If I didn't know any better, I'd honestly think I spent last night ingesting acid, not alcohol. My throat is killing me. I'm graced by the presence of Annabel at the end of my bed, who doesn't look the slightest bit like she wants to brutally murder me. I'm about to roll my eyes at her and tell her to relax when the events of last night flood my mind. Seeing my mother's face, hearing her voice, Ava, that--that thing. I jump up in my bed, and all at once I'm fully awake.
"Did you see that thing last night?" is the first thought I manage to transfer into words. "And Mum, she--I, what was that thing?"
Annabel narrows her eyes at me. "What the hell are you on about? You went haywire last night, y'know?"
In an attempt to straighten out my thoughts, I get out of bed and sit down onto the chair beside my desk. Everything still makes no sense. I spin around so I'm facing Annabel, whose big eyes and white face look the most perplexed I've ever seen them.
"Sorry," I finally say. "I--When I was at the party, when I was talking to Carmen, there was this thing in the corner of the room and--I--I don't even know, it was freaky as shit, Annabel. Its eyes were black and it was following me. Didn't you see it?"
She slowly shakes her head. "I'm beginning to wonder if you actually just had a psychotic episode here, Felix."
I'm barely making any sense, am I? I shake my head. If Annabel didn't see that thing, then it can't have been real. If it had any relation to the spirit world, she would've been aware of it, and it sure as hell wasn't related to the living one. Maybe I just drunk something bad, or someone thought it would be funny to spike my drink. But then what about my mum?
"Were you there when Ava was doing her mystic mumbo-jumbo with me?" I ask, to which Annabel nods. "Okay, so this'll sound crazy but I saw something. It was like a dream, except I was fully awake, and--"
"So like a vision? Oh, awesome, maybe you're getting superpowers."
"Stop making it sound all fun and exciting, it was creepy as shit," I mutter. "Whatever it was, I saw our mum. I heard--"
"You saw Mum?" Annabel's eyes are huge, practically the size of her head.
Her memory of life before the accident is just as bad as mine, so it doesn't surprise me that this amazes her. It was a bit odd for Annabel to have forgotten everything; while the majority of spirits aren't aware they're dead at first, they rarely forget who they are.
I nod. "Yeah, I heard her speak, she was... Shit, what was she saying?" I struggle to bring the memory to the surface. "She was telling me not to look at something."
"How sure are you that you weren't hallucinating?"
"Honestly, not very."
Annabel goes to say something else, but is interrupted by a swooshing sound. It isn't until Tom is standing in front of me with an enormous smirk slapped on his unshaven face that I realise the sound was my door opening. A knock would've, y'know, been nice. He has a red apple in his hand, and he's wearing nothing but a pair of white briefs. Annabel is gawking at him, while I'm trying not to throw up.
"Hey mate! Heard you freaked out last night," he says. He bites into the apple, and it's really damn loud. "A few of us are heading over to campus to check out the freshers' fair in half an hour or so, if you fancy it."
"Dress code isn't strict, I take it," I attempt to joke, motioning to his underwear.
He doesn't get it.
It's an unusually warm September morning, and the university has an alluring charm I couldn't see in the February rain when I visited on an open day. A few of my flatmates have sunglasses perched on their noses, and Ava has even brought along what she referred to as a parasol, but I think it's just a fancy umbrella. She's walking ahead of us, almost skipping slightly, and it's clear no one knows what to really make of her.
The heart of the uni is The Cavern, which was originally a medieval manor house, but it's been distorted by years of extensions and modernisation. It's now filled with restaurants, cafés, lecture theatres, a student pub, the students' union, some shops, and the like. Behind the building is an open field where the fair is being held, and it sure isn't hard to miss.
I don't think I've ever seen so many stalls in my entire life, or so many fanatical young adults in bright green t-shirts with the phrase here to help planted onto them. I can just make out the large lake populated by ducks and manmade fountains at the bottom of the field, but I can't focus on it for long because we've barely stepped onto the grass when a green t-shirt warrior approaches us.
He's speaking way too fast and way too enthusiastically about the university's fabric society. I wish I was kidding. The guy finishes his speech by pointing us in the direction of his stall.
"Groovy, yeah, that's so cool, we'll totally join. Thank you so much," Ava says in a voice that could melt a frozen heart.
The guy nods at us with an accomplished expression on his tanned face, and begins his search for more victims. Ava faces us, her smile oozing with innocence.
"I'd rather saw my head off."
To that, she spins back around and continues leading us into the fair. Jamie, who blatantly has the hangover from hell but won't admit it, has been whining throughout the whole walk. He's dragging himself along beside me, regurgitating complaints like a mentally deficient parrot.
"I don't see why it was imperative we visit this today. If any of you had bothered conducting any research beforehand, you'd already be aware of all of the events and societies available. It's just an inconvenience."
"Headaches getting worse, is it, Jay?" I ask before he can continue his complaining.
"It's Jamie," he barks in response. "And I'm fine, shut up."
Bit harsh. It doesn't help that he speaks like an eighteenth century nobleman. I've no idea why he came along; he could've just stayed in the flat with Katie and Mason. Jamie mutters something under his breath and storms ahead to catch up with Tom and Ava, leaving Carmen and me to follow behind. She rolls her eyes as if to say ignore him, as Ava stops in front of a stall a few yards away.
Once we reach her, I acknowledge the society she's stopped at, and I'm half tempted to gouge my eyeballs out of my skull. The A4 banner sellotaped onto their table reads Paranormal Society.
It's kind of funny, really, how the moment I decide to pretend this stuff doesn't exist, it starts following me everywhere I go.
Ava is quietly reading through their information booklets, while Tom tells the society members a story about his grandmother, who apparently haunts his downstairs bathroom. Ava eventually scribbles her name down onto the sign up sheet, and just when I think I've escaped, Tom makes a joke about how hilarious it would be for us all to join the society and go on flat ghost hunts. He promptly signs us all up.
"Leave me out, mate, I'm good," I interject as he's writing down our names.
He ignores me.
By the time we've investigated the rest of the fair, I'm so hungry I'd be willing to snack on the grass we're standing on. I've collected a pencil case worth of stationary, alongside at least five shot glasses, and even some complimentary mayonnaise. I don't like mayo, but it was free, so it would've been crazy of me not to pick some up.
My indecisiveness forced me to sign up for a load of societies I know I'll never attend, but I figure it's best to keep my options open. Tom and I both signed up to the boxing society because I've done that since I was a kid. The only other one I'm likely to attend is the percussion society, and that's purely for free use of a drum kit.
Carmen suggests we get some food from the burger van at the bottom of the field, and there are no protests on my behalf. We head in the direction of the lake, and join the growing queue. I'm about to order a cheeseburger when Carmen starts discussing vegetarian sausages, and I sort of just stand there nodding my head, not quite sure why she's saying all this to me. Then it occurs to me that I'm an idiot, and recall what I said when we all first met. Crap. I must've been staring at the menu for ages because Tom, who's next in line, starts bugging me to hurry up.
"I'll have..." I try, but my voice trails off.
Should I just own up? I glance at Carmen, whose honey eyes watch me expectantly, and instead of doing the sensible thing and admitting I'm not actually a vegetarian, I go right ahead an order a vegetarian hot dog.
God, I hate myself.
I continue to order some large fries and a side of onion rings to make up for my loss, and a bottle of water to be, y'know, healthy.
"Hungry?" Carmen laughs as she and I find a place to sit beside the lake.
I glance down at the food in my hands as we sit onto the dry grass. It's not that much, is it? Compared to her small portion of chips, sure, but hell, I'm a growing boy. I take a bite out of my hot dog, and it tastes a lot less like cardboard than expected. I'm actually impressed.
Annabel has appeared by this point, and she sits opposite us eyeing up my onion rings. Being unable to remember anything other than her afterlife, food is one thing she can't get her head around. She doesn't quite grasp the need for it, but thinks it always smells good.
"You feeling all right today?" Carmen asks me, drawing my attention away from my sister. She waves Tom over to the space we've found. "Ava said you passed out last night, after you did a runner."
"Oh, yeah, nah I'm good," I reply absentmindedly, dissecting my hot dog. "Sorry about that, by the way."
"I've been eliminating options," she continues.
"Huh?"
"Of what your secret is." She points a chip at my face as she begins stating her theories. "I hear you talking to yourself a lot in your room, so you might have smuggled a pet in without telling us. You have suspiciously big eyes and long eyelashes for a guy, so maybe you're actually a woman. Also, you're the only one yet to talk about your parents, so they're probably part of MI5 or something," she concludes, finally popping the chip into her mouth. "Am I warm?"
I raise my eyebrows at her, and it's enough for her to take my answer as a resounding no, despite the fact she's close on some level. As far as I'm aware, I'm not a woman, but the story of my parents is a weird one, and she just doesn't realise I'm not talking to myself.
"Not even lukewarm?" she asks, and I shake my head. "Damn it."
Tom, Jamie, and Ava sit down opposite us, and I smirk at Tom as he shivers when he sits beside Annabel. She edges away slightly. Jamie, who hasn't bought anything for himself, frowns at my food with such disgust that you'd swear I was eating an infant child.
"Not hungry?" I ask, nodding at him. "You can have some of my chips, if you want."
"I'd rather eat something more... nutritionally valuable," he mutters in response. He mumbles a lot, doesn't he? "You've no idea under what conditions that food has been prepared. I certainly didn't notice any hygiene certificates."
"Your loss." I shrug, shoving a chip into my mouth.
Within ten minutes, every last crumb in the cardboard box has made its way into my stomach. I could probably eat more. Ava has been glancing at each one of us frequently throughout our meal, but she's barely said a word. I think everyone else has noticed because Jamie keeps scowling at her, Tom's watching her, and Carmen has asked her if she's okay three times.
Annabel hasn't said a word to me, and I'm wondering if it's because she's worried Ava will hear her. I'm still undecided on that front. What she said about losing her abilities when drunk was a strange coincidence, if it was one, but it just seems so unlikely. I've never met anyone else like me. Eventually, she speaks up.
"One of you has a spirit attachment, but I can't figure out which one."
Annabel and I glance at each other.
"What does that mean?" Carmen responds.
"There's a spirit following you."
"No way... Is it going to kill us?" Tom gasps, wide-eyed. "Oh my god, I had a shiver earlier, did it walk through me?"
I fail not to laugh. Besides Ava, no one else appears to find it as hilarious as I do, and it results in some confused glances in my direction. Way to be subtle, Felix. I look down in an attempt to shift away the attention. She must be referring to Annabel, she has to be. Holy shit, maybe she can do what she says she can after all. Annabel quickly disappears after shooting me one more shocked look.
Everyone's giving each other the is this girl crazy? look, and it's a sharp reminder of why I've never told a living soul about what I can do. Tom continues asking questions, and as each one is answered by Ava, Jamie becomes more and more restless. He begins sighing at her and rolling his eyes, and I'm half-tempted to punch his smug face. Tom is in the middle of another story about his toilet haunting grandmother when Jamie finally says whatever it is that's making him so agitated.
"You know, Thomas, psychics feed on your desires and use manipulation to convince you of their abilities," he announces.
He stands up and turns to face Ava, while lifting his hand over his eyes to block out the sun.
"Simple physics invalidates every single thing you've said. Kinetic energy is responsible for the movement of objects, not dead people, and the suggestion of there being a place for spirits to gather and spend eternity in bliss is absolutely preposterous. There is no brain activity after death, and the soul is a fictitious concept conjured up thousands of years ago to comfort people about the prospect of death."
"Oh, whoa, no... Sorry, you don't understand," Ava responds. "They manipulate energy, you see, that's how they have the ability to move things. The soul is a separate entity all together. It doesn't matter what the body is doing because the spirit is released the moment you die. It's like, whoa, they don't all just magically appear in this eternal place. Some are stuck here to complete unfinished business, or to redeem their living selves, or carry out a duty. Only then can they leave and--"
"Oh, come on. You may be able to convince these... people," Jamie interrupts, motioning at us still sitting on the grass. I'd love to hear what he was going to say before he settled on people. "But I've got far too much of a scientific nature to fall victim to this type of manipulation."
He doesn't stop there. He continues his elaborate speech, discrediting every single thing Ava has said about spirits. I'm not even kidding anymore, I actually want to hit him. I clench my jaw in a bid to calm myself, but it's bloody difficult.
Annabel, no doubt sensing the drama, has returned by this point. She's sitting nestled up to me, watching Jamie with narrowed eyes. If it was appropriate to do so, I'd push him into the lake. He's standing on the edge, so all it would take is a tiny nudge. He's still ranting. Every word he speaks makes me more and more agitated. Not believing in this stuff is fine, but there's no need to single Ava out and be an arsehole over it.
"I apologise if I've offended you," Jamie continues, briefly redeeming himself, "but I'd recommend perhaps seeing a psychiatrist. It may be an issue, something from childhood perhaps. It's common for children to conjure up these stories in their heads to deal with some kind of trauma or difficulty."
I'm done with this jerk. My jaw is locked, my fists are clenched. An overwhelming anger is building up inside of me, and I'm worried I might genuinely jump up and shove this idiot into the lake behind him. I'm clenching my jaw, and I don't know if it's a bad hangover symptom, but my skin doesn't feel like my own, and my body feels light.
"Has anyone in your family passed away? Perhaps it's your way of coping."
That's it, I'm done.
"Oh, shut up, Jay."
The sentence has barely left my lips when, out of nowhere, Jamie stumbles backwards. As if someone physically pushed him, he stumbles backwards and doesn't stop falling until his back has disturbed the still water of the lake. Whatever the case, he sure as hell didn't just fall.
He re-emerges with his soaked hair sitting like a dead animal on his head, and a face redder than a fire engine. Tom bursts out laughing, Carmen lifts her hand to her mouth and gasps, and Ava watches with a smirk while I whip my head to Annabel with a crazed look on my face.
"Annie!" I whisper a hiss. "Appreciate the thought, but Jesus, I didn't want you to throw him into the lake!"
Annabel gapes at me, her face somehow looking paler than usual. She glances at Jamie flapping about in the water, then returns her gaze to my face.
"Felix, that wasn't me."