Leah's POV:
I don't think I'm getting cold feet. I think I'm just scared, of what he will say or do. But I have to do it, just get it over with. I know I want to be with Nash. Especially after the last two days. He's showed me what happy actually is. Drew's made me smile here and there. but when I'm with Nash, a smile never leaves my face. The way he holds me, makes me feel safe and wanted. I automatically fall asleep,his arms warm and tight around me. I wanna be able to fall asleep to that every night. I have to leave Drew. Not just because he doesn't treat me right and he put his hands on me, but I don't have feelings for him anymore. I haven't since the first time me and Nash kissed. Probably even before I even met Nash. he was just the one that helped me realize it.
"You okay?" Nash Whispers against the back of my neck. We lay on my bed, my back against his chest as we stare up at reruns of jersey shore on my laptop.
"Yeah" I nod. "just thinking" I place my hands over his on my stomach.
"Are you having second thoughts?" his voice is unsure.
I turn to face him . "No. I know what I wanna do. I'm not changing my mind" I need to get it over with. I have stopped feeling guilty about it. I don't want to get in the habit of procrastinating but still cheating on Drew. "I don't want a label" I add
"What do you mean?" his voice offensive.
"I don't want to take things so fast. I don't want people to think were together" that came out wrong.
"Wait" he sits up. " if you don't want to be with me then why...."
"No, your taking it the wrong way Nash" I sit up as well "I want to be together but I don't want a label. "
"You mean , you want to kiss me but not call me your boyfriend?" he's getting pissed.
"not as soon as we start dating . I want to take things slow. work up to the boyfriend/girlfriend thing" I try and explain to him.
he stands up " If you didn't notice, I'm still in a two year relationship. and soon to be just out of a two year relationship"
.
he scoffs. " You should of left him a long fucking time ago, we could already been together without going through all this shit "
"I loved him a long time ago. " the words taste foreign.
He stares at me , no emotion covering his face. "I'm going to Cam's"
before I can say anything, he leaves. slamming the door behind him.
He gets to offended to fast. Like I don't want to be with him, or he thinks I'm going to reject him so he starts an argument.
I need to go to Drew's.Nash insisted on coming with me, but I guess that's changed.
Maybe I should try to call my mom again before I go. I haven't talked to her since I started college. I know she's okay because I've talked to Mae here and there. She calls me letting me know how my mom is doing, and if they started any new treatments.
"Hello?" My moms clear, strong voice surprises me by answering. A smile covers my face. For weeks. For months. That's all I wanted to here, Her angelic voice.
"Mom?" my words crack due to excitement.
"Hey baby girl" My eyes begin to water. I take the phone away from my ear, letting out a deep breath before bringing it back up to my ear.
"Hey Momma" My smile grows.
"How are you? How is school?" Thats my mom . always putting others before herself .
"Everything's fine. How are you? You sound better. Your still taking your medicine, right?" My words come out rushed.
She laughs...."I'm hanging in there. And yes. "I can see her rolling her eyes. The last time I seen my mom she was weak and could barley speak. Now she's laughing. All the weight of her being there alone, sick and unresponsive, has vanished . it did the second she answered. But I'm scared to ask her how chemo went or is going afraid of the answer. She may sound completely healthy right now, but then she could wake up in her own blood tomorrow.
"How did chemo go? or how is it going?" my words are hesitant.
"Its better now. Not like it was when you were here" pictures of her puking up blood and crying and screaming herself to sleep flash through my mind."I'm in remition"
"Your home?"
"Yes. with Mae" relief washes over me knowing she's not alone.
"Are you sure your taking your medicine?"I just want to make sure.
"Yes, Leah. Now enough about me, how is school?"
"Its fine, mom." I just want to talk about her right now.
"Fine? Your first here of college shouldn't be, fine. You should be getting drunk and making mistakes you won't remember" I laugh. "Have you been to any party's?"
"A couple. At my friends frat house"
"He's just a friend?" She's always wanted me with someone else.
"There on my roommates lacrosse team"
"I didn't know they had a girls lacrosse team." her voice is obvious. she knows. someone told her.
"Who told you?"
"I don't know what your talking about" she is such a bad lier.
"Mom."
"Jennifer" That bitch.
"When did you talk to her?" She might not know everything.
"Yesterday sometime." damn it
"How much do you know?"
So have you broke up with Drew yet?" She's never liked Drew.
"Not yet"
"Well Jennifer told me a lot about this Nash guy. I like him Leah. I want to meet him" oh shit.
"He doesn't know about you yet.." I'm fixing to here it.
"What?" her tone has changed.
"He thinks your dead...."
"Aaleah Marie!" I'm so dead.
"Mom its not like that. he assumes both my parents are dead. and I haven't told him about you yet. it just hasn't came up" its true. kinda.
"Well you need to tell him. Today"
"I will" just not today."soon"
----------------
"Sorry" I look back at the guy I bumped into. His dark hair lays just above his eyebrows. my eyes meet his face and a sly smirk takes it over.
Drew's roommate ."No. Its my bad" I nod turning to walk away. this guy creeps me out so bad. "Wait."
I turn to face him, raising my eyebrow."Are you going to the room?" I nod. He smiles. a humorous smile. "Its unlocked. Don't bother knocking" with that he walks away laughing to himself.
Confused as ever , I continue to walk to Drew's dorm. I'm terrified. But I have to get this done. I want to be with Nash. Label or not.
My eyes find the door. I bring my hand up to knock, ignoring what Ricky said but something stops me. Noises. moans? From inside the room. My stomach drops, now realizing why Ricky didn't want me to knock. My hands Quickly move to the handle yanking it open with out any hesitation.
My eyes widen. But for some reason I don't feel the sting of pain I was perpearing myself for. Just anger.
Drew lays there. A naked blonde on top of him. The same slut Nash went on a date with.
"What the fuck!"The slut screams. Drew's eyes fly open and his face goes pale. He literally throws the slut off of him Grabbing his boxers and rushing to me.
I should run and not give him a second to explain himself but I still have something to do.
"Baby. let me explain" he pleads, eyes watery. I almost feel bad for him. but then again...
"This is the only time. I "
"Bullshit" I show no emotion as the slut stands up quickly grabbing her clothes and running out the room. I have the urge to grab her by her fake ass hair extensions. but I decide against it.
"I'm done. I knew you were fucking doing this. After giving me shit for kissing another guy, you've been fucking other girls, for god knows how long!?" I shake my head, running my hands over my face. "I'm not even going to get pissed over this. its over."
"No! No! Baby please! baby please dont leave me. Baby I need you. please" His hands move to my cheeks but I pull away.
"No. I'm tired of this. Two years. Two fucking years I put up with your shit and now this? you've probably been cheating on me the whole time , haven't you? "
"No. The whole first year I didn't touch another girl. Then a couple weeks before you left, Mckinzie came on to me"The high school slut. Surprise." and you barely let me touch you . Then you left and it happened again and it just kept happening "
I laugh."was that supposed to make me stay with you? I don't care anymore. Either way we're done" I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm and I flinch.
" You wanna throw away two years because of a little mistake?"
"You made the same little mistake yen Goddamn times! "
"Leah. I'm fucking nineteen. You don't think I..." I cut him off again.
"If you loved me you would of waited, not go out and fuck every girl who would!" Everything Is adding up now. He kept canceling on me , saying he had to help his mom, the voices in the back ground, all of it. he was cheating, the whole time. Everyone was right.
"I'm tired of the way you treat me. I'm terrified to be around you. I..."
he cuts me off this time.
"It will stop, I promise. I'll make you feel like I used to . I know you love me baby" He moves closer.
"I don't Drew. For awhile I haven't. "
His jaw clinches.
"This is because of that fucking faggot , isn't it?" my anger returns.
"No.This is because of you. You did this . not anybody else. You can't honestly think I want to be with you after all you did." He examines my face, his anger is replaced by realization. I go to walk away, then he starts to talk again.
"Your right. I've been taking you for granted. " you don't say? "But do you think he's gonna put up with your fucked up life?" my mouth falls open. My hand raises to smack him, but before I can go through with it ,the consequences run through my head. I step back .
"Fuck you" I walk out, slamming the door behind me.
I feel sick.
Finding out about Drew cheating on me didn't feel like I thought it would. I just feel stupid . It did make it easier to brake up with him, but still. his words keep playing over and over.
Do you think he's gonna put up with your fucked up life?
Do you think he's gonna put up with your fucked up life?
Do you think he's gonna put up with your fucked up life?
What if he doesn't?
I walk in to the room silently and Nash shoots up from his bed and rushes to me. "Why did you go without me? Did he hurt you?" I shake my head. "What happened?" He caresses my cheek with his thumb, I can't help but lean into his strong palm.
"Nothing" my voice comes out a whisper, the opposite of what it was five minutes ago.
"Your lying." He study's my face for a second for emotion. I feel terrified,my skin is trembling, my teeth our chattering and I'm bawling on the inside. But on the outside I just look stressed and worn out. its impossible to fake a smile at this moment.
He gives up, dropping his hand. And walking towards the door. "Tell me or I will go beat the living shit out of him" I could care less if he did, but Nash getting kicked out the dorm is something I forbid.
"Fine" His hand drops from the door knob as I sigh. "I broke up with him" I shrug.
"Leah." it was worth a try.
"He was cheating on me. He has been for the last couple of months." his demeanor changes."I walked in on it . everything sort of just worked its self out I guess" He walks closer to me.
"What did he say?" His body is tense.
"He wanted me to take him back."
"Did you?"
"of course not" I shake my head.
For a second I thought about telling him I did, just to save him the from fucked up tragedy that is my life. But I can't. I want him just as much as he wants me. Im not gonna fight it anymore, there's no reason to. My mom is right though, I need to tell him before he finds out. I just fear the pitty and sorryness he'll have for me. I know he will, everyone does.
His body relaxes."Promise me he didn't touch you." He grabs my face with his hands.
"Nash, I already told you.." he cuts me off.
"Promise me." his voice stern but the words make up for it.
"I promise."