By the time I return to the kitchen to help Aunt Abbie, a small silhouette through the glass window catches my eyes.
"Riley!"
The door opens and a little girl comes barreling into the house, throwing her arms around my legs. Behind her, a friendly-looking man follows, flashing a big smile at the sight of me.
I glance down at the child with a blank stare before looking up at the unfamiliar man. In my head, I debate whether I should make a run for the door. With many pairs of eyes on me, the space suddenly feels small and the uncomfortable feeling inside me grows.
The urge to run back to my room is tempting.
"Riley!" The girl grins up at me. Her blonde curls bouncing on her shoulders. "I miss you!"
I stare down at her, feeling a sense of awkwardness between us. How should I react to a child? Smile? What am I supposed to say?
I want to run away, but with the anticipative look that Aunt Abbie is giving me, I stop myself.
How many times have I gone back to the little cave that I have made for myself? What will change if I run away? Where else can I go if there is nowhere for me to return to except here? With or without a choice, I'm a part of the family now.
In the end, I give Judy a small smile and squeak out a "hi".
Her grin widens and she clings even tighter to my legs. Her father takes the chance to cut in during this moment, flashing me a warm, friendly smile. Aunt Abbie joins his side and watches our interaction, allowing a smile to grow on her face.
"It's great to have you with us, Riley," he greets me. "How are you feeling?"
He steps forward with his hand reaching out towards me, as if he intends to ruffle my hair.
But I take a step backwards.
"Dave," Aunt Abbie warns. "Don't rush things."
"Right." With a sheepish smile, Uncle Dave withdraws his hand and keeps a distance from me, not too near or far. "Make yourself at home, Riley. If you need something, let me know."
I answer quietly. "Thank you."
He flashes another smile. "You guys have fun while I excuse myself. I'll be in my office."
I nod and he bends down to peck his daughter's cheek. "Sweetheart, can you keep Riley company?"
"Of course!"
He shoots us both a smile and leaves quickly. But with Judy hugging my legs, it's proving a little difficult to move around the house. Aunt Abbie hurries past us and heads back into the kitchen to resume her cooking for dinner.
Her voice rings out loud and clear. "Judy sweetie, please don't go too hard on Riley."
The girl pouts. "But Mommy," she whines. "I want her to play with me."
"Sure you can, but give her some time to adjust, okay? Riley has just recovered."
Disappointed, Judy pushes out her bottom lip. "Fine."
Releasing my legs, she takes my hand instead and guides me to her bedroom. Pushing the door open, she lets go of my hand and walks over to a pink table lined with many toys. Her eyes scan them quickly and she picks a white rabbit plush. Spinning around, she waves it at me.
"Riley, look! This is what you gave me for my fourth birthday. I'm taking good care of it, just like how you told me to."
I frown in confusion. How much does this girl know about me and my condition? How should I respond to her?
In the end, I put up a facade. "Really?" I try to smile. "I'm glad you like it."
Judy's smile falters at my lack of response, obviously catching onto my lie. Her lips quiver, looking as though she is about to burst out in tears any second now. "So, what Mommy said is true," she mumbles bitterly. "You don't remember us? You don't remember all those times that we spent together?"
Her words leave me feeling strangely guilty. Ever since I woke up from my coma, the people that I have met have been treading carefully around me. Everyone except Judy. This is the first time someone openly expresses their sadness at my amnesia.
Who knows that a child's honesty will hit me this hard?
The pure, broken expression on Judy's face tugs at my heartstrings. With a quiet sigh, I drop to my knees and pat her head gently. I choose my words carefully, mainly because I don't want to upset her any more than she should.
"I'm so sorry for forgetting," I say. "I'll do my best to remember. Shall we continue to make fresh memories together?"
I hold out my pinky finger as a sign of promise, and Judy's eyes light up immediately. She wraps her own pinky finger around mine readily. Her reaction surprises me — it's so simple to make a child happy.
"Promise," she says firmly. "And Riley? It's alright if you take your time to remember us, because by then we will still be a family and forever standing by your side."
Despite her little hands in mine, somehow it feels like we switch our roles for a moment—that Judy is the mature, sensible older sister and I'm her little sister. Her heartfelt words leave a distinct impression on my mind, something that I'm certain will remain for a long time.
"Kids?" Aunt Abbie calls from the kitchen. "Dinner's ready."
"We're coming, Mommy!"
Judy takes my hand and leads me out of the room. Uncle Dave emerges from his office and the four of us sit down in the kitchen for a good hour to eat dinner. Watching them converse is intriguing, but at some point, I can't help but feel like an outsider intruding on their family.
This brings me to the one question that has been pondering over and over in my mind ever since I woke up.
Where is my family?
***
A few days later, Aunt Abbie suddenly springs a surprise on me out of nowhere.
"Riley," she addresses me, her face looking unusually serious. "Can we talk after lunch?"
Uneasiness settles in the pit of my stomach. The worried look in Aunt Abbie's eyes isn't helping either, and I can't help but think that something has gone wrong. In my mind, I'm having strange thoughts, like how Aunt Abbie has decided that I should leave her house because she can't handle taking care of me anymore. That I'm simply a responsibility that she doesn't want to take on.
I try to brush off my worries. "Sure.
After lunch, Aunt Abbie convinces Judy to play in her room. After living here for a few days, I learned that Uncle Dave works as a vet and right now; he is still at the clinic, which means we are free to speak alone in the living room.
"Riley."
Aunt Abbie leans forward to take my hands in hers, her eyes wavering slightly with concern.
"I don't know how you will react once you hear this," she begins, "but you know that I'm doing this for your best interests at heart."
I take a deep breath to brace myself for the worst. The tone she has adopted is frighteningly solemn, and I can't help but think that I really did something wrong. It feels like the calm before a storm, like I'm able to get doused in cold water.
Aunt Abbie inhales deeply. "Riley," she says. "You need to go to school."
Her words earn a gasp from me, my eyes growing wide at her unexpected words. Did I mishear her words wrongly?
School?
The word terrifies me. Back at the hospital, I felt like a shackled celebrity; constantly being monitored 24/7. When I moved into Aunt Abbie's house, I finally could catch a breather. But now, everyone's attention is going to be on me. Again.
And not to forget that I had been in a coma for a year. At this moment, I'm far behind my peers in my studies.
"Remember how we did some tests back at the hospital?" Aunt Abbie asks, and I nod. "The doctor evaluates your condition as a retrograde memory loss. They did a scan of your head and the results came out fine. Hence, they believe your mind is unconsciously suppressing your memories, but your general knowledge remains, thank god for that."
"We don't know for certain when your memories will be back, but...I don't want you to stay cooped up in the house while we aren't at home," she explains. "It's time for you to go out, meet new friends and make the best out of your life. I know it'll be hard at first—catching up on your studies and getting your body back into good shape... But I really wish you will go out and see the world, and enjoy every moment."
I wasn't completely wrong before. She is throwing me out of the house, but just not in the way I think. She's not abandoning me for good. She just doesn't want me to linger in the house all the time.
The idea scares me, but the hopeful look on her face is undeniably hard to say no to. I understand where Aunt Abbie is coming from. I understand her good intention to carve a new life for me. And truth to be told, even though I'm afraid, a part of me is feeling the slight thrill of knowing that I will do something different for a change.
Once I decide, I nod. "I'll try it."
Hearing my positive response, her face visibly relaxes in relief. "That's great, Riley. I can't tell you how proud I am of you. But if you feel overwhelmed at any point in time, let me know and I'll do whatever I can to help you."
I nod thoughtfully. "Thanks."
Seeing that I agree with her idea, Aunt Abbie's eyes sparkle. "Good," she claps her hands and stands up. "Well then, I'll have to phone the school and register your name. Once everything is done, I'll let you know the date when you'll start school."
After a couple of phone calls and completing some paperwork over the next few days, my admission to high school is pretty much set. I will officially start class a week later. With the recent changes to my daily routine, I spent the nights that come afterwards in a restless sleep.
Hopefully, school will not be the death of me.