My phone vibrated on my desk; I knew exactly who the message was from and what it said without having to check. Grinning, I stood up and headed out of my room, almost running to the front door.
"You're sure they're both out?" Carter asked the moment I opened the door to him, stepping inside.
I nodded, reassuring him, "Alice is away visiting her boyfriend, and Maya told me this morning that she was going to be at the library all day working on an assignment."
"Great," Carter said, breathy and impatient.
The door slammed shut behind us as he grabbed my waist and pulled me close, wasting no time in kissing me. My fingers were already toying with the hem of his shirt, hands slipping underneath to feel the muscles on his back. We stumbled to my bedroom, too caught up in each other to be careful, and fell clumsily onto the bed.
His lips moved to my jaw, my neck, my collarbones. I tugged the thin material of his shirt up and over his head, before beginning to work on the buttons of my blouse.
Noticing me fumbling, Carter laughed. "You really shouldn't have worn that when you knew I was coming over."
He put one of his hands on top of mine, taking over and moving swiftly to undo all the buttons. I shrugged the blouse off then pulled him closer.
"You're good at that," I murmured between kisses.
"Yeah, well, I've had a lot of practice," he replied.
Maybe another time an offhand comment like that might have made me hesitate, questioning the new Carter I'd come to know. But right now, Carter Pearson, whose body was just as aesthetically pleasing as his face, was topless in my bed, so he could have gotten away with saying pretty much anything, as long as it ended with his mouth on mine.
"God," he breathed, pausing for a moment to look down at me. "I'm really glad we gave up on that whole 'just friends' thing."
When Carter had shown up at my door the morning after Thanksgiving and told me that he couldn't stop thinking about our kiss and how badly he wanted to do it again, I'd been hesitant. He was still with Grace and I'd never done casual dating before. Plus, there was the risk of ruining our still new friendship. But then, unexpectedly, he'd kissed me. It wasn't passionate and drawn out like the previous day, just a couple of chaste seconds of his lips on mine, but it was enough to ignite the same feeling in me as before.
Screw it, I'd thought. If college wasn't the time to have some fun, then when was? And Carter was a seriously good kisser.
He continued to prove this in the two weeks that had passed since Thanksgiving, when we'd met up at every possible opportunity. We'd been discreet about it; neither of my roommates knew about our new arrangement, or even that he came over on Thanksgiving. I knew that would mean talking about it, and I was enjoying this being our secret - a secret that involved very little talking or thinking.
"Sydney," Carter said against my lips.
I kissed him harder in response and for a moment he gave in, kissing me back, then pulled away slightly. I pouted, already missing the contact. His face was flushed pink and it was clearly taking substantial effort for his to maintain his composure long enough to speak.
"I just need to check, have you... uh... are you a..." He trailed off in a rare moment of awkwardness.
"A virgin? No, I had a boyfriend for like six months, remember? You're not quite every single one of my firsts."
Carter smiled, probably a little relieved that our encounters wouldn't have any more emotional significance than necessary.
"I think I can safely assume that you're not either," I added, which was an obvious understatement.
He shook his head, then lowered himself closer to me, kissing me slowly. One of his hands snaked around my back to my bra clasp, pausing there for a moment. When I shifted to give him easier access, he swiftly unclasped it. Yeah, he'd definitely done this more than a few times.
I could feel my pulse throbbing in my throat as we rolled over, a little clumsily on my part, so that was on top of him. One of my hands strayed down to his jeans, managing to undo his belt without losing my rhythm in making out; Carter may have had more practice but that didn't mean I was totally inept at all of this. He swore under his breath, voice gravelly, making me smirk for a moment before I moved my lips to his jaw. I placed small kisses along it, working my way down his neck to his collarbone then beginning to trail down his chest and torso.
Heart pounding ever more erratically in my ears, I was so caught up in the moment that it took me a while to register the sound of knocking at my door.
"Hey, Sydney, do you know where my – Oh my God!"
I screamed, springing away from Carter and snatching up my blanket to cover myself with. Maya was stood frozen in my doorway, shock etched onto her features. I scrambled to put something on, not even realising I'd grabbed Carter's t-shirt until after I'd shoved it on. Maya's eyes darted between the two of us in disbelief. Next to me, Carter quickly did up his belt then sat awkwardly on my bed, still topless.
"I... I knocked!" Maya exclaimed finally.
My cheeks burned; you heard about the exciting side of a secret relationship, but never the embarrassment of your friend walking in on you topless mid-hook-up. "I'm so sorry. We were, uh, preoccupied."
"I can see that," she said, shock finally turning into amusement.
Then, Carter stood up, looking around for a moment before picking up his sweater from where it had become a permanent feature on the edge of my desk. He pulled it on quickly and stepped into his shoes, which I'd been so distracted I hadn't even noticed him taking off in the first place.
"I'll get going," he announced. It was rare to see Carter looking uncomfortable, but at that moment it seemed to be consuming him. "Sydney, I'll text you. Maya, I'll see you in class tomorrow."
I winced, remembering their friendship that existed beyond me and the fact they couldn't avoid seeing each other. With that he left, scrambling away from the embarrassment without looking back. I didn't blame him, if I could run now, I would.
But, to my surprise, the moment Carter left a grin broke out on Maya's face. At last, she moved from where she'd been fixed in place and came to sit beside me on the bed.
"Oh, my God, Sydney! I can't believe you're sleeping with Carter!" She sounded surprised, of course, but there was pride in her voice too.
"Not technically, I mean, we were interrupted," I replied, giving Maya a pointed look. "But yeah, it's only casual, though."
This piqued Maya's interest even more. "Only casual as in dating but not quite serious yet, or casual as in friends with benefits, no strings attached hook-ups?"
"The latter."
"And here I was thinking you were a no-sex-unless-you're-in-love kinda gal," Maya said, her pride visibly growing. "So, how long has it been going on?"
I rolled my eyes, but it was nice to tell someone about it, and Maya was far more experienced in casual dating than me. Plus, a part of me just wanted to get to brag about how I was getting to hook up with someone like Carter. So, I explained everything: how he'd invited himself over for Thanksgiving, the kiss, and its consequences.
Gradually, I watched Maya's expression lose some of its excitement, shifting to something more somber.
"What is it?" I asked when I finished my explanation.
"It's just... you loved him, right? So, you've obviously got this chemistry now and with your history, it wouldn't be difficult for you to develop feelings for him again," she said carefully.
I frowned. Between Alice and Maya, I'd expected Maya to be the supportive one, not the one talking about feelings.
"It's not like that," I insisted. "It's just a... chemical attraction, that's all. Neither of us are expecting any more than that; I mean, he's still seeing Grace. Plus, I'm free to date other people, too."
"I just don't want you to get hurt," Maya replied softly. "It seems like a risk."
"Yeah, well, I take risks. I came all the way over here away from everything and everyone I knew, remember." I didn't mean to get defensive because I knew Maya was only looking out for me, but I couldn't help it. People often assumed that just because I was fairly quiet and introverted I was also scared to be bold. I leveled my voice, adding, "I know what you mean, though. This is different. Usually when I take risks carefully planned and calculated to reduce the risk factor as much as I can. This is uncharted territory; it's exciting and fun and for once I'm enjoying not thinking everything through."
Maya gave me a small smile. "I get that. Are you going to tell Alice?"
Part of me was reluctant; even though Maya had taken it pretty well, I wasn't sure what Alice would say. Plus, the more people who knew about Carter and me, regardless of who they were, the more pressure there seemed to be on us. But Alice was my friend and, like Maya, she only wanted me to be happy. And I was happy with Carter.
"I'll tell her when she's back from Sam's," I replied. "At least with you guys knowing it makes the whole sneaking around thing a whole lot easier."
In a way, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders after talking about Carter with Maya. I'd felt bad lying to them before and I did enjoy gushing about how the Thanksgiving kiss was the best kiss of my life by far. But later, when I was lying in bed trying to sleep, I couldn't help but replay her words in my head.
It wouldn't be difficult for you to develop feelings for him again.
The more I thought about it, I began to realise that she was right. We weren't technically exes, but I had loved him, and if I heard of someone being in a no strings attached relationship with an ex, I'd think they were delusional. I remembered the way my heart had sunk when I saw Grace's name on his phone back on Thanksgiving. I'd told myself it was because I didn't want to do get involved with their non-exclusive dynamic, but was that just an excuse for jealousy?
I sighed heavily, rolling over and grabbing my phone. Carter hadn't texted me since he left in a hurry earlier. A tiny voice in the back of my mind asked if that's because he'd been with Grace, or someone else entirely, but I pushed it away. What did I care? I didn't have feelings for him. I thought he was hot (because who wouldn't?) and we got on as friends, but there was nothing romantic there.
Suddenly, my phone lit up in my hand. My heart skipped a beat as I opened the notification. One new message from Carter.
Hey Syd, sorry for rushing out so quickly earlier (you looked very hot in my t-shirt and it took a lot of self-control to keep my hands off you) I hope I can see you again soon
As I read it, I felt myself blush at the compliment. Then, another message appeared.
How's Tuesday?
Smiling, I typed back, Tuesday sounds great.
Carter's reply was instant, and I couldn't help but picture him lying in his own bed, maybe even smiling at his own phone the way I was.
I can't wait. Seriously. You're all I can think about recently, it's very distracting.
My stomach fluttered with butterflies as I read his words. I yawned, but I was reluctant to put my phone down. I'd texted other boys before, but it had never felt like this. It had never felt thrilling and alluring and comfortable all at once, in a way that made me want to stay up all night just so the conversation didn't have to end.
And, just like that, it hit me.
Oh, fuck.
Maya was right, obviously. Just like Michael was right before her.
I had feelings for Carter. The more I thought about it, the more painfully obvious it became. I had major, all-consuming feelings for Carter Pearson.