Billie's POV
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to London Heathrow..."
I zone out as the pilot tells us about the local time and weather and what not, too focused on my phone. I stare at it as it searches for service, having just being taken off of airplane mode. I smile when it connects and notifications I got over the last eleven hours start to pour in, but for now I'm only looking for one name. I scroll past the spam of messages from my managers and few friends until I see it
Voicemail (1) from Callie 🤤😍
Bingo.
I put my earbuds into my ears then click on the new voicemail, closing my eyes so I can focus completely on her voice.
"Hey, Bil." She sounds really sleepy, it's adorable. "It's, like, two in the morning right now and I just finished listening to what you gave me twice all the way through."
Does that mean she liked it?
"It's so perfect, baby. Thank you, you're seriously amazing. I don't think it's stupid, I think it's going to help me so much while you're away and it's probably the sweetest thing someone has ever given me. And your voice, oh my God, you seriously never cease to amaze me, beautiful."
I smile at that and feel myself relax. I was nervous to give it to her because I was worried she'd think it was too cheesey or whatever. I felt like a massive sap when I was recording it, and I probably wouldn't have given it to her if Fin hadn't pushed me to.
"Anyway I should really sleep, I have class in the morning. I already miss you so fucking much, and I hope you had a safe flight. Take care of yourself, okay? I love you."
With that, she hangs up, and I feel a single tear slip down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away and open my eyes, finding Fin looking at me, clearly concerned.
"What's wrong?" he asks and I take my earbuds out before putting my phone into my pocket, not in the mood to read whatever my managers sent me.
"Voicemail from Callie," I mumble and he nods in understanding before getting up from his seat to grab his bag when the flight attendants tell us it's okay to stand up now.
He passes me my bag then squeezes my shoulder comfortingly before we walk off the plane with my mom, luckily getting to be some of the first passengers off.
After we get through passport control and customs we head to the baggage claim in the arrivals lobby, where I'm greeted by a fairly large group of fans waiting for me with security guards keeping them in one contained area. It's small enough to handle, but still pretty big. It still blows my mind that this many people in a country I'm not from want to meet me.
I run over to them and they all squeal excitedly.
"Yo! How are you guys?" I ask and hug the first girl that opens her arms for me, squeezing her tightly.
She sniffles and I pull back to look at her, rubbing her arms comfortingly. "Don't cry! I'll cry!"
"Sorry, I'm just really nervous," she mumbles, her cheeks bright red with embarrassment.
"Come here," I coo and hug her again, rubbing her back comfortingly while the other fans gush over how cute it is.
We take a selfie then I move on to another fan who gives me a teddy bear, making me smile. "Thank you, I'll cuddle it tonight," I say and she looks at me nervously.
"I have a q-question," she stutters slightly and I take her hand in mine to calm her down.
"Shoot."
"Was that picture with Callie a manip?"
I freeze. "What picture?"
"The one from the airport yesterday!" someone else chimes in and I realize everyone else is listening and watching our conversation unfold intently.
"I don't know what picture you guys are talking about," I say, trying not to sound as nervous as I feel. A picture of me and Callie from the airport? I didn't see anyone taking pictures...fuck.
"This one," someone says and shows me her phone, my stomach dropping when I see a picture of me and Callie, mid kiss. Our lips are connected and my hands are cupping her cheeks, while her arms around around my waist. It's a little blurry because I imagine the photographer was in a rush, but you can still tell it's us.
It's actually a really sweet picture of us, what a shame it was taken without our consent then leaked to the internet, probably for some money.
"Uh..." I stare at it dumbly, unsure of what to say in this situation.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
This shit must be everywhere by now. News sites are probably already discussing my sexuality and relationship, picking everything apart as if they're allowed to have an opinion.
It's probably trending on fucking twitter or some shit. Oh my god.
Am I...out?
I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack.
"I, uh, I need to go," I rush out and quickly pull back from the group, trying not to focus on how bad I feel for leaving without talking to all of them.
"Wait, Billie-" I tune them out.
Right now I need to focus on myself.
I try to slow my breathing as I quickly walk over to Fin and my mom who are standing by the baggage carousel, chatting.
"G-guys," I say shakily and their heads snap towards me, concern written on both of their faces.
"What? What's wrong?" Finneas asks and puts his arm around me reassuringly, holding me close while I shake.
"Someone fucking leaked a picture of me and Callie at the airport," I tell them in a shaky voice and they share a look, knowing what particular moment at the airport I'm talking about. "I didn't want people to find out like this," I mumble sadly and bury my face in Fin's chest as I start crying.
"It'll be okay, Billie," he says softly and rubs my back in gentle, soothing circles. "It's 2019, no one will mind."
"No, no. You don't get it," I say and pull away from him, feeling riled up all of the sudden. Damn, I just went from really sad to really angry real quick. "I don't care what people think about my sexuality once I'm out. If someone don't like girls kissing girls then their opinion is invalid anyway, dude. But when and how people find out is supposed to be my deal, you know? It's supposed to be on my fucking terms. But it wasn't, because people for some reason think that because I make music they have the right to take pictures of me without my consent and out me to the whole fucking world. Like, how the fuck is that fair? I'm so sick of not being treated like a fucking normal human, you know?" I vent out all my frustrations as my mom and Fin just simply listen, giving me time to get it all out.
As soon as I get it all out my shoulders slump as my head hangs as I look down at the shiny airport floor.
"But now everyone knows, so I have to fucking confront this before I'm ready to. I wanted to at least figure myself out before I had to explain it to the world."
I run my hands through my hair anxiously and my mom pulls me in for a hug, which I collapse into, letting myself have a bit of a breakdown.
I'm sick of this fame shit.
Two hours later I'm in the hotel room, lounging around in my massive California king bed with piles of blankets around me. I've been in this same position ever since we got to the hotel, just scrolling through my phone and torturing myself by reading articles about the leaked picture.
I asked my mom and Fin to just leave me alone for now, and they managed to push my soundcheck for tonight's show back by a couple hours so I can wallow in my anger for a few hours longer.
"Suck my dick, bitch," I grumble when I read yet another hot take about me being "too young" to know if I'm into girls, and that whatever I have with Callie is probably just a phase.
There are a lot of posts and comments like that- people insisting that I'm still as straight as I've claimed in the past, I'm just either messing around for fun or I'm just confused and I'll be over Callie soon.
Most of the response actually isn't that bad, but the human brain is funny in the sense that it really likes to focus on the negative.
What I hate the most is that a little part of me listens to them. Maybe this is just a phase. I mean, I've never been interested in other girls, and no other girls catch my eye at all. Maybe I just got sucked up in my friendly feelings for Callie and got confused, mistaking them for romantic.
No, shut up. You love her. That's the one thing that you know for sure in all of this.
I want to to call Callie so I can talk about this whole situation with her, but it's still the early hours of the morning in California and I don't want to wake my girl up, especially because she was up so late, so I just sent her a text asking her to call me as soon as she wakes up.
My guess is she has no idea about the picture yet, otherwise she would've said something about it in her voicemail. It blew up fairly late last night in US timezones, so a lot of my friends back home actually haven't seen it yet. I know as soon as people start to wake up my phone will get flooded with messages about it.
A few people from back home have texted me about it, most of them are just shocked that I'm into girls. Well, one girl. I still don't exactly know where I stand on the whole sexuality thing.
I started replying to each of them but got drained pretty quickly trying to explain myself, so I just gave up and sent myself into a pit of anger and confusion by googling my name and reading all of the recent stories that came up.
I just can't help it.
A little while later my phone buzzes and Callie's face pops up on my screen. I instantly press the green button and bring my phone to my ear.
"Baby?" I say eagerly and hear a yawn on the other end.
Am I sap for smiling at the thought of her yawning?
What? She has cute ass yawns.
"Mmmm hey, Bil," she mumbles tiredly and I smile to myself, despite all the overwhelming stress and anxiety I'm feeling. She sounds so cute, and I can picture her with her messy bed head and sleepy smile. God, I'm going to miss waking up next to her over the next few months. "How was your flight?"
"Long," I answer and bite my lip anxiously when I think about what I wanted to talk to her about. "Something happened..." I trail off and sigh.
"What?" I can hear the worry in her voice and she instantly sounds more awake. There's shuffling and I'm pretty sure she's sitting up now, but I can't see her so I don't know for sure.
"Someone took a picture of me kissing you at the airport and leaked it to the press."
There's a beat of silence.
"Are you kidding me? Who the fuck would do that kinda shit?"
I sigh in response, "Some dickhead. It's already blowing up everywhere."
"Baby, I'm so sorry," she says genuinely. "Are you okay? You're not paying attention to any of it, right?"
I don't reply and she sighs, "Why would you read that shit, Bil?"
"I can't help it," I whine in reply and slump my shoulders. "People are such fucking assholes, dude. Why do they think they have a place to comment on my sexuality and relationship like this, the fuck?"
"I wish I knew, baby. I'll never be able to comprehend the way people treat famous people."
I sniffle quietly and wipe my eye when I realize it's watering. I've cried a lot since getting to London, I'm surprised I'm not drained yet.
"Don't cry," Callie whispers sadly and I can hear the ache in her voice. "Fuck, I wish I was there. I'm so sorry I'm not. I want to be there for you."
"I wish you were here too, but you shouldn't apologize. I'm the one who left."
All I can think about is how desperately I want to feel Callie's arms around me while she whispers soothingly and plays with my hair, the way she always does when she knows I'm overwhelmed.
"How are you going to address the media?" she asks and I groan when I have to think about it.
"I don't know," I mumble and look down at the bedsheets. "I'm not going to deny it. I just don't know if I should ignore it or dive straight in."
"Just ignore it until you're ready. Do you have a show tonight?"
"Yeah, I'm really not feeling it."
"Nah, baby. Own that show. Don't let those invasive assholes who leaked and spread that picture ruin it for you. Just let yourself have fun like you would if nobody knew, okay? Plus, it'll be a great way to get your mind off of this."
I smile slightly and nod to myself, "You're right."
"Damn right I am. I guarantee nobody in the venue gives a shit about the leak, they just want to see their favorite person have fun and kill it. They love you no matter what," she pauses for a second. "Like me."
I smile wider at that, "I love you too. So fucking much."
"Listen, Bil, I have class soon but if you need me I'll ditch, okay? I can make up one lecture, so just let me know."
"No, no. It's okay, you go to class. Just hearing your voice for a few minutes made me feel better," I say honestly, a soft smile on my lips.
It's true, just a few minutes on the phone with Callie made me feel better. She took my mind off of all the shit I read over the past few hours almost instantly.
"If you're sure. Call me if you need anything, okay? I love you so much."
"I love you too. Talk later?"
"Definitely. Kill it tonight, baby."
With that, she hangs up and I pull my phone back so I can stare at my lock screen for a bit.
It's a picture Fin took of me and Callie when we fell asleep cuddling during a move night with my family, our legs intertwined and arms wrapped around each other as if we're afraid to let go.
I know it hasn't even been 24 hours, but holy shit, I miss her so much it aches.
There's a knock at the door to the bedroom before it opens and Finneas pokes his head in.
"Hey. How are you holding up?" he asks and I shrug slightly.
"I'm still fucking mad. And bummed because I miss Callie," I mumble and look down at my lap sadly. "But I think I'm gonna be okay. This'll blow over quickly, right?"
"Definitely. A Kardashian will announce a new baby tomorrow and everyone will forget about you," he jokes and I laugh quietly, looking up at him again. "You ready to head to soundcheck in a few minutes?"
I nod slightly and push myself up from the bed while Fin watches me, clearly concerned.
"Fin, I'm fine. You don't need to hover."
"Sorry. I'll wait outside with mom," he says then shuts the door so I can change out of my gross plane clothes and into something for tonight.
When we get to the venue, security takes me through some small back entrance so I can dodge fans and paps for now, as I'm not in the mood to get bombarded with questions about the leaked picture.
Soundcheck runs smoothly and when it's over I walk back to my green room, internally groaning when I find my managers and publicist waiting for me
I don't like these assholes. My old managers were chill, in fact I considered them friends, but they couldn't handle the level of fame I reached so quickly, so I had to switch to a bigger agency.
These walking suits only care about two things: money and image.
"You've been ignoring my messages," my manager says and I roll my eyes.
"Yeah, I know," I reply and plop down on the couch, resting my feet up on the coffee table. "What do you guys want?"
"We saw the picture," he says and I brace myself for some lecture about how secretly dating a girl is bad for my image. Or maybe he'll approve of it, and brainstorm ways to capitalize off of this press cycle. "I'm sorry your privacy was invaded like that."
My eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
"I've contacted people who have upcoming interviews with you and made it clear that any questions regarding your sexuality and relationship are blacklisted until further notice. You don't need to talk about it until you're ready."
Damn, okay. Maybe I underestimated him a little bit.
"But I think this will be good for you in the long run. It's 2019, people like the whole LGBT icon thing."
There it is.
"Save it, dude. I'm not making my relationship into some big thing. I don't want anything to change after this."
"I just think-"
I cut him off. "Nah, I'm serious. I'll address it when I'm ready and after that everything will go back to how it was before, okay? This part of my life isn't for the public."
He reluctantly nods his head and I grin, "Great. Shall we soundcheck?"
Later that night, the concert proceeds as planned. At first the last thing I wanted after the leak was to get on stage, but I'm glad I did. Callie was right, it was a great way to blow off some steam and have some fun, and nothing was different than usual.
Until right now that is, when I look into the crowd to see a sign pop up. It's just a sheet of printer paper, nothing big and flashy, but printed on it were the words "We Support You" with a little rainbow underneath. When the one comes up, hundreds follow, until almost everyone in the audience is holding one of them up high.
I smile, feeling my eyes watering slightly. I knew my fans would stick by me, but a small, anxious part of me was still scared, so the reassurance is welcomed.
"Y'all are so fucking cute," I say into the microphone and shake my head, a wide smile on my face. "I'm guessing this is about the picture?"
"We ship it!" someone in the front yells and I laugh.
"Okay, Imma address this now," I say and glance at Fin, who gives me a reassuring smile from his spot behind the keyboard. "So, um, yeah. That picture is real," I say and there are some cheers.
"This isn't going to be some big coming out moment or whatever. I don't really even know how I identify," I say and bite my lip a little nervously. This shit is scary. "I just know I really fucking dig this girl, and I'm really happy with her."
There are some "awws" and I blush slightly, still smiling.
"That's all I'm gonna say about it, because it's my private life and that shit is for me. Now I'm gonna sing again."
With that I get back into show mode and look over at Fin who nods and gives me a proud smile before the music starts and the cheers drown out my thoughts.
A/N
writing this is getting harderrrrr help
also thanks for 20k that's so cool???
what are y'all doing for valentine's day? I spent my morning in the ER pffft