★彡 TWENTY-ONE 彡★
THE FAINT SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS gliding across the corridor alerted Freddie and he straightened up. Heart racing significantly fast, his hand reached over to pet Delilah, who was peacefully sleeping at his lap and waited for the inevitable knock on the door. And it happened, a soft thumping sound resonated throughout his spacious room and only did it stop a few seconds after. A very familiar voice —that he's been longing to hear for years, even as much as he tried to deny it— asked, "F-Freddie?" The stutter was palpable and Freddie's heart hammering increased, if that was even possible. His mind was torn in between rejecting the man from entering or allowing Elijah to come inside. It seemed that the latter won because Freddie's body appeared to move on its own and before he could even speak up, his hand rose and opened the door. He had to resist the urge to let out tears of joy when he saw the male looking at him in hope. There was something else in his eyes that Freddie couldn't discern however he won't dwell on that for the meantime. This was a chance for him to speak in private with Elijah, and he was not ruining that opportunity, no matter how aloof he was acting.
It was hypocritical of him, he had to admit that. Hugging Elijah and promptly ignoring him afterwards was incredibly stupid. And he was starting to feel the rush of regret throughout his whole body, chilling him to the bones. Freddie blinked his eyes momentarily and coughed to hide the embarrassment of being caught staring at Elijah by the man himself, he was unable to keep the shakiness out of his voice when he questioned, "Yes, Elijah?" and ultimately cringed internally at how cold he sounded. It felt different calling Elijah by his name and not by his petnames— darling, dear, my love—. He noted the way Elijah's hand clenched and unclenched tensely, "Can we talk?"
Curiosity overpowered the voice inside his head screaming that he should decline and slam the door in front of Elijah, so without uttering any word, he opened the door widely, giving an impression of agreeing to what Elijah said despite remaining silent. The man subtly glanced at his shaky hands, not knowing that both their hearts were pounding in trepidation. He hesitatingly went inside and Freddie locked the door behind them, he concealed his unsettled expression with a forced smile and stated, "I don't really have any water or alcohol here since they're all at the kitchen," Freddie trailed off awkwardly and Elijah quickly replied, "Oh no, it's fine. I've drank enough to keep myself hydrated, you've got a big house here though. It's nice."
I've bought this house for you. Freddie thought but kept silent, not wanting to make the man uncomfortable. He plopped down the chair besides his bed delicately, trying to fight the urge to run away from the confrontation he knew was about to happen. He scoffed at himself before shaking his head, not noticing the concerned look at Elijah's face as he sat dow the chair in front of Freddie. The uneasy atmosphere did nothing to soothe Freddie's nerves as they went haywire, the awkwardness was noticeable as the both of them refused to speak first until he finally couldn't take it, "So, what do you want to talk about, Elijah?"
Elijah seemed to startle out of his musings and he accidentally stared directly into his eyes and Freddie's breath hitched— years may have passed since they last have seen or even talk to each other but Elijah's eyes still shimmered like gold to Freddie. Words can't even begin to describe how much the longing emotion he kept inside of himself intensified when Elijah leaned in fortuitously. Freddie inhaled the addicting scent of cardamom and whiskey that mingled with his skin, unexpectedly rich yet picante at the same time due to the alcohol he drank a few hours ago. It was a tricky dichotomy yet Freddie craved to get a whiff of it once more. He saw the texture of Elijah's shirt, silky cotton that glimmered under the lights with intricate designs unnoticeable yet not concealed. Freddie could see the natural curls of his brown hair; curls most women would sell their soul for just to be able to showcase their own. Elijah's chameleon-like eyes entranced him anew, the colours changed with the lighting, Freddie figured. One second it was blue, the next they were green with a tint of golden specks and they were eyes that could have women and men fall in love with him just by staring. A serious smile formed into Elijah's face unknowingly and he coughed shamefully.
A tinge of red draped across Freddie's cheeks and he turned away to swallow heavily, his heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest and unbeknownst to him, Elijah was feeling the same way. The distance between them was tangible and Freddie swore that he felt an unknown force pressing and pulling him towards the guy against his own whim. He breathed deeply, a fraction of his breath touching Elijah's flushed cheeks. It would take a small amount of temptation until Freddie would actually kiss the man but he removed the notion out of his mind. It was thoroughly absurd, he could have kissed him. He wanted to kiss him but then it would make no sense, no matter how much he'd love to admit out loud that he's still in love with his darling Elijah and nevertheless the fact that he spent nights with men just to feel pleasure, they could never amount to even a one-fourth of what Elijah makes him feel.
"I just wanted to ask how have you been these past few years, Freddie. I know I don't have the right to know anything about you and you don't have to tell me your secrets, hell, anything personal at all, if you don't want to—" Elijah was interrupted by a disbelieving noise that involuntarily erupted out of Freddie's throat. "You're an idiot, Elijah." He was unable to keep the words from leaving his mouth and a shocked intake of breath was the only sign that Elijah heard what he said.
"Just because we fucking broke up doesn't mean I'd act like a stranger towards you, you have to know that." Elijah let out a flinch at what Freddie declared but he stayed soundless as Freddie continued speaking, "I know I've been moody and you're probably receiving mixed signals from how I've been acting and for that, I'm truly sorry. But Elijah," He stopped to exhale and Elijah waited in apprehension.
"Never mind that three bloody years have passed and you probably don't love me like that anymore, don't spew out shit like you don't have the right to know anything about me anymore because before you were my lover, you were my bestfriend first. And I want you to be friends with me again, if you're willing. Let's forget everything that happened." Freddie ended his rambling and quelled down the torment that ripped through his chest when he spoke of their past romance. Three years have passed and Freddie's willing to renounce their friendship but it doesn't mean that he has ever forgotten the love he experienced and he knew by being friends with Elijah would ruin his shattered heart even more, it was better than treating each other like foreigners. Sometimes he'd like to ponder of how masochistic and unhealthy it was on his part to keep on reminiscing on memories long gone and terminated but he couldn't help but yearn for the contentment that occupies his body when he does it— no matter how temporary it'll be and no matter how much it hurts him after.
BUT I still love you, and forever will. Elijah screamed internally. He breathed out wryly, a whirlpool of emotions clashing with the wariness that radiated from his aura, spreading like a wildfire that would keep never stop. However, a tiny spark of hope bloomed into his heart, reminding him of the two swallows he had tattooed on his upper chest. The symbol of the swallow meant a lot of things and one of them was hope. His shirt suddenly felt cool against his own skin at the realization and he turned his head to look at Freddie, "Fred, we would never heal completely if we act like nothing happened that caused us to drift away and break up with each other. I'm not saying that we shouldn't be friends, but wouldn't it be better if we start from the bottom again? Try it out? Don't forget the past but give the both of us closure?" Elijah tried to rationalize.
"What do you want to do, then?" Freddie asked after a pause, hesitance and wariness visible on his features. "I want us to start with baby steps. Let's do what we used to do before we became lovers— I go to your recording studio, we bond and talk our problems out, soothe each other's worries. If that's alright with you, of course." And maybe we can even fall in love with each other better than we did in the past and finally get our happy ending Elijah added the last part hurriedly and a thoughtful expression appeared on Freddie's face. "I feel like I'd fall in love with you faster if we do that though— even if I'm already in love with you," Freddie indistinctly murmured under his breath, making sure that Elijah wouldn't catch what he said.
"Is that what you really want, Elijah?" Freddie tiredly asked and from the nod he received from the man, he had no choice but to accept his decision. "Alright then, the band and I will be going to the recording studio tomorrow. You want to come?" He offered almost timidly, eyes not daring to make contact with Elijah's. "Oh sure, I'll show some demos to you guys too? If that's fine?" Elijah bashfully proposed, recalling that he asked for Freddie's permission a few hours ago regarding the fact that he wanted to collaborate and nearly forgetting the topic they've talked about as Freddie chuckled, eyes bright and raw with emotions as he responded, "Of course, dear. Just like the old times."
A wistful glint entered Freddie's eyes and if you look at them from an outsider's point of view, you would see nothing wrong with how they were acting at all. Their appearances were the same— except for the evident haircut and moustache Freddie grew that Elijah didn't bother to mention and the tattoos Elijah had that multiplied over the years. They looked like friends who haven't seen each other for a while and reuniting once again. Nothing was wrong— at least to people who didn't dare look beyond the lines.
There was something flawed, it was in the subtle way Freddie tried his hardest not to grasp Elijah's hand with his and the way Elijah forced a smile onto his face every time their past romance was broached. The way not one of them spoke about Freddie's earlier 'tantrum' when Roger asked if Elijah had someone new. The fact that every time one of them stops speaking, a tense silence occupies the room— something that's never happened before. It was truly different, yet there was nothing they could do to change it.
It wasn't like the old times. It was different. But it was a start, and maybe the start of something new; something better and happier.
♚
"I swear to god, you're one of the most idiotic guys I've ever met in my life." Deaky arched an eyebrow as Elijah choked on the tea he was drinking, the cup nearly falling out of his hand and spilling half the contents to his cream-coloured leather pants. He cursed in surprise before wiping it off cleanly with a napkin. "Fuck, Deaky. I'm not an idiot, I'd have you know I was a consistent honour student during high school." Elijah complained.
It was the morning and a few hours before they were supposed to go to the recording studio Queen will be trying out some songs they've written in a few months from then. Elijah decided to invite John in a breakfast at a cafe and after explaining a shortened version of what went through the night he and Freddie talked, adding some of his own opinions to their discussion— John made up his mind and called him an idiotic man. "That just honestly makes it worse, Elijah."
"What do you even mean?" He asked curiously and John sipped his tea, a thoughtful expression on his face before snorting, "If you think Freddie's not in love with you, you're bloody stupid. And I feel bad for the two of you honestly, I feel like a fucking mother— and I'm younger than the two of you by the way— looking at children not confessing their feelings for each other 'for the greater good'. That's just some fucked up shit."
Elijah gaped and let out a breath, almost laughingc "Woah, Deaks. I never knew you can curse that much in one paragraph!" He smiled jokingly and John merely scoffed, "Well then, you haven't seen Roger in action when someone tries to even just lean in his precious car. Nearly had a heart attack, I'm telling you. That's why he wrote 'I'm in love with my car' after all. He loves his car more than girls."
Elijah couldn't contain the mischievous grin that popped up in his face before calming himself down, "But seriously, Deaky? I don't think me and Freddie will ever have the chance to be together again, even if I want to."
"Don't say that," John cryptically answered, an unreadable glint on his eyes, looking all prophetic as he stated, "Second chances happen after all. You'll see, Elijah, you'll see. Nothing forgiven is ever forgotten, you guys are going to be back soon. And you're going to thank me for it." John grinned like a cheshire cat, smugly placing his cup back into the table and taking a bite out of his freshly-cooked waffles. A weirded out expression replaced Elijah's neutral one and he tilted his head in confusion.
"That's just... oddly ambiguous, Deaky. I didn't understand a single word you've said. But okay."
♚
author's note!
actually the shittiest one I've written so far.
I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT. Self-doubt and self-deprecation has continued to overpower myself completely so guess I'll just die instead 😳
help me by suggesting some ideas for me to actually gain motivation in writing this because I REALLY WANT TO I just don't have enough ideas to make it better :)))))) anyways, since you've all waited for this chapter far too long, I'll be publishing... maybe
also please appreciate this frelijah/nixcury manip this beautiful gorl @sebasstan made a month ago, it's BEAUTIFUL and I'm in love w it thx bye