Jess P.o.V
I woke up to a bright light shining in the window and momenterily forgot about everything. I rolled over on my side and picked up my phone, to see that I had 9 missed calls and 20 messages. I immediately checked to see who they were from, hoping that nothing was wrong, when it hit me. When I remebered everything that had happened.
My head hurt, my heart hurt, my chest hurt, my eyes stung. Those 5 seconds after waking up were bliss, a heaven of some sort, I was just numb to the pain and I forgot about everything, but of course that wasn't the reality. The reality was my heart was broken and two of the most important people to me now meant nothing.
I checked my messages. 11 messages from Ashton and 9 from Luke.
I checked my missed calls. 5 from Luke, 4 from Ashton.
I put my phone down, not interested in what they had to say. I wanted to cry, I needed to cry, but I couldn't. I felt like there was no tears left, it may sound stupid, but I had cried so much the previous night that I just couldn't cry. Instead I felt sadness engulf me. I hated it, I hated feeling like this. Crying helped the pain, it eased the pain, it gave me a sense of relief. Not being able to cry, it felt like the sadness was trapped inside me, demanding to be felt.
I had never felt a pain like this, not when my father left, not when Ashton's father left him and he was sad, not when any of my other boyfriends broke up with me. This was different, it felt like my heart had been ripped out and broken in millions of pieces. Ashton and Luke meant so much to me, no had meant so much to me.
I may have only been with Luke for just over two months but it was enough to fall in love with him. All the little things about him. His personality; how he always knew what to say, and what not to say, how he was always so nice and he cared so much. His smile, his lips, his lip ring, his lip bites, his dimples, his nose, his eyes and their exact shade of blue, his hair, the thing he did with his feet when he was nervous, his voice, the songs he sung and the way he played for guitar.
As for Ashton I had known him since I was 4. He was the perfect best friend, and the person everybody needed in their life. He was always there when I needed him, he cared for me, he made me happy, he always kew what to say, he was forgiving, he was understanding, he was amazing, he was talented, he could sing, he could play almost any instrument and he was reliable. His laugh could make your day better no matter what, his smile could light up this whole town and his dimples were the cutest thing.
Thinking about them hurt, it made my heart hurt even more. It felt odd that I wanted to cry, most people try to hold back their tears, honestly I usually do, but at that moment all I wanted to do was cry. I pulled my knees closer to my chest and put the blanket back over my head. I starting sobbing, but not a single tear fell. I'm not sure how long I stayed like that, but after what felt like forever I heard a knock at the door.
"Can I come in?" Calum whispered barely audible.
"Y-yeah," My voice came out muffled.
I heard the door swing open softly and a few seconds later I felt the sheets being removed from me, I tried to pull them back up but Calum lay down beside me before I could.
"Sometimes a hug helps," Calum smiled at me, wrapping his arms around me.
"You don't have to Calum," I sighed into his shoulder.
"What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't comfort you right now," He giggled, well really it was more of a chuckle. I tried to laugh back but I couldn't.
"I'm sorry," I broke the silence that had formed between us.
"For what?" He asked.
"For ruining your pillow, your shirt and your day," I sighed. Once we had got back to Calum's, he showed me where I could sleep, I lay down on the bed and cried. I didn't even bother to remove my makeup. At some point during the night the door opened and someone thrown a t-shirt and sweatpants in the door. I dragged myself out of bed and changed into the t-shirt and sweatpants, just happy to get out of my dress. I got back into bed and eventually cried myself to sleep.
"I would be a horrible friend if I wasn't here for you,"
"Yeah, but they're your friends, brothers really," I avoided their names.
"That doesn't make what they did right,"
"Were you talking to them at all?" I sighed. I didn't want to talk to them, but I just wanted to know something, anything.
"No sorry,"
We didn't say much more, I just kept my head pressed against his shoulder. I was so upset but as well as that I felt betrayed and angry. Luke told me he loved me, many times, so many times, why would he lie about such a thing. As for Ashton I just thought I could trust him and depend on him, but clearly I was wrong. Bella moving back here was the worse thing ever, it screwed up everything.
"She's such a bitch, why the eff did she have to come back here and screw up everything," I sat up ever so slightly and starting letting out my anger. I talked as much shit about Bella as I could, I just let all the anger out of me. Calum nodded and agreed with me every so often, I don't know if he meant it but at least he let me give out.
"I know Jess, she's horrible. I never liked her," he said when I had finished.
He stood up and walked out of the room. I didn't want him to leave, but I didn't have the strength to ask him to stay. I might have been terrible company but I liked the feeling of having some one who actually cared beside me. I curled back into a ball, hoping that Calum would come back. I didn't want to be alone, I needed somebody with me.
I was beginning to think he had gotten sick of my crappy company and was staying downstairs when the door swung open. I looked up and saw Calum walking in with a tub of ice cream and three spoons in his hands. I was wondering who the third spoon was for when a very tired looking Michael walked in behind him.
Michael's eyes were half closed, his feet dragging behind him and his posture slouched, but when he saw me he took the ice cream from Calum, rushed over and sat down beside me. He handed me the ice cream and a spoon. I didn't feel like eating but I ate a spoon of it, so as not to be rude. It tasted amazing and just melted in my mouth, but I wasn't in the mood for eating. Calum made his way over and sat down on my other side. Neither of them said anything, but they did eat all the ice cream. I didn't stop them, it was just going to melt if they didn't eat it.
"You're going to have to go home sometime, your mam is probably worried sick," Michael said sympathetically. I knew he was right. I had only told I wouldn't be coming home, I never said why, I gave her no reason.
"Yeah, I'll get ready now," I sighed sitting up. Calum and Michael left the room. I didn't have anything to do. There was no way in hell I was wearing that dress again, so I stayed in the t-shirt and sweatpants. I picked up the dress and shoes and left the room. I didn't fix my hair or clean my face. Luckily enough Calum and Michael didn't comment on my appearance, we just walked out to the car and Calum drove back to my house.
"Thanks," I muttered getting out the car.
"Do you want one of to go in with you, or just wait out here?" Michael asked.
"No, it should be okay," I tried to smile at him.
"Okay, but call me later,"
I nodded in reply and starting walking towards the door. I slowly turned the handle and let myself in.
"Jess what do you think your doing?," My mam screamed as I walked inside, "I thought you leanred the last time, but clearly not. You can't just not come home one night without an explaination and expect everything to be okay."
I looked up so she could see the mess I really was, so she could realise that something was wrong, that I had a good reason for not coming home and that I wasn't okay.
"Oh Jess what's wrong," she looked at me before running towards me and pulling me into a big hug. I explained everything to her, I told her what Luke did, what Ashton had said, why I hadn't come home, how Bella was such a bitch and how horrible everything felt.
"Heartbreak hurts Jess, it really does, it's one of the worse things that could happen, but you get over it. I remember when your father left, I felt like nothing was right, I felt like nothing would ever be right again, I thought my whole world was falling down. I had you to send you to live with your grandma for a few months, remember that?" I nodded.
"I sill loved him long after he left, I cried everyday but I got better. I realised that I couldn't love someone who had hurt me so much. I couldn't waste my life away crying over somebody who had caused so much pain. When I realised that everything fell into place,"
"Yeah but dad was one person. Luke cheated on me and Ashton hates me. They're the two most important people to me," I snapped at her.
"Did you even listen to either of their stories, the truth could be different to what you different," she asked, ignoring my previous statment.
"But what's the point?I saw what I saw and that was Luke kissing Bella and Ashton not believing me."
"Well their storied might be different."
I stormed up the stairs to my room and thrown myself on my bed. I felt lost with no compass to guide me. I didn't know what to do or how to feel. I just needed Ashton there with me at that moment but of course our friendship was ruined.