"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel." ~Anonymous
“Congratulations, Miles! You did an excellent job on the Parker case and you deserve this.” Mr. Bailey said, causing the entire boardroom to applaud. Today was the day I’d been working toward for the last five years. Today, I went from junior associate to partner and I was ecstatic! All my hard work had finally paid off, and I was exactly where I wanted to be in life.
“Thank you so much, Mr. Bailey. I promise that I won’t let you down.” I smiled as I stood to shake his hand. Partner. I still couldn’t believe it! I’d worked my butt off and I was finally getting the recognition I felt I deserved. Let me tell you, it felt great!
Once the meeting was over and I’d shaken all of the board members’ hands, I went to my office and called my wife. Naomi and I had been married for three years, and I still loved her as much as I did the day I said my vows. She was a beautiful woman, and I was so lucky to have her as my wife. When you’re young and you imagine what your life will be like when you grow up, you pick the perfect house, perfect job, perfect car and the perfect wife. I had all those things, and I could honestly say that my life had turned out exactly how I’d imagined it. Now that I was a partner, we could finally start a family. Things had been a little stressful for us lately, with me working on such a big case, but I knew that now I would be free to give her all the time and attention she needed. Not that I was one of those men who completely ignored their wives, but the Parker case had been a tough one and we hadn’t really had a chance to spend any quality time together in the past few months. I missed her.
“Hey, honey, how is your day going?” I asked when she answered her cell.
“Um, fine…Is something wrong?”
“Of course not.” I laughed. “Does something have to be wrong for me to call my wife?”
“No.” She paused. “But it’s really the only time you ever do.” Damn, that hurt. Was I really that absent in her life?
“Well, I was just calling to see if you wanted to go out to dinner tonight. I can make reservations.” I offered. I really wanted to celebrate.
“Well, actually, I have this work function to go to. Remember I told you about it a couple of weeks ago?” Naomi was a dancer and she also taught dance classes three nights a week when she wasn’t in some production or musical.
“No, actually I don’t remember that. Is it mandatory?” I asked. I couldn’t really enjoy this big promotion if I couldn’t celebrate with the woman I loved.
“I’m not surprised; you barely ever listen to a word I say anyway. Yes, it’s mandatory, so I guess I’ll just see you when I get home. I have to go now.” She didn’t wait for a response as she disconnected the call. I sat there staring at the phone in my hand for a few minutes. What the hell did she mean by I barely ever listen to a word she says? How could she say that? I always found time for her, even in the midst of a very important trial. I was never too busy for her, but lately she seemed to be the one with a ton of things to do. I briefly wondered if I should be concerned, but quickly dismiss the idea. No matter what we were going through at the moment, we were still in love.
As soon as I put my phone on my desk, there was a knock on my door. One of my fellow lawyers, and very best friend, walked in to congratulate me. His name was Terrence Hurd, and we’d gone to law school together, though we didn’t know each other at the time. Over the years, we’d worked together on several cases and somehow developed a friendship. He was a great guy, and he’d never once let me down when it came to something work related or personal. I guess you could say he was my ace boon.
“So how are we celebrating tonight?” He asked, falling into one of the chairs in front of my desk. “Oh, you probably want to spend some time with that wife of yours, huh?”
“Actually, she has a work thing, so I’ll probably just go home and relax with a few beers.” I answered. Terrence never liked Naomi, and I could never figure out why.
“Aww, hell naw! You just made partner; you have to celebrate. We’re going out for drinks and that’s final.” He said, getting up and walking to the door. He paused and looked back at me. “Don’t make me have to hunt you down after work.”
At the end of the day, I walked to the parking garage and got in my Audi. Being a junior associate at one of the biggest firms in Dallas paid good money, but being a partner at that law firm definitely would move me up the tax bracket. Life was good and getting better every day. I realized that I hadn’t shared my good news with anyone yet, so I called my parents. My mom answered the phone.
“Hey honey.” She answered on the first ring.
“Hey mom, is dad around?”
“Yeah, he’s right here. Do you want to talk?” She asked.
“Can you put the phone on speaker? I have some news and I want both of you to hear.” I told her.
“Okay son, what’s the big news?” My dad asked.
“Is Naomi pregnant?” My mom guessed. All she talked about these days was having grandchildren.
“No, mom, but I think it’s time that we start thinking about it.” I laughed.
“So you made partner?” My dad guessed correctly. “That’s great son! I’m so proud of you!”
“That’s wonderful, honey. You and Naomi can come over Sunday after church and I’ll cook you a huge celebratory dinner.” My mom added. That sounded fabulous to me, because Naomi didn’t cook much.
“Thank you both, and that sounds wonderful, mom. Some coworkers are taking me out for drinks, so I have to go now. I just wanted to share the good news with you two.”
“Okay, son. Love you!” My mom said.
“Love you both too. Talk to you tomorrow.” I replied before hanging up. My parents and I had a very close relationship. We were a very close knit family, and they always showed nothing but love and support for my little brother and me. My mother, Ella, was a retired school teacher, and my father John, was a retired railroad worker. They were the best parents a kid could ever have, and I’d only learned to respect and appreciate them more as I grew up.
My mom was a very loving woman, though she knew how to put the fear of God in a person if she had to. She’d taught sixth grade English for forty two years before retiring last year. She loved my brother and me more than anything else, but she always wanted a daughter. It saddened me that she and Naomi were never really close. Not that they disliked each other or anything, they just weren’t mother-daughter close like my mom really wanted. I believed that’s why she was hoping I’d have a daughter someday soon, so she could have someone to spoil. Well, someone besides dad anyway.
Pops was a great man! There wasn’t a single man I respected more than my father. Unlike like most men, I never stopped seeing my dad as a super hero. Whenever I had a problem, or needed any kind of help or advice, he was the person I turned to. He taught me how to fight, how to play basketball, and the right way to love a woman. He loved Jazz music. My full name is Miles Davis Carpenter. My brother’s name is Dizzy Lydell Carpenter. My mom allowed the Dizzy, but she put her foot down when it came to Gillespie. Dad made us take every kind of musical lesson under the son, and we also had to tryout every sport. We didn’t have to always excel, but he said we wouldn’t know what we liked until we tried it out.
I heard a horn blow close by and snapped out of my thoughts. It was Terrence motioning for me to follow him. I called my little brother and told him to meet us at this upscale sport in downtown Dallas. Terrence was right; I needed to celebrate. Hopefully, my night would end with me making passionate love to my beautiful wife. Now that I thought about it, we hadn’t made love in a few weeks, and I was more than ready to end the drought. We both often came home so tired, that we showered and went straight to sleep. The Parker case had me at the office all night some days, and depending on the work, I beat Naomi home some nights. We needed some time uninterrupted alone time, and I was going to do everything in my power to make that happen. Hey, I was partner now! I could afford to splurge on my wife a little. We could have an exotic getaway, or something very romantic like that.
Dizzy was already at the bar when Terrence and I arrived. He was flirting with a cute young waitress, and from the looks of things, she was falling hook, line and sinker. This boy was something else! Twenty two and handsome, he thought he ruled the world. Dizzy wanted to be a star, and I didn’t see anything that could stand in his way. He had an amazing voice, the look, he could dance his little ass off, and he played five instruments. Other than piano, I didn’t care too much about performing, but I was still just as much in love with music as him or my dad.
“Hey big bro!” Dizzy smiled when he looked up and saw me.
“Wassup baby boy? Giving the waitresses a hard time, I see.” I smiled, hugging my little brother.
“You know how I do!” He smiled. “So, is the evil queen coming out tonight?”
Dizzy never liked Naomi! From the first moment they met, he knew without a doubt that she wasn’t the one for me. Of course he was wrong about that, she was amazing! I’d asked him time and time again what his problem was, but he said it didn’t matter. He said, “love is blind, Miles, and that’s why you can’t see a damn thing!” I didn’t let it stress me too much though, because he was never disrespectful to her face. Don’t get me wrong, they both made it clear they didn’t like each other, but he never once called her out her name or let an argument go too far. I really wanted them to get along, but I gave up on trying to make it happen years ago.
It was hard having my best friend and my brother not like my wife. Can you imagine how difficult dinner parties are? They think Naomi is cold and indifferent, and she thinks they’re immature assholes. I would love for us all to chill and spend time together, but that was close to impossible.
“Don’t talk about my wife, Dizzy!” I warned, though I really wasn’t upset. “But no, she won’t be coming.”
“I already knew that. I’m just saying, it’s pretty messed up that she can’t be bothered to be here for you on such a happy occasion.”
“Drop it, Dizzy!” I had my limits when it came to how much I could tolerate when it came to talking about my marriage. “She had a work thing.”
“Uh-huh.” He shook his head. “But congratulations anyway, bro! I’m really proud of you!” I looked up to see him smiling, his eyes somewhat apologetic. I knew without a doubt that he meant every word he was saying, but I also knew that he loved me enough to not want to ruin my night. I couldn’t stay mad at him anyway, especially for telling the truth. “You gotta stop doing so well! How am I supposed to compete with that?”
“Thanks man!” I laughed. Dizzy was a fool! Mom had been on his case about getting a job with some security, but Dad couldn’t be more proud of him for following his dreams. I still wasn’t quite sure if Dizzy was following his dream or Dad’s though.
“Okay, y’all through with this Huxtable moment?” Terrence smirked. I had completely forgotten about him sitting there.
“Aww shut up and order some drinks man!” Dizzy laughed.
Two waitresses walked over to our table. The first was the girl Dizzy was flirting with when we came in. She had a caramel complexion and a body like a stallion! The other waitress was what we call a redbone. She had luscious pink lips and a coke bottle shape. Both of them were beautiful and couldn’t a single person deny it.
“Aye, y’all, this is Tina.” Dizzy introduced the caramel girl. “And I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting this other lovely young lady.”
“I’m Gina.” Red smiled.
“Tina and Gina, huh?” Terrence asked.
“Yeah, we’re best friends.” Tina answered. The smiles on Dizzy and Terrence’s faces let me know that I was in for a long night!
“Well how about that! We’re best friends too!” Dizzy smiled.
I took that as my clue to let my mind wonder. I wasn’t interested in the little freak show Dizzy and Terrence were trying to put together. I let myself think about my beautiful wife, and suddenly, I was ready to go home. The guys gave me a hard time about her, but I loved Naomi with all my heart. No she wasn’t perfect, but who is? At the end of the day, it didn’t matter what anyone else thought anyway. How did that Anthony Hamilton song go?
“No matter what the people say
I can't, I can't let go”
And that was the God’s honest truth. It didn’t matter, because I loved her that much. So what she couldn’t celebrate with me tonight? She was still going to be there when I woke up in the morning. She respected and supported the things I did, so why would I not do the same for her. She wasn’t at the bar with me because she had her own stuff going on. I understood that. Why was I letting my little brother and my best friend make me doubt the woman I loved?
We’d been there for about thirty minutes when Gina brought me a drink from a lady at the bar. “What is this?”
“Hennessy.” She answered.
“I didn’t order this.”
“It’s from the lady at the bar.” She pointed to a woman but her back was turned toward me.
“Looks like someone has an admirer.” Terrence teased. “Why don’t you go over and thank her?”
“I think that’s an excellent idea.” Dizzy agreed.
“I know what you two are thinking and you can just cut it short.” I sighed.
“I’m just saying the polite thing to do is to say thank you.” Terrence smiled.
“Yeah, didn’t mama teach us to be polite? She would be so disappointed in you.” He shook his head, feigning shame. I laughed; the boy was something else.
“Be that as it may, I’m good.” I assured them.
“What is a thank you going to hurt? I mean really, Miles.” My best friend asked. “It’s not like we said have sex with her. Why are you acting like it’s such a big deal?”
“Because I’m a happily married man!”
“Well go tell her that then. Don’t just leave her hanging!” Dizzy said.
I knew they weren’t going to leave me alone about it, so I got up and walked over to the bar. I could tell that she was attractive, but I still hadn’t seen her face. Not that it really mattered though, but I was a little curious. I stopped at the empty bar stool next to her and cleared my throat hoping to get her attention. It didn’t work, so I spoke. “Excuse me, is this seat taken?”
“No.” She turned and smiled at me. She was beautiful, and if I wasn’t so in love with my wife, I would buy whatever she was selling. She had the face of a goddess and the body like a porn star. Terrible analogy, I know, but it was what came to mind. There was nothing ghetto or cheap about her. She exuded class and sophistication, something I really admired in a woman. Her skin looked like smooth dark chocolate and the silver dress made her look like Hershey’s Kiss. She had these seductive light brown eyes that could hypnotize a man. Her lips were full and luscious, begging to be kissed. Her hair was long and gorgeous, framing that heavenly face. I sat next to her, thanked her for the drink, and introduced myself. She told me that her name was Leslie Jacobs.
“Thank you for the drink, Leslie, but I’m married.” I said gently.
“Yes, I noticed the ring. Still, a drink is a small price to pay for the company of such a handsome man.” She smiled. I was flattered, I can’t lie. I mean she was a Nubian queen! I noticed at least five guys waiting for a chance to speak to her, waiting for me to strike out. She was that desirable! But the thing is, as beautiful as Leslie was, she still didn’t hold a candle to my Naomi. Still, she intrigued me and I found myself sitting there talking to her for about an hour. She told me she was a cardiothoracic surgeon, and she’d gotten a big promotion that day. Needless to say, we had a lot in common.
“Wow, I made partner at my law firm today and you made attending.” I commented.
“And we’re both celebrating alone.” She said sadly.
“Not alone.” I smiled.
“I guess you’re right, Mr. Carpenter. I don’t know when the last time was that I smiled so much.”
“Well, I’m glad I could put a smile on your lovely face, but I really do need to be getting home to my wife. You have a nice night Leslie, and the next drink is on me.” We exchanged business cards before I left. I usually threw them away as soon as I walked out of the place, but I had a feeling that I would be holding on to this one.
I let the guys know that I was getting ready to head out. Of course they made a fuss like they wanted me to stay, but that was only for Tina and Gina’s benefit. The girls’ shifts had just ended thirty minutes ago, and I knew that I was the last person on either of their minds. I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost ten o’clock. Hopefully, Naomi will be home waiting for me in something sexy.
“I’m about to head home for the night so the two of you can…enjoy yourselves.” I smiled. I was sure neither Gina nor Tina would be going straight home tonight.
“Aww, I’m sure the Ice Queen can survive without you a little longer. She won’t melt.” Dizzy joked, though I didn’t find anything funny about it. It must’ve shown on my face because he apologized. “You sure we can’t tempt you to stay a little longer?”
“Yeah, I’m ready to call it a night. We can go shoot hoops or something in the morning.” I offered.
“Alright, that’s a bet.”
“That sounds like a plan to me.” Terrence said before turning his attention back to the very lovely Gina. I laughed before getting up from the table.
“Hold up, bro. I’ll walk you out.” Dizzy said, standing up.
“See you tomorrow.” Terrence said.
“Be easy, T-Hurd.” My brother and I walked out into the warm night air. It was mid-September, and the days were still stifling hot in the state of Texas. The nights were a little better, but it was still rather toasty. “Momma is cooking a big dinner Sunday to celebrate. Will you be there?”
“You better believe it! I couldn’t miss that, even if it does mean having to be around the white witch.” He laughed.
“Seriously, Dizzy, what is your problem with my wife?”
“It’s just … she’s just … You know, it doesn’t matter. No matter what I say, it’s not going to change the fact that you love her. Real talk, and don’t get mad, but you could do a whole lot better than her. I know she’s beautiful and successful and all that good stuff, but you deserve more than she’s willing to give. I only say it cuz I love you. One day you’ll see I’m right.”
“What is it that I’m missing?” I asked, really wanting to know, because I was actually pretty content with my wife. There wasn’t anything that I needed that I couldn’t get from her.
“If you don’t know then it must not be important. Don’t pay me any attention, what do I know?” He tried to laugh it off.
“Do you know something I don’t know, Dizzy?”
“What? Come on now, you should know if I had any suspicions, you’d be the first to know. I haven’t seen or heard anything in the streets. I’m just saying.” I wanted to know what all of that meant, but it was hot and I was ready to go home. I’d see him the next day, so I made a mental note to pick the conversation back up where it left off.
“Alright, man.” I gave him a hug and walked off to my car. I don’t know how I felt about what he’d just said. He was right though, it didn’t matter what he said! Like that Anthony Hamilton song, I can’t let go. Dizzy just didn’t see Naomi clearly for some reason. He didn’t know how amazing she was. He admired her talent and beauty, but he had no love for her. Even after five years of her being by my side, he didn’t like her. Terrence didn’t like her, most of my female cousins; what was I supposed to think about all of that? I mean, I’ve thought of plenty excuses, jealousy being the most plausible, but was it really envy?
I drove home thinking about when Naomi and I met. It was love at first sight for me, but it took some work to get her to fall for me. She did though, and I vowed to make her the happiest woman in the world. We had a nice home, both of us successful. Now that I’d made partner, things would be even better! We could finally start a family and we would grow old together. Dizzy was right; I loved Naomi and nothing could change that. I turned on the satellite radio and Anthony Hamilton came on.
“Why must they try to tear down my house
When they know it's made from love
And they could never stand in my way
We made a vow to love through it all, we are one
And no one has the right to tear my love down”
Yes, it hurt that I couldn’t have peaceful family gatherings, but what was the alternative? Not be around my family or not be around my wife? Neither of those sounded like an option to me. My family was my family! My own flesh and blood and we all loved each other unconditionally. As for Naomi, I wouldn’t have said vows before God and my family if I didn’t love her with all my heart. She was my wife, my better half.
“How dare they say that a love like ours won't last?
God made no mistakes when He sheltered me with your heart
There's no safer place than to be in love
And here I will stand and there ain't never
Ain't gonna never ever leave you alone”
“Hey bae. How was your thing?” I smiled, leaning forward to give her a kiss on the lips. She turned her head so that my lips landed on her cheek.
“I need to go take a shower, honey. I’ve been dancing all day. I feel all dirty and sticky.” She said while continuing on to our bedroom.
“Okay, have you eaten? I can whip something up.” I offered. “I have a bottle of wine on chill.”
“I already ate, but I’ll take a glass once I get out. What’s the special occasion?” She asked. I’d forgotten that I hadn’t told her the good news yet.
“I made partner.” I couldn’t hide the pride in my voice if I wanted to. This was what all those billable hours were for.
“That’s great sweetie! I’m so proud of you.” I expected her to come out and kiss me or hug me or something, but all I heard was the shower turn on followed by the sound of the door closing. I went to the kitchen to get the wine and two glasses. I’d already finished one glass when my wife came out of the shower in flannel pajamas. Not exactly my idea of sexy, but she was still beautiful. Her long hair was pulled back into a braid that went to the middle of her back. She’d washed away any signs of makeup, and her brown skin looked radiant. She had huge brown eyes that almost overwhelmed her face with long eyelashes that fanned out. There were many times that I completely lost myself inside them. Her heart shaped mouth made me want to kiss her every chance I could.
I poured her a glass of wine and held it out for her. She downed the drink like water before climbing into bed. I really hoped she didn’t just want to go to sleep, because I was still in the mood to celebrate. “My mom is cooking a big dinner Sunday to celebrate my promotion.”
“That’s nice.” She sighed.
“You don’t sound too excited.”
“I am, and I’m so happy for you, dear. It’s just…well, your family hates me.” She exhaled. “I’m not exactly looking forward to an evening of mean looks and snide comments.”
“My family does not hate you.” Well, except for Dizzy and a few of my cousins. “They love you because I love you.”
“Your mom wishes you’d married someone else.”
“How can you say that? My mother adores you. How else is she going to get any grandkids?” I smiled.
“Grandkids?” She raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah, how about we get started working on that right now?” I gently kissed her lips.
“Baby, I’m really tired. Maybe we can go out to dinner tomorrow night and celebrate. I just need some rest. My body is tired.” She finished with a yawn.
“How about you finish the wine and I’ll give you a full body massage.” I offered. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind for the night, but I just wanted to spend some close time with her. Besides, I knew once I started rubbing her body down, she’d be in the mood. We hadn’t had sex in weeks.
“Seriously, Miles, I just want to go to sleep. I had a long day. Please don’t make a big deal out of this.”
“I just want to be close to my wife. I didn’t think I was making a big deal out of anything.” I said a little defensively. What was her problem?
“And I just want to go to sleep. Is that okay with you?”
“What’s wrong, Naomi? What is your problem?” I wasn’t angry, I just didn’t understand why things were going the way they were.
“My problem? I’m not the one with the problem.” She responded.
“Okay, then what is my problem?”
She didn’t respond for about a minute. “Look, I understand that it’s been a long eight months for you working on the Parker case, and now that you’ve won it and made partner, you want to enjoy time with me. I get that. But what you’ve failed to grasp is that while you were working on that case, I was alone. When I needed time with you, you didn’t have it to give, so don’t come in here expecting me to just forgive you.”
“Naomi, I…” How do you respond to something like that? Yes, I’ve been busy over the past eight months working on that case, but I didn’t think I’d been neglecting her. Did she have a reason to be upset with me? I didn’t really know what she was talking about, but my dad had taught me a valuable lesson about women. “You’re right; I apologize. And I’m sorry if I haven’t been giving you the love and attention you need.”
“Really?” She asked skeptically.
“Baby, I really don’t want to argue, and if I can’t make love to you, then I just want to hold you in my arms.” I answered honestly.
“Just hold me? You won’t try anything?” She smiled.
“Probably, but I try to contain myself for as long as I can.”
“Miles…”
“If you’re not in the mood, you’re not in the mood. I understand that. I’m not a teenager; I can control my hormones.”
“I love you, honey.” She kissed me before turning off the lamp. I sighed inwardly as her head came to rest on my chest. Definitely not the night I had planned, but we could make up for it tomorrow. Hopefully.
As I lay in bed, my thoughts keep drifting back to Leslie. I made a mental note to get rid of her card the next morning. I very well couldn’t keep it if I was thinking about her while in bed with my wife. I just didn’t need the trouble. Especially when I haven’t had sex in three weeks. Yeah, Leslie was the last person I needed to be thinking about. I actively tried to think about something else, and my little brother came to mind. I wondered why he was so against my being with Naomi. He acted like he’d caught her creeping or lying to me or something. I knew that wasn’t it, because he would tell me. I had a hard time believing the animosity was natural; Dizzy usually got along with everyone. Why didn’t he like Naomi? Why didn’t Terrence like her? How was it possible that after five years they still hadn’t warmed toward each other? She didn’t really care for them either, but I couldn’t blame her with the way they treated her. Why couldn’t they see how wonderful she was?
“No matter what the people say, I'm gonna love you anyway
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we fuss or fight, try 'til we get it right
You are my life, I can't let go
Even if we disagree, you can put it all on me
You are my life, I can't let go
I can't, I can't let you go”
I finally drifted off to sleep with Anthony Hamilton’s lyrics flowing through my mind. Maybe I hadn’t been giving my wife the attention she needs, but that was about to change. From that point on, I would be the epitome of a family man, and soon, I hoped to have some little ones running around. Life was about to get better for the Carpenter family, and that started with making sure Mrs. Carpenter knew just how loved she really was.