hi guys sorry for the wait! to make up for it, this chapter is longer than usually!
i suggest listening to it's late by Queen and Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Rey while reading, if you want. sorry for grammar mistakes.
enjoy!
Roger's pov.
the flight was horrible. it already felt so long, we weren't even halfway there. i felt angry, i felt sad but i also felt happy. all those three emotions combined... it was a mess in my heart. a war in my mind.
"mate, she's been there for like twenty minutes." John suddenly broke the awkward silence that had filled the plane since Jill decided to make that scene. or maybe i caused it, i shouldn't be the one blaming the other one.
"what about it?" i said coldly.
do you know the feeling when you don't really want to be rude, but you're just so confused, tired or mad that you are accidentally rude to someone who has nothing to do with you feeling like tha? to someone who makes you happy even. that's just how i felt at that moment.
"just saying. you should go check on her." he shrugged.
at that moment, it felt like someone had just shor a bullet through my heart. she had been there for twenty minutes... alone and sad. she never failed to surprise me, even in bad ways. god knows what she could have done there.
i quickly stood up and almost ran to the wc. i knocked on the door.
nothing.
i knocked again, a bit louder this time.
still nothing.
well, third time's the charm. i knocked again.
now answered with a loud sniff and a "what?"
it felt like there had been a fire in my heart and now it was finally out. just hearing her voice made me so happy. knowing that she's alright made me feel so relieved. i felt stupid for thinking whatever i had been thinking, but i couldn't help it.
"please let me in." i leaned against the door.
"why? what do you want?" she answered coldly.
i just groaned at first. "come on Jill. don't make this hard." sometimes i felt like she tried to make everything hard and always wanted to be the center of attention... maybe it was unfair thinking like that right now.
the lock opened slowly, and the second the door was unlocked, i opened it quickly and got in, closing the door behind me. it was a small space obviously, so i had to squeeze in a little. i looked down and saw Jill sitting on top of the toilet, the seat cover down, her chest against her legs and her face red and wet from probably tears. her petite nose was red and stuffy, and i could feel my heart clench painfully. i hated that it was always me who made her feel that way, but for some reason i never stopped hurting her.
i kneeled down so that i could face her, and i noticed she avoided eye contact.
"i'm sorry. i'm an arse." i started talking. "i'm not going to start making up things and say that i never looked at her or that she didn't flirt, cause that's not true. but i can say that those glances and looks mean nothing to me, her flirting means absolutely nothing to me."
"it feels like our looks, us, don't mean anything to you." she whispered.
"it does. you mean the world to me."
"but it feels like!" Jill raised her voice, almost like yelling. "there's a difference Rog! don't you understand? there's a difference between feeling it and it just existing, but not feeling it. you always say how i'm your everything but you don't show it." more tears started running down her cheeks.
"what should i do then? don't i do already enough for you? just ask and i can do what you want. your wish is my command." i sighed.
"well i mean.. yeah maybe i'm wrong, you do so many things for me and i'm so grateful for it. i love you and the things you do so so much. and you do enough!" she smiled weakly. "but, why do you feel the need to look at someone else when i'm there? or be with someone else?"
that was a question i couldn't even answer myself. i didn't know why. i truly loved her but i still did all this. she didn't even know everything, she was so innocent... it made me sad. i had ruined her happy flower-like mind. i just looked at her silent.
"well, maybe it's because of me. maybe i don't give you enough?" she had some kind of a cold smile on her lips, but i saw that she didn't want to smile at all. "maybe my body isn't enough? perhaps my tits are too small? oh! maybe it's my ass!" she continued, her sarcastic smile fading and her voice cold as ice.
"no! no Jill. i'm not like that." well, i usually was like that, but not with Jill. "you body is perfect. i love your body more than anything, but there's one thing i love more: you. your mind, your personality, just everything you do."
she scoffed. "seriously? Roger Taylor cares about me? oh my god! wow i'm special!" she said sarcastically.
"what's that supposed to mean?" i furrowed my eyebrows.
Jill didn't answer. she wiped her red face that was full of tears, after that, she put her hand in her pocket and took out a cigarette. she lit it up and soon the small bathroom was filled with smoke.
this whole situation is so messy and confusing. like one minute we're ready to get married (not literally), and the next we hate each other. i knew it was my fault, but most of the times i could get away with it.
then Jill broke the silence, it was like she read my mind "you know, we're really stupid. we fight all the time, but we love all the time as well. it's really confusing. well maybe it's good! we always show that our love is bigger than our fights, that we can get through anything." a small smile was appearing on her face and it made my heart warm.
"yeah." i smiled softly.
before talking again, she took a puff of her cigarette, then handed it to me, for some reason i found that really adorable. "and i know i can be really dramatic sometimes, i'm still confused how and why you still put up with my shit." she chuckled and wiped her nose.
i took a puff of the lipstick stained cigarette, then threw it away on the ashtray. "because i love you, my little sunflower." i put my hand behind her back and drew little circles on her with my palm, the only thing between my hand and her skin was the soft fabric or her dress.
after a moment i stood up and held my hand out for her. she looked up at me and grabbed it while standing up. i kissed her deeply with lust and love, and after that i pulled her into a tight hug.
"you're crushing me Rog!" Jill laughed and pretended to be unable to breath. i just laughed.
"here we are, in a smelly airplane wc, you choking me... ah i live for moments like these!"
she laughed and we broke the hug. she definetely didn't lack humour.
"well i know how much you like to be choked!" i knew i had that one smug grin on my face that she hated.
"shut up!" Jill hit my chest and laughed, her cheeks were flushed. once again, how adorable.
"okay sorry.." i pouted.
"now let's get out of here, i want to breathe." she laughed and i turned around to unlock the door.
"choke me daddy!" i whispered mimicking her moan.
"i swear to god i will-" she started but the opening of the door cut her off.
we had probably been there for a while and as soon as we stepped out of the small space, everyone turned around to look at us.
i raised my hands, and two fingers on both of them to make the peace sign, and i heard Jill laugh behind me. and soon the others were laughing as well.
we walked along the narrow "hallway" of the plane to our seats and sat down. Jill leaned her head against my shoulder and yawned. "are you tired?" i asked. "yeah a little." she just shrugged while rubbing her eyes. "a little?" chuckled. "it's okay, just sleep there, and take this!" i handed her a small blanket.
"oh wait!" i lifted the armrest of the seat up and laid her head down on my lap with a smile. "better?"
"better." she kissed grabbed my hand and held it while drifting to sleep.
***
Jill's pov
i woke up to a light tap on my arm. i opened my eyes slowly, it was hard since the light was so bright. for a second i was really confused as to where i was and why, but it didn't take long when i noticed Roger's legs under me and his face above, and that made everything clear.
"good morning sunshine." he chuckled.
i rubbed my eyes slowly. "how long did i sleep?" my voice was raspy and my throat felt super dry.
"about an hour and a half. you were whimpering in your sleep so i decided to wake you up in case you were having a bad dream or something. were you?" Roger almost whispered while moving my hair out of my face to behind my ear. i could feel my cheeks burning red, how embarrassing!
"i was... i saw a dream about... you. i think. i don't remember much." i whispered loud enough for only Roger to hear, while getting up from his lap. my cheeks were flaming now as i saw his lips curling into a smirk.
"oh." he winked. "i see."
"oh shut up." i laughed tiredly.
"do you want water? the food's coming soon i think." he handed me a water bottle.
"yeah, thanks." i took it and immediately drank a lot. "i'm so thirsty!"
"thirsty for Roger." i heard Freddie laugh from a couple meters away. and now everyone laughed, except me. i just gave him the middle finger.
i looked around the plane and suddenly my eyes met Brian's. he was already looking at me, and as everyone else were chatting and laughing, he just sat there looking at me straight into my eyes, with a smile. that one smile that used to be so familiar a few years back. for some reason i couldn't look away. everything else around me blurred.
Roger was talking and laughing with John and Veronica while Freddie was chatting with some crew guy, Chrissie and Mary drinking champagne and giggling like little school girls. but i didn't see anything else except Brian. Brian's eyes, his smile. i felt something inside me that i haven't felt in a while. i couldn't smile at him but i couldn't take my eyes off.
suddenly Brian's gaze was on someone else. suddenly that smile was pressed against Chrissie's lips. the weirdest part was that i didn't like it. i didn't want him, but i didn't want him to want someone else. i didn't want his lips but i hated to see them kiss someone else.
i shook my head quickky, in attempt to remove all these weird feelings i hadn't ever realized were there. i wanted Roger. he was the one. i had history with Brian but it was only history. i loved Roger. i felt the need to tell that to him right there and then, it was like i feared that he could read my mind.
"Rogeeer..." i said in a whiny tone as i turned to face him, he did the same.
"what is it, baby?" he asked before pecking me on my pouty lips.
i didn't say anything. i had nothing to say. i just wanted to be distracted from Brian, and i wanted to be with him. i took a strand of his hair and started playing with it, i started unconsciously braiding it.
"what are you doing?" he laughed.
"braiding your hair!" i giggled.
"the hell you are!" he grabbed my hands and held me by the wrists playfully. i lifted my feet and, again playfully, started pushing him with my feet and laughing.
"this is more entertaining than any television show." Veronica laughed. "indeed it is. i will never get tired of these two." John cooed, they were looking at us like we were their children or something, and that made me laugh even more.
"Roger is so soft for Jill. he acts like this tough rockstar but is actually the complete opposite." Freddie piped in.
"shut up Fred." Roger yelled out of breath while trying to tickle me.
as i was laughing, my gaze once again met Brian's. he was looking at me, now without a smile. this time i quickly looked away, back at Roger, and kept laughing.
soon Roger grabbed my legs and arms, then pulled me roughly, that i was now sitting on his lap. he put my face between his palms and kissed me roughly on the lips.
"get a room!"
"shut up Fred!"