song: now she's getting married by alec benjamin
(okay I've never cried so much while writing something so bear with me on this one)
she was mine
and now she's getting married
and I'm not the one she'll kiss goodnight
The moment he saw his friends Instagram stories and pictures about the day he tried so hard to ignore it but he couldn't because he knew he made a mistake years ago — in fact, there was no need for Instagram posts for him to know such a thing, the lack of happiness in his life ever since things between them were over was all the proof he needed to be sure that he made a huge mistake by letting her go.
She was getting married and it wasn't to him, she had moved on and she was about to say yes to what would be the rest of her life, and he wasn't included, not even as a guest.
Ever since the first time they danced together he always believed that he was going to spend the rest of his life with her, by the time he meant as a friend but then they grew and became more than that. They dated for four years, from her sixteen to her twenty and it was the best four years of his life until life decided to not be as good to them anymore.
Things started to get hard as they were always traveling to teach in different places, sometimes staying more than a month or two without being able to be with each other for more than a day. And at first, the problem was just how much they missed each other but then the jealousy got into place, and paranoia and lack of trust — they started to fight over text messages, then over phone and facetime calls, and then the fights never stopped.
Before, if they only had two days to be with each other before one of them need to travel again, they would spend it by just doing nothing and enjoying each other company — suddenly all their free time became a stage for more intense fights.
we were young I'll admit, but I thought that this was it and now she's getting married, all my hope is buried
And they were both young, stupid and under pressure, neither of them knew what they were doing and they were too stubborn to admit being wrong so they just keep fighting and hurting each other, even if that destroyed themselves too — the worst was that no matter how much they still loved each other their lives were still in different pages in the book of life, and it wasn't going to change anytime soon, therefore they really didn't know how to make it better. So they cried and break up, and never spoke to each other again.
Now three years later she was getting married to some random guy she met in some random place and he was still not over her.
Hence he opened a bottle of whiskey and toasted to his own unhappiness because that was the only thing he had to toast about.
she'll dress up wearing white
She wasn't over him. She hasn't moved on, she just settled for something better than nothing, because she believed that being loved by someone she didn't love was better than not being loved at all. So she played pretend and said yes when he asked her to marry him.
He was a good man and he loved and cared for her, and most importantly he was there when who she wanted wasn't. So she was doing this, she was going to marry him and learn to love and care for him as he did with her, because for once she just wanted things to work for her.
"Wow!" Her mother's words brought her back to reality as the woman walked into the room. "Oh honey, are you emotional? Here."
She gave Kaycee a tissue as she walked to stand by her daughter side in front of the mirror, Kaycee didn't even notice that she had tears in her eyes. "Thanks, mom."
The woman looked at her with tears in her eyes too. "You look so beautiful honey and I just wanted to say that I'm happy that you are happy."
Kaycee felt her chin trembling and her eyes getting wetter as she held back the wish of telling someone that she wasn't happy. She knew that she wasn't happy, she wasn't unhappy either, she was just in limbo, waiting for things to be better, waiting for the day she was going to feel as happy as she felt with him.
and I wonder if she ever thinks of ice cream in the park, dancing in dark and holding as she'd never let me go
Getting drunk was a bad idea, driving drunk was a horrible idea, driving drunk while his eyes were filled with tears was the worst idea of them all. He didn't even know what he was doing, he only knew how to cry while memories of her and them together invaded his mind.
He could almost listen to her giggles when they were running in the park and he would chase her, he could almost see her sitting next to him in the car going through every radio station without ever settling in one, he could almost feel her embrace when they slow danced at the edge of the lake. why in these moments we can only remember the good things?
Who was he trying to fool, even the fights and the bad moments were better than having no moments at all with her and he knew it now. He also knew that even when they hated each other he was the happiest he had ever been. So he was upset because it didn't make any sense the fact that she was getting married, because for him, no matter how happy someone could make him it wouldn't even get close to how happy he was when in the bad moments with her, imagine in the good ones. And he rather settles with nothing than to anything less than her.
and now she's getting carried from the sanctuary and they're driving down the streets where we once held each other's hands, talked about our plans
And he was even more upset because she was getting married at their place, the rice lake house where they had their first kiss, where they said their first 'i love you', where they made love to each other for the first time.
It was where they walked holding hands while making plans for their future. It was when they decided to adopt the cat they ended up never adopting, where they decided to backpack in Europe but ended up never going, where they decided to move to new york but ended up never moving, where they decided that they would get married one day and ended up never doing it.
Well, she was doing it.
He wasn't.
do you ever think of me? do you ever dream that we were meant to be?
Sean didn't want to know if she still loved him because she would yet be marrying someone else but he couldn't avoid wondering if she ever thought about them or if she ever wondered if they could have made it work if they had fought for each other more than they fought with each other. Because he always wondered that, and he liked to believe that they could have made it if it was their time.
With all those memories and wonders in mind, he didn't even notice that he had driven himself for an hour to her lake house. The place was packed with people going back and forth with chairs, flowers, and other wedding things.
He parked in a bush behind the house and a bit far away, he looked at the windows on the second floor and just as if he was seventeen again, he waited until no one was around and climbed through the side of the house to the roof they used to watch the stars together, and he got inside the house right in the hallway.
He wanted to take his time and look through her old pictures on the wall and feel nostalgic from how much the house smelled like her, but he didn't get time to that because he needed to find her before someone found him. And just as he expected, she was in the last room of the hallway, the room that was hers, the room they laid together so many times.
He had so many things he wanted to asked and so many things he wanted to say but in the moments his eyes saw her, he simply forgot everything. She looked as beautiful as she had ever been, she looked like he had ever dreamed of seeing her one day. The dress was perfect, the makeup was almost not there just like she always liked and her hair wasn't straight as he always loved. And she still looked so his, but she wasn't.
I shouldn't be here. He shouldn't mess up her life like this. He was about to turn around and leave but then she raised her eyes and saw him through the reflection in the mirror in front of her, and he saw her eyes and they were dull and they shouldn't be like that on her wedding day.
"S-sean?" Her voice sounded week and confused as if she didn't believe that he was really there. "What are you doing here?"
"Just pretend that you didn't saw me." He said already trying to leave.
"Wait." She stopped him by grabbing his hand, the touch came with electricity and they instantly lost the grip from each other as if they've been shocked. "But I did saw you..."
He took a deep breath as they keep staring at each other for way too long, just taking in all the little changes the years had brought to them. She had a few more freckles here and there, probably for not properly using sunscreen because she always hated how it left her hands sticky, so he would always help her. His hair was longer in the front and uneven as someone that really needed to find a better hairdresser but he had was always been bad at choosing hair salons, that's why she would always found one for him. Neither of them appeared much older but it felt as if they haven't seen each other in sixty years.
"And it's the first time I see you in three years and you were the last person I thought I would see today and yet..." Her eyes started to fill with tears. "And yet somehow the only person I wanted to see today."
He closed his eyes and a tear dropped at her words, it hurt but it was so good to hear her saying such a thing. When he opened his eyes she was crying too and he didn't hold his hand, he dried a tear away from her face and this time they didn't jump when they touched.
"Don't cry, you're gonna ruin your make up." He whispered as they got closer and closer, and she cried more at every step, then she allowed herself to collapse into his arms and he held her as strongly as he could. He smelled like a mixture of lavender and whiskey, she hated whiskey but she inhaled as much as she could of his sent because she missed him, she missed him deep in her bones.
so if I had the chance, I would ask for one last dance
They were both in silent tears and then he opened his eyes and saw a small ballerina box in the cabinet behind them. He left the hug but not before staring at her as in a way of asking her to not leave and then he opened the box. A classic song started to fill the air as he walked back to her.
He didn't properly ask, he just extended his hand to her as asking for one last dance and she took it faster than he had ever imagined as if she has been waiting for this just as much as him.
Their intertwined fingers were close to his chest as her head rested on his shoulder and she used her other hand to cup the back of his neck, stroking the hair in it as she used to do when they were together. His other hand was on her waist and he used his thumb to caress the place as he also used to do when they were together.
They weren't really dancing, they were just going back and forth as little as possible as the lyricless melody filled the room. When the song ended they slowly drifted away from each other, but without ever losing the grip on each other's hands.
"You are the most beautiful bride I had ever seen." He said while reaching his other hand to stroke her face. "And I'm sure he is the luckiest man in the world."
She held herself, trying not to cry anymore but there he was with his eyes wet from tears. "And I hope he makes you happy, happier than I could have ever done."
She denied and then she was crying again while he brought her hand to his lips, leaving a gentle kiss. "Just never forget that you made me the happiest I had ever been and that I'll always want for you to be happy, and that I'll forever lo..."
She rushed to him, their foreheads together now as she asked him: "Don't say it... but know that I'll too."
He sad smiled before sniffing, then he took a deep breath and held her face between his hand, placing a long kiss on her forehead, and then he was gone. He didn't look behind him because if he did he would run back to her and ask her to go with him. But he couldn't do that, he had let her go years ago and she wasn't his anymore.
But life happens for a reason and he still truly believed that she was the one he was meant to spend the rest of his life with and that their time wasn't there anymore or yet. Or maybe the rest of their lives just hasn't started yet or maybe their time wasn't even in this lifetime.
The only thing that mattered was that he loved her before, he loved her now and he would forever love her, waiting for their time to come.
I'll love her forever
***
okaaaay I just realized that I don't know how to write one-shots and that this one probably will have a part 2 too (but it will probably be inspired by another song) so stay tuned to my next adventures of not being able to write a one-shot that it's actually a one-shot jhsahsha
okay I'm crying bye 🌼💛
(please don't forget to comment and vote if you liked )