A tad longer chapter ahead, hope you enjoy!!
~
{Asher's Pov}
A strange emotion bubbled inside me as I watched the girl hold his hand. They looked so happy, in a world of their own. They way their eyes crinkled in their blissful time with each other clearly showed their mirth that they experienced in each other's presence. A small smile decorated by face without even trying to, a bittersweet one though that I knew of. At once I felt content seeing the couple, seeing how much at ease their relationship was. They too may have had ups and downs, I'm not assuming that they were today where they were with everything going merrily all along but right now, even after the troubles they may or may not have faced, they were happy and together. A part of me was happy for them. The other one wondering if I could ever achieve that in my life.
"Asher!!!" A sound yelling my name broke my thought as I looked out of my gallery.
"Yes...?" I asked in a small voice at the angry figure of my dad as I rushed downstairs. I was used to his short tempered attitude now but still his words would affect me more than I wanted them to.
"Why in the world did you keep the tray here in the window?" He asked frustrated.
"Ummm to dry..." I spoke, my voice barely above a whisper. My dad's jaw was clenched and I knew he was going to snap any moment... And he did. This was followed by a lot of yelling and well no good words on his part. Apparently he had coloured the window grills after I had left the trays to dry, hence staining them. Like what's my fault, he should have seen that the trays were kept there. As much as I wanted to point this out and prove my point that is it isn't my fault, I didn't; simply because my dad's ego would be hurt and well he doesn't take it well when that happens...
Nonetheless I endured his rant painfully and was finally saved by the bell of my house. When I opened the door it revealed a smiling Ivara. "Thanks so much!!!" I whispered almost wanting to hug her. It wasn't that I was not used to my dad's short tempered outbursts, I had been facing them since as long as I knew but still they were hurtful to my sensitive heart.
"Who's it?" My dad asked in a tone barely hiding that he was angry.
"It's me Joseph, actually I and Asher need to finish off a project so I came by..." She said in a sweet voice.
My dad calmed his demeanor knowing who was at the door, though Ivara was very much aware of this part of my life too so I didn't really mind. Avoiding my dad's glare, I led Ivara to my room as a small smile made it's way on my face.
"Nice timing Ive, thanks so much."
"Mention not, actually I've been listening to his yelling for ten minutes outside the door but he wouldn't stop so I decided to barge in feeling that you'd have enough."
I looked down shyly, "Sorry you had to hear that."
"Nah it's fine, I understand Ash, and that's the reason I'm telling you, get out of this hell hole."
"Yeah, it's not that bad though" I countered. I still did love my family. "Yeah but I think an almost 18 year old deserves some more freedom than these guys let you have." She said nonchalantly.
"Please Ivara, let's just study and not talk about it, anyways if I'm able to go to med school, my parents won't be able to boss me around."
"Exactly, unless you get in the one which is in the next city." She stated.
"Well I don't know but it's one of the best one's, let's see what happens."
With that both of us began our work of studying. No, they're wasn't any urgent project we had to complete but we just well were studying together cause we found it more productive. Ivara had lied about some project just to save my sorry bum from more insults and I felt grateful and relieved.
After about two hours of doing math, Ivara spoke up, "Shit I forgot, mom has called you to visit tonight, she already informed you're mother."
"Oh" I said as I was caught off guard as I tried to find the 'y' for an 'x' after integrating an equation. Seriously can't the y find his own x.
"And it would probably be awkward when he does cause you know he's y's ex." Ivara said. Yeah she read my mind. I looked down smiling at her corny joke "How can you read me so well?" I said shaking my head.
"Perks of being a best friend, now get ready, I'm taking a short nap until you change in the guestroom." She stated nonchalantly falling on my bed and closing her eyes even before I could reply. Yeah she kicked me out of my own room, that's being bestfriends with her for me.
"You said that out loud." She stated, her eyes still closed but an amusing smile forming on her face. I blushed and resorted with a pair of black jeans and a plain round neck orange tee to the guestroom as fast as I could to hide my embarassment. Way to go Ash to voice you're thoughts without thinking, some day you're gonna say something like this about Cason. I paled at the thought, no one could know, atleast no one in my family, it would break them. Sealing my mouth like a zipper and locking it with my hands I promised myself to keep the secret a secret as long as I could. Ofcourse, it led to all those tiring thoughts of what if they find out and they'll get hurt and what are you doing Ash to roam freely through my mind. So much for distracting myself with Math, anyways my efforts were down the drain.
I groaned as I entered my room waking Ivara from her nap.
"Ughhh, you change so fast, you should have been a girl, you'd take more time then." She stated trying to sound teasing but wasn't able to keep her irritation out of her voice cause of lacking in a quality nap.
"Yeah, if I was, everything would have been so less complicated" I said huffing as I put my pyjamas back in the dresser.
"I was just kidding Ash, what happened?" She asked, her tone suddenly concerned. I didn't have to say a word as realisation dawned on her "Oh, c'mon Ash, don't think much of it, look Cason isn't the end of the world."
"Yeah... I don't really wanna talk about it." I stated exhausted. You know it's one thing when you get exhausted by someone ranting negative things about something and someone and one can conveniently avoid such an person to feel relieved but what do you do when it's you're mind that won't stop chattering about the seemingly illegal actions of you're heart, the way it so wrongly gave itself away to a person who doesn't even know of him having it. From the last few days, my answer was, try to endure it and busy yourself in something that wouldn't make you're heart ache and feel tormented by you're rational mind. And for sometime it worked.
"Asher, look he did say love you too, maybe there's still hope..." Ivara tried saying so as to console me. It had been around more than a week when I had said those heartfelt words and blamed them on a stupid dare. It hadn't been awkward to talk to Cas after that, we merely never acknowledged the event. But to say I felt disheartened, I didn't even know why, was pretty much the gist. He'd put a question mark in reply to my words, like what did I expect but I felt scared that I had weirded him out and played it as if I'd only done a dare whereas I hadn't.
"Even if he does, it'll end only badly Ivara, you know my parents, my dad is a self confessed homophobic person and will probably kill his own son. For my dad, being anything other than straight is a disease and my mom, she'll just have an heart attack or something if she found out and if not, her preconceptions are much stronger than her love for me, she'll never be able to accept." I said pulling at my hair helplessly.
"Hey hey, don't think so negatively of it" Ivara consoled me patting my back "okay let's just not talk about this, okay I wanna watch 17 again tonight, Faith's been gushing about it I don't know why and i feel curious regarding the plot, so will you watch it with me today."
"Of course, we can watch it while dinner at you're place." I said smiling at her genuinely. That's what I loved about Ivara, she knew exactly what I needed, a distraction and she was more than willing to help me with it.
~
It was nearly 11, way past the curfew at my home as I walked out of the huge mansion. Ivara lived in a mansion which had aristocratic pillars supporting the porch around the unnecessarily big mahogany door. The driveway to the house lead to an affluent circle around a skillfully crafted fountain with peacock statues. The fountain had a few golden fishes which glistened in the white lights coming from artistic lamp like lights.
We had spent the hour after my arrival watching 17 again, a way too corny a movie for Ivara's taste. After having done that, we had dinner. Mrs. Wentsworth was a beautiful conserved lady who firmly believed in cooking herself for any visitors who visited her heavenly mansion. She'd delighted me today with spiced salmon, a sweet mayo salad, a delicious turkey and some mouth watering lasagna. Mrs. Wentsworth too was a blessed cook and I felt lucky whenever Ivara brought me over for dinner. Mrs Wentsworth seldom repeated a dish with the same guest and the variety she made was absolutely to die for.
Ok going off topic, my point was that we had dinner at Ivara's place and then resumed to discussing about Ivara's wardrobe along with Angela for whom it was too plain. Seriously I have zero sense of fashion and whatever Angela spoke about, bounced off my head like most of my algebra lessons. Ivara couldn't but give me an apologetic grin as Angela blabbered on, apparently the Hershey incident in their house a few days back, courtesy me, had resulted in Ivara being grounded by her father so Ivara had to keep her irritation at Angela hidden for the time being.
Right now I felt much more better than I had been since a few days. The little change of food, scenery and people for a few hours helped me get off my mind from Cason. Initially when I had realised my feelings for him, it felt somewhat thrilling and I actually had been feeling one of the happiest times in my life until a few days later when reality struck me like a lightening bolt, shattering my dreamy bubble of love.
Love, the word in a romantic sense still felt foreign to me when I regarded it to myself. In the past week, another revelation had dawned on me, whatever I felt for Cas, the thing I think being love, wasn't something that was recent, in fact whatever I felt for Cas had been within me all this time, the fact that I accepted it myself a few months back and coming out to Ive and Faith had only led for me to accepting those feelings too. The ivy vine of love had only been restricted to grow earlier by me as I had denied all of my feelings, it was always there from the beginning and my acceptance had only helped it blossom completely. All in all, I realised that eversince I befriended Cason, I had slowly fallen for him.
Only now did I realise why I compared any of the person I felt interested in to him, it wasn't cause they were my crushes but in fact I saw Cas in them unknowingly. But now, after assessing all of it one thing that stood clear like the Eiffel tower to me was that I couldn't be with him.
Our world's were galaxies apart, he was the popular jock of his school and I, the silent nerd of mine. He was the dream of every girl, maybe even guys like me and I, only a dreamer who couldn't get his dreams. He was way opposite to me in many ways and above all, very very straight. All the things that said otherwise and once showed me hope were nothing but his kind gestures to me as a friend and it was my fault to take those moments as something more; I had read too much into them. I and Cas were simply impossible. Atleast he'll not have to go through what you have to with you're family was another consolement I started giving myself.
As I strolled down the street, I didn't realise the figure that had stepped in toe with me. "You surely think a lot" a voice broke my train of thoughts which had, again shifted to Cason. Not that I hated Cason for plaging my mind, but now these thoughts seemed to eat me alive.
"You? What are you doing here?" I asked suprised to see Armond.
" Hi to you too." He stated smiling.
"Hi, sorry, you just startled me..." I said giving a small smile.
"Yeah, I've been walking with you for about a minute and you didn't even notice..." He said with amusement.
"Oh...I was.. I was thinking about something..." I stated truthfully.
"Sure something..? Not someone?" Armond asked in a teasing tone wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
I gave out an awkward laugh. "Nah, it was definitely something" I said as I felt embarassed about being so engrossed in my own world so as to not notice him. Where are you're humble mannerism Ash. Drained down in Casonland, my oh so disturbing mind chidded.
"What are you doing here?" I asked curiously.
"Was hanging out with a friend, what about you?"
"Same..." I said sheepishly.
"Wanna get some ice cream?" Armond asked expectantly and I so wanted to say yes but the last time of my ice cream venture with Cason dampened my ice cream spirits just as quickly as I had found them.
"No... I'm full, sorry."
"Alright, walk me to my place?"
His home was just three blocks away from Cason's and just one block away from my original path to my home. I already felt bad for turning him down for ice cream so I agreed with a nod. I knew I shouldn't go near the place that would remind me of Cason and my sorry lovesick self but I couldn't let it control my life. More from the need to be kind than actually wanting to accompany Armond, I turned down the lane to his home as he blabbered about another guy from swimming classes who'd nearly drowned on his first day.
The moment we walked towards his home, a sinking feeling of something bad was gonna happen engulfed me. But I continued walking in silence with Armond who was used to my quiet.
"So, here's you." I said with a stiff smile as we stopped outside his house.
"Thanks for the company man!!" He exclaimed and gave me a weird man hug. Weird cause I didn't really know how to return it, partly because I was too stunned to react and partly as I really didn't do those cool man hugs. It was a quick one as Armond let go of me and entered his home smiling. He'd invited me to come in earlier during our walk but I had declined just as I usually did. Feeling a bit relieved to be alone again I spun around only to meet a cold and somewhat furious stare from a pair of Chocolate brown eyes which made my breath catch.
Before I could process what was happening and will my tongue to speak something as if it weren't tied with a lump of cold metal, the figure turned and started walking off, his gait showing everything that he probably didn't wanna show and what probably would be one more thing that would become a painful memory.
~
Hey people!!!
How have you been? The last update was slightly early, right? Sorry but I just thought posting it a day before the Valentine's Day would make it easier for everyone to read on the said day.
Anyways, how was you're weekend? I hope you guys had fun. I on the other hand am stuck with studies and low key depressive mood swings. Lol don't worry, I'm just worked up cause of the coming exams but all well.
The question for this chapter is 'Would you awesome readers like to have an update schedule?'
Seriously I don't mind having one or not, simply cause without it I'll have more leisurely way of updating whenever I can and want to. But let me know.
Okie and this is a bonus question for people who are into having a cast for the characters. Do you want Mohit Bhat or Blake Steven for Cason. I can't decide so either of them are the cast until I get a majority vote...
Coldmess is getting a lot of love from you people and it's got almost 400 reads. *Wipes off a happy tear* You guys make me so happy!!! I love you!!! Hope you liked this chapter, it's mostly filler kind I guess but an important one nonetheless. It's a closer insight to Asher's life at his home and leads to an important plot...
Please don't forget to vote and comment!!! It will make me happier...
Loads of fluffy love!!
- Shesha