February 10th, 2012
Can't believe my only daughter will be graduating in the next few months." Simon said as he put his suitcase on the table and placed a kiss on Sky's forehead.
"If only you would have let me drop out." She half joked and Billie laughed. "Now why would we let you do that?" He asked washing his hands.
"You would've made me the happiest person in the world." I replied and he chuckled that deep laugh of his displaying both dimples.
"You hear that Billie?" He asked looking at his wife and she smiled nodding as she poured some shredded cheese over the Mac.
"Mind your business" was my Billie's favorite quote and it's exactly what Sky always did, 'Mind her business.' Of course she ear hustled here and there, but overall she did stay out of grown folk business.
"What's so bad about school now?" She asked and Skylar shrugged looking over her chemistry notes.
"I just didn't really have time to make friends, that's all." She replied. "You don't need friends, you got us." Simon told her as sat down across from her and pulled her binder over his way.
He swore he was better at everything and she always let him believe it.
"I still need friends, y'all don't wanna go to the movies or parties with me." She said and he scrunched his face up.
"You don't needa go to no parties, who you tryna booty pop on?" He asked and she gasped. "Dad!"
"I ain't old, I know what folks yo age do at those parties. It's no place for you." He said getting serious and she decided to just let him have that.
"Maybe she's tired of hanging in the house every day." Billie defended and Sky nodded. "Being inside da house is safer than being outside." He spoke in a leave it at that tone.
Knowing what he meant, Billie didn't respond.
"I hear this all the time." Sku spoke standing up to go get her calculator. "I'm gonna keep saying it too until you get the thought of partying out yo head!" He yelled from the dining room and she just waved her hand as she headed towards her room.
"You're gonna run her away one day." Billie told her. "No I won't, she loves me and knows I'm just being an overly protective father." He responded.
She gave him a look.
"But for what? You gotta let her in some day Simon." She hinted.
"I wi—." Before he could finish his sentence the door was being kicked in and Billie's scream filled the air.
Sky rushed into her closet and hid inside the secret compartment Simon had put in.
Hearing her dad yell then more things breaking, Skylar squeezed her eyes shut and started praying hoping they wouldn't come searching for hernext.
Hearing her bedroom door be knocked forcefully into the wall then slammed shut her heart sank to the pit of her stomach.
Holding her breath, thinking that would help, she prayed to the Lord hoping they would not find her.
"Skylar?!... it's dad, I'm sorry sweetheart. There's a note in my safe... he can help you from there. I never meant for this to happen, Sky I love you." Simon whispered.
Hearing the tone in his voice made her heart break even more.
She went to say something until the door was kicked in.
"Where's that daughter of yours nigga!?" The deep voice asked. "This got nothing to do wit her!" Simon replied.
"Where is she?!" The male asked again. "She's at da library, please do-." BANG! BANG! BANG!
**
Jumping at the sounds of gunshots, Skylar held her hand over her rapidly beating heart as her body was drenched in sweat.
This was the fifth time she's had that nightmare.
She thought her night terrors were gone... guess not.
Looking around the dark room, she picked up the alarm clock then huffed seeing the time.
It was 2am.
Frustrated and still shaken up, she put the alarm clock down and swung her legs over the bed.
"Damn it." She mumbled covering her face with her hands.
Sighing, she hop down from the bed and made her way out the bedroom.
August was sleeping in the room with Briel because like Skylar, she has also been having nightmares.
Walking down the stairs, Sky cited verse 1 and 2 from Psalm 144.
"Praise be to the LORD my Rock, who trains my hands for war and my fingers for battle."
"He is my loving God and my fortress, my stronghold and my deliverer, my shield, in whom I take refuge, who subdues peoples under me." Walking into the kitchen, she opened the fridge and grabbed the bottle of water from the top shelf.
"I just need one good night of sleep Lord." She mumbled before she downed the water.
Tossing the empty bottle in the trash, she went and sat at the table and laid her head down.
Each time her mind wandered to the shooting she'd squeeze her eyes shut and make a fist.
For twenty minutes straight she did that.
The sound of footsteps alerted her, she looked up just as August was turning the corner.
"What you doing down here?" He asked taking a seat across from her.
The moon light was shining right on the side of her face.
"Restless." She answered playing with her bracelet.
"Lie again." He spoke standing and walked into the kitchen, grabbing the jar of peanut butter from the pantry and two spoons, he sat back down at the table and handed her a spoon.
"What got you up?" He asked giving her a look.
Remaining quiet for a moment, she just scooped up some peanut butter and licked the spoon.
He gave her time while he too sat with a heavy mental.
Things seemed to be going too "good" for the fam and he had a feeling something dark was coming.
"My nightmares came back." She finally announced as she stabbed the peanut butter with her spoon.
"How bad are they?" He asked putting his spoon down.
Shrugging, Sky kept her eyes low.
"He's dead... I don't know why I'm dreaming about his selfish ass." She mumbled then shook her head.
"Even though you may tell us you hate yo pops and may try to convince yourself dat... your heart, I guess still has love for him and there's nothing wrong with that." He told her.
"I don't have love for him, he's brought me and everyone else nothing but pain. He was sick mentally and should've asked for help instead of doing the things he did."
"Tell me what part of da dream you normally wake up at?" He spoke and she glanced at him briefly.
"When they kill him."
"Each nightmare has ended like dat?" He asked.
Nodding, August leaned forward and studied her.
"Maybe a part of you wish he died dat day or maybe you miss him and don't even realize it. Does da dream focus mainly on him or both your parents?" He asked.
"Both of them for a little and then it switches to him and I... it's always at the part where he apologizes and tell me to find you." She informed and he nodded slowly.
"Do you forgive him for everything he's done?" He asked and she sat quiet for a while.
Not answering, she just stared at the open jar of peanut butter.
"No." She finally answered.
"Are you sure?" August asked and she shrugged.
"He tried to have his own sister and nephew killed... so no." She spoke and August squinted briefly.
"We're not talking about everyone else, you know how we feel. I'm talking about you Skylar, despite da shit he's done is there a piece of you dat wants to forgive him?"
"Would it be bad if I did?" She asked.
"Can't nobody feel a way about how you feel ma. If you want to forgive him so you can move on with your life then do dat Sky. Don't nobody gotta know you forgave him, we're supposed to forgive people anyways. We don't have to try to be friends with em again just because we forgive them. We also don't try to mend things again with people dat hurt us or we stopped talking to for whatever reason, but da bible says to forgive." He explained and she nodded slowly.
"But it's hard though, I don't think I can just do that. Like I want to but then again I don't want to, he hurt too much people and me in the process. I was his daughter for crying out loud, there's literally no excuse for what he's done." She expressed and he just listened.
"Let's start down the list." She said moving the jar of peanut butter over and he gave her his full attention.
"He knee of his own sister getting raped and he did nothing to help or stop it. Their own mother hated Jenna and he allowed it. Yeah he was a "kid" but he knew what was wrong and what was his excuse when they got older? Nothing. Then he ordered the hit on his own flesh and blood and her husband, not caring about his nephew getting caught in the crossfire. He cheated on my mom on more than three occasions, had a daughter by another woman and never wanted to play daddy. Years later, he slept with that same woman and created Bre, fast forward to when he popped up at the salon when he was supposed to be "dead" and came for me. He used Jenna to take Bre from us until she realized it was wrong so she gave her back, then we find out it was him that ordered the hit and he tried to justify it? That man was fucked up and should've asked for help."
"Listen to what you just said towards da end ma." August spoke and she stared at him funny.
"He was "fucked up" He didn't go through da physical, emotional and verbal abuse like your aunt did but he had to deal with all of dat mentally and emotionally. In his defense he shut it out and dat turned into anger and hate and jealousy towards Jenna because she was brave enough to run to big Nate for help. Jenna got out of there and had a support system to get her through da shit. Simon, I can't stand his ass but he had nobody to check on him. He used those women, your mom included and manipulated people into trying to kill your aunt them because he needed help but didn't know how to ask for it. He thought he was fine and just figured he hated Nate so damn much dat it would be cool to kill him. He didn't care about Jenna dem getting caught in da crossfire because to him at dat time, Nate, Gunna and their other friend took Jenna from him. They shut him out, so he figured if I'm gonna hurt why not hurt dem? And that's exactly what he did. Hurt people HURT people Sky and dat man was "sick" but he was also hurt." He told her.
"That's not an excuse though." She argued.
"That's his excuse ma, you can't knock him for dat. He needed some support like Jenna received but he never got it and that's why his ass was so damn angry." He replied and she just sat there.
"I can't forgive him now, I'll just have to wait it out." She said about to stand up but he stopped her.
"What are you afraid of?" He asked and she furrowed her brows.
"I'm not scared of anything." She answered placing her hands in her lap.
"We're all afraid of something... what's so bad about you forgiving him? What's preventing you from doing dat?" He questioned.
Ignoring him, August gave her a look.
"What are you afraid of Skylar?" He asked in a softer tone.
Once again she ignored hm.
"We're sitting here in da dark with nothing but da light from da moon shining in and I can see your eyes watering... so tell me what's bothering you." He spoke and she looked down.
"Sky?" He called.
"What are you afraid of baybeh?" He asked making her look at him and she shrugged wiping her eyes.
"You do know and I can see it, but you don't want to tell me or say it." He replied.
"You gotta talk to me Sky." He told her and she closed her eyes letting the tears fall.
"It's not fair to her." She mumbled wiping her face again.
"Not fair to who?" August asked getting up and walked around towards her.
"Who Sky?" He asked squatting down in front of her and she wiped her eyes again.
"My mom."
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☹️
How we feel?
Who do y'all agree with?