"Eve, you will stay in the base," I let her know and she already wants to start her protests as I keep on talking. "You need to remember the lessons I gave you. Control the fog of war, control our soldiers, yell your orders as loud as possible and as often as necessary," I remind her. "You are perfect for this. I believe in you, my Lass."
She doesn't answer but only looks at me sternly. I rotate the ax in the palm of my hand, staring outside and a little unsure if I should tell her the other thing. I guess, she needs to know.
"And, Eve," I turn to look her deep into the eye, "When I start to attack our own people, make sure to bring them out of my way or let Étain's squad shoot me in the head."
"What?" She blinks confused and I sigh. Lyall who is next to her nods in my direction.
"Tristan mentioned it," he says and I nod. I forgot that even though none of my guards were watching me ever fight in one of our true battles, he was at least already around at that time. "We will handle it if it comes to that."
I can see Eve rolling her eyes in annoyance. I'm not sure Tristan ever told her.
"There is no if. I will take a lot of lives tonight," I answer before a loud bang can be heard. The sun dawned. They started the final preparations outside and for sure try to break through the gate. Lyall does his best to briefly explain to Eve the effects of the rush of blood some soldiers have during a battle. I know the effects on me and I can't wait for them.
Another loud bang against the gate and Étain's squad starts to climb the trees to position around the clearing. Lyall and the other beasts are also heading outside to form a front that protects the main cave's entrance. I really hope that the civilians and wounded went far enough into the tunnel system.
My eye catches the lonely ax that is still sticking to the tree where I threw it all these months ago. I have to grin while pulling it out and testing the two axes in my hands. This is just how I used to fight. It's perfect.
Then we wait. Another bang at the gates before I start pacing in front of the rows of beasts, guards, humans, vampires... It doesn't matter who or what we are. It's only about what we fight for. Lyall made them all bind some cloth around their arms to make it easier to identify who is on our side.
I growl out loud and then Lyall and the beasts are answering with their own growls before the other vampires join. The tensions are so high that we need to fuel the spirits that make us brave; the inner turmoil that gives us strength. I know exactly what I will lose with this fight and I could not care less.
A crack can be heard at the next bang at the gates and then some arrows are flying through the air, followed by gunfire and another bang that breaks the tree trunks in front of us. The enemy throws bombs that cause a lot of fog right in front of us with the sole purpose to create confusion and chaos.
I jumpstart forward into the gray wall of illusion. People nowadays call me butcher because they fear my torture methods. They call me butcher because they are afraid of my anger. The truth is, they started to call me butcher because I weaken the enemy by cutting off limbs with my axes.
I start my killing spree with the first vampire guard I can identify, fighting for the wrong side. I don't fear for my sanity, because I won't need the last piece of humanity I have within me anymore. Quite the opposite.
The spirits and blood of the utterly surprised deserter flow into me, while he is unable to defend himself. He has no arms in place anymore, which he could use. This time I manage to stay awake. The butcher is back, able to control his killing to a certain degree. The trick is not to take the last sip, that's what I figured out a while ago, but Maria was special. It awakened my long lost lust for death.
Even without taking it all the fight is exhausting and also a little uncoordinated. Eve is doing her best and I can hear Lyall supporting her. Étain also shouts orders to the beasts in the trees but the mixed troops are not so easy to handle. They are not used to fight together.
After a while, the shouts and voices around me are mashed into one single noise of disturbance in the background. At the back of my head, I'm waiting for Tristan's voice to tell me what to do next even though I know it won't come.
All I see is the next victim in front of me, the overwhelming smell of mixed blood guiding my direction instead. The constant dripping of rain starts to soften the dirt, creating sludge underneath our feet.
I need to stay sane long enough.
I need to concentrate better.
I need to make sure not to slip uncoordinated. My vision narrows at the things that are really important. Swords, arrows, guns, fangs, claws,...
Claws? I just wonder for a moment, before I tear a heart out of a beast in front of me. It's then when I can hear Eve shouting my name repeatedly. I growl out loud and look into the direction of the tents.
Her lips are moving and she is gesturing something but I can't hear her. The screams around me are just too intense and the scent of blood is blurring my vision slightly. I ram one attacker with my left shoulder before I take another look at her. This time I realize what is going on but cannot do anything to change it.
Our troops are split. Half of the beasts are directing their weapons at other beasts next to them. I can hear the gates moving open even wider behind me. Lyall calls his people back as much as Étain does.
Something else is going on that I didn't see before. Chaos takes over as it gets harder to distinguish between friend and foe. The blood of my own wounds is hitting the ground while my body is trying to deal with the afterglow of killing vampires.
A single, buzzing arrow comes flying my way all of a sudden and I can see it clearly.
Jumping and letting one of my axes fall, I grab it mid-air just before it can hit Connor behind me. Since when is he fighting next to me? There is a suspicious piece of bloody cloth attached to the rear of the arrow and I take a deep breath.
I stare at it. It's a piece of a white shirt. A bloody white shirt.
This scent.
His scent.
My bloody fingers curl in anger, breaking the wood in my hand before a dangerous growl rolls out of my chest like the roar of thunder after lightning struck. The ire starts to burn in my throat, making its way into my guts and pumping even more energy through my veins.
The power of my scream brings silence to the people around me. The silence spreads and the constant banging of the enemies guns are nearly dying. It takes a few seconds before a chuckle can be heard. It's coming from the tents. I turn, my eyes fully flashed and my fangs bared.
"Well, that was unfortunate, Father," Tobias limps out of the tent, cracking his neck. His mouth and throat are covered in blood. Unable to form a clear thought I just growl at him once more.
With two fingers in his mouth, he whistles a view loud and high pitched notes. A howl from somewhere outside the barrier can be heard as an answer. Even the last beast understood now, what is going on but nobody is attacking him. They stopped attacking each other altogether. I can hear the bowstrings from Étain's people in the trees but they don't snap.
A special battle break. Nobody knows what's going on.
"Now, now,... it's just a piece of cloth, right? Or is it about the Doctor I just drank from?" His wicked smile brings my death spirits around me to swirl even more. I need to contain but it will tear me apart. Why is nobody knocking him out?
I'm about to burst.
Eve wants to head over to us as much as Lyall but I gesture both of them to stay away. That's something I need to handle.
I still have the cloth in my hand, not wanting to let go of it, I take a defensive stance. My mind is blank as my heart aches to an extent I haven't ever felt it. I cannot decide what hurts me most about this situation.
"Did you lose your tongue while I had my little nap?" Tobias asks coming to stand in arm's length of me. It is impossible that he healed so fast.
"How..." I hiss through clenched teeth.
"I would say that it's the healthy blood of Mother within me but I guess it helps a lot to be head council of a hidden society of scientists. Too bad your Dr. Johnson did not consider to join us right away. He'd have had the perfect morality for it." He snaps his fingers.
"But that's a different story. Connor," he waits for Connor to come next to him. My eyes are showing me the scene but my brain cannot make sense of it. Connor is tense, his look at me stern and his forehead in folds. I truly thought our blood vow meant something to him, even though I knew he was not always honest.
"Would you be so kind and take my Father in our custody? I have a little surprise prepared," Tobias orders.
"Is that really necessary?" Connor asks just to get back a silent grumble from Tobias.
"You question me?"
"Things changed," Connor says before Tobias slaps him hard.
"Did you forget that he killed your brothers?" Tobias yells at him. Connor's eyes close for a moment as he takes a deep breath.
"No, master."
Something in my head snaps at that. "What the hell is going on with you? That's not a game, Tobias!" I yell at him but he only shrugs it off.
"You are just pissed because I'm about to win."
I look around me as Connor slowly comes closer. He is giving me a hint with his eyes but I'm only confused. What does he try to tell me? I squeeze the piece of cloth between my fingers before pressing it against my nose for a deep breath.
Tristan.
"If you consider hurting my dearest Connor, make sure you also consider that I still have someone into custody you maybe want to have back with his head still attached." Tobias' words are cutting in my mind. Cold and freezing. I'm dazed, unable to move.
"Of course, you could also try to order that someone kills me but as far as I can see the poison on our weapons do your people no good."
Connor slowly reaches out to take my ax from me. My grip around it is so tight that he's not able to pull it away. "Brother, please, give it to me," he murmurs and I open my hand to let go.
I cannot attack and risk Tristan's life, again. I cannot attack my son with the purpose of killing him.
I cannot do anything without risking a life I promised to protect.
Why am I unable to move with all that anger within me? I feel just like the day I woke up alone in an abandoned wooden cabin, dried blood staining all my appearance as well as the floor and the walls. Blood from Gwendolyn and Tobias, the two people I loved and wanted to protect. The two people I killed without being able to find their corpses. Until I saw Tobias I thought I have eaten both of them.
"Finally, I found the one who really controls you. It's a shame, you know..." Tobias drags me out of my thoughts. "You are so strong and should be a King on your own. It took me quite some time to figure out why you let someone rule you. I always looked up to you, but it seems like I have truly outgrown you."
"Where is he?" I manage to ask silently.
"Which part of him?"
I growl out once more but this time it feels like all strength is draining out of me. Tobias laughs at my shocked reaction and orders to bring the first in. My head turns and my eyes are longingly watching two men dragging in a half-naked body, who lacks a foot and in general seems to struggle with consciousness.
"Lloyd!" I can hear Lester before he runs over to take the body from the two. Eve silently but with just as much worry on her face follows him and they both start to caress the wounded man. Embracing him and instantly taking care of his wounds as good as they can.
"What a lovely sight," Tobias smiles whimsically. "You're welcome, Lady Blackwood! You can keep him. It's a present, but I'll take Father in exchange."
I can see Eve's tears are flowing over her cheeks silently before she wraps her arms around the man in front of her looking at me with desperation. I manage a crooked smile and nod to her.
"You destroyed my final for this big show, Father! I had it fleshed out so greatly," Tobias sighs, bringing my attention back to him. "But you taught me to adapt right? So here we are."
He whistles once more before starting to move further to the open gates. This time the two men bring in a far bigger body.
I can feel my eyes starting to well up at the sight of Tristan's struggle to move his own feet. There are several cutting wounds next to the burnings and they seem only to be treated poorly if at all. His beaten face is searching the clearing before his eyes lock with mine. Some of his fingers are missing and he does not heal.
Tobias is fast to let them bring Tristan to his knees right in front of him.
"Tobias, please..." I croak. I reach out my hand before finding my voice again.
"Please, my son. Let him go, I do whatever you want, but please stop..." I can't hold back the worry and anxiousness that I tried to suppress since the moment Eve told me about Tristan's death. He is alive, but he looks pretty close on the edge. I cannot stand to see him like that.
All I want is to wrap my arms around him. Feed him. Help him heal. Tell him how much I love him.
Tobias clicks his tongue before ramming his fist in Tristan's stomach, making him hunch in pain. A shriek leaves my lungs and I want to run forwards but Connor is holding my shoulder. Tristan is coughing and the agony is leaving his mouth as silent whimpers. I never saw him suffer like that.
Not since I am next to him.
"That's the problem, Father. Exactly this face you show me. You forgot about Mother and me, didn't you?"
Why is it always me to make impossible decisions? Is there a way I could solve this? Any possible positive outcome?
"You won," I blurt out. "Don't you see that you won? Please let him go, kill me, and let him go."
Tobias nods. "I know that I won. I can see your pain but it is just a little balm to my wounded soul. I meant it when I said that I love you and I will not let you love anybody else besides me. I know you never wanted to turn me, fortunately, Mother loved me more. You took her from me. When you abandoned me for the first time, you should have stayed wherever you went to! But you came back, right? Now tell me, when did you decide it's best for me to die instead of living my life with her?"
I press my shaking hands at the sides of my thighs. When did I start to become so pathetic?
"All I ever wanted for you is to have a good life in the sun and with chances to have your own family," I start silently answering his question. "I never wanted you to die, I wanted you to live your life."
"Hypocrite! You pushed me off that cliff on purpose. You killed mother without remorse and if she wouldn't have prepared me for the turn already I truly would be dead," he yells at me and his hand takes Tristan's throat and squeezes it just enough to let him moan in pain.
I stare at him as I don't know what to answer. All I can think of is how to ease Tristan's pain.
"He can't remember, Master," Connor interrupts and Tobias grimaces.
"Why do you say that?"
"If you say he killed another vampire before that happened he most probably cannot remember. It was like that after he killed Maria," Connor explains with an obeying tone.
"Is that true?" Tobias wants to know from me and I shake my head desperately.
"I... I don't know... It is all my fault, it doesn't matter, right?" I stammer.
My head spins and it's about the time the effects of my nearly kills kick in. My chest is imprisoning my lungs pressing the last air out of it with every breath and I try to keep on looking at Tristan who is watching me. He has his hands wrapped around Tobias' wrist.
"You bastard! That can't be true. Tell me where you brought Mother's body!" Tobias screams.
"I'm sorry," I cry out. "I'm sorry..." I repeat before I have to take my head in my hands to slow down the spin the world got all of a sudden. I sink to my knees unable to make a decision to either let him kill Tristan or to save Tristan and kill him. I try to get myself together, bringing my forehead to the ground.
"Please Tobias, let him go..." I beg. "He has nothing to do with this."
"Oh, he has everything to do with it! Tell me that there is nobody you love left! Tell me that I managed to kill them all and I will let him go."
"I love him," I confess silently.
"Say that again," Tobias orders, "louder. Everybody should hear it!"
"I love him!" I yell at him.
"I eradicated a whole family tree for you! The McDonnelly's are no more because of you," Tobias rages, "You shouldn't have allowed them to come close to you. Everybody close to you will die! The only one left will be me. I'm your son! Do you hear me? You will only love one person, and that is me!"
"Master, don't you think it is enough?" I can hear Connor answer him but he does not react.
"You are such a disgrace to the Father I once had! You've been strong, reckless and this man tamed you to a degree it pains me. I will free you from this prison he puts you in," Tobias grip around Tristan's throat tightens.
Tristan although tries to shoot me a smile and his lips are forming the words that brought us into all this misery.
I love you.
Before I realize what the look on his face means he seems to bundle all the strength that's left within him to start fighting Tobias off.
"No!" I yell breathlessly as Tristan's fist starts to hit Tobias weakly and hell breaks loose. Connor is the first to help Tristan but Tobias is prepared. The crane he uses for walking opens with a click and reveals the sharp sword within. That's why this thing was so heavy!
The fights around me start again as I still struggle to get back to my feet and run to tackle Tobias just in the right moment to save Tristan's throat from the swing of his sword.
"You are on his side?" Tobias' fangs try to find their grip at my throat but I do not let him come close. "After all you know about his double game. He kept you away from me!"
"Tobias, calm down!" I try to reason with him while we roll around in the mud. His body may look fragile but his will is not. The sword in his hands is cutting deep into my flesh a few times before he manages to ram it through me, pinning me to the ground.
I get a grip at his face though and hold his head in place. "Tobias, stop it! I still love you," I repeat again and again but he is furious, trying to bite me and ram the sword deeper. I cry out in pain.
I need to bring him back!
"I love you, Tobias, stop fighting me!" I yell at him. I beg him.
And then silence is deafening me.
His head still in my hands the rest of his body crashes at my chest lifelessly. I stare into blank eyes and try to figure out what just happened. The scent of his blood slaps me hard.
"Nobody is hurting Tristan!" I can hear Eve yell at us. She holds my ax and the blood is dripping off the cutting edge. My eyes grow wider as my look wanders back into Tobias' face, down his detached throat. His body is slowly slipping next to me.
My heart skips some beats before I release a scream full of agony and desperation that's chocking in my throat. I cannot hold back the tears that cause my chest to heave as there is far too little air in my lungs. I press Tobias head against me, burying my face in his golden hair.
The pain is unbearable.
"Deliver me, my Lass!" I try to cry out. "Someone have mercy with my heart..." I cry like I never cried before in my life while Tobias blood is mixing with the mud I lay in. I'm not able to move as the earth seems to drag me in where the sword pins me down. Usually I would wake up now and the nightmare is over but I doubt that I will wake.
Can you feel the pain? The words resonate in my head as I cry out at the top of my lungs.
"Someone just kill me already!"
In the end, I think, I know who I am.
I am Ethan, a broken man, who desperately searches for some peace of mind. I am beaten up, shaken, and hurt. Life left a deep scar and no matter how much I pretend to don't feel it, I do.
Does that make me ignorant?
Or does that make me... human?