Everyone has their own set of nightmares.
Some are afraid of the dark. Others can't stand to see a spider nearby. And heights? Don't even start with that one.
But then, there are some people who find comfort in the darkness. There are also avid arachnid collectors and keepers. And well, people love to climb in high places for adventure and passion.
Therefore, one's nightmare is another one's dream.
I'll give you a real life example.
Know Mrs. Merly? She's our librarian. And well, she's also Dean's worst nightmare. Yup. No kidding. Our pretty blonde of a bookkeeper is a nightmare according to my best friend.
Not for me though. Mrs. Merly is an angel. I love her a lot! She's so nice and patient with me. Maybe it's because we are both book lovers and I don't mess around in the library unlike my classmates.
Anyways, since Dean is afraid of an innocent librarian, it was nice of him to ask me for a ‘small' favor.
“Please, it won't take too much of your time. You just have to return this overdue book back while I wait for you in the cafeteria," Dean begged me harder when I refused at first. I playfully rolled my eyes at him and finally agreed. “Aww... You're the best!" He hugged me and made his way to the cafeteria but not before waving goodbye.
So that explains why I'm walking towards the library right now with a heavy encyclopedia in my hands. Geez. Why did Dean have to borrow such a heavy book? Does he know the ‘internet'? I'll just kick him later.
The door opened with a creak. Our library is one of the oldest parts of the school. No wonder the signs of aging are showing.
I walked towards the desk. Just before I reached it, somewhere in my peripheral vision, I spotted two of my friends. Anthony and Quest, my classmates, were on their way out. They waved when we passed by one another and I waved back.
I think this is a good way to make me forget about last night. After that call with Miller, I was able to fall asleep. When I woke up, I got six missed calls from him. I didn't bother calling him back. My energy and confidence left my body after that incident the night before.
My feet stopped walking when I got to the counter. I tapped on the wooden desk and waited for Mrs. Merly to arrive. She suddenly appeared out from the inner room where new books are stored and processed.
“Hey there, Crissa," she said and showed me a warm smile, “How can I help you?"
“Good noon, Mrs. Merly," I placed the heavy book on top of the counter, “I have to return this."
“Hmm..." She looked at the book intently, “Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this Dean's?"
“Yeah. He got scared. Again," I explained, smiling knowingly at her.
“Well, he'll never lose that fear if he'll never face it, right?" She winked at me. “By the way, are you busy right now?"
I was about to say ‘yes' so that I could just leave now and go to Dean but then, I had a feeling that she needs my help. So, without knowing, my head shook almost immediately.
“Splendid. Can you please return these for me to the history hall?" She handed me some books which seemed to be five in number. “Somebody messed up with their location. Those kids again."
“I see. Don't worry, Mrs. Merly," I took the books in my hands. “They'll be back to their original places before you know it."
“Thanks, Crissa," she smiled warmly at me. I smiled back and made my way to the farthest hall. History hall was the least used hall in the whole place. It was located in the most deserted part of the library. It's kind of like a secret hall, if you ask me. Some people finds messing up the dusty books there funny. I don't.
When I reached the hall, something caught my eye. Somebody was sitting on the floor, his body leaning on one of the bookshelf. And he was... Why is he doing that here!?
“Miller," I hissed at him. He then looked up at me, his face looked like he didn't care for anything in this world. “What are you doing?"
He placed his sandwich on his lap and gulped down, “Eating."
“But we're in the library," I reasoned out, kneeling beside him.
“Oh, my bad," he sneered at me and whispered, “I'm eating, want some?"
He raised his sandwich to my chin level but I pushed it down lightly and responded in a strict tone, “That's not what I mean. You're not allowed to eat in here."
He only bit on his sandwich harder and looked at me with indolent eyes, “Whatever."
“There's a cafeteria downstairs," Now that I mentioned it, Dean is still waiting for me there. “You should eat there and not here."
His mouth moved as he chewed the food inside. Looking at him do that, he actually looks kind of cute. “I prefer to eat here. Alone."
“Sounds kind of lonely..." I thought aloud. Oh no. Keep your thoughts to yourself, Crissa!
“Better than being around people who doesn't know you exist," he said nonchalantly and took another bite.
I opened my mouth to reason out more but couldn't find the words so I decided to just shut up.
“Why are you even talking to me again?" His question caught me by surprise. “You hanged up on me. You didn't even answer any of my calls."
Great. He remembered about those calls. “I hanged up because your girlfriend sounded really jealous already and for the missed calls, I fell asleep," I explained, my voice almost cracking. Why would that bother him?
He snickered at me and spoke out in his usual cocky voice, “She isn't my girlfriend, Evergreen."
“Ohhh... That's good news," I thought aloud again. Oh great gods of thinking. He turned at me with a confused look so I directly explained, “Because she didn't seem nice to you. It wouldn't be fair if you'd have her as your girlfriend."
He nodded his head at me, “Anyways, have you eaten already?"
Oh shoot! Dean! I stood up quickly and spoke out in a hurry, “Dean is waiting for me in the cafeteria. Gotta go."
I turned around to leave but suddenly, I felt a hand holding my own, preventing me to go on. When I looked back, Nathan seemed like he wanted to say something but then decided against it.
“Never mind," he mumbled.
His hand stopped holding mine and I can't help but notice the sadness in his eyes. It lasted only a moment because the next thing I knew, he looked arrogant now. I didn't want to leave him yet. Loneliness is clearly written all over his face but he's covering it with a mask of pride.
“Come eat with us," The invitation just came to my mind so I didn't really thought much about it.
He shook his head, “Hell no."
I felt angry. I felt sad. I felt pity. Too bad.
“Thanks for the invitation though," he finished.
And I felt giddy. Those darn emotions of mine are killing me.
“What are you afraid of the most?" I suddenly asked, hoping I'll be able to leave him with a good conversation at least. When he didn't response after a while, I was afraid that he wouldn't answer.
He looked up at me and I knew that he was thinking. After a few seconds, he answered, “Pins and needles."
I blinked. Twice. Was that a metaphor of some kind? He looked down, embarrassed with his answer.
“A voodoo doll," I bursted out. “I'm scared to death of it."
His head lifted up and a weak smile was on his face. Good. I made him smile.
“I thought Witches are accustomed with voodoo dolls," he said.
“We are but that doesn't make them any less scary than they already are," I answered. “Voodoo dolls are the worst!"
Nathan laughed at that. It was a short yet genuine one and it made me laugh inside as well.
“They are, aren't they?" He stood up from where he was sitting. I didn't notice that he was already done with his lunch. “You better eat lunch now."
Dean! Great. I almost forgot about him. How did I end up staying longer?
I looked back... That's why...
“Okay," I simply replied and turned around. Don't look back, Crissa. Don't.
Nathan suddenly appeared beside me. I wasn't sure what was happening but I ended up walking together with him until we were outside the library. We didn't speak to one another though. Words didn't seem to be of any importance then.
“Love!" Somebody called out from behind me. I turned around and saw Dean. He had a worried look on his face. His eyes landed to Nathan who was standing right next to me. He then turned sour.
“Hey, Dean-" I began but he suddenly cut me off.
“I was worried sick," he took me away from Nathan. “I actually thought Mrs. Merly ate you already or something."
What's going on? Dean isn't usually this sour.
“I'm sorry, Dean. I... I was with Nathan," I explained. Nathan nodded his head slowly to acknowledge my statement. Dean wasn't having any of that though.
“I can see that, love. Let's go now," he said and pulled me away. We left Nathan in that spot. What was his expression like when we left? Is he okay? I have no idea.
I didn't look back anymore after that.
~~
“You are complicated, Dean," I said as I ate my nuggets. He turned grumpy after I explained to him everything.
“No, you're the one who is complicated, love," he went on, “Just yesterday, after Nathan talked to you, you told me you weren't jinx. And now? You confuse me, you know. I only saved you from him. Guess you didn't need my help."
Ohh. Now I get it. Dean was just helping me. He doesn't like it if guys messed around with his best friend. Maybe he thought Nathan was and so he ‘saved' me.
“Sorry, Dean. I'm just... well... I'm okay. Miller didn't do anything wrong. He's actually a nice guy," I said, taking another bite of my nugget.
Dean's face softened after that. He sighed out and went on, “If you say so..."
“But there's something I have to tell you." I placed my fork down and focused my attention to him. He did the same with his spoon. “You know, yesterday... Umm... about Nathan..."
“What the heck did he do to you? Did he threaten you? Call down spirits upon you? What?" Dean asked worriedly. I shook my head at him and explained.
“Umm... No. He kind of threaten though but-" Dean's face turned sour again so I immediately spoke out, “-he didn't. I mean, he had a jinx."
He then looked confused, “Nathan had a request?" He laughed a bit after that, “Oh stop, I'm dying."
I bit my lip at what he said. He mentioned ‘dying'. Exactly Nathan's request.
“Well, what did he want you to do?" He asked when the laughter subsided. My mind was having a mental debate on whether I should tell Dean or not.
I sighed out and decided to man up, “He wants me to kill him..."
Dean turned pale after that. He placed his thumb on his chin and began rubbing it as if he was thinking something deep. “Well?" he asked after some time.
I sighed out again and said in a hushed tone, “The ritual will be conducted this dismissal time in the gym."
I lifted my head up to look at Dean, expecting an ‘are-you-kidding-me' look flashed on me. But then, he actually looked calm. Unexpectedly calm...
“Why didn't you just do it in the library when you guys were together, love?" He said in a serious tone. Now, that surprised me. That was the very last thing I expected him to say. I just told him that I'm going to kill someone and now, it's like he thinks that I'm a normal killer, never caring as long as I could just kill.
I looked away from him. I expected more. I thought he was going to say ‘Don't do it' or tell me to stop. But he didn't. A sigh escaped from my lips and my voice was cracking when I spoke out again.
“I wasn't feeling up to it..." My eyes locked on Dean, hoping for a better reaction, an improvement. But none came. “I wasn't ready."
“That's okay, love," Dean replied. “It's a good thing that it's Nathan, right? He doesn't stand out much so no one would notice it if he's gone."
My mouth was agape. Dean did not just say that.
“Better than being around people who doesn't know you exist,"
Nathan's words keep on repeating inside my mind. Is this why he wants to die? Is it because no one cares for him? What about his family?
My grip on the fork became tighter. Dean noticed it so he spoke out to calm me down,
“Think of it this way, love. You're doing him a favor. You're going to end his life so that he can rest in peace. And for you, you can finish that Witch Gem. It's a win-win."
My grip loosened. He's right. Dean's right. And even if he's wrong, I'll still think that he's right. It would lessen the guilt and pressure in me.
“I can't wait for you to finish that Gem. That way, we can be normal and crazy together."
He smiled warmly at me and began to eat again. I didn't know what to do next so I simply followed him, to eat and shut up...
~~
The bell rang signalling for freedom, also known as dismissal. Loud cheers and happy bellows could be heard from the students. But me? I was frozen in my seat, looking dazedly out of my window. My body was telling me to move but my mind was yelling at all of them to shut up.
I can't do this...
I turned around to look at Nathan. He was getting his stuff from his seat. Some students would constantly ram on him. Some seemed accidental but most were done on purpose. He didn't look affected though. It's like he's used to it already.
He looked up at me and surprisingly, he smiled. That made me mellow inside. Even after a day of constant bad luck, he still got room for a smile for me.
He then walked out and I didn't get to see him anymore. Maybe he is on his way to the gym.
I really can't do this...
Dean came by my side but I didn't turn my head at him. I felt his hand patting my head comfortingly. It was nice being like this. My mind was so full of killing Nathan than I wanted a change of view.
“How's Natasha, Dean?" I asked, my head still facing the window. Dean breathed in deeply and exhaled.
“Fine. She's being the usual spoiled princess ever since she arrived here last week. Nothing special," Dean replied with a sigh. It was obvious that he didn't want to talk about his stepsister but she seems to be the only person interesting enough right now.
“How old did you say she was?" I turned at him.
“About as old as us," he answered with a smile, “You do know that he's waiting, right? And stalling yourself here won't do you both any good."
I faced forward and sighed out. He's right again. Nathan must be getting tired of waiting. Wait... Maybe someone is bullying him there. No, I don't want that.
My chair drew back roughly when I stood up. That made Dean back away a bit.
“I have to go now," I muttered out as I slung my bag on my shoulder.
“You should have done that minutes ago," Dean replied as he handed me my book. “Jinx?"
I turned at him, a determined smile plastered on my tired face. “I'm jinx."