Once Bianca decided it would be a good idea to head to an afternoon meeting, Isabelle took it as her chance to let me in on her plans for the night.
Plans that thankfully didn't involve me.
She when into a very detailed description on how she planned on surprising her boyfriend for his birthday. Even with her peppy tone and excitement radiating off her, I couldn't bring myself to even try and force a smile.
Just when I thought I'd escaped my best friend once more without any questions, she grasped my forearm and shook her head.
"I don't know what's going on with you, Avery." She started. "And don't sit here and try to convince me it isn't anything. You've been my best friend since we were three. Hell, I probably know you better than you know yourself."
When I diverted my eyes from her intense, worried look, she loosened her grip and unlocked the door with a heavy sigh. "Just know I'm here if you need to talk, Ave. Whatever happened, know I won't judge you for it."
Without looking her way, I hopped out of her car and shut the door with a hushed, "Thank you."
She smiled weakly, starting her Camry.
"That's what best friends are for. I love you, Ave. I'm only a call away if you need to talk."
She sped off the second I took a step back up on to the curb, waving. I sucked in a deep breath, eyes fluttering shut as I tried to recollect myself. If by some chance Landon was home early, I didn't need him questioning why I looked even more guilty and on the verge of a breakdown than usual.
I was relieved to find the house was quiet, a good sign my brother wasn't home. Landon had the tendency to be overly optimistic and loud about everything. I had always concluded it had to do with the fact that he was neglected when we were kids and our parents never listened to him. He felt that he had to be louder to try and catch people's attention and optimistic to keep his emotions buried deep down.
I set my purse on the kitchen table and headed for the stairs. Just as I was about to walk up them, Colton's bedroom door creaked open a crack. As I reached out to close my fingers around the knob, the door was yanked all the way open.
A very tired and wet Colton looked me up and down before jokingly asking, "Can I help you?"
It didn't take a rocket scientist to know he'd just gotten out of the shower. He hadn't even had enough time to put any clothes on. He stood in nothing but a brown towel wrapped around his torso that I prayed wouldn't come loose. Feeling as if I was invading his privacy, I started to turn my back toward him, interrupted by his wet hand catching, and slipping down, my wrist until I looked back at him over my shoulder.
"What's up, Ave?" He questioned.
"Nothing, I was just going to close your door. I saw it open." I responded.
At least it wasn't a complete lie. It had been the initial reason why I'd went to his room. It hadn't been until I was standing in front of him that the questioned crossed my mind.
"Avery." He crossed his arms over his chest with a skeptical look.
I dropped my gaze to the carpet under my shoes. "I need you to take me somewhere. Are you busy tonight?"
He shook his head with such a goofy, lopsided smile that I could feel the right side of my mouth involuntarily trying to tug up into one. He leaned into the door frame a minute later with a curt nod and touched his hand to my tense knuckles at my side.
"I'm all yours, Ave."
*
"Ave, I love you, but tell me your not dragging me out into the middle of nowhere to murder me." Colton muttered, wearing a bewildered, and slightly frightened, expression.
I knew he was only trying to lighten the mood, but it only made the knot in my stomach furl up even tighter.
Once he glanced down at the GPS I'd set up with the directions and took the final turn, he glanced out the window into the darkness and frowned.
"Why are we here?"
Rather than respond, I jumped out of his truck, nearly twisting my ankle in the process. I could feel him trailing along behind me as I made my way down the steps, nearly collapsing the moment I stepped into the coarse sand. I felt Colton fall into step beside me, and started to distance myself as much as possible just in case I couldn't handle this.
It was one hundred percent possible I wasn't ready to be doing this. It had been one of the coping exercises that Millie had suggested in our last meeting.
"Ave-" Colton began beside me, but I was somewhere far beyond where my body stood at his left on the sandy beach, the moon casting a soft light on what I had once thought was a beautiful ocean.
Now all I could hear was the echo of my screams.
As I looked away from the water and toward the pier, the little I'd eaten at lunch started to rise to my throat. There was a faint image of Kevin before me. He wore the same white v-neck that clung a little too tightly against his body and a pair of what I guessed were hundred dollar black swim trunks. At his side was a short blonde girl, one hand buried in her hair and the other fiddling with the hem of her shirt as she gazed up at the boy before her with such a look of awe it disgusted me. It appeared as if she was wearing nothing more than a tight red hoodie, though I knew there was a bikini beneath it.
"You don't go to a lot of parties, do you?" Kevin said to me with a laugh.
I giggled. "How'd you guess?"
"Because I've never seen you around before. And I know I would have remembered seeing a girl as beautiful as you at one of my parties."
"Avery." Colton's concerned whisper stirred me out of my thoughts. The image of the two teenagers faded and I was back beside Colton in the middle of the dark, deserted beach.
I threw a quick glance in his direction and couldn't help but stand memorized by the sight.
It wasn't that Colton was the most attractive man, he had his flaws like the rest of us. But in that moment, my brother's best friend looked almost angelic under the bright light of the moon.
His rust colored hair blew gently across his forehead with the light breeze. His blue eyes were glistening, flecks of gray floating throughout as he stared down at me with an expression somewhere between worry and confusion.
Oblivious to my staring, he crossed his arms over his chest, stretching the white leather jacket that clung tightly against him.
"I'm sorry." I eventually managed to get out, my eyes drifting toward the night sky. "I thought. . . I thought I was ready."
He touched his hand to my shoulder with an encouraging smile. "Just the fact you're able to stand here means that you've made progress, Avery."
There was a sense of comfort in my words that eased the churning in my stomach momentarily. I slowly lowered myself into the sand, feeling him follow my action shortly afterward.
I brought my trembling hand to my mouth to push my tears and anxiety back down and looked toward him.
"You and Landon were drinking with a few of the guys from the team and one of them challenged Landon to a chugging contest." My words made Colton shift uncomfortably. "I remember you saying that I shouldn't be left by myself at a party thrown by Kevin Marshall. You said there was a ton of alcohol which equaled a ton of drunk idiots, college and high school, that wouldn't leave me alone. I suppose you were right. But I don't blame you, Colton, not at all."
Colton stayed silent for a moment, staring out at the low tide as it crashed against the shore, before he shook his head and met my eyes.
"You shouldn't blame yourself either, Ave. It wasn't your fault."
I shrugged, clenching sand in my hand before watching it slip through my fingers. We sat there, the waves and wind exchanging words for a while before I spoke up again.
"We were just talking at first, friendly conversation. Of course, there was an occasional compliment from him. I thought. . . I was in such awe that someone like him was talking to a girl like me. For a while I felt special, like I was the only girl he saw, like I was the only girl in the world. But if I'd known. . . if I'd known what it would lead to I would have walked away the second he approached."
I squeezed my eyes shut, regretting it immensely when the image of Kevin hovering over me came into my line of sight.
I started breathing heavily, hugging my legs against my chest. Colton shifted, moving a little closer to me as I continued.
"He. . . he lead me over to the darker spot under the pier for more privacy, to get away from all the noise. There. . . there was so many red flags, Colton. I should have seen them."
Colton rested a hand on my shoulder, shaking his head. "It wasn't your fault, Avery." but I looked away. He let out a frustrated sigh, running his free hand through his hair, leaving excess sand in it, and said "Look at me, Avery." I do. "It isn't your fault. Don't ever think it was your fault."
I nodded but don't feel like I can say the words aloud-or believe them. I buried my hands in my hair on either side of my head and breathed out slowly. "He started kissing me. He tasted like alcohol." my breath caught in my throat as the memory started to resurface, Colton's comforting grip tightened a little as he whispered something about me not having to go on if I can't. But I did before I could talk myself out of it. "When I tried to pull back, he grabbed my waist roughly and pulled me closer, he. . . . he whispered that we were just messing around in my ear. But I wanted to leave."
I looked over at Colton, and for a moment all I could see is Kevin slowly pushing me onto the ground, laughing. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, but the image didn't fade. I finally continued after a few minutes of silence. "There was a shard of glass from a broken bottle on the sand, and when he pushed me down, I fell right on to it." Colton realized what I was getting at right away and looked toward my side
I shook my head, tears swarming in my eyes and my throat closing again. Before either of us can say another word, Colton jerked around suddenly. My eyes followed his, only to regret it a moment later. I cried out, looking away.
A car had just pulled up beside Colton's and all I could do was pray that it wasn't Kevin Marshall.
***AN***
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