CHAPTER SIXTY- Hollow secrets & bleak mornings.
The stone was cold against my bare skin as I leant against it a considerable amount away from the smokers. The concrete was slowly numbing my bare feet since the recent removal of my shoes. I was planning on sticking out the outfit I didn’t exactly like for the sake of it being what Elise wanted us to wear. But that was before the actual marriage part of the wedding was called off as she so proudly announced that she was ‘in love’ with my boyfriend. It was an understatement to say I got jealous when girls flirted with him, so I really didn’t know how I felt about her thinking she was in love with him. But somehow I just wasn’t convinced. I know she takes things a lot lighter than me, but concluding that you’re actually in love with someone is a huge thing. Love is a strong word. Even she should know that. And then to announce it front of me? For my own ears to listen to. That’s something else.
I slowly rolled my gaze across the clear sky, the moon shining down a pearly beam stretching across the gardens, the stars dotted so randomly yet to strategically around it. It was a beautiful night, too bad I wasn’t exactly in a very happy mood to enjoy it in. But I guess it was just kind of mandatory for me feel that I couldn’t exactly see him right now. It wasn’t the present that bothered me, because I knew that he didn’t have something going on with Elise at the moment. Even if Elise’s words contradicted this I just somehow knew it. He told me that the only girl he was interested in was me, I believed him, and I still do now. I just need to wrap my head around the fact that it may not have always been like that.
I watched as a small billow of smoke drifted in wispy motions in the air the lingering aftermath of an old man’s cigarette further up the wall. I had tried to distance myself from the smokers but unfortunately, as same goes for everything tonight; the wind was blowing my way. Tipping my head back slightly I closed my eyes as the cool night air swirled around me in slow and calm motions. But I wasn’t feeling calm. I wasn’t feeling anything at all. I knew I needed to talk to Niall, I probably needed to talk to Elise too, but I didn’t have the courage to do that. And I would talk to Niall, just not right now. Right now, I needed to clear my head, but that wasn’t exactly working very well for me.
A chilly whisper of wind slid it’s icy finger across my bare skin dancing droplets of icy temperatures onto me. But I wasn’t even feeling the cold; I was already too numb with confusion. I just didn’t understand. Why? Why Elise? Why now? Why Niall? Nothing ever seems to be on our side, however much we think everything’s going to be okay. It never quite is, there’s always something else willing to mess things up again, willing to throw everything into an oblivion of lost hope. I wasn’t going to fight with Niall over this, I almost genuinely believed he had done nothing wrong. I hoped he hadn’t, he told me that he has and only ever will be interested in me and I believe him. The present is not my worry, it’s the past. It’s not supposed to matter, but it does.
I felt a presence beside me and opened my eyes to see my best friend beside me. I hadn’t seen her in months so her being here at this wedding was really nice for me, for us, but unfortunately the circumstances as usual, weren’t on my side, but they never were. She exhaled heavily as she tucked a strand of her dark straight hair behind her ear and pursed her ruby red lips and then rubbed them together running her tongue over her teeth.
“It’s cold out here.”
She absentmindedly observed folding her arms over her chest she leant forward looking past me to the smokers who were now passing a joint between them.
“Hm, maybe I should go and ask for a drag of their smokes.”
She joked, I looked at her and then nudged her in the ribs with my elbow shaking my head, she just laughed.
“Shut up Mel you haven’t smoked in years.”
“I know.”
Her girly voice responded as it floated over those two words. She was always so easy going, taking everything as it came and not really caring. I’d always envied her for that, how she never cared what anyone thought, and would never let anyone stop her. But that had always been Mallory, carefree, bubbly and open. I guess I’ve always wanted to be one of those carefree people, but I never quite have been.
“So you’ll never guess why I had to leave?”
She piped up and I closed my eyes for a few seconds and then rolled my head so I was facing her I gave her a small smile. But I wasn’t feeling like smiling, at all. One of the smokers passed us glaring at me on the way out. I didn’t exactly understand why, probably because in the eye of Elise’s family it was Niall’s fault that this wedding had been a disaster, and since I was his girlfriend; instant blame onto me too. This is all very fun.
“Why’s that?”
I asked tiredly now looking down at my bare feet as they began to get number with the algid concrete pressing against them.
“Because it was painful to watch Niall getting that stressed out.”
I sighed and closed my eyes again refusing tears. I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused. I didn’t want to put Niall and I through any kind of argument or anything, I wanted things to stay how they were between us. Maybe, now, I was so freaking in love with him I didn’t even care if things kept on coming along to mess us up, if he messed up, I didn’t care anymore because I couldn’t be bothered to deal with it if I had the option to just say “It’s okay.” And then go back to being happy with him again. I was hoping to do that, but I couldn’t do that right now, with everyone here. All I knew was that I was going to tell him it was okay before he launched into his speech about he didn’t want things to mess up between us again. Because in truth, I didn’t want that either, and I wasn’t planning for it to either.
“Why doesn’t he come and talk to me then?”
She shrugged and curled a perfect brown lock around her finger as she played with the chain of her necklace.
“He says he needs to give you your space to calm down.”
Of course, that was Niall all over. He always tried his best to not escalate things into what they didn’t need to be, and to make things easier on me. He thought space was the key, and it was last time, but this time was different.
“I’ll just go and talk to him.”
I breathed and pushed myself up from the wall but Mallory’s dainty fingers clasped around my arm pulling me back as she gave me a pitiful look.
“I wouldn’t if I was you. Now is really not the time. Maybe he’s right Ash, just talk to him later, when all this is over and you’re on your own again. He probably needs his space as much as you do.”
“I don’t want my space. I just want things to be okay again.”
I frowned as I fell back against the bleak stones of the castle. A few more smokers filed out, their musky aroma lingering in the air for a few minutes before it slipped away just like everything else seemed to. Everything seemed to slip out of your grasp before you even got a real feel of it, falling between the gaps in between your fingers and disappearing into a pool of nothingness, never to be seen again.
“Oh don’t we all babe.”
She sighed giving my shoulder a squeeze. But I didn’t want someone to agree with me, I didn’t want space, I didn’t need space, I didn’t want to let myself calm down I just wanted Niall to know that I wasn’t upset at him over this. Or at least I hoped I didn’t need to be. And even if there was a reason that meant I should be upset with him, I just really couldn’t be bothered to be. It’s almost as if he’s got me so head over heels he could commit murder and I’d still forgive and love him all the same. I guess it’s what love does to you, sometimes it’s the most inconvenient thing, but sometimes the inconvenient is just as beautiful as the convenient. However twisted that sounds. Love is twisted, it messes you up, but it makes you everything you are.
“How much longer?”
I queried hoping for a one way ticket out of both this wedding and Elise’s life ASAP. I never really liked her in the first place, and now that she’s announced that she’s in love with my boyfriend, I’m finding it particularly hard to even force a friendship upon myself.
“I think Harry’s on about going home in the next half an hour. He was looking for you earlier. Maybe you should come back inside?”
She proposed holding out a hand as she jerked a thumb in the direction of the door back inside. I could hear the music vibrating through the walls from the ballroom where the party was in full swing. Things had somehow immersed into not wasting the opportunity to have a party. I assumed everyone was pretty drunk, I wasn’t going to get drunk. Even if it would eliminate the confusion and numb feeling I felt right now I didn’t want to deal with a hangover tomorrow making me feel even worse than I already did. Besides, I was probably going to be too busy nursing everyone else’s hangover. I wondered if Niall was drunk, that made me want to go back in there even more. Every time something’s gone wrong between us he’s got drunk and something worse has happened than what originally went wrong between us. Sometimes he found it easier to drink his problems away, which was fine, as long as he had someone with him to stop him from doing something stupid again. He claims otherwise, but handling his drink has never really been his forte. Not that I cared, it was actually highly amusing to take care of an intoxicated Niall. On this thought I concluded that I’d go and check on him. Maybe he wasn’t even drunk, but I guess we’ll find out.
“In a minute.” I told her. “I’ll be in, in a minute.”
She nodded, as if she was expecting this and then tucked both sections of her sleek locks behind her ears and sighed her breath outputting in a chilly whisper of algid air. After giving my hand a reassuring squeeze she turned folding her arms tighter around her body and went back inside. Probably back to her most likely drunk boyfriend, back to her carefree love life and capability to drink everything away without a second thought.
I felt the first few tears escape my eyes slipping down my cheeks they were warm against the almost make-up free skin that was numb as well. I was half expecting them to freeze onto my skin it was that cold. For a late March night it sure was cold. Just as quickly as I had let them slip I brushed the drops of salty water away as it left traces of the salty taste on my lips that I ran my tongue over. Now, it had got so cold and dark that the smokers had cleared up and gone back inside leaving the air thick with the consequence of their addiction. Everyone has their weakness, their addiction that makes them feel instantly better like they can forget about the world and all reality, some people like alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, mine? Niall.
And sometimes, people say they can’t live without their addiction. They think they can’t survive. Like life is way too complex and misunderstanding without that one little thing to blot out the bad. To smudge the words on the page, to glaze their eyes with tears so they can’t see the bleak and hollow reality. It wasn’t that it always had to be a constant, just a regular. People can get over it, if they really try, they can get over an addiction to any kind of substance. But what if your addiction wasn’t physical? But it was as easy to take away as saying This is it; this is the end. What if your addiction was the love and compassion you strung yourself together with another person? It’s like being a half of something. You can’t function without them. You can’t endure in normal life anymore without them there, without the knowledge that their yours. And that was me, I knew it was. Which is why I subsided any traces of wistfulness and composed myself squaring my shoulders as I lifted myself up from the wall and made my way back inside.
I spotted Harry almost straight away smiling as he talked to someone and flicked his hair from his eyes. I could see Zayn and Mallory in the corner idly and drunkenly grinding up against each other. And I could see Louis and Liam chatting to some other guy around our age. But I couldn’t for the life of me see Niall. I frowned to myself as I pushed through the crowds of couples slow dancing and the really drunks who thought they could still dance like it was hard metal to slow songs. Harry spotted me when I was halfway there and said his dismissive goodbyes to whoever he was talking to and began to walk towards me meeting me halfway.
“Where’s Niall?”
Was my first question as I let myself be enveloped into his body in a hug. Whatever the song was, I didn’t know it. But the lyrics were particularly tear jerking making a prominent mood swing spin into a terrible mood swing. So right now, I did just want to feel close to someone, to something. But even though I was ever grateful for Harry’s hug, I wanted, needed it to be Niall. All happenings of today disregarded, I just wanted Niall.
“I don’t know. He went somewhere with Elise about ten minutes ago, he didn’t look happy. But we don’t know where they are now. Just shh and dance with me.”
He cooed and I lifted my head from his chest absentmindedly obeying I slid my arms over his shoulders as his snaked around my waist resting lightly in the small of my back like Niall’s did, but still, I wanted it to be Niall. I looked around hoping to see him but he was nowhere in sight. And the knowledge he had gone somewhere with Elise stirred me up a bit, and made me feel slightly uneasier, if that was possible. I knew Niall wouldn’t betray me, but it wasn’t like Elise was shy. After all, she did proclaim her love for another boy at her own wedding, in front of all her family, ex fiancé’s family and girlfriend of said boy. Which I still, couldn’t quite believe.
“Would you like to go home? I can send Liam to go look for Niall and we’ll go. And you’ll never have to speak to or see Elise or this place again if you don’t want to.”
This was the thing about Harry. Some days, he was the complete definition of asshole. Winding me up to my very last nerve and flipping every perverted sexist comment there was at me because he knew it would annoy me and most likely push me over the edge if he had been previously getting underneath my skin. But when things went wrong, and I wasn’t in the state to tolerate, he knew when to be serious for once and offer his niceties. And when this happened, he was one of the most thoughtful and sweetest people I knew. And although I didn’t necessarily enjoy our love-hate friendship I kind of knew in a way it wouldn’t be the same without it. And at the end of day, I was there for him as much as he was there for me, and I really appreciated that, even if we never really talked about it. It was like an unspoken ritual for us, and I liked it, I really did.
“If you guys want to stay. We can stay for a bit.”
I shrugged attempting not to be selfish. After all, I hated it when all plans were cancelled because of me, it wasn’t exactly a great feeling on the guilt factor.
“No,” He shook his head his curls dropping in his eyes as we swayed from side to side. “I’m pretty sure we don’t want to stay at the wedding…Or not so wedding of some girl that’s causing trouble between our Nialler and Ashley. Come on, I’ll take you to the car, get the others and we’ll go. I think maybe everyone just needs to sleep on this or something, come on love.”
He breathed and held out his arm for me. I looked at him for a few seconds and at everyone else. Zayn was now going into the mood of lazy intoxication and Mallory was basically holding him upright and Louis was leant up against a wall grumpily running his hands through his hair as Liam steadied him. Everyone was looking pretty tired, I wasn’t even tired though. And all I wanted was Niall. But then I looked back to Harry and realised how nice he was being and how much I appreciated it and didn’t want it to seem like I didn’t so I took his arm and let him lead me out of the heavy alcohol thick atmosphere.
As we passed through the dark halls of the castle the stone walls and winding stairwells towering above us I could hear people shouting. It only took me a few beats to pin the male voice responding to the female voice as Niall. And another few beats to pin the female voice as Elise. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but it was getting less muffled as we got closer to the door. I looked up at Harry and it was clear that he could hear it too. I was already reaching for the door handle, already to claim what was mine and maybe quite possibly grab Niall’s hand and yank him away from that girl and kiss him long and hard in front of her. But it was almost as if Harry was the parent of a young and innocent child who had just heard words they shouldn’t have and he was denying all traces of these words. Seeming completely unfazed by this he kept his gaze straight ahead and his mouth in a thin line as he continued to lead me to the doorway. But then I could hear what they were saying and I could tell what room they were in, one of a closed door.
“…It’s not and never has been like that!”
Niall was saying, I was about to hear Elise’s reply as I stopped in front of the door but then Harry placed hand in the small of my back pushing me forwards again. I was about to protest but then I realised I didn’t really have it in me and maybe I didn’t want to hear what they were saying anyway. So I obeyed and just kept walking willing myself to be anywhere but here right now. I just wanted out.
My gaze wandered to the woodland as the chilly breeze hit us as we left the building and walked down the steps onto the gravel where a few cars, including ours, were parked. I couldn’t see the woodland very well at all now that darkness had completely cloaked this place, draping over the endless green gardens, neat flowerbeds, and tall and vintage outhouses. It was all enveloped in the sinister lack of light as much as the rest of the city. And maybe I didn’t want to see. I kind of liked the darkness, it gave you an opportunity to use your imagination, to not rely on vision all the time. Because you can’t always see things in clear light, and maybe we need to learn that.
Harry helped me into the car and then told me that he would be back in five minutes once he had rounded up the others and we would go straight home. I agreed, but mostly because I knew better than to argue now a days.
-
It was almost half past two when we got back. Niall wasn’t drunk. But he also wasn’t speaking. Not that I would really know since I hadn’t been sat near him in the car, but I hadn’t heard him speak since he got in. I think maybe he was scared, scared of what I was going to say, going to do, I didn’t even really think I was going to do anything. I didn’t even really want to talk about or address it, I kind of just wanted to ignore it and move completely on and pretend like nothing happened. Even though I knew that was impossible. As we piled out of the car I hung back slightly waiting to see if he was going to talk, or give me any kind of gesture but then he was helping an intoxicated Zayn out of the car so I walked on following Harry as he motioned for me to. I could hear the moans of Zayn and Niall’s curses as he basically dragged him up the driveway, but Harry kept on motioning for me to just walk on, so that’s what I did giving my final look back as I stepped over the threshold.
There was an eerie sort of silence and stillness as Harry flicked on the lights slowly devouring the darkness into light. I didn’t like it. And now I was feeling so numb and fed up with this whole day I just wanted to blot it out for a few hours, and if I couldn’t do that with Niall, then I wanted and needed sleep. Without saying a word I ran up the stairs already stripping off my dress as I did so. My footsteps were silent against the soft and pampered carpet as I padded down the hallway towards my bedroom. After Claire had moved in a couple of days ago Niall and I apparently weren’t allowed to sleep in the same room so I was back to my room. In a way it was nice, and it reminded me of when I first moved in here and started my flirting with Niall that pretty quickly evolved into that rollercoaster that became our relationship. But Niall’s bed was a lot better, but of course Claire wasn’t going to allow that.
Pushing open the door of my bedroom and shutting it as quickly as I did so I flicked the light on and shut the curtains immediately letting my dress fall to my ankles in pure annoyance I let it fly across the room landing by mirror. I huffed as I yanked my hair from it’s tight do and pulled a brush through my curls making them settle into slightly out of place waves. But I really didn’t care. Next I proceeded to the bathroom and splashed my face getting rid of all the make-up that had been caked onto it and for a second I stood there looking at myself in the mirror. My stripping of wedding appearance now finished I just stared at myself and watched as a few tears slipped down my pale and make-up free cheeks. Wiping them away I bit down hard on my lower lip as I slipped into some loose fitting pyjama bottoms and a simple plain cami and settled down onto my bed. But I wasn’t even feeling tired, so I brought my laptop from underneath my bed and for the first time in weeks I logged onto twitter.
I knew this was a bad idea. I knew I hadn’t been perceived in a good light in relations to Niall the past few weeks. But I carried on anyway. I completely skipped the Discover section which was sporting some kind of story about the wedding today since One Direction had attended and went straight to my mentions. The first few were nice, but then the about a hundred that followed afterwards were from the hate account that tweeted about/to me pretty much every day.
You’re so pretty and talented and I totally ship you and Niall! Xx
I want your hair. Swap?
You’re beautiful.
Oh so Ashley Dawson got better from her eating disorder now? She shouldn’t have. She looked better before. Now she’s just fat.
I hope Niall did cheat on Ashley. Bitch deserved it.
What so nobody even knows if they’re a couple? Pfft she’s such a whore. Surely one man is enough.
Ashley so doesn’t deserve Niall. He’s way too innocent for her.
She can’t even be a real women, she never even shows cleavage.
I probably stayed there for about twenty minutes scrolling through this hate accounts tweets. Occasionally they would tweet something about the other guy’s girlfriends, but it was mainly me, and my sister. The stuff they were saying about my sister was purely disgusting, I had to refrain from tweeting them, because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to stay calm. I was about to reply to some of my nicer mentions when the door cracked open, for a minute I just stared waiting for someone to merge. And they did, and it was Niall. For a moment we just looked at each other with blank facial expressions and then he sighed shutting the door behind him with a click he made his way towards me and carefully leant down placing a kiss on my cheek. When I didn’t react straight away, he spoke.
“Are you going to ignore me forever?”
He frowned moving himself onto the space in front of me. I furrowed my brow and shut my laptop placing it on the floor and crossing my legs.
“Of course I’m not. I’m just confused.”
I murmured as I stared at him. But then he looked away biting his lip.
“Yeah,” He said. “Me too.”
There was a few moments of silence and then he looked back up at me and the look of pure remorse in his eyes almost made me lean forward right then and kiss him long and hard and forget about all the events of today. But that wasn’t looking very likely.
“Come for a walk with me?”
He inquired and I just blinked at him. But he was seeming completely serious. I looked around me settling my eyes on the clock that’s orange digits glowed the information of it being 2:58 AM. I looked back to him and he was still looking completely serious as he awaited upon my answer. I shuffled closer to him – he seemed surprised by the action – but he didn’t say anything as I reached both of my hands out lacing my fingers in between his as I stared at him.
“We’re not supposed to even be in the same room at night Niall.”
I reminded him and he shrugged.
“You think I care? I thought you would be asleep, I just wanted to come and hold you. But now that you’re awake, I guess we have a lot of talking to do, right?”
He stammered. I looked at him as my heart began to beat that little bit faster at his words. I just wanted to come and hold you. How sweet. I let a small smile upturn at the corners of my mouth but he was just staring at me waiting for my verdict. So I got up and pried a hoodie from my wardrobe and held out one hand opening and closing it. He looked at me and then my hand and smiled slightly before taking it in his and letting me lead him out the door.
“So, tell me where we’re going then Horan?”
I queried as we ventured onto the pavement and began aimlessly walking down the pavement still hand in hand. I wasn’t mad or upset him, I was just confused, and I hoped he knew that. He shrugged.
“Anywhere. Why is there somewhere you’d like to go Dawson?”
He smirked looking at me through the dim of glow of the streetlights around us. Now, I shrugged.
“What about that little woodland place at the bottom of the garden that I never knew was there?”
I asked and he raised his eye-brow seeming partially taken aback by this. I was surprised we had never ended up there before on our spontaneous midnight walks, it was a cute little woodland, and seemed like a place we would go, or rather end up, for that matter.
“Y-You’ve been there?”
I nodded, this shouldn’t have been surprising.
“The other week when me and Louis came back from the studio, we went that way.”
“Didn’t you see it?”
He asked and I furrowed my brow.
“See what?”
“The house.”
“What house?”
I concerned confusion lurking in my tone. I was genuinely confused now.
“T-there used to be like a huge house there a few years ago. It burnt down. That place is supposed to be haunted you know.”
This struck me and I cast my mind back to the woodsy area that I had found so beautiful at the time. The wispy and spindly willow trees that towered above in their golden trunks and droopy leaves that cascaded toward the ground in flimsy and straight exclamation marks. The fresh green grass that massaged out underneath your feet in such a velvety and pampered motion that you almost questioned if nature had really created it. The way the sunlight threw beams of haze so effortlessly through the canopy of branches above as the darkness slowly descended in a sunlit daze onto the bark that was scattered across the grass. It was so tranquil, never would I have thought of it being haunted.
“Oh come on Niall you don’t believe in that shit do you?”
He smirked as he slid his gaze to me quirking an eye-brow.
“Says the girl who insists that her room is haunted because some pictures fell off the wall once or twice…”
“Yeah well that’s different.”
“Sure it is. We can go there if you like but don’t blame me when you get freaked out.”
“I won’t get freaked out.”
I persisted tugging at his hand as I marched him down the alleyway that led to the fields the woodland was situated in. I could tell he was giving me that smug look as I led him down the narrow path lined with a thin wall of crumbling bricks and dead grass. The further you went into the scrubland, the deader everything seemed to get. Our footsteps echoed against the soft and cracking concrete as he followed me down the ever growing in darkness path. I could just see the grass swaying in the early morning breeze of the field in the distance. I had always found fields creepy at night, but woodlands can be quite beautiful. Not so much now that I possess of the knowledge of the alleged ‘haunting’ but it wasn’t like I was going to be able to resist the curiosity forever.
“Sure you won’t.”
Niall sung from behind me, his voice floating on the chilly undertones of wind that were lingering around us as we neared the end of the alley. Rolling my eyes at his remark I let him fall into step with me as we stepped onto the soft ground of the field, it was slightly rocky as we stumbled across it. I could see the long and drooping leaves from the willow trees on the other side of the field that made up the hedge line between the two fields, the empty woodland between.
We walked in silence across the field. It was clear that we were both accumulating our thoughts on how exactly we were going to approach this. In all honesty, I didn’t even know if I wanted to talk about it. I only had one question to ask, and then I kind of just wanted to move on. I’m sure Niall would have other ideas though, or thinks he has to. I guess that’s just the way, he feels the need to apologise and explain more than I want and need him to, but I’d much rather him be like that than not talk to me about it all and act like it was okay. So maybe I was glad.
As we approached the woodland I could see the willow trees gently swaying from side to side on the icy breeze that was running it’s algid finger across everything tonight. The moon was shining it’s luminous glow through the branches highlighting the small strands of grass that were patched together over the arid ground. The sky was clear and dark as it provided a faint backdrop to the pale gleaming of the orb of the night and the stars dotted around it.
“I don’t see a house.”
I stated blankly as we got further into a patch of forestry I hadn’t seen when I had been here with Louis. I looked around me searching for any sign of life, but it was completely deserted. No birds or wildlife, it was just empty, hollow, bleak, a silent reminder that not everything in nature can be as full of life as it’s perceived to be.
“It’s round the corner. There’s not much left of it.”
Niall told me. His voice was so soft as it mixed in with the harsh air that was breezing through the atmosphere. I pressed my palm closer to his the warmth of it conveying onto mine. He interlocked his fingers tighter giving my hand a gentle squeeze as we stepped over an abandoned log and began to round the corner as he held some branches out of the way.
It was merely a frame. I stopped in my tracks as I took in the clearing. There were no trees for about ten metres around it, just broken branches and charred roots. There was a single wall about the height of five metres that reposed of crumbling bricks that were almost black, singed with the roaring rage of a fire. I imagined what it must have looked like, it seemed to have been a big house, but not as quite as big as the boy’s house, but it was bigger than average. Endless shards of painted white balconies? Or wooden framed windows with single glass panes? Or perhaps it would have been stone with intricate detail. Whatever it was, there was hardly anything left. As I stepped through the broken branches closer I realised that there was little panes of glass sharp as they stuck out from the arid ground.
“Let’s sit here.”
I commanded motioning towards the brick wall that appeared to be the only thing left standing. Niall said nothing as he carefully sat down next to me leaning against the wall with caution. I looked up and observed the gap in the ceiling of branches that was exposing the illuminating moonlight as it trickled down from the sky in eloquent beams.
We sat in silence for a minute or so, but it wasn’t exactly awkward since we were both so wrapped up in our own thoughts. I could feel myself getting more nauseated for this conversation as the seconds slipped by. This place was so quiet and to think that we were sitting in the ruins of a burnt down house was kind of off putting but I couldn’t concentrate on that. I was completely mesmerized by how quiet it was. It was an eerie sort of silence that was only filled on occasion with the sound of our breathing that outputted into a misty cloud condensing the air.
I carefully tipped my head to the left resting it on his shoulder. He seemed slightly taken aback by the gesture but then he placed his hand over mine on my knee folding his fingers over mine he gave my knee a reassuring rub. I closed my eyes for a few seconds as I tried to form the words, but none were coming, so for once I decided to be completely open and let my mind speak. After all, things would go so much smoother if he knew exactly how I felt and what I was thinking. The truth can be ugly, but it’s one of the most necessary things in life, in love, and in the whole universe.
“You know it’s a strange feeling…”
I breathed my words exerting into that undeniable cloud, my breath warm against the chilly breeze. He looked at me and then moved an arm around me stroking my hair gently. It was so calming when he did that, it made this feel a whole lot easier, to just be honest and tell him how I felt.
“What is?”
I reached out and knotted my fingers around a small patch of grass. Yanking it from it’s roots I rubbed it between my fingers the blades soft yet slightly prickling against my fingertips. I closed my eyes as I let then fall back to the ground littering in an unruly death.
“Just to know that….Just to know that another girl thinks she’s in love with you. Like, enough in love to announce it at and call off her own wedding.”
For a moment he didn’t say anything. I wasn’t expecting him to. It wasn’t like I wasn’t used to girls saying they were ‘in love’ with him, fans, usually. And in their own world, they were, but that was different. They didn’t know him personally. They weren’t personally close with him, whether as Elise was, or she was supposed to be. But it was true though, it was a really strange and actually quite an enviousness and uneasy feeling to know that another girl is convinced that she’s in love with him. It really tugged on my heartstrings quite hard, and made me feel undeniably sick and malevolence. I hadn’t even realised everything was so tense inside of me until I could feel tears brushing my cheeks. I hadn’t even felt it coming, there was no ache in my throat, they were just tears. Niall absentmindedly wiped them away with his thumb anyway as he gazed at nothing in particularly a pained and confused expression lurking across his face. I wondered what was going through his mind right now, probably the wish that Elise had never done what she did today. I knew that was what was going through my mind, but it would be different for him, surely.
“I know,” He said. “It is.”
I said nothing and did nothing as I continued to just rest my head on his shoulder gazing at the tree trunk opposite us.
“I can one hundred percent promise you though Ash, today was the first time I ever heard of anything like that.”
I bit my lower lip as I looked down at the grass and reached out running my fingers through the soft blades and watching them spring back as I pushed them down.
“I only have one question.”
I murmured. Straining his neck to the side his face was mere inches from mine as he looked down at me through the hair that had fallen in my eyes.
“O-Okay?”
I sucked in some air as I tried to debate the words. But I didn’t know what to say, but somehow a string of words was still rolling off my tongue, and I wasn’t in any state to stop it.
“It’s not my business what happened…Before. But I just want to know…D-Did you have something going on with Elise when you got back with me?”
For a moment he just looked at me and then licked his lower lip creasing his brow.
“What are you talking about? Of course I didn’t Ash. Ashley I never had anything going on with Elise, ever, whether I was with you or not, things were never like that and they never will be. I don’t like Elise; I love you, and only you.”
I closed my eyes relishing how those few sentences made me feel completely sane again. How did I ever think that there was the slightest possibility that things might not have always been completely genuine? I had no idea. But as far as I was concerned that was all I needed to know.
“Never ever?”
I clarified and he shook his head inching closer to me.
“Never ever.”
He breathed into my ear his lips brushing it causing a rush of yearn to wash through me. Then he moved them to my forehead moving my hair out the way he pressed them against my skin leaving them there for a little longer than usual. I felt my breath catch in my throat with this gesture.
“I’m sorry,” I told him. “I love you.”
Shaking his head he tucked my hair behind my ear and took my fingers in his lacing them together.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I love you too Ash, and I always will, only you.”
His words made a shiver run through me as his lips floated by mine, but he wasn’t kissing me, and the anticipation was killing me. His other hand travelled down to my hip and gently began to slide underneath my top, his fingertips electronic as they brushed over my stomach his thumb caressing it lightly in swift and simple motions. My heart began to speed double time with this as he let his fingers creep up further and with the pulsation of my heart now doing triple time I couldn’t take it anymore and reached a hand out grabbing a fistful of his jacket I pulled him closer to me so our lips met.
He clearly wasn’t expecting it and it took him a few seconds to actually kiss me back but he did and then I knew we were finally okay again.
“Niall…” I breathed as we pulled away from our whisper of a kiss, the kind that made my heart flutter. “Things never seem to go our way…Do they?”
I concerned resting my head back on his shoulder; he looked at me and reached his hand up stroking my hair again.
“Depends how you look at it. But a lot of things do go wrong, but that doesn’t mean we should give up, and we’re not going to.”
“You know…I’m really jealous of how you’re so positive.”
I giggled as Niall shifted me into the space between his legs. Resting my head against his chest I looked up at him as he smiled back at me that goofy grin that had me the first time I met him.
“Comes naturally babe, just like my natural charm, right?”
He wiggled his eye-brows at me and I rolled my eyes playfully.
“Sure it does.”
I agreed and he smirked leaning down he gently placed his lips onto mine.
The eerie silence was pierced by the sound of rustling leaves and a twig snapping. Pulling away I gave Niall an urgent look as we looked behind us to where the disturbance had come from, but there was nothing in visibility.
“Let’s go.”
I rushed. Niall chuckled but then I gave him another urgent look and he smirked scooping me up to a standing position and taking my hand in his as we stumbled back towards the hedge line leaving the remains of the house to continue it’s absent stargazing like every night. Completely, and utterly, alone. Abandoned. Empty.
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A/N.
Hey hey hey
Right every time I say that it always reminds me of David Guetta on the radio station I listen to going "Hey hey hey it's David Guetta and you're listening to my station!" yeah? no? okay
LOUIS DRAMA WILL BE HAPPENING IN CHAPTER 62 BUT I'M ALREADY GONNA SPILL IT SO SHUTTING UP NOW.
Awkward moment when you're arguing with your sister about how long it is until your birthday and then you realise she's right:$ 3 DAYS BITCHES. omfg that means there's four days left of the summer holidays kill me now I am literally gonna throw up with the anxiety of wanting to see my timetable. The first thing I'm gonna look at is maths to see who I've got and then I'll start shouting across the room asking my friends who they've got to see if we've got any classes together(y) and most likely get sent out or put at the back for that lool
okay enjoy Niall on the sidebar love you
vote and comment etc I love your comments<3
-Emily.