06
emotions
"Well."
"Yeah."
Her chuckle is breathy and bitter, like smoking. "You should really only call if it'll be a good time."
"You're right." He places his hand over hers. He's so much warmer than her. He's never noticed it before. "Sorry."
Eunjung is silent as she sits at the edge of the bed and wiggles into her clothes again. Jaehyun watches her skin stretch and her muscles move. He stares at the notches of her spine, and he wonders if she thinks of her skeleton as tainted as he thinks his is.
When he comes out of his thoughts, she's gazing at him with an arched brow and pursed lips. He casts her a dimpled smile but she shakes her head.
"Honey, I know our arrangement is specifically emotion-void, but when you constantly zone out like this, especially in front of a naked woman, I have to ask: what the hell is going on?"
He smiles, and he's transported to the convenience store -- is his smile troubled? He releases a long sigh and passes a hand through his hair. "It's pure emotion, Eunjung."
She crosses her arms. "Obviously. Even more obviously, you need to talk about these emotions if you're ever going to brag about being an attentive lover again."
He traces squiggles along her shoulder and arm. "Being my therapist isn't a part of our arrangement. It's not fair to you."
Her eyes find the ceiling as she lets out a forceful exhale. "Alright. Either you tell me what's up now, or we put the meaningless sex on hold until you find a professional therapist."
"Maybe having a therapist I've never seen naked before would help."
"Fine." She stands, hand on her hip. "Only call me when you can get it up and keep it up."
She reaches the doorknob before Jaehyun says, "I'm unhappy."
"Why?" asks Eunjung once she's seated next to him again.
"Because the sun will swallow us one day."
"Bullshit."
He glances at her from the corner of his eye. "Because I will be the cause of my demise someday."
"And?"
"And I'm waiting for someone to save me -- to prove that I'm actually worth saving. Because I'm too afraid to save myself."
Eunjung kisses his cheek. "You feel too many emotions, Jung Jaehyun."
"That's why I want you to numb them."
She kneels before him. "I can try." And even though there's a smile on her face, he sees the hopelessness in her eyes.
And he knows she can never save him. He pretends she can.