Last Updated. April 10, 2019
Not Edited.
ALENA
After my conversation with Lucca, I head downstairs to get the other two kids to bed. I head to the dining area but don't find them there. Seeing the table all cleaned up, I head next to the kitchen. There I'm struck by what I see. Leo is washing the dishes while Laila dries them and Lei puts them in their cabinets. All the while the kids are talking animatedly with Leo. Tears threaten to come bursting but I hold it in. This is what I've been dreaming for my kids.
I tuck this memory in my heart and compose myself before making myself known.
"Time for bed kids." I call out.
All heads turn to me with smiles on their faces. Leo is first to respond saying "Okay, lets quickly finish this up so you can head to bed." He looks at the remaining dishes and challenges the kids "You think we can finish in three minutes?"
The two kids nod their head excitedly with Lei exclaiming "You bet!"
Leo then replies "Okay. Three ... two ... one ... GO!"
They all speed up and true to their word, in three minutes all the dishes are cleaned, dried, and stored.
"Good job everyone!" I say patting the two kids in the head. "Now, bed."
Lei and Laila nod their heads in acknowledgment. Lei turns to Leo and says "Good night Leo!" Before rushing up the stairs. Laila on the other hand, gives Leo a quick hug as she shyly says "Good night."
A beautiful smile is plastered on Leo's face before he returns Laila's hug and says "Good night my princess."
I then take Laila's hand and we head upstairs.
Fifteen minutes later, I have the Laila and Lei in their respective rooms fast asleep. I smile at how quickly they could fall asleep. It has always been a blessing especially when they were babies.
I make my way to Lucca's room to make sure he was asleep. Because Lucca, contrarily, takes forever to fall asleep. That's why he always ends up coming to my room. Mama's boy.
Upon opening his door, my blood quickly drains at the sight of his empty bed.
"Lucca?" I call out.
I franticly but quietly check the bathroom and master bedroom, not wanting to wake up the other two children. My fears turn up a notch when still I do not find Lucca.
I quickly rush downstairs to ask for Leo's help. But I do not find him anywhere. I look out the window and see his car is still in the driveway. Where is this man when I need him?!?
Suddenly, my brain screams GARDEN!
I hurriedly open the back sliding door and exclaim "LEO! LUCCA'S GONE MISSING! I CAN'T FIND HIM ANYWhere ..." I do not finish upon seeing Lucca safely tucked within Leo's arm. All panic rushes from me, replaced with relief.
After the relief comes the anger. What is are they thinking scaring the fudge out of me?!?!
But before I could say anything, the two guilty looking boys blurt out at the same time "Oh Alena, I'm sorry I should have told you." "Sorry Mom, I didn't ask permission."
All the anger I felt come rushing out as well at how adorable these two are together. Like father like son. So instead of a scolding a call out to Lucca saying "Its time for bed my dear."
Before we head up, a proposal to go jogging is brought up to which I gave my blessing, assuming the kids would like to go. As I hold Lucca's hand to bring him to bed, I turn to Lucca mouthing the words "I'll be back."
It's not a good idea to spend too much time alone with him Alena.
I know but we need to talk about earlier. I convince myself.
The news of their father must have really taken a toll on Lucca because for the first time he falls asleep quickly. I leave a kiss on his forehead before returning to Leo.
I make my way to the patio but pause before opening the sliding door. Through the door I see Leo leaning his head back on the sofa with his eyes close. He looks almost ... serene. A warmth suddenly fills my heart.
Am I happy to see him at peace?
Or maybe you still care for him Alena?
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, unwilling to delve deeper. Once I feel like I've composed myself, I enter the patio causing Leo to open his eyes. He turns his attention to me but I do not say a word. I silently walk to towards him and seat myself on the swing sofa, with a safe distance away from him.
I say to him while looking at the stars "Things went better than expected."
Leo nods then answers "Thankfully. And I hope things go well ... spend time with them ... get to know them more."
I nod in agreement. We then sit in comfortable silence as we gaze at the stars.
"Leo ..." I pause, formulating my words before continuing "... I appreciate the rose. Honestly, I really do. But this has to stop, I do not want to give the kids the wrong idea. For them only Leo, please."
"But what kind of example of a man would I be to my children if I don't take care of their mother?" He replies.
I sigh. "Okay, point taken. But only on ocassion. The example they need is how to respectfully treat women not the need of gifts. So in line with that, should I remind and emphasize once again the need to keep your women away from my kids?"
"OUR kids. And no, don't worry I understand clearly." He answers with determination. His face then softens slightly before he says quietly "But Alena ..."
I hold up my hand to stop him, sensing where the conversation is going.
"No Leo."
"But Alena we HAVE to talk about this." He says gesturing at both of us. "We can't have this heavy cloud lingering betwee—"
"LEO STOP!"
I try to control myself but a single tear escapes and along with it my cowardly plea.
"I've tried to be strong all these years Leo. I've tried to be strong when I had to work double, even triple, jobs even with my feet killing me and my back aching to save for when the kids arrived. I had to be strong faced with three crying babies each needing my full attention when I had to study for an exam the next day. I had to be strong looking at two digits in my ATM when I had to feed three mouths. I had to be strong, having to juggle being a mother and a businness woman. So just this once Leo please please allow to me to be weak. Please allow me to runaway. Just a while longer please let me be a coward and run away from us."
After letting my heart out I just sobbed and sobbed. It's as if all the pain I've kept hidden throughout the years just burst out. I couldn't stop the onslaught of tears. All I could do was cover my face with my hands so Leo wouldn't see how weak I truly am.
I then feel warmth as Leo embraces me. His whispers of comfort, encouragement, and apology. I know I should push him away, but can not find the energy to do so. So allow myself to be selfish and exploit the comfort he has given. Eventually, I succumb to the darkness that envelops me.