Kayla's POV
"One more," I slur watching as Alyssa grabbed the bottle of mango rum and poured almost half of the bottle into the gigantic solo cup. She took a bottle of fruit punch and mixed it into the rum to create a fantastic tasting concoction.
"Are you sure you should drink another one of these?" Alyssa asked, her brows pulling together in skepticism.
Instead of answering her I grab the cup and begin to down the drink. Half way through I sit the cup aside and frown.
"Fuck Landon fucking Robinson. He broke up with me after I broke up with him. Who does shit like that? And it's his birthday. Happy fucking birthday to that dickhead."
I grabbed the cup again and downed the remainder of the drink. "I should call him. I should fucking call him and give him a piece of my mind. Fuck him, man."
"No, you should definitely NOT call him."
"But I love him. Why doesn't he love me back? Maybe he's right. Maybe love doesn't exist and maybe I'm just trying to cling on to him because I don't want to be lonely."
"Don't say that. Don't let Landon put thoughts like that into your head."
"But it's true!" I exclaim. "He doesn't love me. My father didn't love my mother. They wouldn't have left if they did. He would've said it back if he did." I couldn't control what was coming out of my mouth. Whatever came to mind came out of my mouth. I felt myself becoming sad at the thought of my father and Landon not loving me.
"They don't love me." I begin to sob silently to myself as I felt my chest hurting. Tears fell down my cheeks as the realization hit me. "I want them to love me, but they don't."
"Kayla..." Alyssa trailed off a pained look in her eyes. "Listen sweetheart." She took a seat beside me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder in an effort to comfort me. "Landon. Your dad. Jake. They are all assholes. They surely don't deserve our tears so we are not going to cry about them. We are going to move on and we are going to be happy. That means no more drinking."
"No more drinking? But it's such a tasty drink?"
"Yes it is. Now put the cup down and stop crying." She reached up to my face and brushed a tear away from my cheek.
"Fuck Landon."
"Fuck Landon," she repeated back to me and smiled. I nod and sit my cup back on the table. Just as I did so I felt my stomach turning in response to my quick intake of alcohol. I covered my mouth as I gagged before I darted towards her bathroom. I fall to my knees and duck my head into the toilet just as vomit comes spewing from my mouth and my nose. Alyssa appeared behind me and gently began rubbing my back and comforting me as I hurled profusely into the toilet. Finally after several minutes my stomach settled and I leaned back against the wall of the bathroom.
"Fuck Landon," I say one last time before I felt myself becoming unconscious.
***
"Never. Fucking. Again," I groan as I lay beside Alyssa and stare intensely up at the ceiling. It was still the weekend so luckily we didn't have school today. I was glad because I didn't think I'd be able to make it through the day otherwise.
"Yeah, I figured you'd be saying something like that," Alyssa chuckled turning on her side to look at me. Getting that drunk was a bad idea. I forgot what happened after my first solo cup. I had been drinking razeberitas and taking shots before that.
"Did I call Landon?"
"No, I made sure of that."
"Good," I mumble and turn over on my side as a swirling feeling encompasses me and I begin to feel nauseous.
"I think I hate him," I whisper my throat scratchy and dry.
"Hate him? Honey you're in fucking love with that kid. It makes me so mad because last night you had convinced yourself that love doesn't exist because you said Landon doesn't love you and your dad doesn't love you. I was ready to dig your dad up from his grave and set him on fire and then drive all the way to North Carolina and set Landon on fire."
"You're such a good friend."
"Yeah, I'm your best friend. Somehow I feel like this is my fault. If I wouldn't have left you alone at that party that night Landon wouldn't have given you that -"
"No it definitely wasn't your fault. Landon would've still come over. His keys were at my house. It would have happened."
"There is a such thing as love. Don't let the stupid actions of your father and Landon make you think there isn't."
"I made him break up with me. I put pressure on him. I shouldn't have expected him to love me back. "
"Honey..."
"Can I stay here today?" I ask changing the subject quickly. I didn't want to think about it anymore. It had been two days since I'd spoken to Landon and the conversation didn't exactly go as I had wanted it to. He had been an asshole about the entire thing and it had pissed me off so much. He pissed me off so much.
I really just wanted to strangle him. I wanted to take my belt and tie it around his neck and strangle him. I was so infuriated. Our last conversation had unexpectedly turned into an argument and it was mainly his fault. He had to tell me he missed me. He had to give me false hope of us ever getting back together and then dash it.
I sighed and closed my eyes. "I'm gonna go back to sleep. I feel like shit."
"You look like shit. Get some sleep, I'll make us something to eat." She stood up from the floor where I lay and trudged out of her room. I narrowed my eyes at the ceiling and think back to the phone call.
"Landon," I spoke once I had answered the phone. He had kept his promise to call me back later that night and it gave me a little hope.
"Kayla," he retorted emotionlessly.
"Landon, you act like you don't want to talk to me."
"Kayla we're broken up. I don't."
I ran my hand down my face and then glanced forward. "Gee thanks. Why are you being an asshole all of sudden? You were just telling me how much you care about me and that you don't want to hurt me."
"I don't, but sometimes you have to be mean to get results."
"What kind of fucking results are you trying to get? Are you trying to make me hate you again? So I won't love you -"
"You don't love me. I'm not a good guy. I'm a fucking player. You don't deserve to be in a relationship with a guy who's only been in a serious relationship with his hand. I don't love you."
"I don't care at this point I just want to be with you. Stop making this difficult. I thought about it and I'm fine with waiting -"
"Kayla. Stop, love doesn't exist. Stop trying to force me to admit to something that's unreal. How am I supposed to trust your 'love' for me with Hunter hanging on your fucking coat tail?"
"Is that what this is about? Hunter? Fuck Hunter. I just told you I loved you Landon. Hunter is nobody."
"Right," he snorts in disbelief.
"Landon you just want to find something to justify you breaking up with me. You're deliberately picking a fight with me after you just fucking told me you missed me. If I wanted Hunter the minute you broke up with me I would've called him, but no, I'm on the phone with your dumbass begging you to see what I see."
"What do you see?" he asks softly.
"I see something that you never will apparently."
"I care about you, Kayla."
"I don't care anymore Landon. I think this will be the last time you hear from me for a while."
"Don't do that Kayla."
"Don't do what? Give you what you want? You wanted to break up so we are fucking broken up, you fucking asshole. Stop saying stuff like that and then expecting me to be okay with it. I'm not okay with you playing with my emotions." I felt my eyes watering as my lips trembled. My chest burned with an emotion I had grown to know oh so well. The feeling of despair and sadness. I was sad. He made me sad.
"I'm not trying to play with your emotions. You have to understand that this is difficult for the both of us."
"Yeah so I'm making it less difficult. Bye." I ended the call and heaved a breath. I went through my contacts and deleted his number - even though I knew it by heart - and then I went through my pictures and got rid of all the pictures of him. If he wanted to break up, fine, we were officially broken up.
"Hey you want bacon?" Alyssa's voice pulled me away from my flashback. I looked over at her and give her a shrug.
She nods and walks out of her room again. The silence that surrounded me helped me think. I needed to get over Landon. I couldn't continue to wallow and drink myself into oblivion because of him. I might be in love with him, but it was probably easier if I just shut down that emotion and keep it bottled up.
Landon's POV
"Happy birthday, son," my dad said looking at me from the breakfast table.
I roll my eyes and pick up my glass of orange juice but I don't take a sip of it, instead I hold it next to my face and glare at him. "My birthday was yesterday."
"Right..." he sighed. "I'm sorry Landon."
"Don't worry about it." I bring the glass to my lips and take several large gulps of the tangy liquid before sitting the glass down and standing up. "I'll be back later." Without saying another word I walked out of the kitchen and the house. My dad was letting my drive his car until I left so I hoped in and started the engine. Before I could pull out of the driveway Samantha appeared beside the car.
"What the fuck," I mumbled, looking up at her from where I sat.
"Landon!" she says a beaming smile on her face. She knocked on the window and indicated for me to let it down.
"What?" I snarl slightly annoyed.
"Can I ride with you?"
"Nope," I tell her. "I want to be alone."
She pouts and I sigh. "What is your problem?" she asks.
I cut the engine and get out of the car pushing her aside. "You want to know what my fucking problem is." I growl glaring at her indignantly. "MY fucking problem is you. You're my fucking problem."
"Landon -"Her voice wavered slightly.
"Don't fucking Landon me! I'm tired of you constantly hitting on me. It's annoying."
"Why? Because of that girlfriend of yours."
"No, because I don't want you. I just don't want you."
She stilled and her face dropped in disappointment. Without saying anything else she turned her back to me and sprinted off towards her house. I felt bad for yelling at her but I was pissed enough. Enough shit had happened to me. I didn't need her constantly in my face.
I sighed running my hands through my hair. I needed to get away and be alone. I was starting to become overwhelmed by all the shit in my life. I needed a serious break at this point. A break from my father. A break from Samantha. And a break from thinking about Kayla.
I decided to go Freedom Park in an attempt to clear my head. I cut the engine to the car and got out. It was pretty cold outside so I grabbed my coat from the passenger's seat. I closed the car door and journeyed into the park and began walking along the trail. I pull out my cellphone to see if I had missed any calls. NO missed calls, no texts messages. Even after all the shit I had said to her I couldn't lie and say I was over Kayla. I wanted to be over Kayla, but despite that fact I couldn't let her go.
"Hey you're Landon, right?" I turn my head and come to a halt. There was a girl walking closely behind me that I didn't recognize. She gave me a smile and I returned it.
"Yeah," I say turning completely around to look at her. "Do I know you?"
"No, but we go to school together. I'm in your psychology class."
I peer at her trying to remember exactly who she was. Finally her face conjured up a name. "Abigail, right?"
"Yeah, I noticed all the girls flocking to you," she comments. "Everybody loves Landon Robinson."
"Oh, can I say the same for you?" I ask starkly.
"No, you're cute, but I have a boyfriend. I just think it's kind of annoying," she tells me with a smirk. "Don't you get tired of the attention?"
"All the time. Makes me wish that I was ugly." I stare ahead blankly before turning my gaze back to her. "I actually hate the attention more than usual right now."
"Why is that?"
"I just broke up with my girlfriend," I confess somberly.
"Ahhh, the rumors are true. The great Landon Robinson is back on the market."
"Not really." We
begin to continue to walk down the concrete pathway. "I don't want to be with any other girls."
"Sounds like -"
"Please don't say I fucking love her." I clenched my teeth as I felt myself becoming irritated.
"Fine, I won't say it." She glances at me her gaze filled with amusement.
"Don't look at me like that?"
"Landon, you're gorgeous, you can have any girl you want, but who do you want?"
Kayla. "Doesn't matter."
"It does matter. Landon are you just going to deny that there might be something deeper between the two of you."
"Love doesn't exist."
"Right. Well, I'll see you at school. I gotta go see my boyfriend, who I happen to love." She smiled at me one last time before she jogged ahead of me. I watch her leave thinking about what she had said. With a sigh I glare down at the ground and continued to walk. My phone began to ring and I glance down at it. Alyssa, Kayla's best friend, name flashed across my screen. Why in the world was she calling me?
"Hello?" I answer confused.
"I'm going to beat the shit out you Landon. You remember what I told you I would do to you if you broke my bestfriend's heart? I'm coming for you you fucking asshole."
Author's Note:
I said I wasn't going to update today, but I just felt like writing and I had nothing else to do. Okay, Bout to go watch some Beyonce, y'all enjoy. :)