(A.N. so this is where Suga is depressed so if you don't like that please read with caution or just not read the chapter)
Daichi [POV]
"Daichi do you think Suga's been a bit out of it today?" Tanaka asked
"Why do you think that?" I asked bouncing the volleyball on the floor
"Well he just seems less cheerful and a bit down today" He pointed out
"I guess now that you mention it yeah I've noticed, he doesn't really seem like himself" I caught the ball furrowing my eyebrows
"Maybe something happened" Tanaka shrugged "Girlfriend broke up with him or something?"
"Does he have a girlfriend?" I asked
"I don't know" He shrugged again. I walked up to Suga who was just now coming out of the locker rooms. He had his arms wrapped around his back, he had a long sleeved shirt underneath his jersey which I found odd.
"Suga what's with the shirt?" Noya asked
"Ah um my arms aren't the prettiest today so-" He trailed off (A.N. it's not what you think I swear)
"That doesn't matter" Noya insisted
"Just let him be it doesn't matter now lets just get to practice" I insisted
"thank you" Suga mumbled to himself. Throughout practice I'm sure Suga was getting hot with the long sleeved shirt because I was really hot and only had on my jersey. I think Suga forgot what he said before because he rolled up his sleeves halfway through practice. I didn't understand by what he meant that his arms aren't the prettiest, all the way up his arms from his wrists to under his shirt, it may have even gone up to his shoulder. His arm was decorated in colorful pictures ranging from beautiful gardens blowing in the wind, roses dancing in the sun, crows flying in the sky, deer and other animals prancing around the forest. Each picture seemed to illustrate a completely different story
"Whoa Suga" Hinata exclaimed dropping the volleyball
"Hm?" Suga looked down at his arms his face flushing a dark red as he quickly pulled his sleeves back down "Oh...,"
"Suga did you get tattoos?" Tanaka exclaimed his eyes sparkling
"N-No it's not that" Suga looked down at his feet "It's just sharpie"
"DID YOU DRAW ALL THAT?" Noya shouted
"U-Uhm y-y-yes" Suga stammered
"Whoa can I see?" Tanaka asked
"L-Let's just get back to practice f-f-forget you saw that" He insisted I was confused why he would draw such beautiful art on his arms and be embarrassed of it. I debated whether I would ask him after practice or not. I sighed going back to practice. Suga seemed a bit more fidgety as he continued and was even more nervous about his sleeves. After practice in the locker room he went into one of the stalls to change instead of just changing normally like he usually did. As he went to put his things away a large pencil case fell out of his bag it came open and tons of sharpies and other markers ranging of colors spilled out. Suga swore under his breath kneeling down to pick them up
"Suga why do you have so many sharpies?" I asked kneeling down to help him
"O-oh it's nothing really just I like to color" He insisted stuffing them back into the pencil case
"Why'd you draw all over your arms but you hide them" I asked handing him a handful of colors
"I d-don't like looking at them" he insisted
"But they're beautiful" I exclaimed
"They serve a different meaning than that" he chewed on his bottom lip
"I see" I didn't want to pry anymore I stood up
"Daichi...," Suga mumbled stuffing the pencil case in his bag
"Yeah" I raised one eyebrow
"can we talk......," He started "In private?" his voice shook as he spoke
"Yeah where do you want to go?" I raised one eyebrow
"Can we......, go on the roof?" He asked
"Yeah come on" He slung his bag over his shoulder and we walked together up to the roof. Suga shut the door quietly behind us
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked turning around. Suga had unbuttoned his uniform jacket dropping it to the ground next to his bag
"Suga what are you-?" I asked trailing off as he unbuttoned his undershirt and slipping it off. Now that he was shirtless I could see that from his collarbone down there were tons of drawings everywhere, some of dolphins jumping from wave to wave, colorful peacocks prancing around, cherry blossom trees running up his left side, butterflies fluttered from flowers to flowers fluttering up his stomach, wolves running with their packs under the light of the full moon. They all seemed so real, it was hard to believe that they were only pictures
"Suga, oh my god how did you learn to draw like that, on yourself too" I exclaimed "It's beautiful it looks so lifelike" he looked down at his feet nervously
"I-" he trailed off chewing on his bottom lip again
"Though, why do you draw on yourself like that" I asked examining the pictures
"It's.....," He trailed off "Because I'm too scared to cut"
"What" I didn't think I heard him correctly
"Don't make me repeat it"
"You're depressed?"
"I don't like to say it"
"Why didn't you tell anyone"
"I don't like to say it out loud because it's stupid"
"It's not stupid at all Suga oh my god you should have said something we could have helped you" I insisted cupping his face in my hands
"I just want the pain to go away" He responded
"Why'd you keep it a secret?"
"Because I thought I could deal with it but I can't" tears formed in the corners of his eyes "I want to feel pain but I'm too scared"
"You shouldn't cut and I'm glad you didn't" I insisted
"I drew on my skin to distract myself from it and it works for a little bit but it keeps coming back, the voice in my head it come's back more and more I just I don't know what to do I can't handle this anymore" he ran his fingers through his hair nervously
"That's why there's so much?" I traced one of the drawings with my finger
"Yes" He nodded slowly
"You don't like looking at them because they have the same effect that scars do?" I asked
"Yes" He nodded again a tear rolling down his cheek falling to the ground
"Suga you should have told me before I'm always here to talk" I insisted he only nodded "I'm your friend and I care for you" he clenched his jaw
"Yeah" he took a step back sitting down slowly crossing his legs in front of himself.
"Can I-?" He trailed off looking down at the ground "Never mind"
"You can ask me anything" I promised him
"Can I draw on you?" He asked slowly glancing at his bag
"Of course, you can draw on me whenever you want" I insisted Suga chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before managing a small smile. He opened his bag dumping all his sharpies out. He organized them by color, he had tons of different shades of different colors. I rolled up my sleeve to my elbow. He took my arm gently taking a light orange marker from the tons of shades of orange. He started drawing faint lines from my elbow down. He switched to a yellow and did the same, then to a red, then a blue, then a purple. It was starting to appear as a sunset but I couldn't be sure until he was finished. He took the black marker from the pile and started drawing outlines in the sky it looked kinda like birds. He switched to a grey marker continuing with the birds. He switched the shades of colors and added to the background. After maybe an hour I was getting pins and needles in my legs and arm but he didn't seem to be fazed by how long we were both sitting still. He shook his head grumbling something to himself, I assumed he must have messed up on something but I couldn't see anything that seemed out of place. When he finished he put all the markers down smiling faintly at what he had drawn. He had drawn a flock of crows flying in front of a colorful bright sunset
"Suga really it's beautiful" I exclaimed
"You think so?" He mumbled
"Of course anyone in their right mind would think it's beautiful" I insisted "Thank you"
"I should be...., thanking you" he smiled softly at me and I smiled back. I looked up at the sky the sun was starting to set just now. I raised my arm to the sky smiling back at Suga. Suga stood up looking down at his right arm, he had a similar scene, crows in the sunset. He weakly raised his arm the same as I did. I laughed standing up as well.
"You know I'm glad we're friends Suga" I wrapped my arm around his shoulder
"Yeah...," he lowered his arm slowly looking down at the ground
"Is there something else that's wrong?" I asked concerned
"No..., nothing at all" he insisted kneeling back down collecting his markers back up.
"We should get going home the suns setting" He insisted stuffing his box in his backpack putting his uniform back on.
"Yeah," I agreed helping him back to his feet. I realized how small his hands were compared to mine, I realized how much smaller he was in general. We may have been the same height but he just seemed smaller in every way, skinnier even.
"Suga have you lost weight?" I asked as we walked back through the school
"No" he responded slowly
"Oh it just seems like you have" I shrugged "Must be the marker fumes" I joked
"yeah...," he walked a little faster going in front of me as we left the school.
"See you tomorrow Suga" I called as he went down his street but I don't think he heard me, he was already gone. I furrowed my eyebrows, I was still a bit concerned about Suga he seemed to want to leave pretty quickly.
Suga [POV]
I quickly walked home opening the door quietly
"Suga where have you been?" My mom scolded her hands on her hips as she came into the foyer
"I was hanging out with some friends after practice" I insisted
"Don't stay out this late unless it's for practice I've told you this before" she furrowed her eyebrows
"I know sorry" I apologized chewing on the inside of my mouth "I'll be in my room if you need me" I turned around going down the hallway to my room. I shut and locked the door behind me. I pressed my back against the door sliding down the cold wood. Tears started streaming down my face and I couldn't stop it. I covered my mouth with both hands muffling my sobs. My heart felt like it was about to burst, why did I feel like this? What was this feeling?
"How pathetic" The voice commented
"Stop please....," I begged my voice shaking
"You're such a good friend I bet he wouldn't think that if he found out what you really think of him"
"Shut up" I begged weakly
"You love him don't you?"
"No" I insisted my hands still muffling my voice
"That's a lie, you're such a disgusting liar why don't you just tell him and then you'll see the real reason"
"Stop.....,"
"You try to push me away but Suga I'm a part of you, forever, you can't get rid of me" I fell silent, I had nothing else to say
"Are you done putting up a fight yet? Just give it up already"
"Now you wont even talk to me?"
I stood up slowly my legs shaking I went over to my desk opening the desk drawer slowly taking out the bright red Swiss army knife I kept in there. It shook in my hands
"Do it"
I tightened my hand around the red handle of it slowly popping up the knife. My hands were trembling and it was hard to see with tears clouding my vision. I let out another choked sob tossing the knife into the drawer my heart pounding in my chest
"What's stopping you?"
I walked slowly back over to my bag grabbing my marker case
"You can't ignore me forever"
"Shut up...., shut up....., shut up" I repeated going over to my mirror, I stripped down till I was only in my boxers
"Look at you, you disgusting fat pig why do you deserve to even play volleyball like that, you should just quit"
I chewed on the inside of my mouth uncapping a black marker from my collection. I sat down crossing my legs in front of myself, I tasted blood. I licked the inside of my cheek finding where the blood was coming from. I shook my head tracing a short line on my stomach
"That was a mistake"
I shook my head continuing to draw, nothing is truly a mistake
"Except for you, you shouldn't have been born"
"Shut up" I hissed clenching my jaw, I grabbed a dark crimson marker straightening my back some as I drew a faint dot
"You should have drawn that higher"
"No it's fine" I whispered to myself taking the lightest yellow that I had drawing an outline to the black
"You should have drawn the yellow first stupid, you always start with the lightest colors"
I straightened my back some more adding grey accents
"You messed up there that should be white not grey"
I smudged a bit with my hand trying to make it look smoother
"You just mixed all the colors together that's not even blended it's just black now"
"It works" I mumbled taking a lighter red adding to the crimson
"Don't you learn from your mistakes? The light colors go first"
No I don't
"You make them over and over again without even trying to fix it"
It's okay
"The wing is uneven"
It is
"Why do you even try?"
I don't know
"it's going to turn out bad anyways so why try to ignore me?"
It's not always bad
"What are you talking about? You mess everything up, can't you do something right for once?"
No
"See now you're getting it you stupid pig"
Sorry
"Now look at what you've done you lost your white marker"
It's gone
"See you're so irresponsible"
It doesn't matter
"Of course it does it's your marker and YOU lost it"
White doesn't have any use it doesn't hold any meaning, it has no emotion you can't tell a story with just white, it has no value. Try drawing on a piece of white paper with a white marker, it doesn't show up. It's irrelevant
"Just like you"
"Just like me" I sighed standing up not even bothering to pick up my markers that were scattered on the floor. I laid down on my bed a chill running down my spine. I pulled the blankets up to my chin. I was like a white marker in a pack of colors, no one needed me I was unused, useless, irrelevant, unimportant, ignored. I felt my phone vibrate but I didn't have the energy to pick it up. I closed my eyes shivering again I felt cold but at the same time I was numb.
Daichi [POV]
Suga wasn't picking up his phone and I was still worried about him. I shoved my phone in my pocket slipping my jacket on and going outside walking down the street. I walked all the way to his house knocking on the door and his mom answered
"Hi is Suga home?" I asked "He wasn't picking up his phone so-"
"Yes he's in his room do you want me to get him for you?" She asked kindly
"Oh I can get him I know where his room is" I smiled his mother nodded stepping to the side letting me come in. I walked down the hallway to Suga's room knocking on the door he hummed in response as I opened the door stepping in. His markers were spread out on the floor by the mirror
"Suga are you even in here?" I asked shutting the door behind me
"Mm" He hummed in response sitting up his blankets bunching up in his lap
"You weren't answering your phone...., you scared me" I scratched at the back of my neck nervously. He looked at his phone on his night stand
"Oh...., that was you?" he asked slowly
"Yes I was worried about you" I insisted
"Sorry" He apologized, I noticed that his eyes were red and puffy like he was crying
"Are you okay?" I asked
"Yes...., why?" I walked over sitting down on his bed next to him
"You look like you were crying" I pointed out
"Oh" He looked down at the bed
"Your markers are on the floor were you drawing on yourself again?" I asked
"Yes" he replied honestly
"Why?"
"I don't want to talk about it" He chewed on his bottom lip like he wanted to say something but didn't
"Answer your phone next time..., please I got really worried when you didn't pick up" I scolded putting my hand on his shoulder
"Sorry" he looked down again
"Though I should go I just wanted to make sure that you were okay I'll see you tomorrow Suga" I stood up
"See you tomorrow" he muttered as I left. I let myself out walking back home flopping down in my bed as I got to my room.
*Time skip because writers block: The next day*
I woke with a sigh to my alarm blaring in my ear. I pressed the off button on it sitting up slowly rubbing my eyes. I got up and got dressed leaving the house early to get to morning practice on time. I was immersed in my thoughts and didn't notice Suga until I bumped into him as he unlocked the gym door.
"Oh sorry Suga I didn't notice you" I laughed scratching at the back of my neck awkwardly
"It's fine" he muttered looking down at his feet as he opened the door the lights flickering to life as he turned on the light switch. He went over to the supply closet and I went over helping him set up the volleyball nets.
"Daichi...," he started but was cut off as Tanaka and Noya burst into the gym
"What were you saying Suga?" I asked turning back to him
"Never mind" He shook his head rolling out the cart of volleyballs out into the gym,
"Okay?" I asked, as everyone came in I started practice. Suga seemed a bit more comfortable with the drawings all over his body and didn't wear a long sleeved shirt under his jersey like he did yesterday but neither did I so everyone saw the drawing on my arm
"Whoa Daichi did you draw that?" Hinata exclaimed
"No" I scratched at the back of my neck laughing nervously "Actually Suga did" I looked over at Suga who blushed slightly at my comment
"Suga you're so good at drawing why didn't you say anything before?" Hinata asked
"It doesn't matter they're not that good" Suga responded awkwardly, I knew he didn't like talking about them
"Let's not think about that right now back to practice Hinata" I scolded, Suga relaxed a bit seemingly relieved. After practice Suga came up to me
"What's up?" I asked putting away the volleyball
"U-Uhm Daichi...," Suga started fidgeting with his hands
"Yeah?" I raised one eyebrow
"I-I actually want t-t-to get something o-off my chest" Suga explained
"What is it?" I asked an was caught by surprise as he kissed me softly on the lips before spinning around on his heels rushing away. I was shocked beyond explanation, Suga just kissed me? And then ran away
Suga [POV]
Oh god Oh god, Daichi must hate me now that was too forceful I shouldn't have done that. I should have told him like a normal person instead of just out-right kissing him. Oh god. I should have just kept it a secret I bet he hates me that I'm gay
"Stupid, who would love a fat ugly pig like you?"
"Shut up" I mumbled tears forming in the corners of my eyes threatening to fall
Daichi [POV]
Suga avoided me for the rest of the day despite all my attempts to get him alone to talk to him. He wouldn't even talk to him. I bet he got the complete wrong idea from this and I wanted to set things right. I didn't know what I felt at first but I guess it is called love. At after school practice I was finally able to catch Suga in the locker rooms
"Suga please listen to me" I begged
"I-I uhm I've gotta-"
"Suga please just listen to me" I repeated cutting him off, he stared at me a frown on his face his eyes glossy tears welling in the corners of his eyes
"I'm sorry Daichi I didn't....., I didn't mean to I bet you hate me now....., I'm so sorry" He cried out tears rolling down his cheeks, I cupped his face in my hands wiping his tears
"Shhh don't cry" I begged "You've got it all wrong" I furrowed my eyebrows concerned, I leaned down pressing my lips to his, he froze surprised by my actions. When I pulled away his tears had stopped falling his eyes wide with surprise
"I love you too" I smiled reassuringly at him.
(A.N. so yeah I know I've had a lot of Daisuga on this and I apologize but I don't have any Ideas for the other ships but let me know if you've got any ideas or requests because I really don't)