January 10, 2019
Time..? Who cares
log entry 1
Today I have decided to start another journal...in my head. I've been in this place for about..four weeks maybe. It's been three days I haven't slept again. I find myself laughing at everything, my hallucinations becoming...certainly something. I don't know how to explain it. My head is so jumbled yet numb at the same time.
I haven't been taking care of myself. Barely eating, not bathing or taking care of personal hygiene. The nurses has had to come in and wash me themselves as I sat there like a sack of potatoes.
I've heard news that Milo and River are in the hospital with minor injuries. Milo with a fractured knee and broken nose, and River with a mild concussion.
I subconsciously touch my forehead and feel the lingering scar that stayed there. I did that.
My hand drops back to my stomach as the ceiling starts dripping again.
My eyes and body begs for sleep but I refuse. Let's see if I can make it a fourth day.
"Andrew, darling." Mia's voice appears again. I roll onto my side and face the wall.
"Go away, you're not Mia. You're just my mind."
"Oh, don't say things like that." I feel her hands ride up my leg. "I know you love me, Andrew. And you know I love you too."
I closed my eyes, my throat starting to form a lump. I shake my head , forcing the words out. "My Mia said she doesn't even love me...at all." the words are foreign and leave a bad taste in my mouth.
"But I am Mia!" I could hear her smile.
"No. My Mia doesn't love me. My Mia is dead." I almost choke on my words.
log entry 2
I can't stop hearing her. I don't want to believe she's dead but I have to come to the reality. She never loved me. She's gone. I can never do the things I wanted to do with her, I can never express to her my love anymore. My memories have started to get fuzzy-especially around the incident. I barely remember what happened. I just know my hands were caked with blood and I could hear her choking on her own blood. I don't even have to be sleeping to scare myself-
"Andrew love, come out your thoughts. You're only making things worse for yourself."
"Shut up. You're not real."
Everything's so surreal. I just want to wake up from this horrific dream.
"I am real, love." she laughed. "Your mind is real. Your thoughts are real, and so are your feelings. Just-"
"I swear to God I will take this blanket and asphyxiate myself if you don't shut UP!" I didn't hear from her again. I sigh in relief and in pain. It was nice to hear her voice, but the words she was saying made a unsettling feeling deep in my stomach. I need to get out of this room.
I slide off my bed, the walls and floors warping around me. I stumble out my room and aimlessly walk down the oozing walls. I glide my hand against the cool walls slowly as my bare feet hit the cold tiles.
"Mr Miller!" comes a shocked voice. I turn around and see that ash-brown haired woman with the glasses. Kathy. that was her name. "You're out of your room!" she smiles. I frown and flip her off, continuing to walk away.
She catches up to me and strides beside me. "You know you can let people in. You can let people help you." she started, her voice small. "I know the group therapy is gone for a bit until Miss Banks and Mr Manson come back, but that doesnt mean you can't see a personal doctor too." I shake my head.
"What do we have to do in order for you to trust us?"
Bring my Mia back. I want her in my arms again. I want to get the hell out of here!I open my mouth to reply to her but a sudden pain in my chest makes me stop in my tracks. I get a short of breath, pain stabbing me in the heart.
"Andrew?" Kathy asked, worry consuming her voice.
"J-Jesus..Christ.." it's like my lungs stopped working, I couldn't get a breath anymore. I fell to my knee, my face contorting in pain as my heart seemed to squeeze and constrict it'self. Was...I having a heart attack?!
With one hand on my shirt and another supporting my weight on the ground, my arms started to shake and Kathy ran off. The pain started working it's way up my throat, making it hard to speak. Hard to breathe.
As my world started to fade to black, legs ran up by my side as my body hit the floor.
***
Hannah
"Would you knock off all that pacing?" Miller spat at me. I stopped biting on my nail and looked at him.
"I'm freaking out, Miller! No I can't stop pacing!"
"Come sit down babe.." his patted the bed beside him. I shook my head and took a step back."No. We need to do something. You can't just sit on your ass all day and expect things to get done!"
"Look," he stood up, grabbing my hand gently. "I'm just as worried and stressed as you are, but youre just going to make things worse by constantly thinking about it. Just take some deep breaths and maybe we'll go check up and see how Poppy and Ian are doing."I tried taking some breaths like told and nodded. "Okay, okay." I reply in defeat. He smiles and kisses my cheek, forcing a smile on my face.
Miller and I had started dating about a month or two after Mia's disappearance. We just...got closer and everything kind of happened. He's been kind of a jerk but his heart is in the right place.
"C'mon. I'm sure Poppy is expecting us by now." Miller laugh and I nodded."You're right. Okay, let's go."
***
"Poppy, theyre here!" Ian, Mia's dad calls. Poppy steps in the doorway and beams up at me."Hannah, sweetie. How is the neck and head?"
I subconsciously touch the sensitive bruising around my throat from where Andrew throttled me. "I'm doing okay, Miss Erikson." I say with a sad smile. I hate how I have to call her by her maiden name now, since Ian and her got divorced sometime after Mia disappeared.
Things have really gone to shit since then.
"What about you two? Holding up?" I ask as they let us in.
"We're fine, Hannah." Ian gruffs.
"You don't have to be like that." Poppy scolded.
"Don't start!" he growled. "We don't need this stress right now! I-I...I'm going to my room." and with that, he left, shutting the door behind him.
I frown and sit beside Miller on the couch.
"I miss Magnus..." he starts, picking something off his pants.
"Me too dear," Poppy sighs. Yeah, her dog died a couple weeks ago. Like I said, things went to shit.
"Ya know, we came to check up on you." I started. "How's everything with the paparazzi?"
"I can barely go outside!" she frowns, leaning back in her love seat. "Always bombarding me with questions! They know nothing about personal space. Everything has just been wild since Mia was last on the news."
"Yeah..I'm supposed to have another interview with them next Thursday."
"Really?"
"Yeah, to like, kinda wrap everything up ya know? Especially now that I have this bruise and scar on my head." I grumbled. When I had passed out, my head slammed against the table and It left a scar on my temple.
"I understand dear," she nods.
"But this isn't about us, we came to check up on you."
"Right." Miller joined in.
"Eh..." she sighed. "Ian has been...moody lately. I don't know how to calm him down, we're always getting into fights over something so little." she looks down at her lap, her flowing, curly hair falling around her face.
"What happened in the first place?" Miller frowned. "Was it about Mia?"
Poppy sighed and gave a small shrug. "Yes and no. At first it was. He was feeling guilty about not keeping in touch with Mia too much, and once she went missing he felt bad because he hadn't talked to her in like a month. When she was a freshman in college, he tried to keep in touch but Mia was too busy with college work. We were proud of course and didn't want her to fall behind so we held back but she wanted to get with us when she had time but then we never had time." she took a breath, crossing her legs and holding her knee.
"Then, when Mia went missing, he blamed himself for not keeping up with her. But of course, Ian being Ian, he started to blame me for not trying to get in contact either and letting her go missing without a trace. But you spoke up already having suspects but she never introduced us to Andrew so we didn't know.
After a few months we both fell victim to depression and he'd be so irritable and start small fights, every little thing seeming to be linked to Mia. 'Oh why arn't the dishes done?'," she mocked in a deep voice impersonating Ian, " 'Mia would've done these already!', 'Don't put your hair in a bun, you look like Mia!, 'How could you laugh at a time like this? Mia is still missing!' Blah blah blah." she sighed.
"I can hear you!" Ian screamed through walls. She just shook her head, being silent for a second.
"It's funny," she gives a sad smile, her voice soft and quiet. "You two grow together yet Ian and I grow apart."
Miller and I exchange looks.
"Have you signed the papers yet?" Miller asks.
"What papers?" Her eyebrow raises.
"The divorce papers. Have you?"
"Yes...we have. Why?"
He shook his head. "You two shouldn't divorce over Mia. It's not what she would've wanted. Imagine her walking through those doors right now and seeing this..mess."
"Miller shut up," I hiss under my breath. It wasn't his place to tell them what to do.
"We shouldn't fight because of Mia, we should fight because of Andrew. He did this shit! He took her away from us, he hurt her and killed her! Look what he did to Hannah! Hell, I'm ashamed to have the same name as him! We should storm over there kick his ass!"
"Miller please," I touch his hand. "I already told you he looks like he already has it rough. You should've seen his eyes...they were...undescribable. So dark empty...so...." I didn't have a better word for it. "He attacked me because he had nothing to lose and you could see it. I hated the way he looked. Scary shit.."
"I've said this before..." Poppy leaned forward in her seat. "But I am, truly sorry he laid hands on you in such a way."
I shake my head. "It's nothing. He's done worse to Mia."
"Don't remind me.." she mumbled and the room hung with awkward silence.Finally, Ian came to the rescue to break the silence. He burst through his bedroom door, tucking something in his pants. He looked at Miller and I seriously, giving me a look I've only seen on Andrew's face before.
"Let's go pay that fucker a visit then."
~Authors Note~
Sorry if the spacing is weird :p
and this chapter was kinda a filler so I apologize