Milan Marie
"Milly, Milly are you okay," Jason asked
Realizing how long I've been in the same spot, I looked up and replied, "Yes Jason, I'm fine."
My Manager and longtime friend Jason is just doing what he does best and that's worrying about me.
Finally closing my computer and putting my attention on Jason to see he was giving me the "Bitch Please" look.
"Nonsense Chile, Your thoughts are loud and plus you've been staring at a blank computer screen for 20 minutes," Jason replied
Lowly huffing I decided to end this conversation before it even started.
"Jason, you would be the first one I came to if something was wrong," I stated
Which was true in A way. Jason was my best friend, hell he was my only friend but he wasn't so understanding at times. Jason constantly pressured me about leaving my current boyfriend of three years Demauri. In all honesty I knew Jason had my best interest at heart, but I wasn't leaving Demauri until I was ready and I needed him to understand that. Considering Demauris last stunt, me leaving him was rather sooner than later. Coming home at 4 in the morning and going straight to the shower and then sleeping on the couch gave me all the confirmation I needed he was cheating. These are things I wish I could talk to Jason about, but hearing the usual "He ain't shit," was not something I was interested in at the moment. Even tho I needed A hug from my best friend so badly right now. I would just have to continue hiding my pain.
"Okay Milan, I just worry about you sometimes."
"Well, Jason I'm fine stop worrying please."
I'm completely far from fine but how could I admit that. I've been "fine" for so long, I'm not sure how to even muster the courage to let those words seep through.
"Okay Milly, sorry I brought it up."
Thinking quickly of A way to change the subject, "Hey Jay were we able to book Tao Nightclub for the launch event?" I asked
"The owner actually reached out to me this morning we are all booked"
"Great, and who did we choose for catering?"
"The Boil"
"The seafood restaurant?"
"Yes, they have the best crawfish and shrimp"
"Well good because I been craving, what would I do without my Best Friend?"
"I ask myself that same question every day, what would Milan do without me?"
Laughing at his nonsense the vibration of my phone ceased my laughter rather quickly once I saw who name appeared on my screen. A text from Mr. Unfaithful himself.
Demauri: Bring Food Home.
Me: Hello to you too Demauri
Demauri: Man just bring some food home, extra ass
Me: Okay Demauri, you shouldn't be so rude damn
Demauri: Whatever Milan, you always overreacting.
Exiting out our text thread and feeling my mood worsening in less than 5 minutes of conversation with his ass, I grabbed my bag but not before telling Jason to see him tomorrow and asking him to lock up for me.
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Finally arriving home with Demauri favorite fast food only to find out this nigga already had left. Throwing the shit in the microwave but not before I called him to only find out he left his phone here. Did this nigga really have me bring him some food and disappear? Letting out a breath of frustration I kicked my high heels off and started to remove my clothes leaving me in just my Bra and Panties. Pouring my self A much need glass of wine, to try and clear my mind but it seems that my normal "meditation" method only seems to put my mind in overdrive.
Thinking back on the day I meet Demauri, I was at Marquee Nightclub celebrating my 22nd birthday. I was with Jason and A few of his other friends, considering that I didn't know anyone else in New York. It felt really good to be out, it had been several years since I was able to actually enjoy myself. Jason ordered us A couple of shots patron and 3 shots later I was Drunk AF. I was in the middle of shaking my ass when the waitress tapped my shoulders and handed me A 50pc order of wings and fries. Looking at her confused she smiled and pointed to Demauri. Nodding my head finally catching onto Demauri approached our table. Standing there 6'2 and as bright as the sun itself and might I add fine. Really fucking fine. God definitely took his time making him.
"Happy Birthday Gorgeous," He started off saying.
"How did you know it was my birthday I mean its four of us here," I replied flirting back.
"Because you're turning up more than everybody," He replied rather quickly.
"A girl gotta have fun right?" I asked
"Right, enjoying the wings?" He asked
"Yeah, normally brothers send drinks but I guess wings will do," I stated
"Well I figured you were drunk enough, and I know how girls are," He replied.
"And how is that?" I asked
"Y'all fat ass like to eat," He replied
Looking at him like he was crazy before we shared A laugh. I gotta admit Demauri was different from my normal choice but I thought maybe different was better for me right now. The brother was bold and had this demanding Aura that screamed at you when he walked in the room.
"Milly, you gone introduce us to your friend?" Jason asked
"I haven't got his name yet my self," I replied
"Demauri, but call me whatever you want baby,"
"You have a lot of confidence don't you?" I asked
And He did.
Refilling my glass while my mind continued to wonder, I kept questioning myself on where did we go wrong. Like I really love Demauri, but is love enough? Our first year and a half were amazing we were living what most people called the perfect love story. Demauri had just signed a 5 million dollar deal as a Point Guard for the New York Knicks and I had just expanded my online Hair extension company Plush to one of the busiest streets in New York, Manhattan. Everything was finally good for me. Good for us. We were both at high points in our life with our careers and our new found love. That's until Demauri tore his ACL. Everything that could have happened did.
After two months of being injured the rumors and blogs started to talk about how Demauri wouldn't make a full recovery and he didn't. The doctors stated he would never be able to play basketball again. We had enough money to get us by but Demauri couldn't let go of the fast life. He continued to go to the clubs every other night buying expensive alcohol and throwing money on strippers. He even started to dab in cocaine. Leaving me to be financially responsible for us and to try to get him back to his normal self. I thought for a while maybe he was depressed and just needed time to cope but how much time did he actually need. Whenever I would express how I felt about the situation he would hit me with the typical "You don't understand," and "Your dreams weren't ripped from you," bullshit. The clubbing every night eventually lead to him coming home two and three in the morning. We argued almost every day and now we barely show any affection towards each other. Sometimes my own lover seemed like my worst enemy.
Now on my third glass of wine, it was safe to say I was tipsy as hell. I started to think more about my childhood. Growing up in a small town in Louisiana there was a lot of racism towards our family because my father was with a black woman. We would get hate mail, random people approaching our family giving unwanted opinions and even one time my father was attacked so badly he was hospitalized. The attack was the last straw for my dad, one day he just moved away and we never heard from him again. I resented him for so long for leaving as A man his job was supposed to be to protect his family not leave.
Going to school every day I use to get teased for having darker skin. I really wished I had my dad around to protect me but all I had was my mother. I would come home and cry with my mother, and she would say, "Black women are made out of brown sugar, cocoa, honey and gold and the strength of ten thousand moons." She would say having colored skin was nothing to be ashamed about and that in fact, I should be happy. She taught me how to love myself and told me almost every day that I was a queen. She was so beautiful. She was my Angel.
One day coming home from college, my mom left A note on the fridge saying she was running to the store and would be right back. I sat at the house for hours waiting for her. There was A knock on the door and when I opened it I knew something was wrong. Two policemen were at the door but the next words that came out there mouth was enough to make my knees buckle and fall to the floor. One of the officers said," I'm sorry ma'am your mother was hit in A crossfire and she didn't make it. I felt like my life was over. My protector was gone.
I never felt like we belonged in this town and I never felt like my mother death was an "accident". Our town wasn't A very violent town where random shoot outs just happened. I felt as if the police were covering up her murder. There was no investigation at all.
I had just turned 20 the week before my mother's death and was A senior in college. I was forced completely into adulthood and I did what I thought was best. I moved to new york the same day of my mothers funeral and moved in with Jason. I got the hell out of dodge, all that town did was destroy my family we never belonged.
Interrupting my thoughts Demauri phone starts ringing. I grabbed the phone to answer It thinking maybe he was calling to see where he last left it. Only to see what it was A text message instead. The sender's name read Deandre Work. Which happen to be Demauri's best friend name.
Deandre: Did You Miss Me
Rereading the message a thousand times I kept thinking this sneaky ass Nigga. Roughly wiping the tears off my face I continued to go through his phone only to find out there were more girls. The bastard was even bold enough to bring the bitches to the house I pay for by myself. Throwing the phone across the room completely shattering it, I downed the rest of the wine in my cup and when that was gone I drunk straight from the bottle.
Alexa Play Sunshine Anderson - Heard it All Before
Pouring just one last cup I sang my heart out while packing his shit.
"Come home late It seems you barely beat the sun tapping my shoulder thinking you gon get you some Smelling like some fragrance that I don't even wear if you want some loving I suggest you go back there"
I stopped packing and just took A seat and let the music continue to play.
Heard it all before (heard it all before) All of ya lies, all of ya sweet talk Baby this, Baby that But your lies ain't working now look who's hurting now See I had to shut you down (I had to shut you down) Played the fool before (played the fool before)
I was your fool I believed in you Yes I did yes I did
But your lies ain't working now look who's hurting now See I had to shut you down (I had to shut you down)
Taking A sip of my wine when the next verse came on, "What were you thinking bringing her into our home. In our bed, you must have fell and bumped your head. Messing up my sheets and violating me"
Feeling that verse way more than I should have.
I decided to finish the rest of my glass and go to bed. Staying up waiting for Demauri wouldn't lead to anything good. Its been an eventful day.
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