I've always felt that there is this 'THING' missing from my life. No matter where I go, what I do, who I hang with, be it with my friends, family I've always felt that something is missing from my life. What is that you ask? Well my friend that's what I'm about to find out I guess. Or atleast I hope so.
"Hello?"
I looked up to find my co-worker staring at me from beneath her blue-rimmed glasses, holding a cup of coffee. This is the only part of the day which brings a tad bit of joy to my soul because I have just another half an hour before my shift ends.
"Sorry..I just.....you know" and like everytime, I couldn't complete the sentence.
"You know what girl, I think we need to have a conversation about this. Don't you think?" she asked me, raising her eyebrows.
Thing is I don't know from where to start or how to explain my dilemma so with a fake smile I told her, "I'm fine. Really. Don't worry about me girl".
She checked me up and down once more as if she was hoping to find some sort of clue which would give my game away.
Thankfully she didn't and giving me a final nod made her way towards her room. Her shift ends before mine so she packed her stuff and within ten minutes she left the workplace.
That leaves just me and my boss. I checked my watch. It said quarter to six. Phew. It's been a really hectic day again because I was still drained out from yesterday's party.
Yes I pretty much a socially active person because that's what you are expected to be when you work in one of the biggest multi-national companies. You have be keep in touch with different kinds of people, attend boaring parties and meetings and do so many things which you could never imagine you would be doing right now.
The clock struck seven and I left my office. It was again a windy day so I left my hair open, enjoying it with pure bliss as I boarded the last bus which left for 13 downtown street. This is one of the many things I savour every day in my entire 23 years of existence.
Sitting by the window, the wind caressing my cheeks gently, kissing my ears and smothering my hair as if I were a porcelain doll. I closed my eyes and let it have its way for the next one hour and fifteen minutes.
The bus came to a sudden halt. Yes, I have reached my destination my friend and I'll be heading home now.
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"Hi honey", greeted a cheerful voice and kissed my cheek.
"Hi love", I said with a smile, trying to keep my eyes open as I stepped inside my house.
It's more of a two bedroom tier flat which my husband purchased last month. Very luxurious and similar to the ones you see in TV soaps.
"How was your day babe?" he asked me, like always like a record player and my reply would be, "fine thank you very much gentle sir" and then he would give me a warm hug and we would have dinner, shower together, make love and went back to bed.
Not today.
"Just tired", was my reply before I made my way to the kitchen.
I wanted him to notice that nothing was right in our life. The way we wanted it to be, with so much of love, hearts and roses, happiness, none of that I've experienced so far which he had promised me when we took our vow on our wedding day.
"Tired of?"
I looked up to find him setting the table for dinner without glancing at me. It's like two people having a very normal conversation.
"Life".
He still continued setting the table.
I got up and quickly rushed towards the bathroom. Anyone would expect his/her other half to run after him/her and ask "what's wrong? Everything okay? Are you alright?" but he never came running behind me and I heard the clatter of dishes and spoon while I quietly took my shower.
I covered myself with the bathrobe and went outside. Like always, he was sitting on the sofa watching TV. Once he noticed me approaching, he set the remote aside and pulled me to his chest.
"Guess what babe today this guy...." and he went on blabbering about what happened throughout the day in his office and he didn't notice even when two drops of tear rolled down my cheeks.
Exactly when did this sweet loving man become so emotionless? Or was it my mistake in judging him from the beginning.
"I'm sorry but I'm not feeling too good so I'll just go to bed", I said and got up, hiding the tears which were threating to gush out any moment now.
"Okay hon, I'll just have my dinner and join you", he said.
Sure you would...who wouldn't want a good fuck after a tiring day of work and a good dinner.
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I quickly locked my bedroom and jumped on my bed as tears gushed down my eyes like a stream. I cried and cried and cried...and cried. I kept on crying when my husband laughed at something which he found funny in the TV. I continued crying as I heard the sound of cutlery since he was having his food. I cried even when he received a phone call where some one congratulated him on his recent promotion.
There came a knock on my door.
"Hey hon? Why is the door locked? Is everything okay?"
I tried to speak but couldn't. What was I supposed to say? He made me sad. After all this time why is it that now I noticed things have gone horribly wrong. So wrong that you cannot fix it.
"Can I just sleep in peace", I said when his gentle knocks started to irritate me.
"Ok", he said and left, without uttering another word.
I sighed and rested my head on the pillow as sleep overcame my aching mind and body.
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My breakfast was set on the table when I entered the living room and like everyday there was a note crushed under the heavy paper weight saying, "Have a nice day hon. See you in the evening. xx"
My husband is the CEO of one of the biggest companies in our country and I am so proud of him. But guess what, he never realized things will fall apart once he steps out of the house today because I've decided to do something crazy today. Something totally reckless.
"Sorry Samantha but I'm very sick today so I'm calling in", I left a voice message for the PA of my office hoping my boss would get the message.
Then with a smile I went to my bedroom to bring out the two new suitcase which had been lying all this time.
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My heart was beating so fast that I felt it would come out of my chest any moment now.
"Relax. It's just the turbulence", said the guy who was sitting next to me.
"Is this your first time?"
I chuckled.
For the first time in a long time some one made me laugh. Oh young man you have no idea what is it that I'm so scared of at the moment.
"No but I'll be okay", i said briefly and he gave me a gentle smile before getting busy with whatever he was doing.
I opened my iphone and logged into facebook. It's been a while.
"This is what you have been waiting for your entire life girl. Don't look back. Just go", were my best friend's last words exactly two years back when I got this promising job.
I was at the beginning of building my career so I never looked back.
Too bad I didn't see through my best friend's grief because the very next day she lost her job which she never told me about and I just got to know from facebook. Irony isn't it?
Next year she got married to my cousin brother. They have been dating and I always wanted them to be together so this piece of news made me happy.
However, that didn't last long because next thing I notice is her relationship status - "Divorced" with this status which she updated the very same day
"Wherever you are my dear friend, I hope you're in cloud nine with an awesome job, friends for life, a caring man and maybe two cute kids just like you Call me if you need anything because I'll always be there for you"
I paused, waiting for everything to sink in. When did I become so selfish? How could I not have contacted my best-friend, the only person who was always there for me all this time? When she needed me, where was I?
I was so caught up in my own world I abandoned everyone. My friends, family everybody. No wonder I'm feeling this way right now...that my husband has become a changed man because karma is a bitch right?
It was practically impossible to check two thousand eight hundred and sixty five messages in Whatsapp so I gave up and simply opened his profile on facebook.
Wow, he has changed so much in two years. His facebook profile has now changed into a facebook page. I scrolled through his newsfeed and stopped.
"Tickets for sale. Concert at Starlight Stadium."
How come it sounds so familiar?
I opened whatsapp. He was online.
"Hi", I sent.
It's so strange that he never changed his no. Just like he promised two years ago .I guess some things never change.
"Hey you " he replied after two minutes.
Shocked, i started typing.
"You remember me? :O"
He was typing...
Typing....
Typing........
Finally
"You coming tonight at my concert?"
"I hope so but all tickets are sold "
"Don't worry. I'll find a way to let you in. Just be there "
"Okay "
Sighing, I put away my phone and decided to take a nap. It's going to be another long day.
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Have you ever been with a hammer hard on your head? That's exactly how I felt after a 12 hour long flight. Somehow none of this mattered to me because I was excited to meet him and probably give my bestie a surprise today.
I boarded a taxi and gave him the address to the stadium. Show starts in two hours and I can't miss it now can I?
The city has changed so much. There are new buildings which were taller, more street lights. It will take a while to get adjusted with this new life.
The taxi pulled outside the stadium just in time. I got out and payed him off. Now all I need to do is wait.
I see a black mercedes pull in front of me.
"This is for you mam", the driver said and gave me his phone.
Confused, I took his cell.
"Hello"
"Hey it's me. You good?"
It was him. Even after two years I remember his voice which is so strange.
"Yeah"
"I have put your name under the VIP section so hurry girl! Jump into the Mercedes and come. I can't wait to see you."
So many emotions were swirling through my mind at that moment. However due to lack of time I pushed it aside as the chauffeur drove me straight to the stadium.
Since childhood, I have always wanted to attend a live concert but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine i would be attending his show live.
Yes, I used to tell him all the time he was good at so many things music being the first. That one day he would become famous and probably forget about me.
But he didn't because he comes out of the room and greets me with a huge grin.
"Hi", he said with a smile, his eyes fixed on me. They were filled with what? Longing? Compassion? Anger? Hatred? Love? I don't know.
"Hey", i managed to speak after almost five minutes.
"My show starts in ten so please don't leave after the show, okay? We have a lot of catching up to do."
"Okay", i said with a smile.
Somehow this man always makes me feel "so far away yet so close".
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The show was crazy. I never imagined so many people would turn up and cheer him and he would be this happy. Everyone was shouting and dancing like mad while my eyes were focused on him. Only him.
Around midnight, the show finally ended and once again I was outside waiting. It's strange that I trust this man more than myself.
"Hey", said a voice from behind.
"Oh hi"
"Let's take a walk along the beach", he said, as he offered his hand. There wasn't any ring.
I quickly opened my wedding ring and then placed my hand on his. His eyes were focused on mine so he didn't notice and we walked towards the shore.
"Do you miss the beach?"
I never expected that to be his first question. More of "why did you stop calling me?" was my first guess.
"Yeah I do. Sometimes", I said sighing as the wind swept my hair and small waves touched my feet.
I got tired after walking for an hour so we decided to sit and enjoy the serenity of the entire thing. Like the sound of small waves, the beautiful full moon as it shone like 'that lucky star' or the rippling noise the sea made when it is gently touched by the wind.
"Me too", he said with a sigh. By "me too" I felt he mean't something else.
"Umm I haven't check in yet so I gotta go now. Meet you tommorow again?"
He rolled his eyes. "Seriously? After all this time that's what you have to say?"
I kept quiet. What was I supposed to say? That I miss him inspite of the fact that I've been married for two years?
"You can crash at my place tonight. It's a big house and I don't think you should be having any trouble", he said looking at me, a slight frown on his face.
I agreed as we got up to leave once again in his black mercedes.
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Turns out his house is big like he said. It's simple yet so inviting and has something about it.
"You live here alone?" I couldn't help asking him that and of course he got that because next moment he chuckled.
"Still so cute", he said.
I pouted to which he laughed.
"Yes I'm still single", he said with a grin.
"Wow", I said and then kept my stupid mouth shut.
After this we just talked for god knows how long until the atmosphere suddenly started changing.
I don't know if it was the wine or was it the fact that he bacame more attractive all of a sudden. Who knows.
Next thing I know is that he kissed my lips and I kissed him back and then everything became chaos.
We touched, kissed, nibbled, laughed, cried, moaned, sighed and did everything which we had always wanted to do.
Just one night of full passion was enough to bring that something which I had been missing all this time in my life.
So with a satisfied smile, wrapped around his arms I fall back to sleep.
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It was 9am. I was on my way to attend a meeting. As I was going through my purse, something fell down.
It was an envelope.
Curious, I picked it up. Inside was a note and the ring which I always used to wear. It was given to me by my mom.
The note said - "While we were making love this slipped out of your finger. If I wanted I would have kept this but I don't want to hold you back because that would have been selfish of me. Thought you might need this :) "
I don't know when the 12hour flight came to a stop but when I did realize I was still sitting with that ring in my hand and holding the envelope to my heart.
The end