After my panic attack, Brendon and Sarah didn't press me too much about what triggered it. I didn't think much of it. I just walked around the house on my tip toes trying to sneak around. I didn't want to get in trouble. I knew I had already put myself in a ton of trouble. The only thing I had left to do now was leave.
I ran upstairs to pack a bag. Zack was told to watch me by Brendon. I rolled my eyes signing repeatedly I am not a child. It didn't matter Zack stood at my door watching me. I wanted him to tell me to stop or yell down to Brendon and Sarah what I was doing but he didn't he stood there and watched.
"You know when they find out they are just going to are stricter on you right?" Zack said watching me from my door.
"and you're not stopping me." I wrote in big letters on a whiteboard showing it to him.
"Because I expected you to have figured it out by now... But, you haven't. Logan, they love you. Brendon usually freaks out when people are hurt and he held you so quick helping you. He loves you. Sarah though you don't like her, I know don't like to me," Zack continued as I was about to interrupt him.
"She loves you too. The trip I caught you snooping about was a trip to announce you. Brendon hasn't been on vacation nor Sarah. They wanted to take a family vacation all of you guys. Stop being so self-centered thinking all they want to do is ruin your life." Zack said before sighing heavily.
"But, if you still think they don't love you and you want to go. Go on pack your bags. I will take you anywhere you want."
I looked at him in disbelief staring at the shirt in my hand. I felt the bitter bite of tears start to push their way toward my eyes. I tried to keep them pushed back for as long as I could. It was no use. They were gnawing to be felt, to be known. I looked up at Zack and threw the shirt at him. I ran trying to push him out of my doorway to slam my door but it was no use. He was greater than I. Zack picked me up and brought me downstairs where Sarah was.
"Please Sarah, for the love of anything, talk some sense into her. She thinks you and Brendon hate her." Zack placed me on the kitchen counter next to where Sarah was cleaning out a cabinet.
"Logan, why do you think we hate you?" Sarah said and the waterworks began all over again.
'Because I'm me. I am nothing. I'm worthless. I'm broken.' I signed and kept taking shaky breaths.
"Logan you are going send yourself into another panic attack sweetie please calm down." Sarah rubbed my arms looking at Zack as if to say go get Brendon.
I kept crying and put my head on her shoulder finally accepting the fact maybe my nightmares were wrong. Why would they happen to be wrong this one time? They were right all the other times. I tried to fight back the tears. Brendon walked in I could tell by his footsteps. One two, one two, one two, He walked in a pattern almost like he was dancing. I looked up from Sarah and he just rubbed his face with his hands.
"Is it true?" He asked
I nodded meekly before signing, 'I don't want to leave. Please don't send me back.'
"Logan we aren't going to send you back. You've only been here a week. We aren't going to send you back in a week. We just need to get used to each other and maybe we are a little overwhelming. Just, you gotta talk to us kid. No shutting us out. No confiding information in Zack. You have got to talk to us." He said wrapping his arm around Sarah she nodded her head and gave me a soft smile.
"Sweetie we don't want to send you back. You are honestly the best thing that has happened to us in a while. We haven't been in this state of togetherness in a minute. Brendon is always hard at work with tour and fans. I work hard on my projects. Yes, we make time for each other but we both sat down and read your file. We couldn't go and set a date where we could both go. We put off adopting you for a few months. I- well we, both had dreams of you in our lives. A little brown headed girl, with bright green eyes, running around on a stage and throwing water balloons in the summer. Chasing her dad around and helping him drive me crazy. I had a dream I had a daughter. No, we are not perfect, we will never be. I will always proudly call you my daughter. You are a Urie now Logan and I want you to know you are loved in this house." Sarah said starting to rant.
I grabbed her hand and she looked at me concerned. I pulled her in a hug and wrapped my arms around her tightly. Sarah's body began to shake. I knew it was because this was the first real time I had been sentimental with her. Brendon cleared his throat looking at me as Sarah wiped her eyes. I just grabbed his arm and Sarah's arm dropping both of my arms around them. Brendon smiled into my shoulder. Sarah did as well as they both hugged me tightly. The warm fuzzy feeling I had felt when I first stepped foot in the house still remained. The feeling of love and welcoming. Once we were all done hugging and being sappy. I smiled and Sarah poked my nose making me cross my eyes before we all let out a little chuckle.
I signed to Ryleigh who had snuck in for a drink to come over and translate. Ryleigh came over and stood beside me as Josh and Tyler also managed to sneak in. They stood off to the side behind Brendon and Sarah. I pointed them out and motioned for them to come forward. Ryleigh looked so confused everyone did a little. I took a deep breath before I started to sign my next few words. The stench scared me but it felt right. Maybe this time was the right time.
"I want to take speech classes," Ryleigh spoke for me as I signed.
I smiled brightly as the faces around me looked at me a little shocked. I just smiled looking at my parent's hopeful eyes knowing that is probably what they dreamed about having a verbal kid. Talking scared me, but in a house where I was loved like this. Maybe, it didn't have to be so scary.
'please, mom, dad.' I signed as they both turned to each other a little in shock.