» this chapter is shorter than the usual and i know it's kinda stupid and sucks so let me apologise right at the beginning. next one will be better i promise, i was just a bit lost to what to write on this chapter to skip some time in the story.
~*~
Louis learnt so many things through the years with Harry and maybe that's why he is obsessed with the younger boy. He's obsessed with learning more and more from him. Another detail of his body, another gentle touch that he might need but didn't realise sooner, another colour that he never imagined it could exist, another thing to start to love... Louis is already in that state where anything can't be denied, he just confesses everything, he isn't afraid of his feelings and of what their friendship is.
So he loves being horribly straightforward. He loves sending reckless text messages –because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be? –, telling Harry he loves him and that he is an absolutely magical human and cannot believe he really exist. He loves saying, kiss me harder, and you're a good person, and, you brighten my day. He wants to live his life as straight-forward as possible.
Because one day, he might get hit by a bus. Harry might disappear. They might follow different steps.
Maybe it's weird. Maybe it's scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let him know he wants him, needs him, feel like, in that very moment, he will die if he doesn't see that boy, hold him, touch him in some way whether it's his feet on his thighs on the couch or his tongue in his mouth or his heart in his hands.
But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate, Louis thinks.
And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care, his mom once said.
They're young and they're human and they're beautiful and Louis knows he is not as in control as he thinks he is.
We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.
We never know when the bus is coming.
Louis hopes it's still far away or when that day comes Harry will be there to save him from not being killed, not letting him disappear because Harry might – definitely –feel the same way, he might be scared of that same bus, that's why when he kisses Louis it feels like he's doing it as if it is the last time he'll do that. Last time touching him. Last time seeing him. Last time just being there. And even if Louis fears it –fears being consumed with that terrible feeling –he enjoys it. He appreciates the love.
"In 20 years I won't remember today; that scares me." Harry suddenly says breaking the silence from a cold night.
They're laid down on Louis' bed, it's 3am and Louis is tired. School started for a while now and he keeps trying his best because it's their last year of high school and maybe he is feeling the pressure too much.
He thinks Harry is too. He never seemed too stressed out with school because he was always good at classes and exams and that studying thing. But this year seems different, he looks tired as well and they're only in the beginning of November. Louis likes to believe it's school, because it seems like a better excuse... but he knows that it's not the main reason.
Harry wasn't supposed to sleep at Louis' tonight since they have school tomorrow and even if they sleep better together the fact that they only fall asleep around this hour doesn't help. But the thing is, Louis couldn't deny Harry when he called him crying. He is getting used to it again, it's not always because Harry's parents fight with each other or with him, tonight wasn't that. Tonight Harry said I miss you and I feel sad. It would be good listening to the first part if it didn't come with the second one and tears.
Harry is getting sadder every time he isn't with Louis and the older boy knows it's still his parents' fault. The only way he has to help Harry with it is just appear. Appear and stay.
"I'll be there to remind you." Louis says softly and in a whisper, even not being sure if he was supposed to answer it.
"What if you don't remember as well?" Harry looks up from Louis' chest while Louis just squeezes their tangled hands
"I will remember." Harry doesn't feel convinced with that answer so Louis sighs and pulls away. Harry looks confused at him when Louis gets out of the bed but sits up anyway waiting for the blue eyed boy to come back.
Louis walks towards him again with his Polaroid camera in hands and sits next to Harry. The younger boy keeps frowning but that look quickly disappears when Louis leans over and cups his face with his free hand and kisses him on the lips.
They hear the click from the camera and Louis pulls away to pick the picture. He shakes it in his hands to appear the image, not noticing the way Harry keeps looking at him in fond but a bit questioning the moment.
"Here, now you have this to help you." Louis hands the picture to his best friend with a smile on his face "You don't need to remember anything, I'll be fine if you keep no doubt about me being here for you and about how much I love you."
~*~
Is Fiona's birthday on February fourteen and as always she decides to have lunch out with her family so then she'll go for dinner at one of her friends' house since they always plan something for her. Of course that have lunch out with his family includes Harry being present as well.
"Are you ready Louis?" Fiona asks walking past by him on the hallway, where he's sat at the bottom of the stairs, while she's putting on her earrings.
"Yes, ages ago. You and Zoe always take so long to get ready."
"Where's your dad and Peter?" now she runs to the other direction to grab her purse and check if she has the things she'll need there, obviously ignoring Louis' comment.
"He's already taking the car out of the garage, Peter is with him and I'm just here waiting for Harry."
Fiona stops what she's doing and looks at Louis "He's really coming?!"
"Yes, why wouldn't he?"
"Right... I'm just –I'm just relief that his parents didn't change their minds about... you know, everything." She says always looking at Louis while grabbing her coat from the hanger on the wall.
"Me too." He smiles briefly and stands up, seeing that his mother is finally done and they just need to wait for Zoe to come from upstairs. He takes care of his shirt and keeps doing and undoing the second button from the top, unsure of how it looks better. Fiona smiles a bit to herself and walks towards her son, to take his hands off from the shirt to compose the collar from it, herself. "You're nervous..." Fiona laughs and Louis sighs not looking at her. "So... you're really looking forward to tell your father then."
"I don't know." He confesses "It's your birthday today, I don't think it's a good time, I don't really want to screw it."
"You won't screw anything, honey." She rests her hands above his shoulder and Louis takes it as his cue to look at her. "We talked about you coming out to your father two months ago now... there is no right time to talk about it. You make the right time."
"But, we'll be at the restaurant, Harry will be there... what if he doesn't feel comfortable with it? What if dad stops loving him?" He says sadly and drops his face to the floor again. His mother looks at him in concern and notices that he's counting the stripes from the wooden floor.
"Louis, look at me," she pulls him by his cheeks and caresses them tenderly "I know your father... both know... he's a lovely person, he won't ever stop loving you and Harry. He'll be fine with it, honestly he probably suspects it as well." She smiles "You two aren't the subtlest at containing yourselves at home." Louis smiles back, he knows his mother refers to home as Harry's home as well, because he might not live here theoretically but it's almost as if he does and sure he is part of the family for years. "You talked with Harry about it, right?" Louis nods, answering "Then it'll be fine." She kisses his forehead and after walking to the stairs to call Zoe she gives him a smile.
At the same moment Zoe is saying that she'll be ready in a minute Louis hears the front door being opened by Harry –obviously he saves their spare keys, but that's just an excuse.
"Hi." Harry appears at the door and Louis needs to take a deep breath before walking towards him. He has been doing this for a while now because when he sees Harry for the first time in a day, he looks at him, with his dimples and his curly hair always so well done, always smelling like expensive perfume –at the beginning, because at the end of the day he just smells like Louis and soap –,he thinks, that boy loves me and I'm so lucky to love him as well. It just touches his heart and it breaks his bones, making him feel weak but at the same time unbreakable on the outside –on the inside he's melting.
"Hello love." Louis smiles and Harry's smile finally reaches his eyes when looks at the older boy "How are you?" He asks giving him a small kiss on his lips –he wishes it could be longer.
"I'm okay."
"You sure? Did they fight yesterday or... today?" Harry shakes his head and offers him a weak smile this time. He kisses Louis' forehead and walks towards Fiona, who is still on the first step of the stairs.
"Happy Birthday Fiona." Harry says hugging Louis' mother, who finds so much easier hugging him when being a few centimetres taller than usual.
"Thank you! Thank you for coming, sweetheart. Feeling good?" She asks smiling at him and Harry nods again.
"Oh, good morning Zoe. You look gorgeous." Harry says then looking behind Fiona's shoulders where Louis' sister appears.
"You too Harry." She smiles at the green eyed boy, winking and Harry gets her idea, accepting her hand to help her to walk down the stairs and kisses her cheek.
"Well, I think it's enough." Louis finally speaks after watching Harry interacting with his family and being completely okay with what was happening till now. He quickly walks towards them, finally stepping out of the opened door and grabs Harry's hand in his. "You're not allowed to tell my sister she looks gorgeous neither grab her hand you dumbass."
Harry laughs with his comment and plays hard with him, to drag him out of the house, so they're still on the hall with Zoe and Fiona laughing as well.
"What if I tell your mother she looks gorgeous, instead?" Harry teases, smiling at Fiona from behind his back.
"Worst."
~*~
"Dad, your jokes suck, really..." Louis laughs nervously while Zoe just covers her face, shaking her head in embarrassment and Fiona keeps laughing at her husband.
"Well, what if I tell you that it was like this that I got your mother dead over heels for me?" Carl smirks and Harry chuckles next to Louis. Louis rolls his eyes and he notices his mother giggling but she still protests.
"That it's not true, Carl. You know Zoe, your father was a really fit lad by that time, he got abs and every girl wanted a piece of him."
"Oh mom, I don't really want to know how hot you thought dad was." Zoe groans
"What? I'm not fit anymore?" Carl says at the same time.
Apparently, Fiona ignores the two, not really attentive to what is happening around her but more to the memories passing through his mind in flashbacks "I was hard to get now that I think about it. I didn't know what girls saw on you. For me you were like a plastic bag."
"Do you ever, feel like a plastic bag...?" Louis sing songs and Harry laughs with his reference, a bit louder than what he had been laughing till now "I think you did father." Louis teases and Carl fakes mad.
"Oh but isn't my soon so funny." He says faking a laugh.
"But then you invited me to go out while singing me a song. It was so cheesy and cliché I only accepted because you fell down from the chair and humiliated yourself in front of everyone really." Fiona continues oblivious from everything
"Mom..." Zoe keeps groaning
"They're crazy." Peter whispers in Harry's ear, next to him.
"Remember that they're your family." Harry says but still agrees with the young boy.
"I bet you have better jokes to tell me," Carl continues with Louis
"Harry has." Louis steals Harry from Peter, by dragging him closer to him from his chair by his arm around his shoulder and reaching his neck.
"Don't put me between this craziness please." Harry says in difficult due Louis being almost strangling him. Meanwhile, Fiona keeps telling her daughter about how Carl and she started dating, everyone from the restaurants keeps oblivious from the mess on the table.
"I asked for your jokes, not Harry's." Carl teases
"For yours, Louis." Harry repeats, fighting for release.
"Erm, well I have one."
"I'm listening."
"Knock, knock..."
"Oh, those are so old, kid." Carl laughs and when Louis is about to protest he says "Who's there?"
"Your son."
"Your son who?"
"Is gay." He says quickly and in that same moment the whole table stops talking, looking quickly at Louis, who is with the most terrific expression. Carl is probably with the same face, looking at him with eyes wide open and Harry is choked looking at his best friend almost shocking in his own saliva.
Peter tries to look at his brother, almost with no success since Harry's tall figure is next to him, blocking the view. Zoe starts coughing and Fiona looks curiously between his husband and son.
"Well... this is a good time for one of my jokes, no?" Harry asks laughing nervously and uncomfortable with these long seconds in silence between the family. "No?" Pauses. "Okay." He looks down and his first instinct is to grab Louis' hand from under the table, intertwining their fingers tightly.
Louis doesn't even move, he is still staring back at his father as if he's someone he hasn't seen in ages, his heart keeps beating fast and if he could, he'd run away from the table and hide himself in the bathroom.
Out of sudden, Carl simple starts laughing. Laughing as if the joke Louis said was actually funny. And Louis is so confused and astonished with the moment... but above everything he feels kind of hurt, especially with the words his father says next.
"Oh Louis, this was actually brilliant," he keeps laughing, Louis feels Harry squeezing his hand under the table because he knows Louis doesn't know if his father is joking about this, if he thought that was really a joke, because he isn't saying anything coherent. "Call for the waitress please." He speaks to Fiona this time.
"Carl..." She warns him, probably confused as well but her husband only shakes his head and insists on what he asked for previously.
Louis doesn't even listens to what his father asks for when the waitress comes to their table, he only sees how they smile at each other politely and when he turns around to him that smile disappears. He knows he is talking but Louis doesn't hear anything, he keeps looking at the white towel and focusing on the way Harry is caressing the palm from his hand with his thumb.
He feels a squeeze and he gets it as Harry asking for his attention. He looks forward and sees his dad sill looking at him, probably waiting for an answer to his statement.
"Dad..." Louis whispers, voice broken and it's almost hard for Carl to listen to him. "Dad please... don't, don't stop loving me..."
"Babe... it's okay." He hears Harry whispering closer to him, calming him down.
"Is it?" Louis asks more to himself than to his best friend, sadly.
"Louis?" Louis looks at his father's confused expression "What are you saying?"
"I... I just –"
Louis stops what he is about to say when the waitress comes back, bringing what his father asked for "Oh thank you." The man says
"You –Why did you ask for champagne?"
"To celebrate of course," Louis frowns and feels Harry resting his hand on his thigh this time. He looks at his mother and she's finally smiling properly, Zoe is with that same look she gave Louis when he told her that everything worked out for him and for Harry and Peter looks too excited, almost as much as he looked when Harry gave him the present he bought him back on their holidays. "It's my beautiful wife's birthday and my older son is happy, so I have plenty of reasons to ask for the best champagne from this restaurant."
"What... you..." Louis' eyes open wide and he finally breathes properly.
"You heard it son." Carl smiles
"Oh my god dad..." Louis smiles back and gets up from the chair to go around the table to hug his father. "I thought... I was so nervous... Oh Jesus..." He chuckles and feels relieved and blessed for having such a wonderful and understanding family.
"What for? Louis... I knew it already, please I'm not as dumb as your mother describes me." He laughs and Louis joins his father, going back to sit on his chair. "I'm glad you decided to tell me anyway. I'm not going to lie... it's still weird to be sure of this," he looks at Louis and Harry at time "but I'm not going to stop loving you."
Louis can't stop the little feeling of guilt when he knows Harry is right next to him listening to what his father is telling him... Harry once told him that he wished his parents were like Louis' and that sometimes it makes him feel sad seeing how kind they're towards him. Harry just doesn't have that love. At least he thinks so...
"And Harry... You're like my second son,"
"Hey!" Peter protests crossing his arms against his chest and pouting, just really understanding this part of the conversation.
"My third son," Carl corrects himself sending a small smile to Peter "I'm also really proud of you. Don't forget, never forget, that you're part of our family... I feel like now, more than ever. You have us, all right? You have the right to be happy and we want to help on it. Not just Louis." Carl says looking directly at the green eyed boy. It's Louis' time to grab his hand, though, this time, above the table where Harry's is.
Harry smiles and drops the gaze to look down at his half empty plate "Thank you so much... I don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything."
Louis looks at Harry in fond and notices the emotions he's feeling and the guilt disappears... it disappears because he knows now that Harry is sure about having a family who cares for him like his family from blood should.
"Did you two know about this?" Carl looks at his wife and daughter and they both simply nod
"It's complicated," Zoe says
"Wow, I feel like I wasn't invited for the best party of the year."
Louis laughs and shakes his head, still not able to form proper words.
"Wait," Peter interrupts "I feel like I wasn't invited too."
"But you were," Harry says now giving attention to the kid, looking down at him from his seat and patting his head.
"So what's going on? Did Louis tell his secret yet?"
"What?" Louis tries to look at his brother from his place
"He did." Harry ignores and answers the kid.
"So it's true then? You know that my brother loves you like my mother loves my dad?"
"Oh," Harry looks at Peter surprised and everyone on the table looks the same "How..."
"Yes he does." Louis appears from under Harry's shoulder, resting his chin there and smiling at his young brother. "Everyone does, actually." Louis finishes looking around the table smiling.
When he looks at Harry again, Harry is looking back at him. They both smile at each other and Louis truly sees happiness in Harry's smile, on his dimples... his eyes still look a bit sad, will still cry a lot of tears but he knows he'll make progresses –more than the ones he had done –, he knows he'll make his whole person feel happy like he deserves and like Louis wants to.
He places a kiss on Harry's forehead and gently squeezes his shoulder at the same moment Peter says, in a sigh of relief "Thank goodness because I was about to tell it myself."