Credit to JP Saxe for the song used in this chapter. Super super talented guy who's amazing live, I really can't recommend his music enough. Definitely listen to this song (but not until it starts in the book)!!!
2 updates in one day suck my peen
Callie's POV
Airports suck.
This is my first time actually being in one because I myself am flying somewhere. I've been in airport lobbies before to drop people off or pick them up, but I've never gone past a security checkpoint in my life.
I've learned that I haven't been missing anything except a whole lot of stress and grumpy security guards.
Originally, I was supposed to be going through this whole airport process with Billie, Fin and Maggie, but the tour ended up getting extended, so they're flying straight from a show in Paris to Stockholm, and I'm meeting them there.
They're picking me up from the airport because they're getting to Stockholm a day before me, and that's the part of this whole thing I'm most anxious about, the risk of a plane crash be damned.
How the fuck am I supposed to act around Billie. Obviously we can't have the reunion I mapped out in my head. Do we hug? Shake hands? Ignore each other?
What if I cry like an idiot?
I have no idea where we stand right now, because she's been true to her word and given me the space I've needed so desperately.
Luckily, I land just a few hours before Billie is supposed to do her set at Lollapalooza, which means we most likely won't have any alone time together for at least the first half of the day, which I consider a good thing.
I honestly have no idea what I'd do if I found myself alone with Billie, and I'm anxious to find out at some point.
I was supposed to arrive the same day as them, which would be the day before the festival starts, but the firm I intern for now ended up being much more strict about time off than I was expecting, so I had to shave a day off from the beginning of the trip.
Luckily, the festival was willing to pay a bit extra to switch my flight to one that's a day later.
When I finally find my gate I sit down with a tired sigh and take out my phone, texting Billie for the first time in weeks to let her know that I made it to my gate with plenty of time.
I see little bubbles pop up instantly to signal that she's already typing back. I stare at them as they bounce around for a while, meaning it's a long message.
After a while they disappear and there isn't anything for a bit before a very simple text comes through.
Billie: safe travels x
I wonder what she was going to type first.
______________
11 hours later, my plane touches down in Stockholm, Sweden as I stare out of the little round window in absolute awe.
Flying was way less scary than I imagined, although there was one patch of bad turbulence in the middle, and all I wanted was Billie's hand to clutch.
I stared out of the window and listened to music for most of the time, my mind racing too much for me to even bother attempting to sleep.
I'll be honest, for much of the flight I was listening to the playlist of covers Billie made for me. I'm a sap.
I think I enjoyed my flying experience much more than most people would, mainly because the festival paid to put my in business class. I'm sure I wouldn't be so giddy if I was stuck between two people in coach.
I'm one of the first off the plane and I feel my heart pound in my chest as I follow the signs to passport control. It goes smoothly and so I through fairly quickly, having beaten the lines by getting off of the plane quickly.
My feet slow slightly when I realize I'm nearing the baggage carousel area, which is where I'm meeting up with Billie and her family.
I'm so fucking nervous.
My phone doesn't really work overseas, so we just planned ahead of time to meet there, and they could track my flight so they'd definitely know exactly when to be here.
I take a deep breath then walk through the automatic doors, keeping my eyes peeled for the number 6, because that's where the board said my bags would be.
It's not long before my eyes land on a large number '6' sign, and immediately after they land on three familiar people waiting underneath it.
My stomach erupts with anxiety when I see a familiar head of dyed hair.
None of them haven't noticed me yet, so I stand still and stare at them like an absolute idiot before my breath comes back and my legs start working again.
I keep walking in their direction, my stomach flipping when Fin finally notices me. He smiles widely and waves, which makes Billie's head snap in my direction.
As soon as our eyes meet I feel a shiver run down my spine, and I'm not sure if it's a good feeling or a bad one.
Oh how I've missed those eyes
"Callie!" Fin says happily and jogs over to me, picking me up and spinning me around when he reaches me.
I laugh and cling onto him while he spins me around, worried I'm going to fly out of his arms.
"Hey, Fin Fin," I say with a wide smile and kiss his cheek before he sets me down on the floor again carefully.
"How was your flight, honey?" Maggie asks and pulls me into a hug, having walked over while Finneas was spinning me.
"Really long and really cool," I reply and hug her back with a soft smile. "Thank you for picking me up," I say as I pull away.
"Oh, don't mention it. We wouldn't dream of making you get your own way around a foreign country for the first time."
I turn my head to see Billie standing close by, looking nervous as all hell. I so rarely see this girl actually nervous, or at least visibly nervous.
"Hey," she says quietly and I shift on my feet awkwardly.
"Hi."
The tension between us is palpable.
We're both silent for a few beats, just staring st each other like a couple of idiots.
"Will you punch me if I hug you?" she asks quietly and I keep my eyes on hers.
"Only one way to find out, I guess," I reply and she smiles ever so slightly in amusement.
She steps closer and opens her arms, giving me the option to step into them. I do, and immediately feel myself melt into her, getting completely lost in her familiar warmth and scent.
Her arms wrap around me and her head nuzzles into my neck the way it always does, making my heart clench in my chest.
Holy shit, I missed this.
I hug her back tightly, closing my eyes and savoring the feeling of being in her arms again, even though part of me fucking hates her for what she did to us.
"I missed you so much," she whispers after at least a minute of silent embracing. She doesn't pull away, keeping her face hidden in the crook of my neck.
"I missed you too," I reply and hug her even tighter when I hear a quiet sniffle. "Don't cry, you'll set me off."
"I'm sorry, I just...I was expecting you to slap me or something," she says quietly and pulls back slightly so we can look at each other.
"It's tempting," I reply and she chuckles, keeping her arms around my neck while mine linger around her waist.
I hate how much I want to kiss her right now.
"Thank you for coming," she says quietly and places a kiss on my cheek before pulling away from me completely and taking my backpack from me.
"You know I'll always be here when you need me," I respond and look down at my feet a little shyly.
"Did you sleep on the plane?" Fin asks as we walk closer to the carousel to wait for my checked bag to show up.
"Barely. I'm gonna crash real soon, which is a problem because it's not even noon here yet," I say and yawn on cue, scrunching my nose when my ears pop. "Ow."
"We can always drop you off at the hotel and let you sleep while Billie is preforming," Maggie says and Billie and Finneas both shoot her looks that make her eyes widen in realization. "Right, never mind. No time," she corrects herself quickly and I raise an eyebrow.
Okay...
"You can nap in my green room," Billie suggests and gives me a small smile. "I requested all your favorite things for lunch and snacks too, so if you're hungry they should be waiting for us."
"Thanks, Bil," I say softly the step forward when I see my bag, quickly grabbing it and pulling it off of the conveyer belt.
"I got it," Billie says and takes it from me before I can react, setting it down by her feet and pulling the handle up so she can pull it along behind her.
"You don't have to."
"I got it," she repeats simply and with that we all start walking towards the exit, Billie carrying both my backpack and my suitcase.
We all chat while we walk, but Billie is mostly silent. I catch her staring at me at least ten times, and that was just during the walk to the rental car.
When we get to it Billie puts my bags in the trunk before the two of us get into the back, Fin and Maggie in the front.
"I'm so tired," I mumble and lean my head back while my eyes close. "I'm so excited to sleep in a bed later."
Billie chuckles at that and I can feel her eyes on me.
"As soon as my set's over we'll take you back there and you can crash. Or, even better, check out the spa or something."
I smile, my eyes still closed, "That sounds perfect."
I don't know how long later it is when Billie places her hand on my shoulder and shakes my gently.
"Wake up, Cal. We're here," she whispers and my eyes flutter open. I blink a few times in confusion, not even realizing I had fallen asleep. When I look out the window I see that we've arrived at the festival.
Clearly we came through a back entrance, and through the window I can see a whole bunch of tents and trailers set up behind a massive stage. I can feel the bass shaking the ground, so clearly someone is performing at the moment. I hope I didn't miss anyone in the lineup that I was pumped about.
Fin and Maggie are already out of the car, and I can see them chatting and stretching their legs a bit a few meters away.
"Here you go," she says quietly and drapes a lanyard around my neck, the words 'Guest of Performer" and "All-Access" written in large print lettering.
"I feel so special," I chuckle as I look down at it.
"You are," Billie whispers and I look over at her, my cheeks going slightly pink.
"Don't do that," I mumble and her shoulders slump slightly. "Don't get all cute with me and shit."
She sighs and fiddles with her fingers anxiously while looking at me with sad eyes. "I'm really sorry, Callie. I f-"
"I don't want to do this, Bil," I mumble and look away from her, already feeling on the verge of tears. "I'm literally exhausted both physically and emotionally and I just want to eat my feelings and be bitter right now."
She sighs and nods slightly in understanding, "Okay, I'll show you to the green room then leave you alone. Just please promise me you'll watch my set?"
I hesitate for a second before nodding, "Okay, I promise."
I wonder why she's so hell bent on having me watch her.
___________
Billie's POV
Stockholm is fucking crazy.
These people really know how to go the hell off. This whole set has been absolutely insane so far and the energy of the crowd is through the roof.
It's been so hype that I almost managed to keep the constant thoughts about Callie out of my brain.
Almost is a key word.
I still can't believe she's really here. It breaks my heart that after so long I finally have her with me again, yet things are weird between us.
To no one's fault but my own, of course.
I had a cheesy fantasy in my head before we broke up that when we'd reunite we'd run into each other's arms and kiss like no one was watching right there in the airport.
Of course I went ahead and ruined that.
But I have something planned, something that I hope will prove to Callie how much I love her despite all my fuck ups that probably made her believe otherwise.
God, the thought that I might've made Callie think I don't love her is enough to shatter my heart into thousands of pieces.
When copy cat ends, I take a deep breath and glance over to the side of the stage to look at Callie before looking out at the crowd again.
Somehow looking at this one girl makes me feel more nervous than looking out at a field of 30,000 people, all of whom have their eyes trained right on me.
I bring my microphone up to my mouth again, "So, uh, I'm gonna slow it down a bit with a new song that hasn't been released anywhere yet," I tell the crowd and chuckle when they erupt into deafening cheers.
Fin walks off stage to get his acoustic guitar and a stagehand carries two stools out, setting them up at center stage.
"This is a song I wrote for someone really special," I keep talking as stagehands and Fin set up behind me, adjusting one of the standing mics to guitar height for him. "I was too much of a pussy to ever show it to them when I should've, but I think it's time they hear it."
I sit down on the stool and look at Fin for reassurance before I keep talking.
"I ended up fucking things up with the person I wrote this for, but they should know I still mean every word I wrote," I say and the crowd reacts with awws. "I know this shit is mad corny, but for some reason standing up here and singing it to you guys is less scary than singing it to their face. So that's what I'm doing. Anyway, I'll shut the fuck up and get to it," I say and look over at Callie once more, letting my eyes linger on hers for a few seconds before Fin starts strumming the chords and I'm forced to look back at the crowd.
I breathe in deeply and exhale steadily once before I start singing softly into the microphone.
"I don't say what's on my mind quite as much as you'd like me to
I've been hearing that my whole life, I promise, it's not just you
But I so confidently want you
That when you say you're insecure about my feelings I don't take it serious
But if you need me to tell you more..."
I know Callie had her moments of insecurity in our relationship, and I hate that I let that happen. Since the beginning she's always been worried that she was more invested than I was, but that was never the case. From the moment we met I knew deep down that she was special, and that she was going to become a big part of my life. I just had that rare gut feeling, and I was absolutely right.
Of course, she didn't know that, because I didn't tell her. I let her think she was nothing but a friend and experiment to me for months, and I hate myself for that.
I take another breath, trying to remain composed as I pour my whole damn heart into the next part.
"You're one of the few things that I'm sure of
You're one of the few things that I know already I could build my world of
One of the few things that I'm sure of
And I want you to unravel me
Come closer, come closer
Come closer, come closer"
Through all of my confusion about my sexuality, identity, feelings, whatever, there was one thing that was always clear to me - This girl is special.
Callie is special.
I may have driven myself crazy trying to figure out my own personal identity and feelings, but one thought always prevailed and kept me as sane as I could be; I'm absolutely fucking crazy about Callie.
And in the end, that's all that matters.
I was confused about everything else, but I knew that I felt a connection with her, and that connection was all I needed to let myself fall truly, madly, crazy deeply in love with her.
"I don't say what's on my mind quite as much as you'd like me to, yeah
And often when I'm quiet, you worry I'm hiding from you
And I know I keep a lot to myself
But still, you're more part of me than anybody else
So if you need me to tell you more..."
Even after Callie and I ditched the experiment bullshit and started dating for real, I know she was insecure about my feelings for her.
And who could blame her? She said I love you first, and I couldn't say it back for weeks. I suggested taking a break instead of fighting to stay together the way she did. I kept her a secret from everyone to the point where she thought I was ashamed of her.
How could I let her be so wrong? How could I let her think I don't love her with everything I have?
No matter how much I kept from her though, I still told her more than anybody else in my life. If only I had taken the time to make sure she knew that.
I look at Callie again as I get ready to sing the next part, seeing a whole mix of emotions on her face. She's pretty far away, but I can tell that her eyes are watering, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.
I hold our eye contact, tuning out the crowd as I pour absolutely everything I have into the words I'm singing. I want her to feel how much I mean them, which is with every fucking fiber of my being.
"You're one of the few things that I'm sure of
You're one of the few things that I know already I could build my world of
One of the few things that I'm sure of
And I want you to unravel me
Come closer, come closer
And I want you to unravel me"
Neither of us break our eye contact, despite the fact that both of us have tears threatening to spill over onto our cheeks.
Please tell me those are happy tears I see in her eyes. I don't want to make her sad, I want her to realize how fucking in love with her I am, and how ready I am to be with her completely, long distance be damned.
I tear my eyes away from hers so I can focus on the crowd as I start singing the first part again, wiping away a stray tear that slips down my cheek.
""You're one of the few things that I'm sure of
You're one of the few things that I know already
I could build my world of
One of the few things I'm sure of
And I want you to unravel me
Come closer, come closer
Come closer, come closer."
As soon as I finish singing I let my head hang as I look down at the stage floor, a few more tears slipping out as I give myself a moment to attempt to compose myself.
I barely notice when 30,000 people erupt into wild cheers, too in my own head to really acknowledge the thunderous applause, whistles and kind words of encouragement being hollered.
Fin's hand on my shoulder snaps me out of my daze and I look up at the crowd again. I stand up from my stool and put on a smile, holding my hand up in the air while my other hand brings my mic up again.
"Thanks Stockholm, you've been fucking fire," I say before bowing. I let them cheer for a bit longer before jogging off the stage, my eyes falling on Callie again as I move towards her.
Moment of truth.
A/N
saw a whole dick out on the bus today gotta love public transit
this song fit soooo well in my head I was so excited to use it, does it work as well as I think it does? idk
settle this bc it'll be relevant sooooon: dom!callie or dom!billie 😈
hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, i really liked writing it
Song credit: The Few Things - JP Saxe (go support his music!)