FRANCESCA TAKES A deep breath and looks at me for a second, then she rushed out.
I felt oxygen rush back into my lungs but I could not help but miss her presence. She made everything seem warmer and now I was left with a feeling of immense guilt and chills running down my spine.
I tried to follow suit, but Ludmila gripped my wrist tightly. I groaned and turned around to face her. She raised her eyebrow at me and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Should I sit?" she asks, sitting down already and adjusting her heels.
"We almost kissed." It sounds even more ridiculous as it comes out of my mouth.
"No shit. I want to know why. What changed between you, and what made you think it was okay?"
"I just don't know. I don't what changed, well with her. You know I love her too much. And in the moment, I just wasn't thinking. She was leaning in as well, so it just made me want it more. I am a horrible person. I am evil. I ruined our relationship and now I am ruining another one," I cried out before she signals for me to go to her.
I sit down on the floor and put my head in her lap. I hated myself for somehow always ruining everything. I was a hurricane.
"How did I ever end up with such a dysfunctional brother?"
"How was I lucky enough to end up with you?" I ask her and she chuckles. "One of these days I will get over her."
"Maybe you shouldn't? I think that the two of you need to talk because despite the time you spend together, you two are incapable of actually talking about your feelings," Ludmila says.
"Doesn't matter. What matters is that tomorrow is your big day and we need to get back out there and get partly drunk off of that champagne." I get up and pull her up with me.
She enters Diego's arms as soon as she sees him and he hands her a glass of bubbly. I glance around the room and see that Francesca was reunited with her boyfriend.
"Lighten up, love," Camila slurs.
"Believe me, I'm trying."
APPARENTLY IT IS not a good idea to get drunk the night before a wedding.
My hangover was manageable, but it was still very much there. The hotel was surprisingly helpful with providing me with the necessary medication, at a price of course.
I knock on Ludmila's door and Camila tells me to come in. Francesca was putting her shoes on and Camila led Ludmila out from behind the screen. She was nervous but beaming. Camila and Francesca leave the room to give us a moment alone.
"You are stunning." She lets out a little sigh of relief.
Her hair was styled in a half up, half down waterfall braid with daisies. Hr wedding dress was a full lace ball gown with a sheer bodice and a dramatic full skirt. She had diamond earrings and a diamond necklace to complete the look. She tread towards me carefully, her eyes full with trepidation.
All of sudden it seemed to truly dawn on me. My sister had grown up. She had found inexplicable happiness with an honest man and they were getting married. She was about to make a lifelong commitment. I felt my heart swell with pride and I took her hands in mine.
"I am so proud of you. I will never be able to say this enough or correctly, but thank you so much for everything you have done for me. You have always looked out of me and my happiness, and I am so glad to be part of this special day of yours. Your happiness means more to me than anything else in this world. You have always been my light, my rock. There is nobody out there who deserves this more than you. I love you so much." Tears pricked my eyes and she embraced me.
"Thank you," she says softly.
"Now let's go out there and kill it, eh?"
The wedding ceremony was beautiful. It was almost worth the blood, sweat and tears that had gone into it. There was not a dry eye in the entire hall while they said their vows. Ludmila was smiling so wide that I was sure that her cheeks would fall off. My own head was buzzing with excitement, or perhaps the lingering effects of a hangover, as I watched them fit each other's rings on. It was a moment that I never thought I would see.
My joy seemed to trump my fear of public speaking as I somehow survived my entire speech. There was hardly anything else to say about Ludmila that I hadn't said a hundred times, but I meant every single word. No matter what adversities we faced in life, we faced it together. I would go to the ends of the earth for her, and I needed her to know that. Diego had probably become my closest friend and I would always be grateful for how happy he made my sister. I could have gone on forever about the admiration I had towards their love and the strength of it.
That was the easy part.
I had avoided Francesca the entire day. The last thing I wanted to do was mess up on Ludmila's big day. I wanted her to be focused solely on herself and Diego and that would be impossible if my feelings got involved. Francesca had tried to speak to me three times already and my excuses were just getting worse.
Somebody can only go to the toilet so many times.
Now it time for the dance. I considered switching partners, but then I remembered that I did not want to draw attention to myself. So I took a deep breath and found Francesca. Her hand was delicate and soft in mine and I exhaled softly. I could hardly think straight with her this close to me and we had not even started. I plaster a smile on my face for Ludmila. I would not ruin this for her.
When the music starts, she presses her body closer to mine. I bite my tongue as I try to control myself. I looked over her shoulder and tried to concentrate on the food on the tables, the flowers, the cutlery, the tablecloth, the chair covers...
"We need to talk," Francesca whispers.
The song finally ends and I practically jump away from her. Hurt flashes across her face but I needed to focus. I was still inexplicably drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Seeing her in front of me with her eyes begging me to stay and just listen. I almost did. But I remembered where we were and how we had gotten there. I remembered that she had somebody to go home to. I had no place with her and it was time that I began to accept that.
"No."
Literally no other excuse other than I completely forget that I even had to update. This will be finished, I promised myself.