Darwin was nervous because he had never been to a therapist. He had talked to his mom but that wasn't the same. This was a stranger. Ely was at home in the therapist's office. The lady called their names. Ely took Darwin's hand and walked through the door. That was the first step. Ely took a breath.
Denise Bual was a short woman with very high heels. She clearly didn't like being short. She had pretty red hair and wore a nice grey suit. "Good afternoon, gentlemen." She smiled. She watched them. She knew very little but she knew who Ely was. Ely Stephens was comfortable. Darwin Hodges wasn't. He had never been. "Call me Denise. You are?"
Ely smiled. "I'm Ely and this is Darwin." He sighed. "Sorry."
"Don't apologize? Why?" Denise watched him.
"I try to take control of people. In relationships. Like just now. I should have let him talk." Ely sighed.
"Ely, you were fine." Darwin looked at Denise. "I'm Darwin. I have known Ely for...my whole life. He's controlling."
Denis smiled. "It's nice to meet you both. What are you looking to get out of this?" She wanted to see who answered.
Ely looked at Darwin. Darwin nodded. "Uh, I think I want closure? If that's the right word. I need to get past our history. I want to be mad at Ely for the right reasons. By that I mean, if we have a fight, I want it to be for what he fucked up right now, not for the past." Darwin looked at Ely.
Ely nodded and took his turn. "The suicide attempt. It did a lot of damage. We don't want it to destroy us. We are trying to build a relationship but it's the elephant." Ely sighed. "I'm guessing you have my file from Charlene."
Denise smiled. "I do. You are clearly an expert at this. Ely, what are you looking for here?"
Ely nodded. "Closure. I want to put an end to who I was. I want to show Darwin that I'm not that person but I still have issues. I have....I'm controlling and it's tough for me to let go. It's easier with Darwin."
Denise raised an eyebrow. "How so?"
"Well, my best example....is with sex. I am always on top. I let him be on top. It was the first time for me. I never let anyone before."
Darwin gasped. "Ely, I didn't know that! Why didn't you tell me that?"
Ely laughed. "Because!" He looked at Denise. She was going to make him explain. "Part of me doesn't want you to know the spectacularly messed up degree of controlling that I am! I am a mess. I controlled everything. I told you."
"Even that?" Darwin stared.
"Use words, Darwin." Denise smiled.
Darwin inhaled. "You sound like my mom!"
Denise smiled. "She's a therapist, I know of her. She's...go on."
"Uh, You even controlled sex?" Darwin stared.
"Yes. It was always when I said and how I wanted it. Always. In my bed, I was on top and they never spent the night. Never." Ely sighed. "They were out the door as soon as I finished. I never cared if they were satisfied."
Darwin stared.
"So, Darwin, I take it that you are having sex with Ely? Is that the same?" Denise tried not to be curious. She had to keep Darwin talking.
"Uh, no. But we...the first night we did it over the kitchen table, the chair, the counter, and I was on top several times? I stayed for two days!" Darwin stared at Ely. "What was that?"
Elly sighed. "I don't know. I never made love to anyone either. That was not what I was expecting."
"Was that the only night?" Denise watched them.
"No. I have been staying at Darwin's house. We sleep in his bed." Ely looked a the table.
"Are you doing your own therapy, Ely?" Denise smiled.
"A little. I am trying to give Darwin control. It's hard at times." Ely inhaled.
"Ely, we can stay at your place." Darwin sighed. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
Ely smiled. "Darwin, I am always uncomfortable, everywhere in my life, except with you. I don't understand it."
Denise smiled. "Does he let you control him?"
"No." Ely sighed. "It's more equal and Darwin is spontaneous. I find it very interesting. It's fun. Usually, someone is spontaneous in a controlling way. I mean..." Ely knew she would ask. "They pull me somewhere that they love and make me try it. Darwin doesn't. He just does it and has fun. It makes me want to try it."
"Example?" Denise coached.
"Karaoke. I hate to sing but we went to a bar last weekend for drinks. Darwin jumped up and sang a solo. I watched him just laugh and have fun. He never pulled me up or asked me to do it. I found myself wanting to. I mean, he met a whole group of men that sang with him, it was terrible and he just laughed. It was fun for me. I had no control either. I joined the group. I had never done that. Never thought I would." Ely watched the table some more.
"So how does staying at Darwin's make you feel?" Denise smiled.
"It makes me feel good. Happy. Or what I think happy is. I've never been happy but I think I am now?" Ely sighed. Darwin was going to learn a lot.
Darwin stared. "You have never been happy?"
Ely laughed. "I was just thinking that you are going to learn a lot about me. I told you I am fucked up! It's a medical term! I have never been happy. It took me awhile to really understand that. I see happiness in others. Dennis and Hillary are happy. Eragon is happy. Crazy but happy. I know you are, mostly. I'm not sure I understand it. Completely."
Darwin stared. "I didn't know that. How does that happen?"
ELy smiled. "Depression. I know I have been depressed for so long that happiness is foreign. It's like....a foreign language to me. Something I need a dictionary to understand. I think I'm happy at dinner with the family. I'm happy to wake up in your bed. It's tough for me to really grasp."
Darwin just nodded.
"Questions, Darwin?" Denise seemed unphased.
Darwin opened his mouth and closed it. "Uh, do you....do I make you happy?"
Ely laughed. "I think so. It's more than that Darwin. I feel better around you but....it's not why I love you. I don't see you as...a soft fluffy pillow that comforts me. My studio apartment is that for me. You are like...base jumping or.... Scaling a sheer cliff with no rope. Uh, extreme sports."
"What?" Darwin stared some more.
Ely smiled. "I should have told you to stay open minded!" He inhaled. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. Can you explain how I am rock climbing?" Darwin stared.
Ely nodded. "My apartment. It's there. Controlled. Mine. It's the same when I arrive as I left it. Nothing changes in it unless I change it. My soft fluffy teddy bear. Sort of. You, Darwin, are....not. I have no control over you. You are always in a different place, different mood, different clothes every time I see you, you change in some way."
He took a breath. "For me to let go and let you be you, it's like climbing Mt. Everest! It's near impossible for me to be safe and comfortable. You have your own mind and say what you want. Even when we are having sex, you aren't the same. You don't do the same things. It's an adventure for me. It's scary."
"I'm scary for you?" Darwin inhaled. "I had no idea. Do I need to do something different?"
"No! No! Please don't change a thing. This isn't so that you think you have to change. These sessions are so we can try to understand each other. More that you can understand me. I am a freak, Darwin, and it's tough to explain. If you ever want to dump me, I completely understand."
"Would that make you sad?" Darwin was curious.
Ely smiled. "Yes! I have feelings. I just have some trouble with happiness. I'm not used to it. Love, anger, disappointment, lust, sadness, trust and hate, I understand those. I just don't have much experience with Happy. I'm working on it."
"Okay. We are done here. Things that are said here, stay here. I want to see you both next week. Okay. Same time." Denise stood and opened the door. "Have a great day, gentlemen."
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