want to get out." I argued. "And he isn't a murderer."
"No? Did he not kill an arena of people at the age of 14? He is a murder Lorna and that makes me sick- he killed people that he didn't have to kill and then he pranced around as if he was the greatest person in the whole fucking state. I hate people like that- people that are so easily manipulating you."
Remy looked wild, even to me who had seen him angry so many times in my life. I didn't know if it was the time, or the change in circumstances, but he had never been like that before when he disagreed with me. We never fought like this; he was never this wrong when he was with me before.
"I'm a murderer too." I whispered underneath my breath. Remy didn't hear it, or he pretended that he didn't as he kept talking.
"What changed your mind? Yesturday you didn't even want to look at that man- what did he say that made you suddenly want to be near him again? Hell, I told him that he should keep his distance and he couldn't even do that, that's how unstable he is! Don't you see, you don't let anyone in when he's not around and that means that you can't inspire anything else."
"What?" I stuttered as I stepped away from my brother. He was wild now, he threw his tanned arms up so that they almost touched the ceiling as he gestured around the hallway. I had heard enough of what he had said.
"Remy." I dragged his name out slowly so that I could keep my annoyance under control. "Where you the one that made him think that I hated him?"
The taller man huffed as he let his arms fall limply to his hips as his shirt creased itself, he smiled despite the deranged pride that spewed through his features. I had never seen this, I had never seen him as anything other than my big brother that would protect me against the world.
"I told him to leave you alone. If that meant making him think that you were still sick then that was what I had to do; it was so easy to make you think that you weren't right still Lorna- I had to keep you safe. You can't be happy with him, it'll ruin you and I can't allow that."
He was telling me the truth, he didn't look like a stranger anymore as his offset jaw was so tight that his cheekbones stuck out like hooks from his otherwise solemn face. There was so much of Remy that was human, so many flaws that he thought were strengths and so many parts of him that he hid because he didn't want to be seen as anything other than his own version of perfect. He thought he was the hero- I felt the overwhelming urge that told me that he was the villain here between us- even if it was the cloud that hung above us because of my sickness and how easy it was to manipulate it.
"It is not your place to do that to me; just like it isn't your place to tell the man that I have adored in so many different ways that I hated him. I am not sick, and I will not be manipulated by anyone let alone my own bother. I want to be happy Remy, and that only seems to be possible with him. You can't take that from me- not now."
My brother was not going to be the one that walked away, that would not be fair, so instead I took my oppertunity to turn my head and walk away as he blabbered at my harsh snake like rage. He might of called me back, maybe even told me something that he thought was more important than what I had said to him but I didn't want to stop to hear it.
I rolled my eyes as I heard him slam his hand into the wall; he had unintentionally answered all the questions I had in my mind about Finnick with his anger and for that I was greatful. We were never the problem, my judgement was never the problem, and that meant that I could finally do something that would actually make me happier. Perhaps it would hurt, but I knew now that my own mind was healthy enough to work that out on it's own.
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1810 words.
O.o
LORNA GO GET YOUR MAN I SWEAR TO GOD. I haven't had to write a love scene in months and I need to make myself feel better so it's gonna happen soon, I swear Remy is not going to get in the way of that. Or is he?
How do we all feel now that you know a little bit about why Remy didn't want Lorna to be with Finnick?