Andrew
It felt good hanging out with Garrett again, and soon we'd worked out a plan, one that'd allow for us to hang out together at least three times a week. It sounded weird when I said it out loud to Shane, but I brushed that feeling away. Garrett was my best friend and I was glad to finally be able to hang out with him. It seemed that I was never at home anymore, I was always either at Shane's or Garrett's and honestly, I was okay with that. Although Garrett's couch was a little uncomfortable, I wasn't about to ask him if I could share the bed if anything, I'd just go home. But we'd always managed to stay up late enough to where I'd fall asleep on the couch, waking up in the middle of the night to see that he'd gone to bed.
"Are you drinking again?" I didn't mean to pry, but I notice that Garrett had recently started drinking even more than usual.
"Just a sip, I've had a stressful day." I set my stuff down, I'd just arrived from Shane's after editing.
"Is everything okay?" I take off my jacket, laying it over the side of the couch, eyeing him as he drinks.
"Yeah, no, yeah, everything is fine."
"That's why you're pouring another?" I know I should stop, but I couldn't help but worry.
"Mind your business," He mutters, chugging the rest of his drink, he sets the glass in the sink, "see? Done. How was your day?" I decide to ignore the first half of his sentence and focus on the question at hand.
"It was okay, pretty average actually."
"How's the editing coming along?"
"It's actually pretty brutal, you don't realize how much footage you have until it's all there sitting in front of you, waiting to be sifted and edited."
"How much longer until you guys are ready to put it out there? I'm excited to watch it all."
"Hopefully just a few more days before Shane tells everyone a date, we should be ready to release it soon though," Garrett smiles and nods, and he begins rummaging through the fridge.
"Shit!"
"What's wrong?"
"I forgot to get food, again."
"Oh, it's okay, we can order something, or I can go get something if you want since you've..." I stop myself, knowing that his drinking was apparently a touchy subject tonight.
"Since I've what?" I bite my tongue, regretting what I'd said.
"You just, I just don't want you to drive if you've been drinking."
"It was just a glass, Andrew." He gives me a look, and I nod my head quickly,
"Right, right, but still, I don't mind driving."
"It's fine, I can drive," I shake my head, I wouldn't budge on this, "trust me, Andrew, I'm good."
"Garrett, no, you're not." I shake my head, standing in front of the door. He scoffs, rolling his eyes.
"Fine, you drive, I don't care."
"Look, I didn't mean to offend—"
"You didn't... I'm sorry, I just, I've had a rough day and wanted to unwind with some whiskey."
"Right, sorry."
"Can we just go?" I nod my head, only wanting to forget the first half of this night completely.
The night actually turned out to be okay, we'd ended up picking up food and bringing it home. Garrett had been dying to re-watch Galaxy of the Guardians, so that's what we did, and it ended up being a good night. We were halfway through the movie when my phone buzzed, I look down, a text from Shane.
"This is my favorite part," Garrett points at the screen, looking at me he notices my phone and sighs. "Really?"
"What? I looked away for two seconds, what was it?" He shakes his head,
"Not important."
"Okay, what is your problem?"
"My problem? Excuse me?" Garrett pauses the movie, turning his body towards mine.
"Yeah," This time I don't back down as I did before, his attitude was getting on my last nerves, and that was hard for me even.
"I don't have a problem."
"Don't..." I close my eyes, gritting my teeth, so sick of the lying. "Don't say that Garrett, I know there's a problem, and I know you're keeping it from me."
"You clearly don't know me that well then," I raise both of my eyebrows, those were fighting words.
He knows he's made a mistake, I can see it in his eyes.
"Oh, I don't know you that well??" I stand up, "I don't know you that well??"
He stays quiet, and I'm glad. I didn't want to fight, especially not with him, but I had a feeling that more was coming. He stands up as well, making his way towards the fridge, don't do it, don't do it... I watch as he pulls a bottle from the middle shelf.
"So, now you're drinking."
"Fuck off, Andrew!" He cries out, slamming the bottle down so hard I'm surprised it doesn't shatter. I back down, I'd never seen him like this, I never wanted to.
"Garrett," I move towards him and he backs away, avoiding eye contact. That was my move, I taught him that move. "What is going on with you? I just, I just want to help. I just want to be there for you, please..."
"I'm fine." He mutters, shoving the beer back into the fridge.
"No, you're not, stop lying."
"I'll be fine."
"Garrett, I just want to help..."
"I don't need your help, Andrew." He pushes past me.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm tired. I'm gonna crash."
"Garrett."
"Just let me sleep, Andrew."
"Fine." I watch as he shuts the door to his room, shutting off the light almost immediately. I could feel myself starting to tear up, and I squeeze my eyes shut, blinking away tears. I could see my best friend slipping away from me and there was nothing that I could do. If Garrett wouldn't let me help him, I couldn't force him, I'd have to wait for him to come to me. I lean against the counter, not knowing whether I should stay or leave, and then come to the realization that if I left Garrett would most definitely wake up only to start drinking.
"Andrew?" I look up from my view of the kitchen floor, I'd been studying my socks not realizing that the door to Garrett's room had opened. I watch as the taller boy walks towards me, his eyes were glassy and his whole body trembled. "I don't, I don't know what's wrong with me." He manages, before collapsing on top of me, his head hitting my shoulder just enough to knock me off balance. Letting out a cry that I know will haunt my dreams, I catch him before we both fall and grab the rest of him, clinging to him as he sobs in my arms.
"It's going to be okay," It takes everything in me not to cry with him, seeing him this way made my heart hurt. "I promise, you." I pull him off of me, wanting him to look me in the eyes as I said this, "I promise that you will be okay, okay? I'm going to be here with you every step of the way. I, I love you, Garrett." I watch as his lower lip starts to tremble, I'd never said those actual words until tonight. I'd always felt them, yes, but I'd never had the courage to say them until my best friend was crying, broken, in my arms in his own kitchen.
"I'm sorry," He mutters after the tears have subsided, his voice comes out low and gravely. He fiddles with the bottom hem of his shirt relentlessly, "I didn't mean what I said... The words, earlier, I was I don't know, I don't know what I was thinking." He rambles and I take his hand, placing it in my own, I grab the other hand, laying at his side squeezing gently.
"It's okay, Gare." I lead him over to the couch, sitting him down gently, his eyes bloodshot and I can tell that he hasn't actually slept in days. I kick myself for not noticing sooner, really, I'd been a shit friend. "I know you didn't mean it, and even if you did... maybe," the lump in my throat grows as I speak, I swallow it down, not wanting to cry in front of him "maybe I deserved it, maybe some of it was true." He only stares at the wall in front of him, and that's when it sinks in, he had meant some of what he'd said, and he'd had every right. "I should be the one apologizing here," He interrupts me, looking at me with cautious eyes.
"Andrew?"
"Yes?"
"Will you stay with me? Tonight? In my bed, I mean... I don't want to be alone. You can say no, I don't want to force anything, I just... you're here, and I don't—" I nod my head, I didn't even have to think twice about this.
"Of course," Garrett smiles weakly, whispering a quiet thank you, his hands drift back down to the hem of his shirt, "you look tired, Gare." He shrugs his shoulders,
"I haven't really been sleeping, but I'm fine. I don't do much."
"You still need sleep though, even if you aren't doing anything."
"It's hard." The fiddling with his shirt was intensifying and I could tell that he was starting to get upset again.
"Okay, well, we can figure something out, something that will work for you." He nods, closing his eyes for a minute. I stand from the couch, about to make my way to the bathroom,
"Where are you going?" He reaches out, stopping himself just before he reaches my hand.
"I'm just showering, it'll take like ten minutes, tops." He nods,
"Oh, okay." I squeeze his shoulder, giving him a reassuring nod.
I guess I hadn't realized how much his breakdown had affected me until I'd locked myself in the bathroom. Staring at myself in the mirror only made it worse, how could I have not seen it sooner? I want to kick myself for not catching it, but there was nothing I could do now, the important thing was that he was letting me help him. That's all that mattered, I wipe away the tears building up in my eyes, but alas they fall far, hitting the sink. My palms pressed firmly to either side, I wait for the shower water to heat up studying my socks yet again. Soon, steam fills the room and the mirror fogs up completely, I strip my clothes off, setting them to the side, only to remember that I hadn't brought clothes, hopefully, Garrett wouldn't mind sharing. Stepping in the shower, I let the water beat down on me hoping it'd wash away the shame I felt.
"Garrett?" I poke my head out of the doorway, gripping the towel that clung to my waist. He peeks his head out from the living room,
"What's up?"
"I forgot clothes... Can I borrow—" before I can finish he's nodding his head, motioning for me to raid his closet.
"Grab anything,"
"Thank you." He nods his head, returning his attention back to the show he'd been watching. I hurry to his room and shut the door, quickly I search his closet, settling for a pair of sweats and a white t-shirt, it's baggy, but it smells like him and for the first time that night I feel like I can breathe. I hang my towel to dry before joining Garrett in the living room. He hands me a piece of pizza, his eyes never leaving the screen.
We spend the rest of the evening eating and occasionally chatting about things, I could tell he was trying not to be embarrassed about his breakdown earlier, and I wanted to tell him that he had nothing to be embarrassed about, but I decided against it, not wanting to upset him again. I can't help but watch him instead of the show as if he'd break again at any second.
"Andrew, I know I'm handsome, but come on, take a picture, it'll last longer." He smirks, turning his attention on me.
"Oh, I didn't mean... I mean, I was just, I wanted to make sure that..."
"I'm okay, really... I know you're going to be worried about me, and I guess you have a reason to be... But I'll be okay." He smiles, placing his hand on my leg, patting it slightly, "I've got you to look out for me, I couldn't ask for a better friend."
"You know I'd do anything for you, Garrett."