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CHAPTER FOUR:
BEST FUNERAL EVER
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It was raining.
Harper decided that the rain was rather fitting to the situation at hand, everyone around her appeared to be in a state of gloom, as for herself, she did not know just yet. Something along the lines of gratefulness surged through her, grateful for the fact that she was awake once more, grateful that the Hargreeves siblings had reunited, and grateful that Mr. Hargreeves was dead.
It had taken a while for Harper to come to the conclusion that the absence of Mr. Hargreeves was for the better of his adoptive children, as well as herself. Harper was aware of the fact that without Mr. Hargreeves work, she herself would not exist. But when Harper looked upon the damage he had inflicted on the siblings' lives, she had made up her mind.
That was another thing that Harper was struggling to comprehend, her sudden ability to have free thought, she suspected it might've been caused by the absence of Mr. Hargreeves, if he was not present to control her electronic systems, it left her with the ability to control them herself. But there were still a few pieces missing, how was it that she could feel pain? If she did not have a fully functional nervous system, how could it be that she was feeling physical ailments?
Harper considered all of those thoughts while she stood holding a large umbrella next to Vanya, as the funeral commenced. Harper was not paying much attention to the actual event in itself, but the reactions of the siblings, as well as Pogo and Grace.
Harper had never paid much mind to Grace, she knew that they were very similar in the fact that they were both created by Mr. Hargreeves. But the two rarely interacted, Harper had her job, and Grace had hers.
As for Pogo, he never spoke to Harper unless directly ordered to do so, and now after the death of Mr. Hargreeves, Pogo seemed to be almost hostile towards her.
Everyone gathered around the center area while Luther held the urn, preparing to release the ashes. Harper took notice of Ben's statue next to them and felt some form of reassurance that the entire family was together again, for this moment.
"Did something happen?" asked Grace, with an oblivious smile.
The Hargreeves siblings turned to look at her in confusion.
"Dad died. Remember?" Allison replied warily.
Grace blinked and her smile fell, "Oh. Yes, of course."
"Is Mom okay?" Allison asked Diego.
"Yeah, yeah, she's fine. She just needs to rest. You know recharge." replied Diego, glancing at Grace with a nod.
Everyone fell silent once again and Pogo looked to Luther who was still holding the urn waiting to begin, "Whenever you're ready, dear boy."
Luther looked back to the urn and removed the lid he then slowly dumped the contents to the ground, where the ashes fell into one grey heap straight to the dirt.
Luther looked down at the pile of ash, "Probably would've been better with some wind." He mumbled.
"Does anyone wish to speak?" asked Pogo, looking around at everyone.
Speech response to initiate: No voluntary speech to process.
Nobody answered.
"Very well," continued Pogo, "In all regards, Sir Reginald Hargreeves made me what I am today. For that alone, I shall forever be in his debt. He was my master... and my friend, and I shall miss him very much." Pogo paused for a moment, "He leaves behind a complicated legacy–"
"He was a monster." Diego cut him off, "He was a bad person, and a worse father. The world's better off without him."
"Diego." Allison warned.
"My name is Number Two." Diego shot back, "You know why? Because our father couldn't be bothered to give us actual names. He had Mom do it."
Grace perked up at the sound of her name, "Would anyone like something to eat?" She offered, clearly oblivious to the situation at hand.
"No, it's okay, Mom." replied Vanya, from next to Harper.
Grace smiled softly, "Oh, okay."
"Look, you wanna pay your respects?" Diego continued, stepping forward, "Go ahead. But at least be honest about the kind of man he was."
"You should stop talking now." Luther said coldly.
Diego narrowed his eyes at him, "You know, you of all people should be on my side here, Number One."
"I am warning you." Luther's tone grew harsh.
"After everything he did to you," Diego ignored Luther's severity, "He had to ship you a million miles away."
"Diego, stop talking!" Luther snapped.
But Diego was not stopping, "That's how much he couldn't stand the sight of you!" He jabbed his finger into Luther's chest.
And thus began the fight.
Harper did not know what compelled the two to be so hostile toward each other, to her it seemed rather unnecessary, physical fighting would not make the situation any better.
Vanya took both Grace's and Harper's hands and led them away from Diego and Luther's range of motion.
"Boys, stop this at once!" exclaimed Pogo.
But nothing seemed to stop the flurry of hits and punches the two brothers threw at each other recklessly. The fight grew more violent as it progressed, and it was clear that the two were well trained, as they both knew exactly how to counteract each other.
"Stop it!" Vanya shouted, but to no avail.
Klaus appeared to be enjoying the brawl as he watched with a grin shouting, "Hit him! Hit him!"
Pogo scoffed and shook his head, he turned away from the fight hand headed back inside.
The two brothers broke apart for a moment, regaining their breath.
"We don't have time for this." muttered Five in annoyance, he then headed back inside as well.
Diego grew closer to Ben's statue, "Come here, big boy!" He taunted Luther with a sneer.
Intervention protocols on stand by.
Before Harper could move, Luther's fist barreled straight into Ben's statue, shattering it off of the podium, where there ceramic head cracked off upon impact to the ground.
"Ben-" Harper's voice wavered and she began to step towards the damage, but Vanya held her back, taking the umbrella and shaking her head.
Allison sighed, "And there goes Ben's statue." She turned away and headed back inside, clearly done with the situation at hand.
Luther appeared to be distracted by Allison's departure as he didn't notice the shining silver blade in Diego's hand.
"Diego, no!" Vanya exclaimed, but it was too late, Diego had thrown the knife directly at Luther, slicing open his arm as it whizzed past.
Luther staggered back, clutching his now bleeding arm, panting heavily. A grim silence fell and the fight was over. Luther looked up from his wound and stumbled past everyone, rushing back inside.
Vanya approached Diego with a grim expression, "You never know when to stop, do you?" She stated dully.
"You got enough material for you sequel yet?" Diego retorted, peering under her umbrella.
"He was my father too." She replied, giving him one last glare before heading inside as well.
Diego stood in place for a moment before heading to Grace, he took her arm gently, "Mom, let's go inside." His gaze shifted to Harper, "Are you coming, Harper?"
Repair damage.
Harper shook her head with a frown, she was not very happy with Diego at the moment.
Diego gave a nod an turned away, ushering Grace to the back door.
Harper headed towards Ben's broken statue and knelt down beside it, scooping up the shattered pieces.
It was not fair.
Harper continued to clean the mess as Klaus approached her, twirling his transparent and pink trimmed umbrella, "I wouldn't worry about that too much, y'know. Ben never liked the way they made his ears look."
Harper blinked up at him, "I do not understand-"
"No, no, that's okay," Klaus waved her off, "Just... don't worry about it, alright?" He offered her a hand to stand up, "Love this ensemble by the way, that jacket is to die for."
Harper took his hand and raised herself back up, "Thank you."
"Why don't you go on back inside and warm up, y'know thaw those icy robot fingers of yours," He turned to the pile of ashes in the center of the clearing, "I've got some business with Mr. Dead Dad here."
Harper nodded and left Klaus alone in the pouring rain, before she stepped inside she turned back to look at Klaus, who was crouching over the ash pile, mumbling incoherently. Harper knew it was unlikely that Klaus would able to summon Mr. Hargreeves, as she had detected numerous amounts of drugs within his pockets that were probably also within his bloodstream.
Nonetheless, Harper went inside. The kitchen was empty and she suspected everyone dispersed to their rooms to ponder. But Harper did not have a room to ponder in, so she decide the kitchen would do just fine.
Harper paced around, looking around at the dimly lit room, she had never spent much time in the kitchen, or anywhere else for that matter. Harper reminisced about the days when she would train each of the Hargreeves siblings everyday, each were unique and different from each other, something Harper did not know how to value until today.
She took a seat at the long wooden table, unsure of what to do with herself, when Klaus finally returned indoors, shaking out his umbrella.
"What a funeral, huh? Very tense, very exciting," He tossed the umbrella into the holder next to the door, "Oh, and I just saw Vanya bail out on us in a taxi, bet she felt so welcomed by the family."
He then headed to the fridge and shimmied his hand behind it, retrieving an electric guitar covered in dust and cobwebs.
"Y'know, I forgot that I hid that there until the whole weird portal thing happened," He sat down at the table and kicked off his shoes, putting his feet up, "It practically shoved the entire fridge over, along with all those knives." He gestured to the wall where numerous kitchen knifes had lodged themselves.
Magnetic stability compromised during the event.
Klaus began to strum on the guitar, "The only song I actually know how to play is, Country Roads." He made a disgruntled face, "Which is ironic seeing as I'm not a big Country fan. What about you? You like country?"
"I do not listen to music." Harper replied.
Klaus shrugged, "Well, I don't think you'd like it, I'd take you for more of a Rock fan, y'know? Something angsty and hardcore."
Klaus began to strum an oddly twangy tune, that Harper could only guess was, Country Roads. Just as Klaus began to sing, Five ducked into the kitchen, heading straight to the cupboards.
Five stopped short as soon as he heard the music, "Country Roads? Really?" He shot Klaus a disappointed frown and continued to dig through the cupboards.
"Well my rendition is much better, I was gonna add a bit of pizzazz to it for Harper," explained Klaus, "Her robot ears are deprived of the wonders of music."
Five glanced at Harper for a moment while he searched the kitchen, he gave an annoyed sigh at the mess he had made by digging through the contents of multiple cupboards, "Fuck this." He muttered under his breath.
Allison then strolled into the room, looking around, "Where's Vanya?"
"Oh, she's gone." replied Klaus.
Five approached the table, standing next to Harper's chair, scowling at an empty transparent container in his hand, "That's unfortunate."
"Yeah." Allison replied, she then realized that Five wasn't talking about Vanya and crossed her arms.
"An entire square block." Five continued, gripping the container angrily, "Fourty-two bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, but no, not a single drop of coffee."
Allison frowned, "Dad hated caffeine."
"Well, he hated children too, and he had plenty of us." said Klaus with an almost hysterical laugh.
Allison shot him a look and his laughter quickly died down.
"I'm taking the car." Five stated, turning away.
Everyone including Harper snapped their eyes to him in alarm.
Klaus sat up in interest, "Where are you going?"
"To get a decent cup of coffee." Five turned back and narrowed his eyes at him.
"Do you even know how to drive?" asked Allison incredulously.
"I know how to do everything." he replied, he then turned away and warped out of the kitchen.
Klaus stood up, "I feel like we should try and stop him, but then again, I also just kinda want to see what happens."
"It is not safe." Harper added, "Road conditions are slick from precipitation, and it is unlikely that Five carries any form of license." She stood up as well, "It would be wise to monitor his actions."
Allison gave a shrug, "Yeah well, you heard him, he knows how to do everything."
"Pff, not everything," Klaus mumbled to himself, raising his eyebrows, "Fourty-five years of solitude, he's probably never had–"
"He's probably going to Griddy's," said Allision, "We used to sneak out and go there all the time, no offense Harper but you were the worst night monitor."
Harper shook her head, "I was aware of your late night escapades," Allison and Klaus' eyebrows shot up and Harper continued, "But Mr. Hargreeves did not order me to report on your activities besides training, so I did not find it necessary to stop you."
Klaus punched her shoulder lightly with a grin, "You should've came with us! Oh, those were the days."
Allison rolled her eyes, "It would've been better if we didn't always have to stop in the alleyway so you could buy weed, seriously Klaus, we all knew what you were doing, you didn't have to make the same excuse that you had to emergency pee every single time."
"I don't know what you're talking about!" Klaus waved her off, "I just have a weak bladder, okay?"
"Yeah, sure." Allison crossed her arms.
Harper headed towards the back door, coming to the conclusion that she wished to speak with Five and question him about the future, though she was unsure of how welcomed she would be to do so.
"Oh, so you're actually gonna go?" Klaus took a seat once again, "Bring me back a jelly donut, will you? Or maybe an eclair," He trailed off in thought for a moment before shrugging, "Y'know what, just surprise me! I'll eat anything."
"Be safe!" called Allison as Harper pushed open the door, Harper gave her a nod.
Harper strolled out into the night, with absolutely no idea where she was heading. But that was the nice thing about being a robot, having an internalized GPS proved to be rather useful. She set course for Griddy's Doughnuts, which wasn't too long of a walk from the house.
Located: Griddy's Doughnuts, approximately twelve minutes away.
Harper hadn't spent much time outside, let alone nighttime. But she found it oddly comforting, the moon was bright and the sky was cloudless, Harper could even see a few stars dotting the sky. She wondered about the sky, and what laid beyond. Klaus' ability to see the manifested dead had caused Harper to consider if she would be manifested if she were to perish. But she quickly pushed the thought away, as she did not possess the ability to die, not actually.
But Harper did not have more time to ponder those thoughts as she approached the small diner with the big colorful sign. The night was not calm anymore, as there were loud voices and gunshots sounding from inside the shop.
And that's when Harper saw the blood.
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(a/n)
What's up buttercups
Sorry for the wait on this one, but as clearly displayed by my lack of updates on my other fics, I'm horrible at updating regularly.
I'm at a bit of a crossroads for chapter length, this one ended up a bit longer than usual, but I'm not too entirely sure what's considered too long or too short of a chapter.
Anyway! If you're interested, I have a playlist for Bad Ideas on my Spotify – DearDarjeeling