I arrived in my cubicle bleary-eyed the next morning. Gillian and I had stayed up late going over both the video and sound recordings of the extortion meeting. It was obvious how to find Jerry; we knew the name of his business and we could easily point police to that. But Horace was more difficult.
She had at least remembered how we knew the name Horace: he was the subject of the customer complaint letter that we'd translated from Monday's copier debacle. I'd resolved to come to work today and look through the employee directory.
I logged into my computer and read through my emails. I had a welcome letter from the CIO and there was a notice about someone who'd been promoted. Also, I had a meeting invite from Tonya for nine thirty. I glanced at the clock. I only had fifteen minutes.
Nervous, I tried to check my breath. It seemed okay. But I wanted to check how I looked, too. Going in to Tonya's office with lipstick on my teeth or my zipper down would not be good. I rushed out of my cubicle to head to the bathroom and ran headlong into Ning.
"Hey, watch where you're going," she said. It was another caffeine free morning, judging by the way her eyeballs weren't visible.
"Sorry," I said. I dodged around her to keep going, but that didn't stop her from shouting out that she expected me to return with her coffee.
Do all interns have to put up with this kind of thing?
I made it to the bathroom and inspected myself in the mirror. My hair looked terrible, as usual. I tried to pat it into place but it was having none of it. My makeup at least looked fine; it was all where it belonged even if it wasn't expertly applied. The zipper on my pants was up, and the top button buttoned. My blouse didn't have any stains on it and it was tucked in nice. Satisfied that I looked as good as I was going to look, I left the restroom and headed for the coffee station.
Ning's mug was in the dishwasher so I didn't have to wash it. I poured a cup from the pot that was sitting there – I hoped it had been recently brewed – and I took it back to Ning.
"What'd you do to Earl?" she asked.
"I don't know what you mean," I said, handing her the mug.
She took it and chugged half of it, even though I was sure it was at a flesh-dissolving temperature. She set the mug on her desk and sat still for about thirty seconds.
"You want me to come back later?" I asked.
"Shh. I'm waiting for the caffeine to hit me."
I tried to wait patiently. But I didn't want to be late for my meeting with Tonya. My time was dwindling. I glanced at my watch.
"That's rude," she said.
I shifted my eyes back to her. Her eyes still appeared to be shut.
Then there seemed to be a seismic shift and her eyes whipped open, and she looked . . . normal.
"Earl was here. He mumbled something about you, I couldn't understand what he said. Then he went into your cubicle and ran away. What are you, bothering the guy?"
"No," I said. "I wasn't expecting him to come over. I don't know why he would have."
"Be nice to him," she said, turning back to her coffee mug. "He's smart and we need him here."
I wondered if Ning had a little crush on Earl.
"Okay," I said. "But I've always been nice to him."
She nodded once and swung her chair around to her computer, dismissing me.
I retreated to my cubicle. There was a brown box on my chair. I glanced around. Was it from Horace? A wave of panic swept over me, followed by the prickle of sweat beginning to gather between my shoulder blades. I poked the box and jumped back. What if it was someone's head, like that movie about the serial killer? What if it was Gillian?
That got me worried, and I clawed the box open, terrified that I was going to find her looking up at me. But it wasn't her head or anybody else's. It was a blouse.
I pulled it out of the box and held it up. It was very much like the one I'd been wearing yesterday when Earl had spilled coffee on me. I checked the size. It was a medium. I held it up to myself. It would probably be a perfect fit. Huh. Had Earl left it for me?
I folded it and put it back in the box and moved the box to the desk. There was a sheet of paper on the seat, folded into quarters. It must have been under the box. I glanced at my watch. Yow. It was nine twenty-nine. If I didn't want to be late then I couldn't read the note now. I tucked it under the edge of my keyboard, grabbed a pencil and a notebook and sprinted to Tonya's office.
Right outside her door I stopped and took a moment to collect myself out of her vision. The door was open, and just as I raised my arm to knock I heard a voice inside that I didn't want to hear: Dana. Then it registered what she was saying.
"I don't know, Tonya. Kids these days can't even be on time to a meeting with their boss. You really want to keep a tardy busybody kid around?"
I sucked in a breath and found myself standing in front of Tonya's desk after being propelled into the office by a volatile mixture of anger and indignation.
"Good morning." I made a show of looking at my watch. "Ah, right on time," I said.
Tonya raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on whether I was late or not. She waved a hand at an empty chair beside Dana. "Have a seat, Thelma."
Remembering my best manners, I sat down and neatly crossed my ankles beneath me with a ramrod straight back. I set the notebook on my lap and smiled, prim and proper.
Dana chuffed at me.
"Gesundheit," I said.
Tonya covered her mouth and coughed, though I'm pretty sure she was suppressing a smile. She managed to compose herself.
"Thelma, since Dana has taken such an interest in you, I've decided to ask her to incorporate you into a project that she's working on."
Icicles immediately stabbed me in the heart.
"Terrific," I said, ignoring the pain. "I'm looking forward to learning from you," I said to Dana. "I can see you've got a lot of knowledge to share."
Dana's head swiveled from Tonya to me and back again.
"What? You want me to work with her?"
Tonya moved some papers around her desk, avoiding Dana's gaze. "Yes," she said. "I'm sure you're more than capable in directing Thelma. She's a good student and very motivated. She's made the copy machine a joy to use, all on her own initiative. You two will be a perfect pairing."
"What project will I be working on?"
"Dana is presently doing inventory on the furnishings in the building," Tonya said. "You're going to help her by tracking down the missing pieces." She pushed a sheaf of papers at me. I picked it up. It was a spreadsheet listing all kinds of furnishings – chairs, tables, phones, desks, even artwork and keyboards. I flipped to the last page: page ten. Oh boy. Ten pages of missing furnishings.
I glanced at Dana. "This seems like a lot," I said.
Dana grimaced. I hoped it hadn't been her job to keep track of all of it in the first place. If it was I'd certainly just stepped in it.
"It is a lot," Tonya said. "But I have the utmost confidence that the two of you will be able to track it all down."
"So, I just take this list and start looking for this stuff?" I asked. I wasn't even sure if I was asking Tonya or Dana.
Tonya gave Dana a Look.
"Right. You can get started as soon as it's convenient for you," she said.
"I'll start right now," I said. I stood up. But Tonya wasn't done with me yet.
"Okay, Dana. Thanks for your time. I've some things to discuss with Thelma."
Dana cut her eyes to me. "Thanks, Tonya. I appreciate the help with this project. It's been pretty tedious." She emphasized the word tedious.
"Don't mention it. This is the sort of thing we bring interns in for, right? They get a taste of what things are really like in a functioning office." She turned to me. "This is real life."
"Yeah," I said. Mentally I clapped my hand to my forehead. What a dopey thing to say.
With no other recourse but to stay in the room, Dana got up and left. She didn't shut the door.
"Go on and get the door, would you?" Tonya asked.
My nerve-meter jacked up a couple degrees. But I did as she asked and sat back in my seat.
"I want to assure you that Dana isn't a threat to you or your position here. She's been having some personal problems and that makes her a little more . . ." she cast around for the right word. "Paranoid than usual. It might be a little uncomfortable to work with her at first but I know you can do it. You're a smart young woman and difficult people will always be in your way." She cocked her head and studied me for a moment.
"Thank you," I said, acknowledging her compliment.
"Dana's been working on this for months now. I want you to crack it out. Move on it as fast as you can. It would be terrific if you could have it wrapped up by end of day tomorrow."
I glanced down at the papers. A plan was beginning to form. "If you want it done that fast, then can I have an electronic copy? And maybe a laptop, so that I can be mobile?"
"Certainly. I'll have IT bring you a laptop right away."
Perfect. This would allow me to go all over the building in search of Horace. And a laptop would make the job a whole lot easier.
Tonya dismissed me and I zipped back to my desk to text Gillian about the meeting. But when I got back to the cubicle, I noticed the folded piece of paper from the blouse box again. I sat in my chair and unfolded it, smoothing it across my desk.
Intern:
I know what you were doing. Keep your nose out of it. I'm not afraid to make you disappear if you can't keep your mouth shut. Don't test me.
My hands shook as I folded the paper back up and slid it into my purse. Horace knew who I was, and he was bold enough to threaten me at work. My eyes darted around my cubicle, then into the hall. Ning was passing by.
"Hey, what's wrong with you? You been digging around a graveyard?"
I shook my head. I noticed my mouth hanging open all by itself and I clamped it shut.
"'Cause you look like you just saw a ghost." She smacked her thigh and laughed.
My mouth wrinkled up into something that might have looked like a smile.
"Geez, I was just kidding. What's wrong?"
She stepped as far into my cube as she could with the pole and me taking up the rest of the space.
"I didn't mean anything by that, Thelma. I'm sorry."
"No, no. It's not you," I finally stuttered out. I had to give her some reason for my appearance, so I fell to a convenient excuse: Dana.
"Tonya assigned me to work on a project with you-know-who is all."
"Dana?" she mouthed.
I nodded, making my eyes wide. I needed her to believe that nothing else was wrong. Please.
"Aw, kid. I'm sorry. What a bad break," she said. She leaned against the pole. "What's the project?"
"Finding missing inventory," I said.
"We're a shipper," she said. "We don't have inventory."
"No, not something we're selling. Furniture and stuff. Chairs, desks. You know."
"Aw, shit," she said. "That's a one-way ticket to failure."
"How's that?"
"We had this employee. He just got fired last week, right? He got fired for incompetence. But he was also fencing stuff from the building on the side."
"And you didn't say anything?"
She shrugged. "What am I going to say? If I point out that someone's getting furniture out of the building without getting caught, then someone is gonna scrutinize our security detail. And anyway, everyone knew about it. I'm pretty sure Tonya knew about it. Nobody ever said anything because he only took the beat-up broken junk from the basement storage."
Now I was just as upset about the project as I was about the note.
"I'll help you," she said. We just have to get junk out of the basement that could stand in for the missing pieces, I bet."
"I thought you said he was stealing junk from the basement," I said.
"Yeah. He was." She tapped her finger on her temple. "How could we replace that stuff?"
The conversation I'd had with Trina popped into my head. "Maybe I'm not supposed to." I leaned close to her and continued in a whisper, "Maybe I'm supposed to be coming up with nothing, to trap Dana. She's been working on this for months and hasn't gotten anywhere. Maybe they assigned it to her because they knew she'd fail, and failure would lead to grounds for firing her."
"Wow," Ning said. "And they added you to the mix to speed it up. That's brilliant."
I nodded.
"Let's get started. I can't wait to see her walked out of here."
"Tonya's going to send me an electronic copy of the spreadsheet. And she said she'd have IT bring me a laptop so I can carry it around the building. I thought'd be easier to search the spreadsheet electronically."
"Boy, you're a smart cookie. I hope you work out," Ning said.
"Excuse me," a voice behind Ning said. She jumped aside revealing a rock-star skinny guy with long flowing hair and black fingernails. He was dressed in jeans and a Megadeath t-shirt. He held out a laptop.
"Are you Thelma, the intern?" he asked.
"Yes," I said.
"Tonya ordered you this." He wedged into the cube, forcing me to sit on the desk or be belly-to-belly with him. He flipped open the lid and hit the control-alt-delete sequence. "It's already synced to your LDAP username and password," he said.
He stood, fingers poised over the keyboard.
"Are you going to give it to me?" he asked.
"Oh. B1027," I said. He typed it in. "And the password is –"
"Stop," he said. "Hasn't anyone reviewed the data security policy with you? Never, never, ever, under any circumstances at all," he karate-chopped the air with his hands as he said this, "never give out your password."
"Okay," I said. "But you asked for it. And you're the IT guy."
"Nobody should know your password. And you don't have it written down, right? I'm not going to find it underneath your keyboard?"
For a moment I was worried that he'd pick up the keyboard and find the threatening note. But then I remembered I'd put it in my purse.
"I didn't write it down," I said.
"And it's not something easy to guess, like your birthday or your dog's name."
"I know how to set up a password."
He eyeballed me for a moment longer, then he relinquished his position at the keyboard.
"Go ahead and finish signing in." We had to jockey carefully around each other so that we could switch places.
I typed in my password and the laptop grunted through the login process.
Ning was peering around the IT guy.
"Where did you dig up that fossil?" she asked. "Fred Flintstone's computer could run circles around that one."
He crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. "It's a repurposed model. We can't afford to sling a brand-new top of the line laptop at everybody who wants one."
Ning frowned. "Does that mean you can't spot me one?"
"I can get you a repurposed laptop. Like this one. But then you have to give up your desktop. One computer per employee."
"Cheap bastards," she mumbled, heading back to her own cubicle.
"This works the same as your desktop. You should have all of the same applications. Any questions, just call the help desk. Someone will be up later to collect your old PC."
"Thanks," I said.
"Don't mention it."
I opened my email on the laptop and found that Tonya had already sent me the electronic copy of the spreadsheet. I opened it and studied it.
Each line of the spreadsheet listed an individual piece of furniture. The first column said what it was, the next column gave a brief description, then there was a serial number, a column giving the last known location of the item and the date of that audit, and a column – that was currently blank for everything in the spreadsheet – that gave the current location of the item.
I filtered the spreadsheet to show only chairs. There were twenty-eight missing chairs. I stood up and studied my own chair. Where was this serial number? It had to be on the bottom. I got down on the floor and crouched so that I could look up at the bottom of my chair seat. No serial number.
"What're you doing?"
I started, and banged my face on the bottom of my chair.
"Ow," I said, standing. It was Mick. "I was looking for the serial number on my chair."
He pointed to the back of the back rest. "It's right here," he said. "For easy of access." He didn't even bother to hide that he was laughing at me.
"Shut up," I said. "Did you need something?"
"No. I'm here to help you. I heard you have a new assignment."
Word travels fast around here.
"Yeah," I said.
"I'd help you inventory pebbles in the parking lot to expedite getting rid of her."
Now I was starting to feel a little sorry for Dana. Didn't she have a single friend? I guess I'd be a little prickly at work, too, if I felt like nobody liked having me around.
"Sure," I said. "Tonya wants this done tomorrow. I don't want to disappoint her."
Ning appeared next to Mick in the aisle. "Don't worry, Thelma. Mick and I are going to help. And you're going to come out smelling like roses and she's going to smell like poop on the bottom of your shoe."
I winced. "All right. Let's get started."