Sebastian went to the kitchen, where Juanita was preparing dinner. "Have an eye on Lily, yes? Joseph and I are grabbing some stuff."
"Yes, Mr Castellanos." Juanita could speak his last name better than himself. She was Mexican, an immigrant who'd do any job to find a base to live. But unlike many others, Juanita really was eager to bring herself in. She took English classes and was writing many applications to be able to work in her dream job: child care worker. But she hadn't been successful yet, which was good for him since she made their lives so much easier. She didn't talk much about her private life but apparently her husband cheated on her, or something like that, since she wasn't able to get any children. Now she was in her mid-fifty's and probably couldn't get any children anymore, even if her body would have allowed it before.
"Luego nos vemos!" He gave her a little smile and grabbed the car keys.
"Hasta pronto! Your accent is still terrible.", Juanita said with a smirk.
"Gracias." Sebastian laughed. "I was better once, you know? My great-grandparents were Spanish and they couldn't speak a word English."
"You slowed down."
"Yes, I did." Sebastian laughed again. "But it's still enough to communicate."
Juanita nodded and waved, as Sebastian left the kitchen. Joseph already was waiting in the hallway. They went outside and got into Sebastian's red Jeep.
"I didn't know you needed such a big car.", Joseph said with a completely straight face.
"Eh? What do you want to say with that?!"
"Nothing." Joseph now had to laugh.
Sebastian boxed his shoulder. "You're mean, Joseph. I love this car. I bought it two month ago as a birthday present for myself."
"It's nice." Joseph looked out the window. "I just don't get why you need a Jeep in a city like Krimson."
"It's not like it's a safari-car! It's a Grand Cherokee WL. And it's fancy!"
"And it surely needs a lot of gasoline."
"Don't ruin it." Sebastian pouted.
"I won't. It's a nice car."
"What are your driving?"
"You never noticed?"
"No?"
"I'm driving to work every day."
"That surely needs a lot of gasoline."
"Yes... it does." Joseph sighed. "I've got a Toyota."
"Which one?"
"A black Mark II X110. Built in 2001. I bought it when I moved to America. Enough?"
"Yes, I think I know that car. Saw it in the parking lot from time to time."
"Yeah, it's mine." Joseph leaned back in the seat.
"Could you add your address to the navigation system? Else we'll get lost." Sebastian started the engine.
Joseph took the navigation system and tipped. Sebastian took a quick look at the address. "Oh, you're living in the suburb?"
"Yes, but it's really close to the city. Only three minutes by car. Well, and another twenty to the police department. I would go by bus but the connection is horrible."
"I see." Sebastian stopped at a red traffic light and looked at his partner. "What were you doing here last night. You were far from home."
Joseph looked down at his shoes. "I... I had an appointment. And I took the bus because I wasn't in a hurry. After it I thought I could buy some cheese because I'm running low on it and... I never made it to the shop."
Sebastian stroke Joseph's arm as he seemed like he would cry again any minute. Then he heard loud honking noises behind him. The traffic light was green.
"Gosh, shut up you fuckers..." Sebastian drove on, not without putting his middle finger out the window.
"Do you drive like this with your daughter, too?"
"Hell no. Myra would kill me." He laughed.
"And I will kill you, if you do this in the job."
"Sure, sure. Every policeman should drive like this. Fuck the citizens!"
"Then they have at least a reason the shout Fuck the police!." Joseph sighed.
"Fuck everyone." Sebastian drove on. It took him over half an hour to get out of town, because the traffic was jamming.
"Ugh... Finally, we made it to Laurent." He sighed. "Only a few streets to go, right?"
"Right." Joseph nodded. "Hudson Street."
"I see." Sebastian drove to the street. The navigation system told them that they arrived at their goal.
"Where to go now?"
"Number five."
Sebastian drove in the parking lot in front of the house. Josephs Toyota was standing there, beside an old Ford.
"I thought you live alone?"
"I do. It's an apartment building."
"Am I even allowed to park here?"
Joseph nodded to the obvious sign on the fence. Parking for residents and visitors.
"Oh. Okay." Sebastian turned off the engine and bailed out of the car.
Joseph followed him but then took the lead as they entered the garden of the house.
"Nice garden", Sebastian said.
"It's not mine. The old lady downstairs takes care of it. I sometimes help her, because she got arthritis in her hands." Joseph smiled a little. "Mrs Downing. She is a nice old cat-lady."
"How many?"
"Five." Joseph put out the keys of his trousers.
"We've only got one." Sebastian laughed. "Don't ever get Lily here."
"You never said that you've got a cat."
"I didn't? Well, it's actually Lily's. She wanted it so badly and she really takes good care of her... for a five-year-old."
Joseph smiled a little and unlocked the door. "Fifth floor."
"No elevator?!"
"No, you'll have to walk."
"Damn it."
They went up all the stairs until they reached Joseph's apartment. Sebastian was a little out of breath but Joseph calmly unlocked the door.
"You should stop smoking.", he said, while entering.
"Hey, I'm down to one cigarette per day!" Sebastian pouted, while following him.
Joseph's apartment looked like it was straight out of a furniture shop advertisement. He immediately entered a wide and open room with big bright windows which were decorated by plain blue curtains and some plants. On the left side was an open kitchen with a large bar and fitting chairs. Next to it stood a table with four chairs. On the right side was a comfortable looking couch, which's dark blue matched the atmosphere of the room perfectly. In front of it was a small couch table. There also stood a TV and a shelf with some books and DVD's. A large palm plant stood in a corner.
"Wow, nice", was Sebastian's comment to all of that.
"It's nothing. Just... my home." Joseph seemed a little embarrassed. "I'll take the food with me, okay? I can cook something for you and if I leave it here, it will spoil."
"Sure. Can I help you with something?"
"You could pack the food into bags. I've got some under the sink. I'll grab some clothes and other stuff."
"Kay... can I use the bathroom first?", Sebastian asked.
"Sure, it's right here." Joseph pointed to a door next to the entrance.
"Thanks." Sebastian entered the bathroom. He was a bit scared to piss in a room like that because it looked so damn sterile. But the bathtub looked comfortable as fuck. Joseph even added a plastic pillow to one side and it was large... he'd surely enjoy time with Myra in there and Joseph probably had some fun, too. It was strange to imagine Joseph having sex with another guy in there so he wiped off the image immediately.
Trying to be well-behaved, he sat down on the toilet. Maybe Joseph had a small problem with cleaning... or he just didn't have any hobbies. He probably needed a boyfriend.
Sebastian flushed and even washed his hands. Above the sink was a mirror and a little shelf. With a bit of curiosity, he looked through the stuff standing there. Next to a toothbrush and toothpaste stood some perfume bottles. Not the ones that he owned. The expensive ones like Chanel or Lancôme. The first in the row was a clear bottle from Chanel, named Cristalle. He opened and put a little bit on his finger. Yes, this was definitely the scent he was wearing. It wasn't to feminine, actually and it suited him.
He put the bottle back and left the bathroom. Joseph vanished, probably to the bedroom, so Sebastian searched for some bags and started to pack the food. When he was finished Joseph still didn't come back so he entered the bedroom.
Joseph was sitting on his bed, staring holes into the air. He had packed some clothes in a black suitcase but something stopped him from continuing.
"Joseph? Is everything alright?"
He twitched a little and looked at him. "Oh... Sebastian. Didn't hear you coming."
"What's up?"
"Just... got caught in thoughts." Joseph stood up.
Sebastian's eyes, still fixated on the bed now made out something. "You're... still sleeping with a teddy bear?" It seemed a bit strange to him.
"It... was a present." Joseph looked at him and suddenly he had tears in his eyes again.
"Hey... don't cry." Sebastian immediately hugged him.
"But I want to", Joseph whispered. "I never really could."
Sebastian held him tighter. "You can tell me everything."
"I can't." Joseph buried his head in Sebastian's chest. "It hurts."
"Maybe it will get better when you say it." Sebastian stroked his hair. "Only if you want."
"I miss him..." Joseph now really cried. He was sobbing and put off his glasses.
"Who?", Sebastian asked carefully.
Joseph slowly let go of him and went to his bedside table. Three photos were standing there. Joseph took the left one and then came back to him.
"We... we were so happy...", he said quietly.
Sebastian took the picture. It showed younger Joseph in the arms of another guy. He had light brown hair and a big smile on his face. He somehow seemed familiar to him.
"Your boyfriend?", Sebastian asked, despite it was obvious.
Joseph nodded. "I met him when I moved here... you met him too."
"Yes, he seems familiar to me... but I can't remember."
"Of course you can't.", Joseph said with a sad smile. "He was just another case for you."
"Wait..." Sebastian suddenly felt almost as empty as he felt this morning when he heard what happened to Joseph. "You mean... he...?"
"Not that big of a deal, you called it... when you came back to the department." Joseph sat down on the bed and grabbed the teddy bear. "Of course it wasn't. Just a regular car accident. The guilty one in hospital. Will survive. The victim won't. We see things like that all day long. It isn't a big deal to us." Now he cried again. "I heard it from you, you know? I will never forget these words: Accident in Kensington Street today. Some guy crashed into another one's car. He had to suffer a lot before he died it seems, but the ambulance came too late. What a shame, he was only 20 years old. What was his name again? Fred Kimberland, or something like that. ...or something like that..." Joseph sniffed. "A part of me died in that moment. I hoped so much you mixed up some names. But you didn't. It was true."
"Joseph..." Sebastian sat down next to him and laid an arm around his shoulders.
"You don't remember, do you? We weren't even partners back then. I just heard it by chance. How high are the chances...?"
"I... I don't remember, you're right." Sebastian held him tighter. "Fuck... you've been through a lot in your life."
"Maybe..." Joseph pressed the teddy bear tight on his chest. "He was the only one... who truly loved me. I can never let him go. I need him by my side, even if it's only this stupid teddy bear he won for me at the carnival."
"I understand..." Sebastian closed his eyes. "I... I don't even want to imagine what that feels like."
"I hope you'll never know." Joseph took his hand and stroked over his wedding ring. "I won't lie. I'm envious. You've got pretty much everything I've ever wanted."
"I'm sorry..."
"You don't have to be sorry for being happy." Joseph rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder. "I have to be sorry for wanting so much."
"You don't." Sebastian pulled him tight in his arms. "It's only natural for you to want such things."
"Maybe." Joseph freed himself from him and stood up, putting his glasses back on. He put back the picture and then continued packing.
"I could try to help you", Sebastian said thoughtfully. "You know, there're a lot of dating websites online. We could make you a profile."
"You know... that's nice of you, but... I don't think I want that. Not since last night."
Sebastian felt stupid. How could he be so rude? "Sure! Sure! I just... I thought you'd maybe... forget it."
"I wouldn't mind to have a loving relationship again some day." Joseph looked at him. "But for now, I'd rather stay alone and fight my demons."
"I'll help you. No matter what may come."
"Thank you." Joseph smiled a little. "I'd really like to stay for a while at your place... but you can kick me out anytime, if it's bothering you."
"You won't bother me. Don't overthink everything."
Joseph nodded. "I'll grab some washroom stuff. You can bring down the food to the car, if you want. I'll come in a few minutes."
"Okay, sounds good." Sebastian stood up, taking a last glance at the photographs on the bedside table. Next to the one with his former boyfriend also was a picture showing even younger Joseph with an old Asian man, probably his grandfather he talked about. The last one showed Joseph and himself on the Christmas stuff party a few years ago, wearing their ugly sweaters for the contest. Joseph even looked dapper in his bright red reindeer sweater.
With a little smile, Sebastian headed back to the kitchen, grabbing the bags and going downstairs. He loaded them in the back of his car, where he had to shove many of Lily's toys into a corner. Then he sat down on the driving seat, waiting for Joseph.