CHAPTER FIFTY NINE- I don't.
The dress was itchy. My hair was hurting from being pulled back into such a tight half –up-half-down do and the lip-gloss was way too sticky on my lips. Luckily I had managed to escape the aftermath of the make-up and had successfully removed the revolting lip gloss and was settling with my spare transparent lip balm that was lurking in my clutch. I sighed as I rolled my gaze around the room. It was a medium sized room, but not big enough, I couldn’t put too much distance between Elise and her posy of friends and me, and that was what I wanted. The room had one window at the farthest front wall that overlooked the greenery of the gardens below. You could see the castle from the back window up the hills slightly. I had no idea how an intern at the age of seventeen could afford something so fancy, well I didn’t understand how and why an intern at the age of seventeen was getting married. But there were a lot of things I didn’t understand, so I kept my quiet.
Her posy gathered around her as they fussed with her hair and the train of her dress. Her blood red locks were piled into a high ponytail in curls cascading down her back reaching the corset tie of her dress. Which was a skin tight corset at the top and then puffed out to the floor. I still didn’t know who she was marrying, apart from that his name was Jake. I had avoided when they all chorused awh’s at any pictures on Elise’s phone. The whole morning had been chaos. Completely full of wedding drama, confusion over the cake, and every other possible thing Elsie could think of to cause chaos over. I’d tried to stay out of the way, but that wasn’t really working at some points.
“Oh my gosh, where the hell is my hair corsage? I need my freaking hair corsage!”
She squealed and the room burst into panics looking for her hair corsage. I pretended to be helpful and rolled my gaze aimlessly around the room. I was just going to be glad when this was finally all over and done with.
It took them a total of five minutes to find the hair corsage and then it didn’t fit anyway so she had to swap with Megan. And now with the disaster of a chip in Charlotte’s nail polish, I had just about had enough.
“I’m just gonna go for some air.”
I announced. I didn’t exactly get a very prominent round of replies. But I wasn’t exactly seeking one with their nasal voices. So I turned and started across the room my heels clicking against the scratchy carpet as I flung the door open and started down the corridor. I passed several pictures of weddings that had been held here on the way, all the women seemed to have big dresses and lots of make-up as they posed in front of the cake, their newlywed husband’s hands on their waists as they smiled for the camera in the midst of cutting the cake. I liked the idea of a big, celebrity style wedding, but then I didn’t. It was nice to have fancy, white, pinks, crèmes, silk, only the finest ingredients, but at the same time it all seemed too unnecessary, so complicated. It wasn’t that I liked the idea of ‘small do’s either, a wedding is a very important milestone, so obviously something medium extravagant is necessary. But I guess it’s just a matter of opinion, and personality. I didn’t doubt for a second that Elise’s would be capital pink with frills and glitter on everything, and I was right. The husband, or fiancé, I had no idea. I guess I just kind of admired him. It seemed kind of weird to me though, the way nobody knew anything about their relationship until suddenly they’re engaged. Sometimes, the word marriage doesn’t mean a lot. But in all honesty, it’s supposed to mean forever. The joining of two people in a promise of love and compassion for life forever is a long time, which is probably why I found marriage so scary. Calling it quits would never seem right to me, obviously ever since I was a little girl I had the fairy-tale dream of getting married in a big white dress and a castle. I didn’t really know what I would want now, or in the distant future, marriage was not something that I had to stress about, but sometimes it’s nice to know your options, to think about something a long time before it happens, if it ever does.
I wondered where exactly Elise was planning this marriage to take her and her ‘fiancé’. I mean, are they living together? Are they planning on starting a family? She’s seventeen. I didn’t want to be thinking badly of someone I was supposed to be friends with, but it all just seemed kind of dodgy to me. Nonetheless hopefully once this day was over and all the messy and mushy aftermath I would be able to slowly, but surely, retract myself from this whole situation, and well hopefully, Elise’s life. I had enough people who annoyed me; it’d be nice to get rid of one.
The cobblestones were uneven and were difficult to walk against in these heels. I looked up and around me at the neat willow trees draped with fairy lights that lined the path to the small area of woodland to the left of the acres of freshly cut and gardened green pasture. The borders were neatly lined with purple posies and crimson roses, this tidy state of gardening stretched all the way to the hanging baskets of the castle in the distance. There was an indecipherable flag fluttering in the breeze rising above the grey stones that built the castle walls. With it being early evening the air was beginning to get cooler, it had rained last night meaning the grass was slightly damp – but not too damp – it wasn’t as if you were allowed to walk past the ropes anyway.
As I neared the end of the path I could now see how dense and dark the woodland area was. It was nothing like the airy and calm atmosphere of the patch of abandoned woodland at the foot of the hedgerows of the garden back at the house. For a moment I reconsidered going in there, but this was private land, what possibly could be in there? Nothing. I reassured myself. And besides, it wasn’t like it stretched for miles; it covered a small amount of ground and the only people that would possibly be in there will be people who have got past the security at every single corner of the acres of land the castle accumulated. So I kept walking, past the cobblestones I lifted up a thin and wispy branch that prickled against my skin slightly as I ducked underneath the branches.
I stopped in the only clearing I could see for a while and looked up and around me. The canopy of branches was thick and allowed almost zero sunlight in, it was like a whole other world. The trees were so close together, in clumps as they dotted around the trunks almost touching in places. There were places for me to get through, but they weren’t exactly a lot. It was completely quiet the only sound being my ragged breath and my feet against the fallen leaves. It was supposed to be spring, but in here it was like the dead of winter. It was almost as if it had never seen the outside world, even if this was it. I folded my arms over my chest and looked back but there was almost something pulling me in. My brain was telling me to walk back right now, that something wasn’t right, but it was almost as if I could feel someone’s breath hot on my neck whispering into my ear, luring me into this sinister place. I placed a hand to my neck but there was nothing out of the ordinary on my skin, and as I looked around; there was nothing out of the ordinary but darkness. Nothing had moved, made a sound, I reassured myself this would be fine and walked in further. I folded my arms over my chest as I concentrated on the sound of the leaves rustling beneath my feet.
As I got deeper in, it got darker. The hedges becoming thicker, the sunlight hastily resuming to zero and the leaves littering the floor getting denser. I turned to look behind me feeling suddenly uncomfortable but I couldn’t see the cobblestone path now, and now I was scared. If I am lost, I don’t know what I’ll do. Why am I so stupid? It was an impulse of a decision, there was almost like a drug pulling me in, telling me to go in further, to see what I might find. I wanted to turn back around and maybe just wander the paths of the garden but no, I had to go and be stupid and come into here. And not only come into here, but possibly get lost in here. I tried to locate the path I had taken but it all looked the same, trees, hedges, leaves, and repeat. I decided that if I just kept on walking then I would come to an exit eventually so that’s what I did. But as I did so I felt the air get colder, it was almost as if the further I went in, the colder the air got. It was nipping at the skin that was exposed from this dress and I folded my arms tighter around my body trying to secure some warmth into myself.
Suddenly the sound of raspy and long breath was lingering in the air behind me. I whipped my head around but saw nothing, nothing was stirring. It stopped. I sucked in a sharp breath and started to walk a little faster. I was convincing myself that it was just a trick of my ears, but I could figure nothing out right now. The sound of rustling leaves echoed throughout the spacious air and I whipped my head around again but still – nothing – then the sound of the ragged and hitched breath returned, but still, as I ran my gaze all around me; I could see nothing. I could now feel my heart vibrating through my rib cage; it was so loud I could hear it ringing in my ears. I broke into a slight jog now with long and careful strides, whatever it was, was gaining on me. And the worst thing I could do was fall. I kept on going, but the leaves and breathing only got louder and more frequent as I went. I stopped and frantically looked around me – nothing – I started to move again fumbling my phone from my pocket as I did so my fingers were shaking. No signal. Shit. I kept on going, dodging tree trunks, near missing above ground tree roots and running straight through low branches that sent leaves into my hair. But this was all unimportant as the sounds grew louder and louder I almost pinned this as some kind of mental breakdown, but I hadn’t had one of those in forever and I wasn’t particularly in any kind of stress.
And then I felt it. Something colliding with my shoulders, it had such force that it sent me tumbling forwards to the ground. The mud slapped against my body as I landed with a thump instantly feeling my whole body go into a state of ache. And then whatever it was on top of me, panting into my ear. Now my heart was beating so fast I could feel myself getting dizzy and I was almost convinced I was about to pass out in fear. But then something wet and sticky glided across my cheek and I forced my eyes open, it was a dog. A big dog and it was so heavy I couldn’t move. But it wasn’t just any type of dog, it kind of resembled a wolf, and I could see it’s sharp teeth as it’s tongue slid over my skin and I was suddenly very scared again. But I didn’t know what to do; I was so numb with fear.
Suddenly there was a very shrill whistle sounding through the air, and just like that the dog’s weight retracted from me and it bounded away. I just kind of led there not exactly sure what to do and way too scared and numb to think straight. I closed my eyes hoping that when I opened them this would be a nightmare and I’d wake up in the warm comfort of Niall’s bed but that didn’t happen, and I was faced with the same scene I had closed my eyes on a few seconds ago. I carefully arced my body up and slowly pressed my palms against the arid ground and felt my whole body shake as I got up finding my footing I leant against a tree and took an idle look around me.
There was a man. Smiling at me. He had the dog that had so recently bounded on top of me by the collar. He looked kind of dodgy. His skin was tanned and he had a grey/black beard that tumbled from his chin for a couple of inches and a thick moustache of the same shade in between his upper lip and nose. His teeth were yellow with one missing; he was still smiling at me. However I just stared back at him completely in awe. Who the hell was this guy, and more to the point, why had his dog just attacked me for no apparent reason? But it wasn’t as if there were going to be any answers, no, that’d just be too simple and detailed.
“She does that, no worries.”
He told me. His voice was linking to the dog’s panting; thick and raspy with deep undertones as it bellowed these words. I couldn’t do anything but stare. No apology, I had always hated big dogs. Especially when they jumped on you like that. I gave a shaky and stiff nod and then pried my gaze away from his creepy smile and dark eyes and turned keen to put as much distance between us as possible. I began to stumble back through the forest frantically looking behind me every two seconds in case any other species of animal was going to go rampage on me. Now, I was desperate for a way out. And thankfully, I found one.
It was a small opening where some sunlight was spilling in and I ran for it like I hadn’t seen sunlight in centuries. It sure felt like it. I felt a flood of relief wash over me as the cobblestone came into sight and I made an immediate run for it. Now, I could see the building I had left from and was keen to get back into every nail chipping, bra adjusting, hair spraying catastrophe they wanted to throw at me if it meant being in the company of other people, just anyone. The realization of what had just happened hit me and I felt my heart begin to drum in my chest again as it rattled my rib cage I could soon feel tears free falling down the make-up that had been so carefully applied just mere hours ago. I started to walk faster, keen to get as far away from that woodland as possible.
“Ashley!”
And then I was walking back. At first Niall was smiling but then as I got closer his face fell into a frown and I immediately flung my arms around his waist as he enveloped his around my body pulling me close. I wanted to be close, I was just glad to see humanity again. My tears were still tumbling down my cheeks but I could feel them beginning to subside along with the frequent beating of my heart slowing down as I shook in his arms.
“Shhh, it’s alright.”
He didn’t even know what I was crying about, and maybe, neither did I. It was so unexplainable I was almost certain he wouldn’t believe me if I told him. I almost didn’t believe it myself, I was hoping for a quiet walk in the woodland. Expecting it to be as tranquil and beautiful as the one back near the house, but instead it was this dark and sinister forest with dodgy old men walking dogs that jump on strangers plummeting them to the ground. What on earth was all that about? I could feel my tears stinging my skin as they stuck to it my eyes now drying as only a few more slipped down my cheeks and they halted.
“What’s up?”
He breathed into my ear his hands resting idly on my back as they rubbed smoothly against my skin sending shocks through me. I was still shook up from the ordeal but I felt considerably safer with him, almost like whatever was going to happen next, I was untouchable, we were untouchable. The feeling of his lips against my forehead followed and I let my lips spread out into a very small no teeth smile as I scrunched my face up. I felt kind of pathetic, but now it was really hitting me and I was kind of freaking out. I mean, what on earth was that?
“I just…” I stuttered and he raised his eye-brows at me as I did random gestures with my hands. “I…I went for a walk and I…there was a…I don’t know.”
I stammered. What was I supposed to say? I went into a very dark forest and got attacked by a very big dog and that belonged to a very weird man? Because that would sound normal. I shook my head and rested it back onto his chest as he furrowed his brow clear confusion on his face. I would be confused too if I was him. My fingers were still shaking as I carefully locked them around his waist, he said nothing as he slid his arms back around my waist doing the same as me and hugged me.
“Are you feeling okay? You haven’t drunk anything strange or…”
“No.”
His brow creased in confusion again. I knew I had the answers, but they would probably sound foreign to him. I was slightly confused as to why I was so shook up, but I was, and I couldn’t get over it. It was just so strange. It was a horrible feeling to go somewhere and to find it was the complete opposite of what you expected. And it was one I never wanted to experience again, even if I didn’t doubt I would.
“What’s up then love? What’s got you so shook up?”
He queried, but I couldn’t answer. My throat was tight and sporting a prominent ache and it wouldn’t go away. I suddenly felt very sick as I looked back to the dark woodland and how motionless it looked; I shut my eyes tight at the sight and winced at it. I was never going for a walk through a woodland I didn’t know again.
“It’s just…It’s nothing. I’m fine, honestly.”
“Niall you got them flowers yet mate?!”
Harry hollered and I looked up to see him on the other side of the gardens looking over at us. Niall turned as well bringing my body with him as he did he waved a hand at Harry as if he should understand this and then turned back around looking down at me.
“Ash you are clearly anything but fine.”
“N-No. It’s okay. You’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”
I stammered and he just looked at me.
“I’m not going anywhere if you’re not okay.”
He persisted and I sighed. Of course this was going to be difficult, in any other situation this would have been undeniably sweet, and it is now. But there was no way I wanted my weird happenings to mess up this wedding, even if I didn’t really want to be here. I don’t think I would ever be able to live with myself if I ruined someone’s wedding.
“Niall!”
There was another shout from Harry. In response Niall just waved another hand and turned back to me worry filling his expression.
“Ashley, talk to me.”
“Niall, please, just go. You need to go, I have to go. There’s a wedding about to go on. I’ll talk to you tonight, okay? I promise you I’m fine. Just go.”
He stared back at me and I could tell he was debating this in his head. We both knew it was not possible for us to stay here for much longer, as a bridesmaid, I had to go, as the best man, he had to go. And yet we were still here. Although I didn’t exactly understand Niall’s position as best man, that’s normally the groom’s choice, but anyway, I didn’t want details. I just wanted this to be over.
“When you say tonight, you mean immediately after the ceremony I’m coming to find you, right?”
“Niall.”
“What? I mean it Ash. You can’t get me worried and then tell me it’s nothing. Cus you and I both know it’s not nothing.”
“Niall hurry up or I’m going without you!”
Harry chimed in rather impatiently now. Niall either didn’t even hear him or just choose to not hold a visible reaction as he leaned closer to me resting his forehead on mine.
“Fine,” I murmured. “I’ll come find you after the ceremony okay?”
“Oh well don’t sound too excited about it.”
He teased. Forcing a small smile I leant forward wrapping my arms around his waist again in a hug. Now as I looked up Harry was motioning for Niall to hurry up. So leaning back I pressed a kiss to his cheek, but instead he cradled his fingers around my chin and moved it so my lips were on his. It was a brief whisper of a kiss but it was the type that made my heart flutter, a waver of safety washing over me.
“I love you.”
He breathed against my mouth. I looked up at him almost feeling as if I was swimming in his eyes, I didn’t even notice the genuine upturning of the corners of my lips until a few beats later a I began to lean up and covered his lips with mine again for a few seconds.
“I love you too.”
My sentence was too a sweet and simple breath of a whisper against the inebriated feel of his lips that too made his mouth tug up into a simper of smile. Lacing his fingers with mine he pressed a final kiss to my forehead and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze like he always does.
“Later?”
“Uh huh.”
I breathed and then turned away letting my fingers run along his to the tips until they broke away and I sent him a smile and then turned back around and carried on walking as he ran back towards to Harry who was scowling. I smiled to myself at how much better I felt now, it was the strangest thing how something so small, a few kisses, a few words and innocent gestures and it changes your mood so dramatically, spinning your emotions into a completely different direction that promises sanity.
Now that I thought back, I was finding it hard to even recall what had happened in the woodland. It was like an ever fading distant memory now, and I was glad, because I didn’t want to remember it. And in words, it would sound so much more pathetic than if anyone was actually there with me. But that’s always the way, isn’t it? You have to experience something to actually know what it is, what it actually feels like, looks like, and how it affects things. You can write a million words and each and every one of them can relate and describe that emotion, but you can never recreate the feel of it to someone else. You have to experience it, and I was the only one that actually did.
I braced myself for meltdown as I carefully pushed open the wooden door hearing it creak a silence fell upon the room. The sound of footsteps shuffling across wood filled the air and I creaked the door open further to see Megan peering at me with an inquisitive look on her face. It soon changed into a smile as she realised it was me. While the door was still shielding my body from view I brushed any dirt that may have occurred from falling over and wiped at my eyes in case I hadn’t wiped any make-up away that had evacuated my eyes. Forcing a smile back I was quite surprised to see that Elise was sitting in the corner on a chair her dress bubbled out around her wearing a pout. But besides this frown of a wistful facial expression she actually looked pretty…ready? Hopefully, I missed the worst of it.
“I just don’t know…” Elise sniffed and now as I looked over to her I realised she had been crying. “I think…I’m starting to have regrets.”
Awkwardly I sat down on a stall on the other side of the room not really wishing to endure in caring for a tearful bride. It was one thing to deal with the recently tearful specimen of myself let alone a wistful and apparently remorseful bride to be.
“Oh no don’t say that!”
Abigail exclaimed in her nasal voice (hers was the worst) as she wrapped her arms around Elise sitting down next to her Elsie rested her head on her shoulder. I didn’t exactly know what I was supposed to do and now I was feeling extremely out of place. Becky and Charlotte were casually hanging things on the walls and were not seeming fazed by Elise’s state so I assumed this had been going on for a while. So I picked at my nails being careful not to chip my nail polish since I couldn’t handle another fit from Elise.
“It’s just…” She drew in a long and raspy breath. “Maybe it’s too soon…”
Got that right.
“Oh no!” Of course Abigail was going to persuade otherwise. “Don’t say that, of course it’s not. You knew from the day you met him, right?”
How cliché.
“I don’t know.”
Rolling my gaze across the room I proceeded to tug at the hem of my dress attempting to make it longer than it actually was. Anyone would think we were going clubbing, not to a wedding. If dresses came with name tags, this one would definitely be ultra-skimpy. In fact, it was probably the skimpiest dress I had ever worn, maybe even worse than some of the ones Harry and Zayn had ‘suggested’ I wear, and that was saying something.
Now, the dark evening was drawing in on the day. Elsie had chosen an evening wedding, meaning that most likely we wouldn’t be returning home until the early hours of the morning. I just wanted to go home, especially after the events of the woodland. The streams of light that were slipping through the stain glass windows of the outhouse we were in were quickly fading replaced by foreshadowing shapes of leaves from the tall willow trees that climbed high reaching past the windows. I quirked my ankle to the side as I examined to my shoes, at least they weren’t too bad, not too high, not too flat. They were about the only thing I was content with in what I had to wear today. It was one day though and if being cooperative got me through the day quicker than I was all for it.
“The car’s here! The car is here!”
Charlotte flustered as she pulled out a cardboard box. Snapping myself to attention I realised this was it, and suddenly I felt sick. I had never been a bridesmaid before, and in all honesty, I was pretty sure I was gonna mess something up. Suddenly a bouquet of flowers was shoved onto my lap. I curled my fingers around the stems of the Crimson roses and brought them to my nose, the petals were soft and pampered as they brushed against my nose the sweet aroma filling my nostrils.
I looked around and now Elise was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue and forcing a smile at Abigail who was helping her up and holding her dress for her as she got up. They all had the same bouquets as me apart from Elise’s was bigger. I could feel my stomach twisting inside of me but I brushed it off knowing that once the ceremony was over I could just try and enjoy the wedding.
-
Everything that had happened between the announcement of leaving for the castle a blur of crying, shrieking and pre-wedding pep talks that I stayed silent on apart from the occasional squeeze I gave Elise’s shoulder considering I was supposed to be her friend, and since bridesmaid, I was supposed to be supportive too so I tried my best to put on a sympathetic face when she vented her concerns and slight uneasy regret. If she wasn’t one hundred percent sure, that why go ahead with it? But obviously it was not a very big deal. If it was me, it’d be a massive deal. It’s the type of thing you can’t back out from, maybe that kind of scared me. In fact it did scare me, things going into lockdown like that. It’s a promise for forever, and if you break it, then you’ll have to live with that dishevelled promise for the rest of your life.
All the guests must have already been inside since there were just a few milling around outside that were making their way in. As the car pulled up the engine rumbling to a stop I could see the photographers outside already snapping pictures of the car. After a few more words of reassurance towards Elise we carefully slid out the car.
I couldn’t even concentrate as the gravel crunched underneath my feet flicking up when it caught on my heels as I walked in step with Becky. I kept on glancing to the woodland, I was half expecting someone to walk out of there right now, or expecting the dog to come bounding towards me again. It was almost as if paranoia was taking over after that. It had been such a strange experience. If the ‘owner’ of the dog hadn’t been so weird and rough than maybe things might have been a little easier and I could have deemed it as just a weird happening, but it wasn’t.
Nonetheless I attempted to brush this off forcing a bright smile as the cameras popped bright flashes of light blurring my vision slightly the flash was so bright as it cast across the air.
Getting my first glance of her husband to be I was not at all surprised when a fairly well built – although not that tall – guy in a tux was stood with his hands behind his back as he smiled at us. Us. All of us. Not just Elise, all of us. Niall flashed me a smile as we reached the end of the aisle and I gladly took my seat with the rest of the bridesmaids at the front. I felt someone kicking my seat from behind and turned around to be faced with a bright eyed Harry.
“Like your dress.”
He whispered to me, I scowled at him and then turned back around consciously trying to pull it up a bit more but it kept on slipping back down. Harry tapped me on the shoulder again and I whipped around narrowing my eyes and placing a finger on my lips warning him into silence Liam gave him a nudge and he pouted sinking back into his seat as the ceremony began.
“We are gathered here today to witness…”
I bit my lip trying to concentrate as it launched into all the boring stuff, but I couldn’t exactly concentrate. When it finally got to the I do’s Harry and Zayn began snickering behind me.
“I swear Niall’s about to pass out any second.”
Harry chuckled, turning around again I gave him a death stare and he pressed his palm over his mouth silencing his laughter as a few elders began to stare with narrowed eyes at the curly haired laugher.
It came to Elise’s I do and I shuffled in my seat as a few people began to wipe at their eyes with tissues. It’s almost over. I assured myself, Niall snapped back to attention now as the pastor proposed the gap for Elise to fill her I do with. But the outcome was not at all what I, or anyone expected.
“I…I can’t. I’m in…I’m in love with someone else.” She blurted out and a slight gasp fell upon the room. I didn’t know what to do, how to react, I wasn’t even fazed. However hard I tried, I couldn’t endure a reaction, since I didn’t exactly have one. Jake furrowed his brow in confusion as he dropped her hands, but even he didn’t seem all that emotional. And for a moment I wondered if I had heard her right but then someone shouted a “Who?!” from the audience and a small smile lurked across her lips. And now I was officially confused. Some people started full on crying, some were tense as they clutched tissues and some were just full on staring, apart from a few teenagers who were looking bored, but the atmosphere was indescribable. Just a mixture of shock, worry, tears, and curiosity. I was pretty keen to know who had stolen the heart of her to break this marriage, that wasn’t Jake. But apparently the answer wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “Niall Horan.”
“What is she talking about?”
Harry sung into my ear but I couldn’t even accumulate the willpower to listen to him. I was way too perplexed and numb.
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A/N.
I'm not going to lie I hate this chapter:/
ew I'm just really not in the mood my teeth hurt and I woke up with a headache like who wakes up with a headache there is something wrong with me I tell you. I'm always in some kind of pain:(
on the brighter side; WOO WE'RE WINNING THE VMA's
gosh this is tense between Bieber and 1D. In all honesty, everyone just needs to shut the fuck up because whoever does win will win completely fairly and honestly. I'm not going to comment on the trends thing yesterday cus I'll probably end up offending people:3 and I don't want to do thattt
okay love you sorry for this chapter
-Emily.