CHAPTER SIXTY THREE- Vexatious encounters.
My breath condensed into a thin vapour warm against the algid air as I exhaled heavily. It slowly faded out, leaving no trace after a few seconds. The tall brick buildings were towering above me, but they were caped in darkness now meaning I could hardly see to the top. It didn’t help that the clouds had accumulated into a thick canopy concealing the sky in a heavy blanket blocking light from the moon and stars. Small chinks of moonlight were occasionally slipping in between the minimal breaks in cloud but otherwise the only light I had was from the city lights in the distance. Since there were no streetlights around this place. I didn’t know where I was, I had obviously took a wrong turn and was now in a part of the city I didn’t know. If it was even a part of the city, I didn’t know either. My knowledge was pretty much limited to it seemed like a dodgy place and I needed to get out ASAP. And obviously being the clumsy and slightly dishevelled person I am or was I didn’t take my phone with me, I was hoping that maybe Louis would walk back and I could somehow find him, but no such luck. I could see nobody, there was nobody around here and it was eerily creepy. My legs were cold merely cloaked in tights that I had ripped a ladder in when passing a hedge and my feet were completely numb with the freezing air. I imagined Niall and the others would be looking for me, considering it had been about three hours since I said I was going to be back. All I wanted was to be back, back into Niall’s arm and the warm yet musky comfort of the flat, but no, I was lost. From experience and being mildly street smart from living in New York I knew that it was not exactly wise for a young girl to be wandering the streets of London alone in the empty parts. I just really hoped there were no gangs around here, like there used to be in some parts of NYC. It was the bleak and hollow truth that I knew way better than to wander the streets alone at night. But it wasn’t exactly like I had a choice, I was lost. Without a phone, and without seeing any kind of humanity in the last two hours.
It was so quiet I was really craving just any kind of noise to fill the unruly silence. But there was none. Apart from the sound of my feet softly massaging against the dusty pavements and rocky alleyways, but that was barely audible, the soles of my shoes were so thin I could feel the benumbed demeanour of the concrete beneath my feet channelling through my bones. A chilly breath of wind shot past me again, it seemed to be getting colder by the minute, and dark, for that matter.
Suddenly the sound of voices lingering in the air filled the silence. I stopped taking a nervous glance around me, but they seemed to be coming from ahead. Furrowing my brow I silently walked forwards a few steps, my footsteps quiet and quaint as I tiptoed along the concrete the voices getting more prominent. It sounded like a lower one responding to a female one, but the gaps between inputs to their murmured and muffled conversations were drawing shorter and filled with eerie silences followed by soft cries that were quickly hushed. I suddenly got the feeling whatever was happening, and whoever’s conversation this was I didn’t want to get involved. After all, this was a risky area. But I had no idea where to go and from trial and error I knew my best bet was forwards, and that meant passing the voices in some way or another. As I kept walking glancing behind me every few seconds they got louder and the sound of something hitting wood of sorts intervened. The voices were still there but they were on occasion now quaintly followed by feeble cries that were shhh’d to a halt. I had a feeling something was going on that would really not be a very good idea for me to get involved in so I started to walk faster almost convincing myself I was being watched, followed even. There was an opening in the buildings the crevice spilling out to be an alleyway. Knowing my past with alleyways I slowed down as I approached it preparing to run across, the noises were a lot louder now, slipping in between the tones of air whipping around the empty buildings. Curling my fingers around the rough surface of the bricks I peered down the alley and instantly snapped myself back behind the wall.
The sight I saw was not what I wanted to, she looked to be around twenty three, maybe older, probably an easy target since she was wearing a rather skimpy outfit. But nonetheless I felt guilty for just standing there. Tugging at her dress attempting to pry it away from her seemingly slim figure was a rather bulky guy who from experience I knew was most likely from a gang. Frantically I looked around me hoping that out of some form of miracle an officer would wander up to me right now, but no such luck. It was as empty as it had always been. I could already feel the guilt of not being able to do anything washing over me, I wanted to call the police, but I didn’t have a phone, or anything for that matter. I couldn’t just barge on in there and politely ask said rapist to stop, standing at half his height there was no way I’d be able to defend myself, let alone me and the poor women. Cursing myself for my idiotic actions, mistakes, and lack of self defence against meaty guys I frowned refusing tears as I scuffed my brogues against the concrete. I had no idea what to do. It wasn’t like I knew the women, but even if I did, what was I supposed to do? I’m not a violent or strong person, I highly doubt that that man would even feel it if I attempted to punch him or anything. That was out of the question. If I had a phone, I could have called the police, therefore sorting out the situation going on right before me, and hopefully get some trustworthy directions back to the boys. For a moment I wondered where Louis was and secretly hoped he was safe. Despite the pure anger I felt for him right now I was still worried, and hoped that he wasn’t in the same kind of situation as me. Lost, alone, and scared.
A light from a window caught my eye up ahead and after a few seconds of momentarily consideration I sucked in some air and composed myself willing someone genuine to be around that could help me, or more importantly, the poor women. Without looking I rushed past the alleyway but the crying moans I could hear suggested that things were still continuing. I felt sick at the thought and pitied the women greatly.
I was merely fifteen metres from the light when it flicked out. Simultaneously I stopped about to turn back around and do another surveillance of the area, only to be immediately grabbed at my hips. I was already trying to wiggle free but while one arm snaked around to my stomach clamping my body close to what appeared to be a tall and well-built man his other took my top half his hands covering my mouth. Therefore making my screams completely muffled and inaudible unless you were stood right beside me, which unfortunately I didn’t think help was. Violently I was slammed against the brick wall wincing at the impact the bricks were cool against my jacket the benumbed feeling seeping through to my skin which was prickled with fear. Now, I really could imagine what that woman was going through so closely. I could hardly see his features, he had a hat on and a scarf was covering up to underneath his eyes which I could work out were piercing grey. Suddenly they reminded me of my Mother’s, cold and hard as they stared into me. But his were full of slyness and I could already feel my dinner rising in my stomach at the hint of lust lurking in his bleak irises. Already I began to cry feeling my tears free falling down my cheeks; this only made him let out a deep and bellowing chuckle. He moved his arm from around my stomach and reached it up pressing it against my shoulder to keep me pressed against the wall. I was trying to wiggle myself away but he was so strong and now he was pressing his body right up against mine pushing me against the wall.
“Come on baby, don’t be a hard one. You were stupid enough to come through here alone, so pay the price.”
He seethed. His breath was musky and thick the smell of tobacco and alcohol enveloping it heavily. Letting a whimper escape my lips it was just muffled against his hand, which he slowly pried away. Immediately I let out a scream but my throat seemed dry and it cracked with every time I tried to scream again in the hope that someone – just anyone – would hear me. He chuckled bitterly at my weak attempts. Although absolutely terrified I was determined to stall my self respect and dignity for as long as possible, I didn’t want to give him what he wanted if I could help it. I remember reading somewhere that they don’t force themselves upon girls that are trouble, if you put up a fight; they give up as they seek an easy target. At this thought I accumulated all the strength I could muster and lifted a knee immediately smashing it to his crotch. He winced at the pain I hoped I had caused him but he only exerted it onto me the force onto my shoulders tightening he pressed me harder against the wall so much so that I thought the bricks were about to cut my skin or something. He shook his head at me now he moved his free hand to my hips and immediately started yanking at my top. I shook from side to side but he wasn’t having any of it.
“That wasn’t a good idea sweetheart. But if you’re that keen to touch me we can get straight to it. Don’t be saw love, this will be a lot easier if you just what I tell you to.”
I closed my eyes hoping that when I opened them this would be a twisted nightmare, but it wasn’t, he was smirking at me and then he looked around him pressing his body closer to mine he placed two fingers in his mouth and let out a low and deep whistle that seemed to echo throughout the grass behind him.
“No,” I cried but it was barely audible for myself let alone him. “Just…Please let me go…”
I pleaded but this only made him smile more. I flinched as I spotted a group of five similar looking to him men approaching, cool and steady they walked towards us and as the moon came out again and they got closer I realised there was no way I was getting out any time soon. Curse Louis and my yearning to go and find him. The men gathered around lustful smirks spreading across their expressions. They just stood there looking me up and down. Even if I did manage to wiggle out of the grip of the one who allegedly grabbed me I wouldn’t get past them, no way would I be able to get past all five of them. Oh my god.
“Nice,” The first one commented nodding his head. “You’ve got us a good un’ here Ben. My turn after you, yeah mate?”
He inquired approvingly. I began to cry again at his words realising what he meant. It was enough dealing with one of them, let alone six. What on earth was I going to do? And how was I going to get out of this? And if they did let me go when they were…done with me. What was I going to tell Niall and the boys? No big deal, I just spent the night getting gang raped. Soft whimpers evaded my mouth at this thought making them all throw their heads back in bitter laughter.
“Reckon we should take her some place more…Private?”
The fifth one to my right asked. I shuddered at the thought of that, that really put the dimmer on anyone finding me and helping me. Not wanting to anger them in the weak hope they might go a bit easier on me I remained silent trying to get my desperate sobs to subside. But I was making no noise anyway, I had always been a silent crier for the majority, and right now, when I needed to be loud it wouldn’t come to me.
“We’ll just see how cooperative she’s willing to be…right sweetheart?”
Ben – I assumed was his name – grinned as he now slipped his hands up my top. His skin was rough and cold as it pressed hard against the warm skin of my stomach hastily rising. Suddenly his fingers pinched the space in between my stomach and chest his nails digging right into my skin. I let out a cry at this painful abuse and he smirked pushing his fingers further into my gut.
“Nice flat stomach you’ve got there.”
He observed as I squirmed at his repulsive touch. All the other men were chuckling acridly as this happened. I was hoping I was about to throw up – all over him – I could feel my stomach churning and the pulsation of my heart doing major overtime but nothing was coming. The third one along took a few steps closer smirking mischievously as he gave me an obvious up and down multiple times.
“Tits are a tad small, but I think the rest of ya makes up for it.”
He commented - as if this was a compliment. I let out another scream but now Ben’s hand removed from my shoulder slapping to my mouth to stop me, he didn’t need his hand on my shoulder. His body weight flat against mine was enough to keep me there no matter how much I squirmed.
“No point doing that love. Nobody’s gonna hear you, this is our turf. It’s just your luck that you wandered through here alone. Now, you think you could be a good little girl and give us a bit of entertainment? You must be experienced with a figure like that. This doesn’t have to be hard.”
Ben offered prying his hand away from my mouth again, as if I was going to easily accept. He pressed his hand against the wall behind me and on instinct I leant to the left and quickly bit the small area of exposed skin there was. I bit down hard, hard enough to leave a mark and possibly even a scar, but he didn’t even looked fazed. When I finally let go his skin was seeping blood, but he hardly looked fazed. Damn, he’s good at handling pain. They all seemed to find my attempt to cause Ben pain rather amusing and were all laughing that sour laughter now. A few more whimpers escaped my mouth but they doubled when he reached into his pocket fumbling around a bit. I wondered what he was doing, but then it was all pretty clear as the swatch of silver caught my eye and he brought a small – yet sharp – pocket knife in his palm smirking evilly at me. At this I squirmed like I had never squirmed before but it was no good. And now, two others had moved either side of me their hands were big as they clasped around the tops of my thighs holding me in a completely still position.
“Please…” I whimpered. “Just please let me go.”
Again – this was apparently hilarious – as if this was a completely unreasonable request. Which in their eyes it probably was. What had I done to them? Nothing. But nothing is ever fair anymore. Not in this world anyway.
“You don’t wanna be saw with us sweetheart. It will get you nowhere; this will all be over a lot quicker if you just cooperate. Of course if you don’t want to, we can always take you somewhere more private?”
“No!” I shook my head frantically. “Please…”
“You seem to like the word please. Will you cooperate for me if I use it? Pretty please, blondie, we could use a bit of satisfying entertainment?”
I shook my head again the tears still falling. I could still feel my stomach churning and I was hoping I could just throw up right now, but it wasn’t seeming likely. He shrugged and I flinched as he violently yanked my top up, my jacket already disregarded on the floor by the one on my left. The two beside me held my hands behind my back so I couldn’t put up any sort of fight and now my heart was practically in my throat as he carefully traced the blade up my stomach. The metal was even colder than their hands as he pressed it harder against my skin sending shivers throughout me. Suddenly he let my top fall back down and I wondered what he was going to do but then he held the collar of my top taut and quickly slashed the blade down the middle of it not really paying much attention to his actions as he did so. Of course it ripped right down the middle and now fell to the sides exposing my underwear and bare stomach. I cried out as this happened and instantly felt like folding my arms over my chest but I couldn’t since they were being so violently refrained from use. They all grinned seemingly happy with this quick stripping of clothing. I couldn’t even do anything, not even squirm I was so numb paralyzed with fear, my whole body was shaking but this didn’t seem to faze them as he traced the blade back down my bare stomach and then slipped his hands underneath my shorts. My heart was racing with the vexatious atmosphere of this all, I couldn’t even do it anymore and I was pretty soon I was about to pass out any second.
This was until I felt something cool and liquid like hit my skin and I realised it was raining. Cursing my timing and luck I squirmed again but it was no use, I was held lock in position. Since my shorts were fairly tight he gave up on them for now and traced the blade back up my stomach in between my ribcage. I could feel my heartbeat reverberating throughout my whole body as I shook in a cold sweat. Suddenly he upturned the blade so the smooth surface was now upwards and without any warning the blade was sliced across my skin in one simple motion. I let out a cry at the pain as I watched the red liquid trickle down my stomach; I could already see the bruises rising like fingerprints on my skin from where he had pinched me earlier. But my vision was blurred with my tears and the rain and their laughter was like a broken record in my ears as it kept on ringing out over and over in dense repeat.
As my wound continued to pour blood he now moved the blade to my underwear, it was about to cut the strap of my bra and I was preparing for unwilling exposure but then the sound of footsteps slapping against the already wet concrete sounded out and everyone including me whipped their head to the right to see a figure sprinting towards us.
“Aye! Leave her alone, let her go right now!”
I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to recognise that voice as Harry and I breathed a happy sigh of relief. The relief rushing over was indescribable and I was pretty sure I had never been more relieved in my life. Shortly after another figure rounded the corner and at this point all the men exchanged worried looks. Ben slipped the knife back into his pocket seemingly since he didn’t want to be caught with a knife – or at all.
“Let’s get out of here; it’s not worth it now!”
One of them shouted and almost immediately they all let go of me. Without even thinking I ran towards Harry instantly slamming my body against his as he watched them all sprinting off into the distance. The rain was positively pouring now. I sobbed into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me tightly, the waver of relief was still washing over me and I had no clue in hell how he found me but as long as he had and I wasn’t in that situation anymore I didn’t care.
“You better fucking run, sick fucking bastards!”
It was only now as I looked up I realised that the figure that had arrived shortly after Harry – was Niall – and he was the one hollering that remark after them as they disappeared around the corner. Instantly I retracted my shaky body from Harry’s and before I could make very prominent movements towards him I was already in Niall’s embrace, and I never wanted to let go. Now sobbing into his chest I couldn’t even control my tears as the rain hammered down around us bouncing off of the pavements and soaking us to the skin. But I didn’t care; I was practically soaked in my own tears anyway.
“I’m so sorry baby.”
He breathed into my ear. I wanted to tell him he didn’t have to say sorry, that the only person’s fault this was, was mine for thinking it’d be okay for me to walk home on my own. Thinking I wouldn’t get lost and that I’d beat the night drawing in. It was only my fault, but there was no way I could choke out words now so I feebly shook my head as I clung onto his waist for dear life itself, and it sure felt like it. I felt another pair of hands on my waist as Harry carefully enclosed my shirt around me a bit further, it was only then that I remembered about the ripping of my apparel and simultaneously just hugged myself closer to Niall as the rain continued to belt down around us.
“Shhh, you’re okay now love. They’re gone, and they’re not coming back. Ever.”
He cooed into my ear as I continued to silently sob into him. I could still feel myself shaking and my brain was racing from the ordeal but my heart rate was beginning to slow. It had been so fast I swear I could hear it rattling my ribcage. I felt myself being swayed slowly from side to side the feel of Niall’s lips on my forehead following, as soon as they met with my skin I felt a waver of safety washing over me. But I was still scared, shook up, and in shock from the whole thing, and honestly; I just wanted to go back. I didn’t care where, but just anywhere relatively warm and somewhere for me to lie down and forget about all of this.
“I’ll ring Zayn and Liam.”
Harry’s voices floated somewhere in the silence that my brain was filling with a rush of flashes of what just happened. It was like it was all replaying in my brain, the feel of his fingers so rough against my stomach, the blade against my skin and his breath so heavy and bitter in my ear. It was something I never wished to repeat, again. It was then that I knew there was no way I was going out at night on my own again. Similar happenings had taken place before, but it was nothing like that. I genuinely thought it was going to happen that time. I couldn’t be more glad that Harry and Niall had turned up. Because otherwise, there was no way I was going to be getting out of that by myself.
“They’re on their way back now,” Harry informed us and I solemnly lifted my head from Niall’s chest to look at him. He was sending me a genuine look of pity. But I had always hated that look – even though it reposed the best intentions – it was that look where people looked down at you, and wondered, wondered why it happened to you. When you knew all along why it happened to you, because it was your fault, your wrong doing. “We should probably get back, it’s late. And Ash, you must be freezing.”
That was an understatement. Although I was too numb to realise this myself. Feeling particularly the opposite of independent and partially embarrassed at my lack of clothing I looked up at Niall who was looking down at me with that look of apology he needn’t be sporting. But he was, and my voice was way too shaky to choke out whole sentences.
“I’m sorry.”
I sputtered my voice cracking this out in shaky parts. He shook his head at me leaning down he pressed a feathery kiss to my forehead before leaning his against mine.
“It’s not your fault love. No way is it your fault. Come on, let’s get you back, you need to sleep. And I promise in the morning we’ll sort this out and something will be done, okay? Oh and put this on, I’ll buy you a new top.”
He mused draping his jacket over my shoulders, I was about to protest but then realised I really didn’t feel like walking through the streets of London topless. Especially if I got pictured, so I sent him a small and forced smile attempting to murmur a thanks as I shrugged it on doing it up relief rushing through me as I finally covered up my bare and only underwear clad upper torso. I was just glad they had turned up before ‘Ben’ had inflicted any of his sour actions onto my underwear.
The remorseful tears that had been present for the past twenty minutes were beginning to fade away. A mistake, just like everything else that had happened in the last few hours. I looked up at Niall and he gave me smile throwing an arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to him I simultaneously slipped my arm around his waist resting my head on his shoulder as we made our way in the direction I was allegedly heading before I was grabbed back. I just really hoped that they knew the way back, and that it wasn’t too far.
But it seemed quite surreal though really, how I always managed to land myself in these situations. Maybe it was bad luck, or maybe it was just fates twisted way of testing me. Or maybe testing us. But I can’t help but realise that at the end of the day there’s always someone – most likely Niall – to get me out of whatever trouble I’ve landed myself in. Maybe it’s just my extremely bad luck at staying out of trouble, or maybe it’s just the proof, the real proof, that even though I used to think I was alone. I never am anymore.
-
My feet were burning as they pressed against the heated tiles of the bathroom floor. The steam swirling around me in thick clouds from the heat of the shower in the enclosed spacious radius of the bathroom. I was tired. My whole body was aching from walking for so long my stomach was aching like mad. I gently clasped my still slightly shaky fingers around the hairband keeping my hair in place and yanked it away from my blonde locks letting them fall slack around my shoulders I roughly did my parting with my fingers. As I stood in front of the mirror letting the towel fall to the floor I pressed a palm over my quivering lips muffling a whimper as my eyes fell upon my stomach and the battered skin that it now was. In an incriminated obsession I’d always strived for perfect skin since I was a child. I’d strived for perfect everything, but there were some things you just couldn’t change however hard you tried, which was why I was so infuriated that my stomach was most likely going to scar now. I ran my fingers over the slit near missing my belly button and winced at the prominent ache that shocked through me. I thanked my lucky stars he hadn’t pressed it in harder, internal damage was worse than outward damage. But luckily, none of that had time to happen.
Heaving an exasperated sigh I padded across the scalding tiles and plucked the leggings I had brought with me earlier in case we did spent the night and slipped them on being careful not the bend over. The pressure on my stomach like that was undeniably unbearable. Carefully rubbing the towel over my skin soaking up the water from it and slipped the t- shirt Harry had leant me over my head. It was obviously big but I was just thankful for anything. I had definitely done enough of feeling exposed emotionally and physically today. Wiping away any tears that may have formed from my eyes I pulled a comb through my hair and settled it roughly around my shoulders before taking another unsatisfied look in the mirror. I looked considerably better after taking a long and steamy shower but my eyes were still seemingly bloodshot, but they weren’t too bad. Huffing to myself again I reached for the door handle carefully creaking the door open. I could hear the low sound of Harry snoring from the lounge and the last thing I wanted to do was wake them up. Taking the left door I padded my way to the living room and jumped a little at the sight of Louis moving through the shadows. Suddenly I felt angry but just as quick as it had come it faded and I was more concerned. I wanted to ask him where he had been, when he got back, but somehow I didn’t have the words, even more so since the past events. He looked up at me and I realised my phone was on the coffee table that was by him. Sighing I walked over and as we just looked at each other I flung my arms around his waist in a hug. He was surprised by the action, and so was I but nonetheless I looked up at him a weak smile lurking across my lips.
“I’m sorry.”
I whispered into his ear and he just looked at me. But then I could hear the sound of someone’s phone tapping away and pulled away sending him another smile before sauntering back to the bedroom.
I was expecting Niall to be asleep by now but he wasn’t. He was sat on the sofa bed we had been summoned to tonight leant against the headboard tapping away on his phone. As soon as I emerged he slid it into his pocket and looked up at me a small smile twitching at his lips. However hard I tried I couldn’t return it and instantly caved into his arms as he leant forward pulling me next to him I rested my head on his shoulder lacing my fingers loosely with his.
“How you feeling?”
He questioned reaching his hand up and lightly stroking it over my hair as I snuggled closer to him noting how nice this felt, especially compared to the position I was in a little over an hour ago, but this always felt nice nonetheless. The word nice being a major understatement. Simultaneously I brushed a hand over my stomach flinching slightly as I did so.
“Okay,” I shrugged biting down on my lower lip briefly before letting it go and closing my eyes as I began to calm down. “My stomach just hurts.”
He really didn’t know a lot of what happened considering I wasn’t exactly in the state to talk on the way back here and was ushered to the steaming shower waiting for me as soon as we did get back, which I didn’t exactly have very many complaints about. Now, breaching one in the morning I was tired but I couldn’t shake the events from my head. Their cruel and repulsive actions like a chain reaction on repeat.
“Can I see?”
He asked and I looked up at him immediately feeling self-conscious. I was hoping this question wouldn’t be asked until tomorrow when it had healed a bit overnight but nonetheless I knew there was only harm to be done if I lied or held back information on this so I sighed giving a meek nod as I sat up slightly flinching as I did I lifted up my top so my stomach was visible.
For a moment he just stared at it and then he leant forward brushing his fingers over the main gash caused from the knife. The bruises shaped like fingertips were dotted around it and there were curved dents too from where his nails had dug in when he pinched me just below my breast. I accidentally flinched as his fingers pressed a little too hard against the slit in my skin, but he wasn’t even pressing hardly, it merely touching my skin and yet it still caused immense pain to reverberate throughout my body.
“Did that hurt?”
He concerned raising his eye-brows. I bit my lip again as I looked to the covers avoiding his gaze but he cradled a finger underneath my chin tilting it up to look at him.
“A little…”
I lessened the reality trying to avoid his gaze in the hope that we could let this go but he leant closer now giving me no option but to stare straight back at him as he was doing to me.
“Ashley it’s important that you’re honest with me, how much did that hurt?”
He pressed on and I winced slightly at his persistence. It was pretty clear this wasn’t going to just be forgotten like I wanted it to. I hated getting the police involved with things as much as I did any medical fields which was why my acting skills were needed right now, too bad they’re non-existent.
“Okay, a lot.”
I admitted and he frowned tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and pressing a sweet and chaste kiss to my forehead.
“Ashley, what did they do to you?”
He asked in a more of a demanding tone he had probably anticipated. I squirmed as I could almost feel the heavy and bleak feel of the wall against my back as I thought back. It was almost haunting me, foreshadowing my every move a bitter shadow.
“It wasn’t…It wasn’t t-that bad.”
I tried but I could tell by the displeased look in his face that he didn’t believe even a single syllable of that. And neither did I. I was lying to myself as much as I was him, but it wasn’t like that was anything new.
“Really? Because this really screams otherwise Ash.”
He shrugged tracing his fingertips lightly over the bruises making me flinch again. He stopped when I did looking up at me with a frown. And I could see the concern in his eyes, and I knew that telling him the truth would only make it more. But he was right, it was important I told the truth, but sometimes it feels good to tell people what they want to here. Even if it’s way off the mark from the truth. But I knew that this wasn’t some dream world where everything could go unnoticed, and I couldn’t do that. I had to admit the truth whether I liked it or not.
“It was just this, I swear. I was…I was only there for about twenty minutes.”
“Twenty minutes too long.” He muttered and I said nothing feeling the tears pricking in my eyes. But I couldn’t cry again, no matter how much I wanted to. “Ash I need you to be honest with me, it’s really important you are, okay? But, I just…This looks like it was done with a knife…”
I cringed at his accuracy looking away as a single tear slipped down my cheek. But no more followed, I wouldn’t allow them to. The weakness of allowing this to happen myself was enough for me and I couldn’t bare it. How guilty I felt for making everyone worry, everyone leave their previous activates even if they hadn’t been much to come and find me, and to find me like that.
“It was.”
I admitted in a slight whimper. Niall’s eyes widened at this and something flashed across his face that I knew promised that there was no way this was being dropped. I felt my heart began to beat a bit faster as the flash of the silver metal brushing over my bare skin repeated in my head and I could almost feel the sharpness of the blade as it pierced my skin digging in a little more at the end. I suppose it was supposed to make me snap into attention, give me a little kick of encouragement, it was clear what they wanted and maybe they thought that it would be quicker and easier for them to get it if they threatened me with something that could take my life. And of course, it was a quick and easy way to get rid of clothes anyway. The world’s becoming a sad place, to know that people have drawn conclusions like these. Gone into such intricate thinking for how to make such a disgusting act easier to endure in. I shuddered at the recent memory.
“Ashley do you realise how serious that is? I don’t care whether you want to or not something will be done about this and I will not rest until it is. That’s wrong, and disgusting what they did to you and probably many other girls too. You need to understand that Ash! Tomorrow I’m taking you to the hospital, cus you need to get checked out and then we’re going to the police. I’m…I’m not going to stand for people hurting you, at all.”
I knew these words were coming. At least something along those lines. The words of his promise that nobody was hurting me and getting away with it, the words that promised action and justice against an illegal and cruel act. But promise was never something I had believed in. Promise was a guarantee, the affirmation of something. And I hated it. For the most part, because it wasn’t an hundred percent guarantee. Of course it wasn’t. Nothing is, you can’t confirm that something is going to happen because you just can’t. Nobody knows exactly what’s going to happen tomorrow, what’s going to happen in two minutes time. We have our assumptions, our estimations, our plans, that doesn’t mean their definite. Nothing is.
“I’m scared.”
I suddenly blurted out only catching myself before it was too late. The weak remark already in the air reaching his ears as I guilty caved into him my top falling back down as I rested my head on his chest. I wasn’t supposed to say that, I wanted him to see me as strong for once. To see me as the girl who didn’t get scared, but maybe the reality is, I’m just not that girl. And maybe I never will be. I do get scared, insecure, nervous, clumsy, stupid, sensitive. And however much I don’t want to be, I am. And that’s just who I am.
He carefully enveloped his arms around me pulling me onto his lap; he was hugging me like I was so fragile. And I didn’t want to be fragile. I just wanted things to be okay, I wanted to be okay. But no matter how many times I thought I was something else goes wrong. I do something stupid. I break down when I thought I finally got strong. It’s infuriating.
“It’s okay,” He told me rubbing my back sending little tingles up and down my spine. “I’m not leaving your side, and I promise that I never will…I’m sorry, you know. I was supposed to protect you, I told you I would and I didn’t. I’m so sorry Ash.”
I lifted my head up to look at him and carefully cradled his face in my hand my fingers lingering over his jawline as I stared back at him wondering how and why I got so lucky. The pure feeling of ecstasy he gave me was immensely tranquil and I couldn’t get my head around how he made me feel. However hard I tried, it seemed like it would always be like this. I guess you really do never stop loving your first true love, and mine was Niall, and I sincerely hoped it always would be.
“No, you couldn’t have helped it if you tried; it’s no way your fault. If anything, you and Harry did more by stopping them. And I can’t explain how much I appreciate that.”
“It wasn’t just stopping them though. I should have prevented it in the first place.”
I shook my head again determined to have the last word.
“You didn’t know. There was nothing you could do, Niall. And that’s final.”
He gave me a simper of a smile leaning forward he rested his forehead lightly against mine his hand enveloping around mine caressing over it in simple and soothing manners.
“You know I love you, right?”
He murmured his lips hovering over mine. I smiled not being able to suppress the upturning of the corners of my mouth at his words.
“I know,” I whispered. “I love you too.”
And then I knew that life isn’t always all about everything being fine and dandy and perfect. It’s about making the good so good that it counters out the bad. Forever.
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A/N.
drama babyy
oh and lol guys to clear this up: Louis isn't and wasn't jealous of Niall and Ashley. He likes Ellie. Not Ashley. He was mad that they were back together because it meant Ashley would be around all the time meaning there was more chance of her finding out about him and Ellie:)
seriously I hate my school. How do they think it's a good idea to put me on my own with literally none of my friends and people I know? just gtfo I hate you. All my friends are together and there's me just like on my own here. I'm in a class with a load of bitches and loners. I'd rather spend the year on my own then be friends with them bitches.
And I have drama last tomorrow like I hate drama enough as it is why make me do it in front of people I hate? thank fucking god this is my last year and then I can drop it:( and in english we're do persauasive writing and I hate that, we're not doing creative writing until spring and we're only doing it for like half a term fu oh and my english teachers a bitch and she's weird and told us the story of how she wanted to call her cat Audrey and her husband called it Mog. Why do I care? I hate cats
uruggh as you can tell I'm really not in a good mood right now. My sister was like complaining about this one teacher she has and I was like shut the fuck up okay and try my timetable cus it's not nice. Enjoy having lessons with your friends while you can.
I have josh and that is like the only person, so we stuck together today since none of the boys from our tutor were in our lessons either
ew just fu school
anyway.
love youu and this is the second to last chapter;o
the next one will be posted on friday!;)
-Emily.