Lauren woke up to an empty bed. It took her a few minutes to realize that there were actually two people missing and that it was not just a few days earlier when she would have woken up alone regardless. She looked at the clock. It was a little after 9am. How had she slept that long? She pulled on a sweatshirt since it was a little chilly and headed downstairs. As she approached the kitchen, she stayed back so she could watch what was going on.
Camila had Brooklyn on her hip and was twirling her around as music filled the air. They stopped just long enough for the older girl to flip a few pancakes and then went back to their well-choreographed kitchen dance. Lauren caught Camila's eye and the pair stopped spinning, smiles still plastered on their faces. "Say hi to Lauren, baby." Camila let Brooklyn down so she could run to Lauren. Once she got close enough, Lauren scooped her up and held her tightly against her chest.
"Hi," the tiny girl whispered into her ear. Lauren leaned down to give her a kiss on the forehead. Brooklyn grinned and kicked her legs back and forth happily.
Lauren turned to watch Camila. "So how long have you guys been awake?" Camila flipped the remaining pancakes and piled them onto three plates before starting to cut Brooklyn's into bite-sized pieces.
"Well, Miss Energizer Bunny here decided that 5am was the perfect time to wake up. So we came downstairs to hang out so that you could get some more rest."
"Is that right, Brooksie?" Lauren cooed at the little girl in her arms. She nodded her head and flashed that award-winning smile.
"Dora!" she said, as if that explained everything.
"Babe, I think we're going to have to buy every episode of Dora ever made." Camila shocked herself by using the nickname, but Lauren didn't seem to notice. She was worried about how they had left things yesterday when Brooklyn woke up from her nap and interrupted their "talk". In that moment they had let their feelings take over, but they still had a decision to make. They needed some time to themselves to talk it over. "Laur?" she said as she sat down in front of her stack of pancakes.
"Mhmm" Lauren said, her mouth full of breakfast.
"I think today during nap time we should try to finish the conversation we were having yesterday. I'm sure Mr. Murdock would like to know our official answer." Lauren nodded her head and reached over to put a hand on top of Camila's. The warm gesture caught Camila off guard, but she wasn't going to complain.
Lauren caught Camila's gaze. "Thanks for making us breakfast, Camz. We love pancakes! Don't we, baby girl?" She looked over to where the little girl sat almost finished with her meal. It was amazing how much she could eat. If she didn't know better, Lauren would be convinced that it was actually Camila who gave birth to her. Brooklyn looked at Lauren's hand on top of Camila's and decided that she would do the same to show her gratitude, sliding her hand over and placing it on top of the two that were already there. Lauren laughed and kissed the little girl on the cheek.
*****
Sitting in the waiting room at a Pediatrician's office was the last place both Camila and Lauren thought they would be just a few days ago. They signed "new patient" papers and filled out what information they could, which honestly wasn't much. Lauren kept a close eye on Brooklyn, not wanting her to wander too far off. There must have been 20 kids in the waiting room with their parents. Lauren found herself wondering why they all needed to see a doctor and tightened her grasp on the little girl in her arms. Now more than ever Lauren felt like she could actually see the germs floating through the air. This must be what all parents felt like, she thought to herself. Welcome to the world of paranoia.
While Lauren was still working on the paperwork, Camila grabbed the coloring book and crayons that she had packed for Brooklyn to use while they were waiting out of her bag and handed them to the tiny girl beside her. "Here ya go," she said, using her quiet Dr's office voice. She knew what a quiet Dr's office voice was because Lauren had scolded her for apparently being too loud just minutes before. The green-eyed girl had modeled the voice herself in order to show both Camila and Brooklyn appropriate Dr's office volume. "Let's color one together." She pulled the little one into her lap and they started working on a masterpiece.
"Look!" Brooklyn said to Lauren once they had finished. She tugged at Lauren's sleeve, drawing her attention away from the paperwork.
"Oh, that is amazing, Brooks! Did Camila help you with that?" The girl looked up at Camila and smiled widely before giving her a quick kiss on the nose. Camila couldn't get over the way a 3 year old could be so loving. It was definitely one of her most endearing qualities. That list seemed to get longer by the minute.
"She did!" Brooklyn answered proudly. Lauren smiled back at both of them and as she did, the receptionist told them it was time to go back into the room for the check-up.
*****
"Well, that could have gone a tiny bit better," Camila said sarcastically under her breath, carrying the sleeping little girl who had exhausted herself from crying almost the entire time she was in the examination room. Lauren put a hand on Camila's shoulder as they walked into the house and this time, nobody flinched.
"It was her first time being examined by a doctor in her entire life, Camz. You would react the same way." Camila nodded her head, not wanting to respond vocally and risk waking the girl up. She pointed towards the staircase and Lauren pointed to the couch, signaling that was where she was going to be when Camila came back from putting Brooklyn down for her nap.
"So, what do we do?" Camila asked hesitantly as she sat down on the couch beside her wife.
"There is a lot of think about, Camz, but we need to talk about our relationship. We've pushed it aside for too long, hoping it will mend itself and look at where that got us. I know that both of us have been distant with each other lately, but I want to go ahead and tell you why I've been distant towards you. We need to lay all of what we're thinking and feeling out on the table so that we can determine if we can move past it."
Camila nodded her head, agreeing that this was what they needed to do. She urged Lauren to continue. "When I came home and found you with that girl, I don't even know her name. What was it?"
"Julie" Camila answered hesitantly, her eyes still searching her wife's.
"Right, well, when I saw you with Julie it completely broke my heart. That goes without saying, but you also said something to me that I never heard until yesterday, when I replayed the scenario in my mind. You told me that she came on to you and that you didn't expect it at all. You told me that you didn't want to kiss her, but she forced it on you. I have to ask you a question, though, Camz. How long did that kiss last? Because when I walked in, it didn't look like you were pushing her away."
Camila searched for the perfect words before starting. "I am being completely honest with you when I say that you walked in at the exact moment when she pressed her lips to mine. I wasn't fighting it because I was literally too shocked to move. When I saw you standing there, my heart shattered just as much as yours did. I felt so much anger towards myself even though I couldn't have seen it coming. I promise you, Laur, I never expected that to happen. We were just hanging out, listening to music and she totally caught me off guard."
Tears were falling down her cheeks but instead of getting rid of her own, Camila chose to wipe Lauren's away. Lauren reached a hand up to connect with the one Camila had placed on her cheek. Camila started again, "I wanted to make things better with you, but I didn't know how. You didn't believe me when I said that I didn't mean for it to happen and I love you so much I didn't want to take the risk of hurting you again when you said you didn't want to talk. I felt so helpless because all I've ever wanted in life was to make you happy."
Lauren pulled Camila's hand from her cheek and kissed it gently, ignoring the pain that was still in her heart and trying desperately to show her wife love after they had seemingly forgotten how to do so.
"So where do we go from here?" Camila's eyes were locked on the bright green ones in front of her. "We've spent so much time avoiding one issue that it has created a whole slew of issues in our marriage. I think both of us can agree that we have ignored them way too long."
Lauren nodded her head. "Instead of just letting things get to us, we need to communicate. That's the only way this is going to work. We need to talk about what we are feeling and how we are making each other feel. I'm going to be honest and say that I don't feel 100% comfortable with you right now. I wish there was a way to change that, but it's just going to take time. I can tell by the way you act around me that you're feeling the same way. I want to get back to the way we were, Camz. I really do. I love you. I've tried to stop, but it's just not possible."
Camila pulled her wife into a hug and whispered into her neck, "I want that too. And I love you. So much. I never stopped." She pulled back from Lauren enough so that she could place a kiss on her forehead. Lauren leaned into it, wishing it could last forever. The contact that they once had peeking through this new window of opportunity.
"So let's decide right now. I think we already have, but let's work on this communication thing and express our feelings out loud. Lauren, I want to do everything I can to fix our relationship. I understand that we are not completely back to where we were and that will take some time, but I don't want anyone else but you." It was Lauren's turn to wipe the tears from Camila's face. She let her fingers linger over her wife's cheek.
"I also would like to fix our relationship. I want to get back to where we were and I will try my best to keep an open heart and an open line of communication towards you. I promised to love you in the good times and the bad and 6 months ago, I broke that promise. Let me make it up to you. I have a feeling that we're at the beginning of some really good times, Camz." Lauren hugged Camila tight and they stayed like that for a few minutes.
"So, what are we going to do about this sweet little thing that's invading our lives and turning our world upside down?" Camila asked as they pulled away to sit with their backs again the couch.
Lauren laughed and looked back at her wife sheepishly. "I think I'm falling in love with her, Camz. I just want to hold her and protect her and make sure nothing bad ever happens to her again."
"I wish she was able to tell us what the past few years of her life has been like. I want to know if she had a bed to sleep in or if she had someone to sing her to sleep. And how did she end up at our doorstep? We've got plenty of neighbors. We live in the middle of a subdivision." Camila's eyes were wide as she thought about all of the possible scenarios.
"We have to grasp that this little girl has somehow survived and is miraculously healthy even though we have no idea who was taking care of her the first few years of her life," Lauren noted.
"Well, I think we should agree to be foster parents. That way we would have a little more time to see if we are cut out for this whole parenting thing." Camila looked into Lauren's expressive eyes to see if they agreed.
"I think that's the right choice for us right now. I'll call Mr. Murdock right away and tell him our decision." Lauren got up to find her phone when she felt a hand tug on her own, pulling her back on the couch.
Lauren spun around to face Camila, but before she could ask her what she wanted her wife's lips were attached to her own. At first it was awkward, like they couldn't quite remember how this used to happen. Before too long, their lips started moving together as if something clicked and they reverted back to their old habits. The kiss didn't last long, but when they pulled back from each other, both were breathless. With their foreheads resting together, Camila whispered, "Thank you for not giving up on me."