Harry didn't come to his classes the next day, nor the day after that, nor the one after that.
I tried my best to convince myself that it wasn't a big deal anymore, and that surely it didn't concern me anymore, but I couldn't help but grow more and more worried as the days passed. I could just hope that he'd made up with Niall, so that he would've had someone to side with him when things got rough - as they clearly did.
I started checking if he was there as soon as I entered the classroom, a wave of disappointment - in the whole situation - hitting me as soon as I realised that he wasn't. I almost asked Niall what had happened, but then I reminded myself that it was no longer any of my business.
When the fourth day since our argument came he finally entered the class, a bit later than usual, but still unbothered as ever. He opened the door without knocking, making the teacher stop in his tracks with the chalk still held between his fingers, and calmly made his way towards the desk next to Niall's, not even sparing a glance to the rest of the class.
I stared at him for some more seconds, but then I decided to go back to listen to what the teacher was saying, not wanting to get called out. It really shouldn't have mattered that much, but to me it felt like the aura of the classroom had shifted in the second Harry had set foot inside.
"I'll have you know, this is starting to become pitiful" a voice next to me said, and I turned my head quickly, finding myself almost glaring at the baby blue of Ella's eyes. "Just saying" she added as soon as she took in my reaction, her eyes widening. "If you're that upset about having argued with him why don't you just go there and talk to him?"
I shook my head. "I don't want to" I said in a whisper, sending a quick glance in the direction of our maths teacher to make sure he was too distracted to pay attention to us.
"Then why do you keep looking at him as if he'd stolen part of your soul or something?" She murmured back, giving me a little shrug.
I repressed a chuckle at the absurdity of her words. "I don't do that" I replied, but I couldn't help but send a little glance in Harry's direction again. "It's not that easy" I said with a sigh. "It just wouldn't work between us. We clearly have no future."
"Why does everything always have to be so deep with you?" Ella replied, tapping the back of her pencil on her desk. "Just have some fun in the moment and call it a day."
"That would just be a waste of our time" I said, furrowing my eyebrows, not understanding how she could be so careless at times. I wasn't the kind of person that enjoyed having some quick fun with someone, just to forget them and move on a couple of months later.
She rolled her eyes. "Are you actually telling me that any time spent with someone like Harry would be time wasted? He could literally come here and ask for a pencil and not even that would be time wasted."
"That's... different" I said, turning my head and starting to pay attention to the teacher again. In the short time I'd been distracted he'd already changed topic, and I started flicking through the pages of my book to discover that he was explaining.
"So you're done with him for good?" Ella asked again, not understanding that I was already done with the conversation, and I glanced at her again.
"I guess so" I replied, shifting my gaze to the teacher again just to realise that he was sending me an admonitory glance. "Why?"
She gave me a little shrug. "Well, Aiden and I are going to a party tonight, do you want to join? It's better than lying down on the bed of self-pity you created for yourself the whole night."
"I don't know" I said, uneasiness evident in my voice. I'd never had the best luck when it came to parties. The idea of going to one without Harry by my side scared me a little bit more than it should've.
"Oh come on, do you think he's been a recluse just like you have been since you argued? I bet he's had some wild nights since, and that's why he skipped his classes. Do you really want to be the kind of girl that literally stops existing when she breaks up with someone?" She replied quickly in a hushed tone.
I sighed. "I guess you're right." I went back to listening to the teacher, and the conversation finally died down.
We stayed in silence for the rest of the class, but I was barely able to pay attention to what the teacher was saying, my mind continuing to drift away to the boy that was sitting at the opposite side of the room.
When the class finally ended I gathered my stuff and exited the room as quickly as possible, wanting to avoid any awkward confrontation. I realised how useless my actions had been only some minutes later, when, after having sat down at a table in the corner of the cafeteria, I saw Harry enter the room as well, completely ignoring me as he made his way to the usual table he sat on in the middle of the room.
I looked at him from far away just as I used to do before getting paired with him, finding myself wishing that things could've come back to how they were, even though I knew it was impossible. It had been easy to trick my mind into believing that we were somehow meant to be, but now I couldn't help but realise how pointless it all had been. For every step forward, we took two backwards. What even was the point of going back to a relationship like that? It had felt nice in the moment, but what would've happened when we would've inevitably realised it had been nothing but a mistake since the start? Maybe Ella was right, and maybe I would've never regretted the time I'd spent with Harry, but I was sure he would've eventually found himself regretting the time he'd spent with me. He'd always shined much brighter than I ever had, and he would've inevitably realised it at some point. Maybe he would've been the one to leave, and I knew I wouldn't have even been that surprised. It would've just made sense. Some things just weren't meant to last longer than a breath of air, or a winter break, that is.
Someone sat in front of me, blocking my visual of Harry. I looked up, the hint of annoyance I felt not dissipating when I met Aiden's brown eyes.
"So you're coming with us?" He asked right away, not even saying hi before. I wondered when had Ella had time to inform him.
I gave him a little nod. "I guess" I simply said, but Aiden didn't seem to mind my lack of excitement.
"That's great!" He exclaimed, seeming a bit more thrilled than he probably should've been. "I'll come get you at eleven in the evening? Ella likes to be fashionably late."
"That's a bit more than fashionably late" I said, but my comment went completely unnoticed by Aiden.
"Alright then, I'll see you later tonight" he said, before standing up and leaving, just as quick as he'd come.
• • •
That evening, taking advantage of the fact that my parents weren't home, I brought my ruined drawing down to the kitchen, trying to see if I could somehow fix it by carefully washing the stain away. I gave up after a while, when I realised that it was ruined for good, and went into the living room, trying to waste some time.
I sighed when I saw the flash of Aiden's car lights in the driveway and stood up, putting my coat on and automatically checking its pocket to make sure my usual notepad was with me.
I frowned when I suddenly remembered that I'd finished it some days before, and I didn't have to think twice before quickly making my way upstairs to get a new one. I entered my bedroom and walked towards the desk, opening the first drawer under it to search for it. I furrowed my eyebrows when I saw the black leather notepad Harry had gifted me for my birthday, and I hesitantly picked it up, staring at it for a few minutes before hiding it at the very bottom of my drawer and taking out another one, quickly taking my old one out of my pocket and putting it on the desk before sliding the other into my coat.
I looked up instantaneously when I heard the doorbell ring from downstairs. Was it too late to pretend I wasn't in the house? It probably was. I sighed again and walked down the stairs, dreading every step while I made my way towards the front door. Why had I even agreed to go out, with them out of all people? I knew that, deep inside, I'd wanted to prove myself that I didn't need Harry to be around to enjoy life in the moment. I'd wanted to prove that I wasn't the kind of girl spending days buried inside her house, which was quite ironical considering that's literally who I was. It already felt like a stupid decision, if I had to be honest. I wasn't that kind of person, that was one of the reasons why Harry and I would've never worked out. He was everything that I wasn't, and whoever said that opposites attract lied. I'd never felt so deeply disconnected and united with a person at the same time. It had been a cold reminder of our ephemeralness throughout the time we'd spent together, and I knew that if I'd kept going it would've swallowed me whole.
I finally opened the door, discovering that the person that had been insistingly ringing my doorbell wasn't Aiden, but Ella.
"Come on, we're about to turn fashionably late in embarrassingly late" she said as soon as I set foot outside, and I gave her a little nod, not feeling like addressing the topic with her.
We walked to Aiden's car, and I quickly sat in the backseat, not wanting to be forced to sit next to him. I'd done that once, and I would've preferred not to repeat that experience.
I looked up, catching Aiden's glance on me from the reflection in the rear-view mirror. He looked away as soon as he realised I'd noticed, sending Ella a little glance as she sat down next to him.
He started the car right away, getting out of the driveway and driving off in some direction. Thinking about it, it hadn't been the best idea not to ask them the address the party was at. I turned to look out of the window as I usually did, but I frowned when I realised that it was too dark to see much of anything outside. The silence in the car was strong, and it felt awkward. It was weird to realise how lonely I could feel despite being in a car with two other people. I'd never felt like that whenever I was with Harry. He just had that something that made you feel somewhat appreciated, or at least acknowledged, even when he wasn't talking at all. Everything with him had always seemed so much more natural.
All of sudden Aiden pushed a button, and some bubblegum pop song that I barely recognised blared through the speakers.
I tapped my finger on the cold glass a couple of times. I wondered what kind of music Harry listened to. It was probably something of unexpected coming from him, because that was just how he was. An intricate mess of opposites, that didn't make much sense unless they were seen as a whole. If only he'd ever let me see him as a whole. Sometimes I'd felt like the secrets he'd kept from me were even more than the things he'd indeed told me. Everything was so meaningless in that moment, though. It was odd to know that the things I'd worried about until some days before were none of my concern anymore.
I widened my eyes in surprise when the car suddenly stopped, not having expected time to fly by that quickly. I took the phone that I'd left on my lap and unlocked the screen, looking at the time at the top. About twenty minutes had already passed.
"Alright, we're here" Aiden said quickly before opening the door and getting out of the car.
I followed his actions, barely suppressing a chuckle when I noticed the heel of the stilettos Ella was wearing had dipped into the soft and wet ground as soon as she'd stepped outside. Using the door of the car to keep her balance, she pulled hard, freeing the shoe, before standing up again and opening her fancy-looking coat to fix her dress.
I rounded the car and followed Aiden as he walked towards the door of the house. He rang the doorbell and a boy opened the door, giving us a lopsided smile before pushing past us to throw up in the bushes.
I gave him a shocked look, but didn't stay outside long enough to see the aftermath of the action, and I walked inside after Aiden and Ella, immediately feeling my body warming up.
Ella and Aiden got something to drink almost instantly, leaving me as the only one that wasn't drinking anything. They knew I wouldn't have been able to drive them home, considering I didn't know how to drive, so it was pure recklessness more than anything else.
I looked around warily, I'd never felt so much out of my element. The lights were dim and intermittent, enough to make my head spin. The smell was strong, sweat mixed with overpriced cologne.
I closed my eyes. I'd never thought I would've ever wanted to leave a place as soon as I'd set foot inside, but there I was, surprising myself in more than one way. I didn't want to be there, I didn't even know why I'd agreed to come. I was used to quiet environments, and there everything was just too much for me. I wished I'd just spent the night at home instead. I would've probably spent the whole time thinking about Harry just as Ella had said, but anything would've been better than being there, in a house I didn't know, with my two supposed to be friends happily getting drunk together.
I wondered what Harry was doing, if his night was turning out to be as useless as mine. It wouldn't have surprised to find him at that party, or at any party, if I had to be honest. I just hoped there was someone that would've taken care of him if things had turned sour.
I wondered if he'd deleted my number. After all, he'd made it clear that he would've never chased me, so it wouldn't have been weird to suppose that we would've never talked again. I sighed. A little part of me had hoped that he wouldn't have given up on me after everything, but at the same time I would've never wanted him to keep going after me even after I'd made it clear that I was done.
I missed him, more than I would've ever liked to admit. But I was still sure of my decision - not only for me, but for the both of us. What was the point in trying to create something, when we both knew it would've had no future? It would've just hurt the both of us way more than it had already had.
"I'm using the bathroom, don't wait for me because the boy in front of the door is cute" Ella said all of sudden and I looked at her, discovering that she'd swapped her plastic glass with a beer bottle while I was distracted.
Aiden just nodded at her, and she didn't care enough to wait for more reactions before walking away, leaving me alone with the blond-haired boy.
I checked my phone, trying to pretend I was doing something before glancing at the time, widening my eyes when I realised that it was almost midnight. Time really did fly when I thought of other things. I wondered how long we would've stayed there before finally getting to go home. My presence there was starting to feel more and more pointless by the second.
"Sierra?" Aiden said all of sudden, catching my attention, and I looked at him, a bit worried about what he was about to say. "Do you think that brunette in the corner is looking at me?" He continued, staring at someone standing on his far right.
I widened my eyes at his question, and I was pretty sure that if I'd been drinking something I would've choked on it. "What?"
"The brunette in the corner" he replied, barely registering my shocked reply, before taking another sip of his drink.
I turned my head, glancing in the direction he was looking at. There was a brunette indeed, and she seemed to be staring at Aiden, considering that there wasn't anybody behind him she could've been looking at. "I think so" I simply said, but apparently, that was enough.
"Alright" he said, before downing the content of his glass and walking towards her, leaving me alone.
I watched him go away, a frown on my face. I certainly preferred not to have him around, but I didn't like the fact that I'd been left completely alone in a room full of people, with no way to get home. The most I'd been left alone at a party had been the twenty minutes of the first one I'd been to, and they'd in no way prepared me for a similar situation.
I decided to stand there, in hopes that either Ella or Aiden would've remembered I existed. The more time passed, the more I started to feel more and more lost. I wanted to go home, but I didn't know the way, and even if I had, I had no intention of walking completely alone in the streets in the middle of the night.
Some more minutes passed, and nobody came around. The minutes quickly turned into half an hour, and still no one had come my way.
I sighed, leaning against the wall, preparing myself for what would've surely become a long night. I looked at the time on my phone, it was way past midnight, and I was still alone.
"Hey!" A voice suddenly said, and I looked in the direction of the sound, noticing that a boy I didn't know was coming my way. His dark hair was sticking to his forehead, and he was clearly wasted. "I saw you're alone, and I am too, so like wanna fuck?" He asked, acting like he'd just asked the most common thing on the planet.
"Uh, what?" I asked, not believing what I'd just heard.
"Wanna fuck?" He asked a bit louder, seeming completely unconcerned by his words.
I heard someone snicker behind him, and I looked in that direction, realising that some boys were looking at us and laughing. I felt a wave of annoyance rush though me at the childishness of the whole thing. "No" I simply replied, detaching myself from the wall and walking quickly through the crowd of people, releasing a breath I didn't even know I was holding when I reached the front door. I opened it and slid outside, the cold air hitting my cheeks instantly.
I closed my coat and took a couple of steps down the driveway, trying to decide what my next move should've been.
My first instinct was to call Harry, but I stopped myself from considering the option any further, knowing that I couldn't do it anymore. I also couldn't have called my parents, because they surely wouldn't have enjoyed leaving early the work party they were attending to come get me. I only had another option.
I took my phone out of the pocket of my coat and unlocked it, going through the contacts and scrolling down until I found Niall's number. I called him, pulling the coat tighter around myself as I waited for him to answer, which he did at the third ring.
"Sierra? This is weird" he commented as soon as he picked up, some shuffling heard on the other side.
"I know and I'm sorry, but I didn't know who else to call" I replied, and I heard some more sounds on the other side as he seemed to sit down on a bed, that creaked under his weight.
"What's up?" He asked, a hint of worry in his voice.
I shrugged, looking down. "I'm at a party, my friends left me alone for good and I don't know how to get home."
I heard some muffled voices on the other side before Niall replied again. "I can't drive, but Liam is here so I'll send him, next me the address."
"Thank you so much" I replied right before the call ended.
I sighed, looking up the number of the house before walking down the street to find its name. When I did, I sent the address to Niall before walking back to the house, supposing that it would've been better to wait in front of it.
I reached it and sat down on the steps in front of the door, on the side not to risk to get tripped over, trying to waste some time on my phone, but locking the screen again when I realised that I had nothing to do on it.
If only I'd stayed at home, I wouldn't have found myself in that unfortunate situation - and I would've certainly had a better night. I was absolutely exhausted, I couldn't wait to be back home and crawl into my bed, leaving my concerns to worry about on the day after.
After about ten minutes a car finally stopped in front of the house, and the driver opened the door, revealing itself to be Liam.
"Hey, Sierra, right?" He said to me, not bothering to stand up from his seat.
I nodded, not feeling offended by the fact that he wasn't sure of my name. I'd probably heard his more times than he'd heard mine, anyway. I stood up, making my way towards his car and opening the door, sitting down on the passenger's seat. "Thank you so much for coming to get me" I said, and he nodded.
"It's not a problem" he replied, closing the door and driving away. "Where do you live?" He asked, and I told him the address. "Oh alright. Do you mind if we stop at Niall's for a second? I left my phone at his and his house is way closer than yours."
"Sure" I replied, giving him a little side-glance when an awkward silence fell over us.
"Yeah I don't know about you but I'm completely exhausted, can't be of much company. I have music though" he explained before turning the music on, letting a soft tune fill the car.
I nodded. "Same" I said before turning my head to look out of the window, observing the dark shadows of the houses he drove by.
"What were you doing there anyway? You don't seem the kind of girl that likes to party" he commented after a while, trying to make some kind of conversation.
I shrugged. "I'm most definitely not. I went with a couple of friends."
"Oh, the classic party friends that drag you to parties all the time, I get it" he replied. "I got some of those myself."
"It's the first time I go out with them" I simply said, starting to feel the exhaustion take over me.
He nodded. "Let it be the last too, it wasn't very nice of them to leave you like that."
"I know" I simply replied, and the silence fell over us again, the soft beat of the music in the background.
After some more minutes the car stopped in front of Niall and Harry's house, and Liam opened his door, stepping out quickly.
"Stay here, I'll be fast" he said before closing the door and walking in the direction of the house, a rush in his step.
I sat back against the seat, resorting to waiting for him to come back. Before I could even realise what I was doing, I looked in the direction of the window of Harry's room. The light was turned on, clearly visible in the night and through the glass, making it clear that he was actually inside. It was weird to think of that, as I'd been almost completely sure that he'd spent the night at some party. All of sudden Harry came to the window, closing it quickly, almost making me have a heart attack, and leaving me to wonder whether he'd seen me or not.
I was still staring in the direction of the window when Liam came back, and jumped on the spot when he opened the door, getting inside again.
"Alright, now I can take you home" he said quietly, throwing his phone in the pocket of his warm-looking coat and turning the engine on again.
The drive to my house was spent listening to music, not a word being spoken between us. Before I knew it, we'd finally arrived at mine, and he turned off the engine.
I opened the door, but stopped right before getting out. "Do you want to come in?" I asked, and Liam gave me an almost shocked expression. "I didn't mean it in that way, I meant for a tea or something. As a thank you for helping me even though you didn't have to, you know" I added quickly when I realised how it must've sounded to him.
"Oh yeah, sure, why not" he said, following my actions as I got out of the car.
I walked towards the front door with him following right behind me, fumbling with the keys a little as I opened the door. I stepped inside and held it open for him, closing it behind him and hanging my coat over one of the other coats to leave him a free hanger to put his on.
I walked inside the kitchen, hearing his steps behind me, and I was about to start making tea when a sudden question broke the silence.
"What's this?" Liam asked, and I turned around, walking closer to the counter to see what he was looking at, quietly nodding to myself when I recognised my ruined drawing, that I'd left there earlier.
I shrugged at it, even though the sting of how it had been ruined was still very present in my chest. "My drawing for a project. I ruined it though, so I don't think I'll manage to enter" I simply said, leaning against the counter next to it.
"What kind of project?" He asked curiously, furrowing his eyebrows as the question left his mouth.
"A competition" I replied. "Nothing too important, but it was still a way to get my name out there" I added quickly, not wanting to make it appear as a much bigger deal than it actually was.
He nodded, carefully picking the ruined drawing up to look at it more attentively. "This is Harry, isn't it?" He asked, pointing at the figure in the middle of the page, and I nodded.
"Yeah" I said, staring at it for a few seconds, feeling angry with myself when I remembered how perfect it had been. "I, uh, I spilled latte all over it right after deleting the original pics. I do stupid things sometimes" I explained, letting my eyes travel over the stain that covered the majority of the paper. "And I can't really ask him to come to mine again, so I guess that's it." I'd never thought about it before, but the competition really was done for good at that point. We only had a week to give in our drawings, and not only mine had got irreparably ruined, but also my model was gone.
"You're missing a model?" Liam asked me, curiosity evident in his voice.
"Yeah. I can't really enter anything else, and I've already drawn and deleted the other pictures" I said with a sigh, perfectly knowing that I'd been massively screwed up by causality.
He nodded, his eyes still drifted to the drawing in front of him. "I could be your model if you want to, for the competition I mean. It'd suck if you ended up not taking part in it because of something like that" he suggested.
I widened my eyes in surprise, not having expected him to do that. To be honest, I'd never thought anyone would do something like that for me. Even Harry had been forced into modelling for me, after all. "Really? You'd do that?"
He shrugged. "I mean, I don't have to take off my boxers right?" He asked, a hint of nervousness in his voice mixed with a little humour.
I let out a little laugh. "Absolutely not. Please don't do that" I said, and he nodded solemnly.
"Alright" he replied, before checking the time on his phone. "It's very late, I should go."
"I didn't get to offer you anything for the trouble" I said, but he just shrugged it off.
"It's alright, besides, it's two in the morning" he said, making me realise how late it was just in that moment. "I should give you my phone number before I go, so that we'll manage to find a time that works for the both of us."
I nodded, taking a pen from one of the drawers and giving it to him, turning around my ruined drawing so that he could write his number on the back.
He did quickly, and gave me the pen back. "I will go now" he said, starting to walk towards the entrance, and I followed him. He put his coat on before turning to look at me. "Bye, I'll see you."
"Bye" I replied, "and thank you again for everything."
"It was a pleasure" he said, before opening the door and walking outside, closing it behind himself.
I went back into the kitchen, taking my ruined drawing and turning it around, finding myself staring at Harry's figure until my parents came back home a couple of minutes later.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Needless to say, this isn't the last we'll see of Harry. x
Miki