I would lie if I said that I didn't cry while writing this chapter.
I'm so emotional these days and I think it's affecting my writing. It's so freaking emotional, so get prepared and take out your tissues.
"They keep telling me not to save you, they keep saying I'm odd. This is the real me, this is the fake me. How would they know when I don't even know myself?"
Lisa
A week.
It's been a freaking week since I last talked to Jungkook. I haven't replied his messages nor his phone calls.
I couldn't.
I just couldn't bring him into this mess and put him in danger. It was my fault to start with, why did I even get so close to him?
Why did I let that stalker get to me?
I sighed and turned to the other side of the bed, cuddling with my pillow and wishing everything to just disappear.
Without knowing, I had let Jungkook into my life thoughtlessly. I hadn't even known him for so long and yet, he had become so meaningful to me, I even dragged him into this dangerous mess I've created.
My phone vibrated and I unlocked it just to find another worried message from Jungkook.
Jungkook
13 unread messages, 12:03pm
Read Ignore
I decided to read them and was met by multiple "are you okay" messages and how many times haven't I tried to text him? How many times have I not wanted to just call him? I couldn't because whenever I thought about it, I got a bunch of messages from my stalker, always with the same message.
I can see you. Don't you try to fool me
I bit my lip and let out a groan before throwing my phone on the floor which just hit the door that opened the same second the device fell on the ground. A startled Chaeng came in and looked down, then at me and furrowed her eyebrows. "What sin has your phone done since you are breaking it?" She asked and took my phone up, showed me the damaged screen and sighed. "Lisa, are you going to tell us what happened last week? You've been odd and it doesn't go unnoticed just so you know. We just don't want to pressure you."
As she made her way towards me, the other girls soon walked in and jumped into my bed. "Lisaaayaaa, tell us what's going on.. I thought we told each other everything," Jisoo said and hugged me, followed by the others.
"I.. I can't breathe," I managed to let out and gasped for air. They removed themselves from me.
"I'm fine girls, I just have a lot to think about. You don't need to w-" "Don't you dare to say that, pabo. We are friends and friends worry, so just spill out the freaking issue," Jennie said, sending me a telling look.
"Jenn-" "No unnie, she is always doing this. She thinks that her being distant and hiding everything from us will worry us less. That's bullshit and you know it," she said and looked at Jisoo then me.
I sat up in my bed and looked at her, my eyes getting teary and I tried to stop myself from sobbing. "I'm sorry," I whispered and hid my face in my palms while continuously sobbing. I soon felt a pair of arms around me, hugging me tight.
"Lisa, you are the maknae of our group. How are we going to help you if you don't tell us anything?"
I nodded and just wrapped my arms around Jisoo unnie. "Is it about a boy?"
My eyes wandered from one girl to another. I knew that my members tried to take care of me but this thing could get really messy if they got involved.
That's when I decided to lie to them, as always but this time it was different. This time I would do anything to stop their questions about my well-being, cause I knew that it would lead me to tell them the truth.
That couldn't happen.
"Yes," I replied and wiped away my tears, pushing myself away from Jisoo, a bit harshly, "and I know that I worry you guys too much but can't you just leave me alone with this? I can't tell you everything and I don't want to. It's my problem and my decision to make. Won't you understand? You can't help me with everything."
Good Lisa, just keep hurting them.
But if not me, then it would be him.
Jisoo quickly removed herself from my bed and looked at me with a decent look. I could see the sadness breaking through the supporting look and made her smile disappear. My eyes went to Chaeng who looked surprised but disappointed.
Jennie on the other hand had the most surprising reaction cause her eyes filled with tears and shook her head. "So you want to do this alone?" she asked and pointed a finger at me, "do you know what we've been through this year because you wanted to do this ALONE?!" she yelled while tears dripping from her eyes, making her cheeks wet.
"I never knew you were so selfish, just thinking of yourself. If you really want to do this alone, then why the hell are you in this group?"
"Unnie.." Chaeng muttered and put a hand on Jennie's shoulders but she pushed it away. Jennie wiped away her tears and sent me a look that made me tightened my hold on the blanket.
I breathed out heavily as tears kept running down my cheeks. "Then I guess I'm not supposed to be in it."
After I said that, I stepped out of my bed and made my way to the door but was stopped by Jennie who pulled me back and made me triple so I almost fell down.
"Why Lisa? Aren't we enough for you? Good for you? Don't we care about you?" she half whispered and changed the look in her eyes.. it seemed.. hurting.
I hated myself for being like this.
"I-" "Do we treat you badly? Or are you just tired of us?"
I clenched my fist as Jen took a step towards me, making me uncomfortable with myself.
The way she looked at me and her words. My heart ached and I would lie if I said that I didn't regret what I said.
I shouldn't have let some crazy man ruin my friendship.
But I had started it. No way back.
"Is it since last year you've felt like this? Haven't you reached your goal yet? I guess it is what they say A leopard cannot change its spots. It's in your inner nature. You wanted fame, all right. Get your fame but if you think that we will still be.. i don't even know what you call this in world.. friends, then you've completely mistaken-" "Shut up for once!" I yelled and pushed her, not realizing that I just did something horrible.
Jennie fell down and hit her hand on the drawer which made me widen my eyes, "Unnie, are you okay?" I asked and tried to reach out for her but she just held her hand up and signaled me to stop.
"Jennie, are you okay?"
"Unnie, you are bleeding."
I watched as the girls helped her up. Before they left the room, Chaeng turned her head to me with teary eyes. "I can't believe you.. I don't know who you are right now and for your information, I'm not sleeping in this room anymore."
Then she left..
I was back alone and as soon as the door closed, I started crying really hard. My back was supported by the wall and I pulled my knees up to me just to hug them tight.
If your heart wasn't broken before, it definitely is now. Lisa, who are you?
"I'm sorry.." I whispered and just sobbed silently. How would they forgive you?
No.
How would you forgive yourself after this?
My phone began to ran and I was startled. It still worked I guess. With a sob, I wiped away the tears and took my phone.
"Ne?"
"I can hear you're crying. Did you do what I told you?"
I looked up and bit my lip hard. He called me.. He would never call me unless it was necessary and the fact that I just hurt my own friends because he wanted me to, made me want to cry even more.
"Do you not have feelings?" I asked, my voice weaker than I wanted it to be, "why are you doing this to me?"
"Oh you should just know how many feelings I have.. My hate for you is greater than everything else but hearing you cry gives me less reasons to worry.. That's boring. Maybe I should just move on to one of your unni-"
"No! Please, I'll do everything you tell me to.. just leave them out of it. They hate me now, so you have nothing to worry about," I cut him off and whispered those words.
There was a silence that scared the hell out of me but then I heard him laugh.
"Fine.. I guess I'll hold on to you a bit longer. Do as I say or the next one you'll have to hurt is your dear boyfriend."
I was about to protest but he just hung up on me and left me with a terrified look. My hands shaking and heart beating fast.
Right now, I couldn't stay here..
I quickly called the only person who could help me. Calm me and tell me how big of an idiot I was.
"Hey, I was going to cal- Lisa, are you crying?"
Once again I started crying and tried to mutter out words but I just ended up stuttering.
"Lisa, stop crying and tell me what the hell is going on!"
"B-bambam, please come and get me.. I-I can't s-stay here," I managed to let out and sobbed. Never had I ever felt this scared.
"I'm on my way. 10 minutes and I'll be there."
I let my phone down on the ground and stood up, walking over to the other wall where photos of me and the girls were hanging. My hands still shaking, I took a picture of us smiling into the camera and smiled sadly as I looked at it. "I'm so sorry Jen," I mumbled. My eyes wandered to the other pictures and I let out a sigh. This went too far.
He went too far.
You went too far.
I drove a hand through my hair and put the picture back on it's place, then I changed my clothes to my comfy ones and looked me in the mirror. I gasped as I saw how my eyes were swollen and I removed some black dirt from the mascara from my eyes before washing my face in the bathroom.
A message popped in my phone so I went into the room and took the device from the ground.
Bambam
1 message, 1.24
Read Ignore
I'm here.
Has it been an hour already?
I sighed and opened the door before going out. The girls' voices made me stop and I froze in my place.
They were sitting in Jennie's room.
I walked to the door and heard her cry. I clenched my fist and closed my eyes. I made her cry.
"Jennie, it's enough. She obviously doesn't think of us as her friends anymore," Chaeng said and made it harder for me.
"Chaeng, how can you say that? You know Lisa and to be honest, I don't know why she is like that but she would never do anything to hurt us.. that's what I want to believe in."
Jisoo being Jisoo, always trying to be the strongest.
Stop making it hard for me unnie. Just hate me.
"She is out of her mind," Jennie sobbed, "I can't even recognize her anymore."
With self-hating thoughts I walked out of the dorm and made my way out of the building after walking down the stairs.
When I reached the parking lot, I was met by a familiar voice and when I turned to right, I saw Bambam made his way towards me.
That's when I broke down.
Tears once again falling down my cheeks and my arms automatically wrapped around his torso just to bury my head in his chest. I let out loud sob.
"Shh," he whispered and kissed my head, "what happened?"
For five minutes or so, I couldn't say anything. I just cried. Cried my heart out. Bambam didn't ask further but just pulled me towards the car and made me sit in the backseat, following me and when he closed the car door he once again pulled me into a hug and caressed my back.
I felt the tears stopped on its own and realized that there were no more tears to cry. My throat felt so dry.
"Do you have water?" I asked, still sniffling. Bambam reached out for something in the seat pocket and took out a bottle.
"Here," he said and opened it for me. I gratefully took it and drank a bit from it before handing it to him again. I removed myself from the hug and wiped away the tears that kept itching on my cheeks.
Bambam looked at me and sighed. His eyes landed on my hand and he took it. "Lisa.."
"I pushed Jennie.. I hurt her Bambam."
"Why?"
"Because he wanted me to."
Bambam looked taken aback and raised an eyebrow before swallowing my words. "Are you trying to tell me that bastard contacted you?" he said, tightening his jaw and closed his eyes for a short amount of time.
When he opened them again, he hissed. "I will kill that son of a bitch!" He was about to search for my phone since he started searching in my pockets but I just pushed them away quickly.
"Bammie, you can't do that. I tried my best to not involve everyone around me and yet, I involved both you and Jungkook. That I can't do anymore. I can't risk losing you."
He sent me an annoyed look, "Lisa, you are and will always be someone I have to protect. When your parents sent you here, they told me to look after you and that's exactly what I plan to do. Now, where is your phone?" He said repeatedly. I shook my head and put both my hands on each side of his arms.
"I'm not going to get you hurt. Just be here for me, will you?" I asked and hugged him again, trying to calm him down as I could feel his heart beat faster and breath heavily due to his anger.
"I cut off my ties with Jungkook to save him and I don't want to do the same with you if he finds out.."
He didn't say anything but just wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. To be honest, I loved to be here with Bambam but my thoughts were elsewhere.
I wanted to see Jungkook so badly. I wanted to talk to him.
"Jungkook told me you didn't answer his calls nor his messages. Does he know that you cut off all contact?" Bambam finally said and ran his hair through my hair. He would do that everytime he comforted me, since we were younger this was our way to calm each other. I couldn't have asked for a better friend.
"It's best if he doesn't know. I already made the mistake of telling him."
"You like him, don't you?" Bambam asked and made me move so I could face his questioning look.
"What? He is a good guy Bam, that's why-" "Arh, spare me the bullshit. I've seen how you look at him and the other way around."
I bit my lip and shrugged my shoulders. "I guess I do."
He nodded and smiled at me, "Text him.."
I sighed and shook my head. "No, i can't. He'll just ask me things and I just don't want him to get hurt."
"You can't let this idiot control your life Lisa. He's just some crazy man who wants to ruin everything for you. And now we are mentioning it. Go to the police. It's not something you can control anymore, it's their job to investigate it."
I knew he was right but the police wasn't always to be trusted. What if they can't find him and he ends up hurting everyone I love in the meantime?
"Can you tell him that I don't want to talk to him anymore?"
"No."
"Bambam-" "Lisa, stop it. I'm not going to lie to my friend. You can't ask me to do that."
But that's exactly what I begged him to do and it's exactly what he did.
He lied to Jungkook.
Just like I lied to my best friends.
My loooves,
I'm so so so sorry that liskook doesn't meet in this chapter but we'll get to that!
Oh and Im so whipped with Bambam, so I could't stop writing a chapter leaving him out..
AND AND AND
am I the only one who is freaking excited for their comeback 12th APRIL?! Im so proud of these boys!
Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter and don't forget to comment so that I can know if I should continue this story or not.
love love love xx