"He's more myself than I am.
Whatever our souls are made of,
his and mine are one and the same."
____________________
Sighing, I turned the corner, Damien hot on my heels as I approached Livius' office. My bottom lip slipping in between my teeth, as I halted a few steps away from his door and nervously played with my fingers.
"Come on, Queen Alexandria," Damien urged, staring down at me, his forest green eyes forceful as he gestured towards the door, "You have to talk to him."
"Don't call me that," I mumbled in response, looking away from him as I attempted to reign in my emotions.
He simply rolled his eyes, crossing his arms and gazing at me expectantly.
"Why do I have to do this anyway?" I asked, shifting under his gaze.
"You two haven't spoken in like three days. I don't know what the fuck happened at that mall, but it's causing way too many problems. He's snapping at his wolves, and is literally angry at everyone. All his advisors, and even his Beta and Delta, have agreed that you two need to settle whatever is going on. So stop being stubborn and go talk to him," he sighed, tiredly rubbing his head.
He did have a point. Livius was practically always upset lately, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. He was ignoring me for obvious reasons, whilst unintentionally taking his annoyance out on his wolves.
I barely even saw him anymore, except at night. He made it his mission to avoid conversing with me, so I just stopped trying. I missed his warmth more than anything, but he'd already made up his mind.
I huffed, pursing my lips, as I met his gaze.
"We are talking," I added silently.
He shot me a pointed look, "Stop lying."
Sighing defeatedly, I chose to comply.
Turning away from him, I stepped towards the door, my clenched fist hesitantly coming up to knock on it,"Wait for me here, okay?" I requested, and my guard gave a mock salute as he casually leaned against the wall just a few yards away.
Knocking on the door, I found myself pulling it open the moment I heard Livius say "come in."
Shutting the door behind me, I looked around the room, my eyes settling on my busy mate. His face drowned in paperwork, and a pair of reading glasses over his eyes, making him look all the more attractive.
"Do you need anything, Alexandria?" he questioned, not looking up, and I inhaled deeply, only to be hit with another wave of his intoxicating scent.
When I didn't respond, he glanced up at me, slipping off his glasses as his cold and calculating gaze met my own.
"N-no, it's just-" I paused, clearing my throat as I internally cringed at the stutter.
How was I supposed to talk to him like he was my mate when he was staring at me like I was one of his most ungrateful subjects?
Goddess, he really was mad.
"It's just, they um," I began, shaking my head as I attempted to organize my thoughts.
Leaning back in his chair, his face remained emotionless as he regarded me, "My advisors asked you to come talk to me, didn't they?"
Before I could even respond, he waved a dismissive hand, "Ignore them, I'll deal with their nosiness later," he ordered, and I frowned at the dismissal.
"Is that all?" he inquired, looking back down at his paperwork.
"You can't ignore me forever, y'know?" I mumbled, and let out a disappointed sigh when he didn't respond.
Turning away, I pulled open his office door, and stepped out, my lips pressed into a thin line as I shut it behind me.
Damien immediately turned to look at me, his gaze softening as he took in my dejected expression, and I stared up at him, rubbing at my temple.
"I tried," I murmured, shaking my head, "He's not going to talk to me, Damien. I crossed the line this time."
He shot me a small fleeting smile, as I held back the frustrating urge to punch something.
"I'll try to get the Beta and Delta off your back," he stated, and I shot him a grateful look as I hugged myself, rubbing my arms.
"Come on, you need some fresh air," he added, and I quirked a brow at his proposal, before shrugging and following after him.
**********
Strangely enough, Damien was right.
I inhaled deeply, taking in the fresh air outside the suffocating castle, that I had spent so much time in.
We were in a separate, more secluded side of the palace. It was a private garden. The rich greenery slightly dulling thanks to the coming winter, but that didn't take away from it's incredible beauty.
Hopping down the marble stairs, I stared around in awe as I rushed ahead, my eyes taking in my new surroundings with slight happiness.
"Why have I never been here before?" I inquired a few minutes later as I sat down on a cushioned concrete bench, throwing my head back so I could stare up at the sky.
Leaning against the wall a few feet away, Damien shrugged, "you haven't exactly been given a tour of the castle yet."
I hummed in response, closing my eyes as another breeze passed by.
"Hey Alexandria?" I heard him ask, voice distant, as he actually said my name.
I briefly glanced at him, meeting his gaze before staring back up at the clouds, my arms holding my weight as I leaned back, "Yeah?"
"I'm sorry if this is out of line, but there's something that's been bothering me for a while now," he stated, sheepishly scratching the back of his neck.
"What's up?" I questioned, still not fully meeting his conflicted gaze.
"Why didn't you fight back?" he questioned, voice dripping with confusion.
I turned to him, my eyes meeting his as I arched a brow, "what are you talking about?"
"With Zander," he mumbled, and my heart froze as he said the wolf's name, "Why didn't you fight back?"
I fell silent as he continued, "I've seen your power, your strength, your magic. I've seen the remains of a clearing that you burned down when those vampires ambushed you. I've seen you fight my King and land a few hits. You could even hold your own against our Beta if you tried hard enough. So why? What happened?"
I frowned at the memory, a dry, unreadable look coming upon my face as I recounted those terrifying yet strange moments, "I really don't know, Damien. I don't know what it was, or how he did it, or why it affected me so much, but I try not to think back on what happened, because there are so many unanswered questions. I had never been that weak in my life. I always had either my physical strength, or my magic to rely on. But with Zander, my physical strength failed me, and for those few moments my magic did too."
Shaking my head at the ridiculous explanation, I attempted to elaborate, "For just a few minutes, all my power was gone. It was like it disappeared into thin air. I felt like I was a regular human girl facing an Alpha. I didn't stand a chance. And it wasn't just because of fear. Maybe he had a magic seal on him, or some sort of object that could be used against Fae's. I don't know. All I know is, he managed to find a weak spot. And I was so shaken I didn't even think to ask how. "
The wolf nodded thoughtfully, eyes distant as he took in the information, "We should've been there," he muttered, voice bitter.
"More than six hundred wolves, living, working, and training, either in or around this territory and none of us were there," Damien continued, eyes alight with slight anger as I shot him a small smile.
"You're not my mate, Damien, why're you so protective?" I giggled, voice teasing.
He shook his head, "But you are our Queen. Alexandria, I don't think you understand how devoted wolves are to you. It doesn't matter if they don't know you yet. They still have an urge to protect you, because of who you are to the Kingdom, and to our King."
I paused, eyes searching his own, "And that urge will only grow once they do get to know you," he added, a small smile playing on his lips, and I returned it before breaking eye contact with him and gazing back up at the sky.
"Y'know Damien, sometimes I still wonder if I deserve that kind of respect and adoration. Yes, my father was a King, but my brother was next in line for the throne. I was never meant to be Queen. I had never wanted it, nor had I ever prepared myself for it," I began, my voice barely above a whisper as I expressed my strange insecurities to this man who had started this entire chapter of my life.
"Sometimes, I wonder if I, Alexandria Sparrow, am the most qualified for this responsibility. Seven billion people on the planet, and yet here I am in this position. I always wonder why. I always wonder if I deserve this status, this respect, this bond with other wolves. And lately I've been wondering if I even deserve Livius. It gets so frustrating once you begin wondering why," I continued, smiling sadly as Damien shrugged.
"Maybe that's why you're not supposed to wonder why," he proposed, a relaxed look coming over his face, "For the record though, you're a badass queen.You may go down as one of the strongest in supernatural history, so stop doubting. And about the mate part, all I can say is at least you have a mate you can stand beside without having to hesitate. I know many wolves who don't."
I blinked up at him, my curious gaze meeting his own, "That sounded way too personal," I chuckled, but he didn't miss the underlying questioning.
He sighed, averting his gaze as I cocked my head.
"Hey, you alluded to it," I shrugged, "Now, I'm just curious."
I watched as he pushed himself off the wall and came to sit beside me, facial expression suddenly dull, "Well just so you know, this experience is what caused me to break into your house in the first place."
I let out a quiet laugh, "Now I'm even more curious," I stated as he groaned.
I watched as his eyes clouded with uncertainty, his mind unsure as to whether he wanted to reply to my question, but I couldn't help but urge him further.
What could possibly push a wolf so loyal to his King to do something so insanely stupid?
"Well I guess let's go back ten hours before we met," Damien explained as I quirked a brow, "I wasn't exactly having my best day."
"Well no shit," I snorted, chuckling when he shot me a look, before gesturing for him to continue.
"I was ordered to patrol the area around the pack we were visiting. There were several threats towards them, and King Livius thought it best if he sent one of his own men," he elaborated, "So, that's what I did."
"This is starting off as a pretty normal story Damien," I giggled, "Maybe you just got drunk."
I cocked my head when his face didn't change, a torn look overcoming his features, "I wish."
"What went wrong?" I murmured, the weight of the topic hitting me.
"I ran into my mate."
"You what?"
"I ran into my mate," he reiterated although I had heard him the first time.
"You had a mate and you didn't tell me?" I huffed, crossing my arms.
He shrugged, "I didn't trust you."
"Why the hell would you need to trust me?" I questioned, furrowing my brows.
He hesitated, before sighing tiredly, "Because if the King was to find out, he'd probably have my head on a spike by now."
I frowned at the way he spoke of Livius, "Who is she?" I finally asked.
Damien paused, eyes hesitant as he met my serious gaze, "Queen Valerie."
I stiffened at the name, my eyes slightly widening as realization washed over me.
He was mated to the Vampire Queen?
"I met her gaze for a split second, but she didn't realize it," he shrugged, "but the moment I caught sight of her raven black hair, and met her crimson red eyes, I knew she was mine. She didn't though. She probably felt the bond, but was still unaware of it. If I were to die, however, she'd probably be significantly weakened."
"Livius would never do it," I reassured him, my hand landing on his shoulder, "no matter how much he hates vampires, he'd never put one of his wolves to death."
"Well I didn't realize how fair he was until after I broke into your house," he said, shaking his head, "I wanted to anger him. To force him to kick me out. So I could just go meet her, not as one of the King's warriors but as a regular rogue wolf," Damien explained, "So I did the first thing that came to mind."
I smiled as I realized I knew the rest of the story.
"I can think of a hundred different ways for you to have gotten yourself kicked out," I chuckled, rolling my eyes, as he scoffed.
"No, you're thinking of a hundred different ways of getting me killed," he stated, and I blinked up at him in confusion, "I don't think you realize how intimidating your mate is. If I had tried any other kind of way to get exiled besides humiliating the pack through a rogue, he probably would've wrung my neck."
My brow arched at the statement as I pursed my lips.
And people wonder why Mrs. Valentina and I never joined a pack.
Wayyy too many rules.
"I never thought for even a moment that I'd run into you," he sighed, shaking his head.
"All the rogues in that area, and somehow you chose my house," I mused, letting out a small laugh.
Pausing for a moment, I smiled softly up at him,"thank you for that."
Staring back at me, he furrowed his brows as though waiting for me to say I was joking and then set him on fire or something. I watched as he coughed, awkwardly averting his gaze as he scratched the back of his neck, "It's not like I did it on purpose or anything."
Chuckling, I once again leaned back on my hands, eying the setting sun as I inhaled deeply, enjoying the strange moment, "So what are you going to do now?" I questioned.
"I don't know."
"She's out there, why don't you just go to her? Livius has like a million wolves to worry about, he won't notice your sudden disappearance," I murmured.
"Yeah, but I'm a werewolf," he pointed out.
"And I'm a fae. She'll accept you," I replied.
"But will I accept her?"
I stiffened at the question, briefly staring at the wolf from the corner of my eye, before casually gazing back up at the sky, "And why wouldn't you do that?"
"Alexandria, I've been a part of this pack my entire life. For me to just walk away, and go join the enemy. It's unacceptable. That woman has been the cause of so many werewolf killings," he continued, frustratedly running a hand through his hair.
"When I first saw her, my first impulse was to make her mine. That's why I so eagerly wanted to leave. I hadn't fully thought it through," Damien continued, and I frowned.
"Y'know when you said she was your mate, the first thing I thought of wasn't you joining her side and fighting for her," I spoke up, my voice a low whisper, "I actually thought of a potential alliance."
Turning to him, I threw my hair back over my shoulder and out of my face as I met his gaze, "There are two sides of every scale, Damien. And there's a reason the moon goddess made her your mate. You have to give it a chance," I advised.
Shrugging, I turned away again, "I'm not telling you to abandon your duty to my mate, but I'm also insisting that you don't allow it to hold you down. You don't know what might come from your relationship with her."
"It could change everything in the supernatural world. I mean think about it. A werewolf mated to a vampire? That never happens, and when it does it has to be for a reason. The moon goddess has been making some pretty interesting pairings lately, and it's our job to follow through with them. Not for her sake, but for ours," I continued thoughtfully.
He quirked a brow, "Says the girl who called her a sky bitch just a few weeks ago," he snorted, and I playfully punched his shoulder.
I let out a laugh as he winced, and shot me a horrified look as he rubbed the area.
Getting up, I turned to him, "Come on, you're going to be late for the pack dinner," I stated.
"You coming?" he questioned, walking beside me as we began heading back towards the castle.
I blinked up at him for a few moments, biting my lip as an image of Livius' cold gaze flashed in my inner eye, and I found myself shaking my head.
"Not yet."