Achilles Morgan
It was quiet.
Too quiet...
A flash, a creak. There was something lurking in the shadows. An evil no one can see. A monster that tormented me. It sought out the weak and made itself a home inside of my head.
Inside my head...
I can feel it, raging inside of me. Just under the surface. Just loud enough for me to hear, but there was a door in between us. I had locked it in a room, tried to keep it far away from me.
But it's still there...
Tearing through the holes, trying to reach what's left of my sanity.
My humanity...
It's only a matter of time before it manages to break through. It's been locked up for years, but the door I put between us is starting to collapse, to crumble.
And It knows.
Darkness surrounds me. Locking me in a tight grasp. The walls close in, I want to curl my hands into fists and punch right through them. I know that nothing here can hurt me but unless I can feel the breeze and see trees, my heart starts to pound erratically; my mind searches for ways to escape with all the methodology of a bouncing ball.
My stomach lurches, adrenaline pumps and I want to scream to let out all the fear that's building inside me. I want to scream so loud it becomes not a cry of fear but a roar of one who has been forged stronger by life's challenge.
The world is aquiver.
Shaking. Blurring at the edges.
I can't tell up from down.
I'm not sure if I'm breathing.
A claustrophobic, blinding light ensnares the universe.
I choke as I am pulled apart, as I slowly explode from the inside out...
The pain is unbearable, building, building, building --!
A scream is torn from my chest.
Quickly, shadow falls, washing away the blinding sharpness of the sky.
A moment of silence. Then everything shatters.
A sweet, smooth, mellifluous hum flows gently through the darkness. Warm arms surround me.
The voice gets louder, more comforting.
A woman stands before me. Her ivory skin was flawless, stretched across the almost perfect bone structure. The women's nose was slightly crooked and freckles covered her nose and most of her cheeks. Her full lips were pink and stretched into a soft smile. With eyes that were a mixture of bright green and pale blue, she was beautiful. Dressed in torn jeans and an old shirt that was far too big on her slender form, she had layered it with bomber jackets and combat boots. Despite it being so long ago since I last saw her, I recognized the women instantly.
"Mama," I spoke my voice cracking.
"Hello, my little hero," I lurched myself forward hoping to envelop her in a hug but my body flew straight through her. My mother laughed sadly. "We can't do that anymore. I'm dead remember?" I gulped back the tears that were threatening to escape.
She crooked a finger and my hand raised on its own. Palm facing towards her. She reached out herself and despite not touching me I could feel the taps on my palm.
Dot. Dot.
Pause.
Dot. Dash. Dot. Dot.
Pause.
Dash. Dot. Dash. Dash.
A sob left me. "I love you too."
The mirrored edge of the world has broken into a million pieces, too thick to ever see through, but still, the music comes.
Relief floods my existence.
The dulcet golden melody washes over everything, leaving a sort of glow in its wake. Honeyed, sweetly mellow, liquid, rich, smooth, euphonious. Slowly, slowly-slowly, I gain my balance.
Strong arms wrap around me. The comfort is different than before. Not maternal love. No something else. "Come on, smile for me Ace. Your face is so much prettier when you smile."
The voice, a strange mixture between it being as smooth as silk and as rough as sandpaper. Honey blonde hair and a young boyish grin crosses my vision. "Make me," I replied, just as easily, the words leaving my lips before I could stop them.
The tall boy grins as he kisses me, his arms holding me close, refusing to let me go.
But I'm dragged away, forced to leave the solace that I missed so much.
A sharp pain had me crying out. I glanced down to see vines ripping themselves out of my wrists. In perfect neat little lines. A sob escaped me as white dots danced in my vision, darkness edging closer. Then it healed. Leaving behind nothing but thin little scars.
I was pushed into somewhere I didn't want to be. I had nowhere to go but in there. There where it was nothing but shadows, the screams of terror were silent to ones who could hear. The tears of the pain were the happiness of one's face. The scars on my arms were teased. The hands that had tricked and held a blade in sadness also tried to do good. Writing words and cradling a babe.
The cycle continued. People came, people, I had only known for a few days yet still could remember the tiniest of details about. Then they left. They held me close. Talked to me. Laughed with me. Offered me kindness before it was ripped away. Before it was torn away. I say that like they didn't have a choice but they did. There was always a choice. They all left me with nothing but self-hatred and pain.
My chest ached. I sobbed. The sound echoing in the darkness. I couldn't do it anymore. I was always left with nothing.
No heart.
No emotion.
No care.
Not even love.
Standing, solitary, I remember why.
Regret floods me.
I am longing for things that never were, I realize.
Never.
Always.
Alone.
Always alone.
Alone always.
"Achilles!" An ominous boom startled me out of my abysmal nightmare. My cheeks were wet and my body was bathed in a cold sweat. The sheets were twisted around my limbs, probably because I was thrashing in my sleep. My heart pounded against my chest. I trembled. The room was entirely dark. No light anywhere. The remnants of my nightmare still clung to my mind, haunting me.
Dark eyes met mine and rough hands cupped my cheeks. I jumped violently, stiffening at the touch.
"Hey," A voice said. "Hey, wake up. Where are you?"
The pure shock of him being there seemed to shake me out of it - just not enough to keep me from looking haunted, some ravaged excuse of a terrible thing. Tatters and scraps. Smoke and mirrors. Just a human instead, all blood and hunger and hurting.
"Hell," I whispered.
"No, you're here. In my room. You're okay. Do you remember who I am?"
"No," I choked on my breathe. "No," I struggled to sit up among the tangled bedsheets. "I'm not-I...I can't. I can't-"
"Hey," He said again. He slipped his hands from my cheek to my shoulders, bracing. "You are okay. You're safe. Look at me, do you remember who I am?"
I stared at him wildly. The tears in my eyes overspilling, a broken little hitch of a sob catching in my throat.
Oh fuck.
He dragged me close, properly enveloping me, as if safe was in his arms but anything was better than where he'd just been. However, the warm arms just made me feel all the more claustrophobic and I struggled to breathe.
As if a button clicked in my head, I went rigid. "Oh god, you." I shoved him away, scrambling to the very edge of the bed, almost falling off. Flushed and furious, my head hung as I swiped at the swell of tears.
An invisible hand clasped over my mouth; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline pierces my heart, unloading in an instant. I feel my ribs heaving as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate my lungs. My head is a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing my mind into blackness.
Panting, I drag myself off the bed. "I-I...ca...ca-can't breathe." I choke out.
The male that I couldn't seem to recognize quickly grabbed my hands and dragged me to a set of balcony doors. Pushing them open, I practically collapsed into the fresh air, my knees landing on the stone with a painful crack. I'm breathing all wrong, beginning to gasp like there's not enough oxygen in the air.
The freezing cold air makes no difference but cools my hot skin. I can't breathe. Everything is spinning and it feels as if the ground is melting under my feet. I collapse onto my hands and knees, my breathing shallow and quick.
I can hear someone saying something, but it sounds distant and muffled.
I gag at the feeling of a calloused hand tugging on my chin. My body is shaking uncontrollably. I feel the same hands gently rest on my shoulders but I shrug them off.
My hearing is the first to return, then my eyesight follows suit. I'm still shaking as I push back onto my knees. The guy is quietly squatting next to me, his breath forming white clouds in the freezing air.
"Ace," My head snaps towards the voice. "Do you remember who I am?"
I nod slowly, my brain finally catching up with my vision. "Logan."
He smiles. "Twice in two days. I'm impressed."
The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I feel the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and I turn away from him. There is static in my head once more, the side effect of this constant fear, constant stress I live with. It was pathetic I know but I couldn't stop.
Logan wrapped his arms around me again, slowly rocking us side to side and I continue to sob. "Shh," He cupped the back of my hair, stroking as if he could untangle the snarls of bad memories too. "You're alright." He made nonsensical noises, soothing sounds.
When I finally calmed down, I pushed him off me. "Feel better?"
"Shut up."
"Are you okay?"
"Fuck off."
"Sure thing once you tell me you're okay."
I gritted my teeth. "I'm fine."
"Do you..." The Prince hesitated, "Do you want to talk about it?"
I glared at him.
"...I'm going to...go, then?"
I quickly reached out and grabbed hold of his wrist, head ducking down again, jaw clenched. I wasn't quite ready to be alone yet.
Logan sat down next to me our shoulders barely brushing. My grip on his arm remained, almost desperate.
"I tried to wake you. You were screaming for a while before you even showed signs of stopping." Logan chuckled. "I thought you were planning to murder me or something when you started thrashing around."
"Yeah," I said flatly. "That's me. I'm just the worst."
The Prince stared at me silently for a few moments before sighing heavily.
"If you tell me about it," He said softly, shaken. "I could help. I want - I want to help."
I buried my face in his shoulder and laughed.
Laughed, and laughed, and laughed until the laughter was tears all over again. Then my expression went blank.
"Get the hell out of my room."
Logan stiffened. "Actually you're the one in my room."
It was my turn to freeze. Everything from last night came flooding back. The boredom, the idea that was only meant to piss the Prince of momentarily that then turned into a huge party, the dancing, the laughing, the hand holding.
Oh, goddesses. We held hands.
My head spun. I scrambled up and ran for the door. "Ace!" Logan called behind me but I was already halfway down the hall. I wasn't even dressed, just in a pair of boxers as I fled down the hall.
I flew past a couple of people before I made it outside. Before I jumped, shifting mid-flight. My paws pounded against the earth, the adrenaline and fresh air smothering all the anxiety and remnants of the nightmare. I took a glance east, to see the sun about a quarter of the way in the sky. It was probably around 9 am.
I ran and I ran and I ran. Trees were barely a blur, the foliage blocked out most of the sun making it darker than it should be but I didn't focus on a direction I just kept running until I couldn't anymore. Until I was so tired that I physically had to stop.
I stopped by the edge of a cave. It was empty and a quick sniff told me nobody had been there in a long time. So I settled in and curled into a ball. My tail wrapping around me like a protective barrier.
Tiredness swallowed me whole. My ebony lashes fluttered and oblivion engulfed me. Sleep came over me like cruel shattering waves, more vivid than ever before. As though the intensity of my exhaustion had created a perfect canvas for them.
I don't know how long I had slept but when I reemerged from the cave it was dark. Not dark enough to call it late evening but enough that it took me a while to find my way back to the main house.
When I finally did return I decided to stay in my shifted form as not only would it be a bit awkward walking in while completely naked but it'd also means I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. However the minute I entered the palace, Demi called out to her brother. "Logan, Ace is back!"
I sighed internally and ignored her, trying to quickly make an escape to my room.
The Prince, as well as the Princess and Elliot, ran into the room. Logan visibly relaxed when he saw me.
"Ace you've been gone all day. Where the hell did you go?" I gave him a look that even in my wolf form managed to earn me a glare.
"Shift back so we can have this conversation face to face." I raised my head stubbornly, my tail swishing on the floor behind me.
"Achilles." He growled and I growled back, my wolf not at all happy that he was being challenged even if Logan was an alpha. His dark eyes dared me to defy him and I gave him my best attempt at a grin in this form. "Shift," He demanded again.
I stared at him for a moment before doing as he asked. The transformation was quick and painless but the reaction was even better. Standing in front of the crowned Prince and Princess as well as his second completely naked, I raised an eyebrow. "Happy?"
Elliot gasped and quickly spun around, covering his eyes. Logan's eyes zeroed in on my hanging member. It twitched appreciatively under his heated gaze.
A high pitched whistle had me turning my attention to the Princess. "Good luck with that Lo," She said, patting him on the back. She walked away laughing, dragging an embarrassed Elliot with her.
Logan's stare hadn't diverted even the slightest. He licked his lips, hungrily. As I felt myself grow hard I quickly shifted back and bounded away, avoiding any type of conversation with him.
The minute I was in my room. I shifted, slammed the door shut, locked it, shifted again, and curled up in the corner of my room. All the events of today and yesterday replaying on a deafening loop in my head.
I whimpered aloud as I buried my head as far as I could into space between my stomach and legs.
Logan was right, I really did hate myself today.