CHAPTER 11: ALMOST HOME
"Home is not where you are from, it is where you belong. Some of us travel the whole world to find it. Others, find it in a person."
February 9th
Maddie: you seriously left without telling me???
Maddie: I had to find out from TYLER that you left
Maddie: tyler who keeps hurting you over and over again and YOU TOLD HIM AND NOT ME
Maddie: DAISY ROSE WINTERS ANSWER ME
I stare at the text messages and throw my phone to the side. I don't know what to tell her because aside from the necessary people, I didn't tell anyone.
Maybe at some point I would have considered Madilyn to be someone who I felt compelled to tell but I don't know anymore. I'm not even sure I would have told Tyler if I had not been at his house that day.
"Something wrong, dear?"
I look up to see my grandma standing in the doorway of my room, holding two mugs in her hand.
"Madilyn." I say quietly and she nods.
"You didn't tell her you left."She says, not as a question but a statement.
I shake my head, suddenly feeling ashamed. "No."
"But you told Tyler?"
"Yeah, I kind of had to."
Her expression is unimpressed at the vagueness of my answer, but she's never been one to push. But she is one of the few people I trust right now so I give her a short explanation of what happened. She's quiet for a few minutes before Settling down next to me.
"I understand why you did not tell her, but I also understand her side of things." She says softly."She has always been there for you and you for her. Perhaps she is upset that you felt you could not go to her when you needed help."
"Maddie hasn't always been there."I remind her but she shakes her head.
"Do you know why Madilyn moved to Dallas?"
"She got a job offer." I say but grandma shakes her head.
"She moved because of you."
I laugh because what she's insinuating is ridiculous. Maddie wouldn't move from California to Dallas just for me, but I stop laughing when I see her expression.
"She moved because of me?" I ask."Why?"
Grandma raises an eyebrow. "let me ask you this: why do you think Madilyn wasn't around when you were pregnant?"
"She was ashamed of me." I say,"which is understandable, I was ashamed of myself."
Grandma just shakes her head. "It was her parents, Daisy. Do you really think that she would just give up on you?"
I stare at her in confusion. I knew Maddie had problems with her family – she rarely contacts them and doesn't go home for holidays, but she never told me why and I've always been too self centred to think about my friends.
Grandma seems to notice the realization I have come to, so she pats my knee and smiles softly. "She's been your friend since you were children, and you're both still close? Those are friendships that last a lifetime, my darling."
She leaves it at that and walks out of my room. I consider her words but decide that I'm not in a good place to try mending our friendship when I have so much more going on.
More specifically, The Tyler Problem. I still have not called him like I said, and I've been in Montreal for almost a week. And I know he definitely won't call me – my mother thinks that he sick of "chasing me" which sounds like something out of a romance novel, but she might be right.
So I try sending him a text but I don't receive a response until late that night. I dread opening it because I'm afraid he will be angry but when I open it, I read a simple response.
Tyler: glad to hear you made it to Montreal safe.
I read his message a few times, trying to decipher whether his tone is mad or just neutral and I'm over analyzing it. I'm still staring at it when another text comes through.
Tyler: we miss you.
Me: we?
Tyler: the kids and me.
I laugh when I realize he's talking about his dogs.
Me: I miss you too.
***
February 11
When I was 21 – a year after I declined Jo's offer to go with him to Florida, I was stuck as to what I wanted to do with my life. Despite being younger than me, Jaxon had already decided what he was doing. Right out of high school, he attended university to become a Lawyer. I hopped from place to place for about a year, I spent time with my grandparents and my Aunt and Uncle before deciding to try Fashion Designing and I fell in love. I went to school in Los Angeles and after I finished, I ended up in Dallas. It took a bit, but I started to feel at home in Dallas and when Madilyn followed me and i met Tyler, I felt like I belonged there.
But I'm stuck where I was before now, not feeling like I fit in anywhere. I spend a week at my grandparents before learning that my mom has accepted a job in Quebec City.
"It's kind of last minute but I think it's the right move for us."she tells me, looking at me with uncertainty in her eyes. "and it's close to where Axel wants to apply for school."
I force a smile, "I understand but I don't think I'll be moving with you guys."
She frowns. "You're going to stay here?"
"I don't know where I'm going." I say and she looks upset. I know that she feels like she is obligated to help me figure things out but I also know that what she needs now is a fresh start. After everything with dad, she has to figure out who she's going to be without him.
"Maybe I can come spend a few days with you guys, but Quebec isn't the right place for me." I try to smile. "Plus, my French is too rusty. I wouldn't fit in."
She laughs softly at that. Despite her requests growing up, I couldn't take to learning French like she had as a child living in Montreal.
"If you're sure."
I nod. "I'm sure. I might go see Jo for a bit."
She raises an eyebrow in a disapproving manner. "Is that a good idea?"
I can't help but feel defensive at her insinuations.
"We're friends," I tell her.
She shrugs, "just be careful, Daisy. One man is enough trouble."
I hold off the urge to scoff because she doesn't have much room to judge. But I keep my mouth shut and finish drinking my coffee before agreeing to help her pack. She has a house rented in the city and it's quite nice but nowhere near as nice as our old house. I can't help but think about where my dad is right now but I quickly try to brush off the thought because I shouldn't care.
But I do, and it frustrates me to no end because no matter what happened, he's still my father and I grew up under the impression that a father would always be there for his daughter but I had to find out the hard way that it wasn't true.
***
February 17th
We help mom and Axel move in to the new house and after spending a few days with them, I find myself standing on Jo's doorstep once again. He doesn't look surprised to see me, inviting me in and taking my duffle bag out of my hand.
"There's no spare room but the couch is free." He grins. "Or the left side of the bed."
I roll my eyes at his suggestion, plopping down on the couch disappointed to find that it's uncomfortable.
"Couch is fine." I lie and he just shrugs.
"Depending on how long you're here, you can sleep in the bed while I'm on a road trip." He says, dropping my bag on a chair and taking a seat at the other end of the couch.
"How long are you planning on staying?" He questions and I shift uncomfortably.
"How long can I stay?" I ask.
He raises a brow. "You know you are welcome here as long as you want, but I'm curious why you want to stay here."
He raises a good question because I don't know how to explain why I chose to come here instead of staying at my grandparents or with mom and Axel. I know his real question is why I am not in Dallas staying with Tyler.
"Life happened." I try but he scoffs.
"Not a valid excuse."
"Jo –"
"I'm serious, Daisy. Why here?"
"Because I don't have anywhere else!" I exclaim, throwing my arms up in the air. "Trying to live with my mom is just reminding me of what happened with dad and how most of it is my fault and Maddie is mad at me, and Tyler – I don't know what to do about Tyler."
He purses his lips. "Sounds like you have a big mess on your hands."
"Thanks for reminding me." I mutter.
"You can stay here but hiding out isn't going to fix anything." He says and I hate that he's right.
"I just need a bit of time." I say and he looks like he wants to say more but thankfully, he doesn't push.
He stands up and gives me a small smile. "I've got practice but we can have pizza tonight. Just don't tell coach." He jokes.
"Lips sealed." I promise and he shakes his head grinning.
I watch him grab his keys and head out the door. Once I'm certain he's definitely in his car and gone,I decide to poke around a bit which is inappropriate but it won't hurt if he doesn't find out.
I'm mainly trying to find signs if he has a girlfriend but I don't find any of one except for a few phone numbers scribbled down on napkins with alcohol stains on them. Maybe one of the numbers belonged to that girl who was at his house that day. I don't really care that much, I'm just curious.
I get tired of snooping around so I decide to call Jaxon. I call his cellphone and when he doesn't answer that, I ring his work number. A girl answers who I'm ninety-nine percent sure is not his secretary and I grimace when I realize it's probably Lauren.
She answers with a fake "Hello?"and I consider hanging up but I need to talk to Jax so I force myself to answer in a civil manner.
"Is Jaxon available?"
"Who's this?" She asks, a bit snooty and I roll my eyes. My brother sure had a terrible choice in girls.
"That's not really your concern considering this is his workphone and you certainly don't sound like his secretary."
She laughs not in a friendly way and I wish I was there to slap her.
"Daisy, isn't it?"
"Sure is. This is Lily, right?"I ask, purposely saying her name wrong.
"Lauren." She snaps and I grin, knowing I'm hitting the right buttons.
"Right. Lily was the girl I spoke to last time." I say. "Gosh, I thought my brother got rid of you a long time ago. My mistake."
"Listen up, you –"
"Put Jaxon on the phone," I cut her off. "I don't have time for this."
I hear her grumble before she puts me on hold. I listen to the hold music for a couple minutes before Jaxon answers.
"Yeah?"
"Your choice of secretary is awful. I hope she hasn't been answering all your calls today." I say and he sighs.
"What do you want, Daisy?"
"I thought you would like to know that mom and Axe are settled in to the new house – but then I realized, oh yeah, you haven't called in three weeks so you wouldn't know what is going on." I snap. "Who's bailing on the family now?"
"I've had a lot going on," he says and I scoff.
"What's more important than family?"
"Lauren –"
"Oh you have got to be kidding me." I say sharply and he sighs again. "How is she more important than family?"
"She's pregnant!" He yells and I almost drop my phone because what the hell.
"Are you kidding?"
"Do I sound like I am?"
He sounds tired and I would say I pity him but I really don't.
"I need to digest this. Good luck, Jaxon."
I end the call before he can say anything because my head already hurts from the little information I've been given. Jaxon and Lauren have always been a very on and off relationship so the fact that she is pregnant, is probably bad news because Jaxon might not even be the father.
But I have enough of my own messes that I can't help him clean his up.
Later that evening when Jo gets back, pizza in hand as promised, we watch a couple movies before going to bed. I lay on the couch for at least two hours, tossing and turning because the sofa is so damn uncomfortable. It's probably stepping over the line but I find myself knocking on Jo's bedroom door at 11:30 p.m. questioning if this is a bad idea.
But he answers when I knock and looks amused.
"Couch problems?" He asks and I fight back a grin.
"Is your sofa purposely uncomfortable so that people won't sleep on it?"
"I don't usually have company."He says and I wait for him to invite me in but realize that he won't until I ask.
"Is the left side of the bed still available?" I ask, and he grins.
"If you wanted to get me into bed, all you had to do was ask." He jokes, but lets me inside his room. I try to look casual, as if I hadn't been snooping around here earlier today but he picks up on it.
"Find anything interesting in here today?"
I grimace. "How'd you know?"
"You matched up half the socks in my closet."
Whoops.
"Sorry," I say, crawling into bed but he just shrugs.
"Nothing to find, I have no secrets."
I hum, not quite convinced but drop it.
"Do you ever wonder where we would be if I had went to Florida with you?" I ask quietly, not sure if he is asleep yet and part of me hopes he is.
He sighs. "Sometimes. But I guess it would depend on something else."
"What?"
"Would you have followed me here, when I got traded?"
I look at him and smile. "I don't know, it's awfully cold here in Montreal."
He laughs. "Yeah, I don't think you would have been able to handle the winters here."
"Probably not." I agree.
"Do you miss him?" Jo asks and he doesn't need to specify who.
"Yes." I roll over to face him and he's staring at the ceiling. "I wish I didn't."
"Then why are you here, instead of with him?"
"Because I don't know if I can trust him." I admit and he shakes his head.
"Sometimes you have to take the chance. If it doesn't work out, then it's not meant to be. But you should try."
"When did you get so wise?" I say, grinning when he laughs.
"I'm just telling the truth." He looks at me and smiles. "You should go to him."
February 19th
It's raining, of course, when my plane touches down in Dallas. I didn't tell Tyler that I was coming back because I have no idea what I'm going to say to him. I'm basically winging it at this point so when I knock on his front door, looking like a drowned cat, it makes sense that he's surprised to see me.
"Daisy? What are you -"
I hold up a hand before he can say anything else. "Let me say something first, okay?"
He nods and I take a deep breath.
"I've been trying to find it. Find the place that made me feel like I was home. I went to Montreal, I stayed with my grandparents for a week, I tried to live with mom and Axel, I crashed at Jo's, but none of those places felt right. I didn't feel like I belonged there. And it took me awhile, but then I realized that home doesn't have to be a place. It can be a person – and I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that it's you. You're my home and I understand if you don't feel the same way because I –"
I don't get to finish my sentence because before I know it, he's pulled me in for a searing kiss that makes me feel like my heart might explode out of my chest and make my legs turn to jello. My clothes are soaked and I'm freezing cold but in this moment, I can't be bothered to care because I feel like I'm on top of the world.