"LEPITA!" Jerry called out from the couch.
"WHAT?!" his girlfriend yelled back.
"Come here I need to talk to you!"
"Ughhhhh fine!" Lepita strutted her way towards the lounge room where she found Jerry sprawled over the couch wearing nothing but a pair of tighty-whiteys.
This wasn't the sexy "paint me like one of your French girls" kind of couch position, it was a "shit...it's like 2538 degrees in here!!" kind of couch position.
Words seemed to escape Lepita for a moment, "What....is that? It doesn't look right."
"Oh you know what it is." Jerry winked but his dirty and sweaty exterior made him look like a creepy man at a train station.
The tighty-whiteys just weren't working for Lepita but Jerry thought he was Playgirl material. Lepita looked at Jerry in disgust for a while before asking what he wanted.
"Oh, right." Jerry began, "I need a pair of thongs, I can't wear my runners in forty degree heat! You should grab some too babe."
"Yeah, alright then. Put some bloody pants on and let's go! Most guys look better when they're not wearing a shirt..." Lepita said under her breath.
"What was that babe?"
"Nothing honey! Let's go!"
Lepita and Jerry dragged themselves to the $2 store down the road. They slouched in and sighed with relief when the cool air hit them. The little lady resting behind the counter jumped when she heard the jingle of the wind chime from above the door.
"Oh, ah welcome!" she exclaimed, rubbing her eyes.
"Hey! We're just looking for a couple of pairs of thongs, could you please tell us where they are?" asked Lepita.
"Yes, yes of course! They're over there next to the mirrors."
"Thankyou!"
Lepita walked over to the mountain of shoes, holding her boyfriend's hand as he slowly shuffled along with her.
"You really can't handle the heat, can you?" she asked, getting annoyed.
"You said it sista." Jerry said, followed by a huge gasp for air. Lepita gave him a dirty look and continued towards the thongs.
"Here we are, grab yourself a pair and let's go."
"Gee thanks, mum."
"You know Jerry, I'm getting real tired of your shit." Jerry had never seen a dirtier look come from his beautiful girlfriend. Lepita reached out and grabbed a pair of size 10 pink thongs.
"WHAT?! No way are your feet that big?!" Jerry exclaimed, he suddenly thought that the love of his life was a monster. Lepita shot another dirty look his way, this one made Jerry cower.
He reached for his pair of thongs, a blue pair. When they placed them on the counter, Jerry realised that Lepita and himself had the same size feet. 'Am I dating a woman or big foot? Man, this ain't right.' Jerry thought to himself, suddenly sweating a lot more than what he already had been.
"Five dollars please." said the woman behind the counter.
Lepita handed her the money with a smile. "So much for a $2 store." she mumbled to herself.
Jerry and Lepita clambered their way back to Jerry's house where they found his mum, Betty, making fresh fries and tomato sauce. Lepita placed the plastic bag on the kitchen bench and grabbed Jerry's hand to lead him towards the other room, she thought they needed to talk.
Betty left the room while she waited for her potatoes to boil. There was a rustling coming from the kitchen bench.
The thongs had awoken and were trying to get themselves untangled.
"Wow! What was with all of that moving and where were those voices coming from?! I haven't moved that much since I was a young sandal."
One of Jerry's blue thongs were speaking! So much for being an inanimate object *insert sarcastic eye roll*. One of the pink thongs started rustling around the bag and stood up on its long straps. "Phew! Thank god that's over." she said.
"Why hello there my pink petunia, the name's Flop. What's yours m'lady?" said the blue thong with a wink.
"Seems like your name's not the only flop around here *ba dum cha*. I'm Flip by the way." replied the pink thong.
Flop was embarrassed, "Hahah well, what's your partner's name? Looks like they're both still asleep."
"Oh," Flip replied, "this is Thing, what's your partner's name?"
"Thong. Sorry if I came on a little too strong back there." Flop was blushing.
"Oh don't worry about it! Just, don't do it again, let's keep it real."
Flop was immediately infatuated with Flip, she was just so cool but so bright! And the curves, he thought he was in love!
"Funny, I never saw you in the store." Flop had found his words again.
"Probably because we were kept in different colour categories."
'Oh that sarcasm! She's perfect!' Flop thought to himself.
The voices of Lepita and Jerry had come back.
"Okay Lepita, I'm sorry about all of the foot comments. I shouldn't have said anything, I love you baby." Jerry was practically pleading for forgiveness.
"I love you too Jerry but just shut up, you're not doing anything for yourself. I'm going home, I'll see you tomorrow!" Lepita grabbed her thongs and slipped Flip and Thing onto her outrageously large feet.
"See.....you.....tomorrow!" Flip yelled to Flop, between getting her faced squished on each time Lepita took a step.
"I can't stop thinking about her dude. She's stuck in my mind like a Britney Spears tune." Flop couldn't handle himself, he was in love with Flip.
"Ughhh, dude you've met her like, one time! Maybe you just think she's a hot babe, I mean, Thing is pretty rad. I'd like to slip my foot into her straps...if you know what I mean." Thong was incapable of anything but getting sunburnt in the Australian summer.
"Ew dude, do you have to always objectify women like that?!" said Flop, pretty disgusted.
"Well..."
"Shut up," Flop was embarrassed that a sand junkie had outsmarted such a handsome, Danny Zuko-like alpha male, "just help me figure out a way to get her dude! I'm desperate!" Flop span around, Thong was asleep.
"Of course. Don't do drugs, kids." Flop sat himself back down on his plastic bag, head in straps he thought of ways to win the pink beauty. "Oh Flip, wherefore art thou pink?" he mumbled to himself. "Maybe we can help!" a voice was coming from the chopping board.
"Who was that?" called Flop.
"It's us! PB&J! We're over on the chopping board, come over here." Flop dragged himself along the bench top towards the sandwich.
"So, what's your plan?"
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
"Okay, you guys will tell me when she's about to do the washing right?" called out Flop to his newly found pals.
"Sure thing, ultramarine." responded PB&J in unison. "GO!"
Flop dragged himself as fast as he could towards the laundry. He got onto his heel and hopped up the drawer handles, eventually finding his way to the top of the washing machine. He pounced so that he would face-plant in the centre of the lid. Flop rebounded off of the lid and into the machine. "See ya on the Flip side!" he yelled as he fell into the mountain of bright red washing.
1 HOUR LATER
The washing machine was beeping, the washing was done.
PB&J were watching the machine, eagerly waiting to see Flop come out from under the lid.
There was movement!
"Flop! Is that you dude?!" Thong was yelling out from the kitchen bench.
Flop's head slid out from underneath the lid, he was pink!
"I'm okay guys! Let's get me over to Lepita's." Flop was exhausted and looked like he had just been in a tornado, well...a mini one, anyway.
2 DAYS LATER
Flop had dragged his pink, scraggly body to Lepita's house so that he could see Flip.
"Flip! Where are you Flip?" he called.
"Flop? Is that you? I'm in Lepita's bedroom." After a while of searching, Flop found her.
"WOW. What...did you do?" Flip was surprised, to say the least.
"I turned myself pink baby! I wanted to be with you, I love you!" Flop couldn't contain his excitement. "Okay...well," she began, "I think that you're a really nice thong and all but, maybe we should just stay friends. Sorry to say but you just totally Ted Mosby'd yourself."
All Flop could do was stare at Flip in amazement.
"I...I can't believe you used a 'How I Met Your Mother' reference. I. Love. You." Flop pounced onto his newfound love and never let go, ever.
Their straps got too tangled to ever be repaired and Lepita ended up throwing them away.
Together.
THE END