Chapter 13 ~ A Moment Of Indecision
Cadance's P.O.V
Sitting in the small cafe inside the hospital, I realised just how impossible it was to escape the smell of disinfectant. It was disgusting and reminded me oddly of dentists. But that's a long story, and as I sat observing the nurses scribbling on paper and delivering forms, my mind travelled to other things.
Things such as Phil and his attempt at suicide. Pfft, not even death wanted him. Pathetic really, and how everyone crowded around him, acting as though he were the center of their universes, especially Dan. No ... It just wouldn't do.
If only he hadn't failed, then Dan could mope for a month or so with me right beside him for comfort. Ha, that'd be it, then I'd have him played right into the palm of my hand. He'd be too in love with me to even suspect a thing.
Bringing the hot coffee to my lips, I saw in the corner of my eye, someone pull the chair out and sit opposite me.
"Cadance, why did you have to say that?" His voice was rough from crying, but I could tell exactly who it was. Turning to face him, I smiled sweetly, placing the cup back on its saucer.
"Because Dan, he's lying. I'd never break you guys up! You're friends, and I'd hate to come between you." I lied, frowning slightly for effect. Why did I not pursue an acting career?
"Why would he bother lying about it?" Dan narrowed his big, brown eyes at me, as if trying to see my lies. I scoffed.
"He practically said it himself! He loved me, so he wanted me all to himself. But I loved you, so he was jealous. Plain and simple, so actually, the breaking up was him to us, sweetheart." I said silkily, reaching across the small wooden table and taking his hand in my own.
"What, so he'd accuse you of trying to break apart our friendship because he loved you and couldn't have you? Is that what you're saying?" I nodded, acting upset. He seemed to believe me, so I smiled innocently.
Dan's P.O.V
I didn't believe her. Phil wouldn't do what he did for no reason, then lie. It just wasn't him, at all! Not that I even knew who he was anymore. But of one thing I was certain ... I believed Phil. The reasons behind my decision remained illusive for a while, but what I did next I never looked back on.
"When Phil comes home, I want you to go back to Pj's. He's your cousin, his doors are always open for you." My tone was level and carried an air of finality that had her narrowing her emerald eyes, which gradually became less inviting and friendly as the seconds dragged on.
"Are you kicking me out?" She hissed, drumming her fingers against the table. Normally I would've been nicer about something like this, but in my heart, I felt that nice wouldn't work with her.
"Yes, I've reached the conclusion that I'm going to have to pick between you and Phi-" I began to explain, but she cut across me by standing and slamming her hands against the table.
"Yeah, and you'd pick me!" Her voice carried through the quiet cafe, and I felt several pairs of eyes resting on us. But still, I shrugged them off and continued.
"No, Cadance. I wouldn't. I've made my decision." I calmly stood and watched as she huffed and pursed her lips in anger. She didn't even seem upset, more angry, which made me think that she didn't even care. "I pick him." Then I walked away from her without even glancing back at her throwing a tantrum.
I don't think I ever really did love her, but someone who'd stuck with me through thick and thin. Cadance had brainwashed me into believing that she was all innocent, when in reality, she was a snake. Throwing words around like venom, not caring what the aftermath is. How did I ever convince myself that I loved her?
I was such a blind fool ...
Phil's P.O.V
My eyes drifted from Pj's concerned face, and over to the window. I was glad that Chris had opened the blinds, so now I could actually see the darkness gradually beginning to consume London. I don't know, it somehow made me feel less trapped as I sat on the most uncomfortable hospital bed imaginable.
The nurse had come and told me that I was allowed to go home if I wanted, but I had to come in regularly for check-ups and to ensure I wasn't harming myself in any way. Truth be told, as much as I hated the hospital, home would be worse. Dan would be around, giving me pitiful looks. Cadance would be around sneering at me. It would be more uncomfortable than bloody hospital beds!
" ... Don't you think, Phil?" Chris saying my name broke me from my trance, and I allowed my eyes to slide back to his face, which looked a picture of hope. Blinking several times, I wondered what was going on.
"What?" I mumbled, pulling at the hem of my blue and black shirt. Pj had gone back to his apartment to retrieve my stuff, thus bringing me my own clean clothes that I'd packed for my stay at his. Which I'd pictured being longer. "Sorry, I ... I wasn't listening." Glancing to Pj, he forced a smile, before coming to sit on the end on the bed.
"He said that maybe it'd be an idea to come back to ours, I mean, we could look after you." I knew he meant well, but him saying that they'd 'look after me' made me feel like a kid, like I was physically unable to take care of myself. Which, based upon my actions over the past few days, I probably was, but usually I could take it.
"No, I've caused enough trouble for you guys." When they started to object, I persisted. "Honestly, I was thinking of maybe going home, like to see my parents for a bit. I pleased with the hospital staff not to call them, I ... I kind of want to be able to tell them myself, you know?" I felt hot tears snaking their way down my cheeks. What would my mum say?
The door swung open as Pj and Chris both nodded. I looked up and saw Dan holding four card coffee cups. Our eyes met and he smiled warmly, but I remained unsmiling and pretty soon, his slipped from his face.
After handing out the coffee, he came and sat at the end of my bed looking dejected. His defeated expression sliced through my steely facade, and for the first time I felt bad for what I'd done. Like I'd disappointed him, or hurt him in someway. But ... I hadn't, the only pain that'd been felt was my own, right?
But then it occured to me, the longer that I sat staring at him, the more I realised that maybe it was him all along, it was him I'd been missing, it was him I was upset about not calling ... It wasn't Cadance at all, it ... It was Dan.
"Are you okay, Phil?" I heard Pj say, but I wasn't really listening. I knew why he'd asked of course, I mean, I could feel the tears gliding down my cheeks, but at that moment, all else just kind of faded away and fell into a blurry world of nothingness, while the boy with tousled brown hair that sat at the end of my hospital bed was the only thing in focus.
He looked up at me, his expression of defeat had turned into one of reckless determination. Neither of us were smiling, but he jumped off of the bed and walked toward me. My feet were swung to the side of the bed, and I was perched on the edge, so he stopped in front of me. Something in his tearful, brown eyes had my heart beating forcefully against my rib cage.
"Phil, I have something to tell you." His voice cracked as I slid off of the bed to stand.
"Go on." I motioned for him to continue, but all I could really hear was the constant rhythm of my heart beating in my ears.
"It's something ... Something I've only just come to realise myself." Taking a deep breath, he swallowed before persisting...
Dan's P.O.V
"You can love someone, sure ... But you can never love them as much as you can miss them." His tearful, blue eyes flicked momentarily with confusion, so I stumbled forward and just pulled him into a hug, ignoring the tears streaming down my own cheeks. "You're my best friend, Phil, and I love you. It took missing you to realise just how much though." My voice was muffled as I had buried my face into his shoulder, and then the flood gates were open. But he'd heard me, I was sure of it. His whole body had tensed up before relaxing into the hug moments later, followed by him crying just as much as I was, until we were both just a muddle of a gibbering wreck.
Hell, it must've been a sight for Chris and Pj awkwardly pretending to have a conversation in the corner. Well, I couldn't exactly blame them for feeling awkward. Me, their previously straight friend had just professed his love to Phil, another straight friend. Yeah ...
Pulling away, I kissed him lightly on the cheek before righting myself and wiping my face with my sleeves. Glancing back up, his expression was unreadable. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, and it drove me insane!
What if he didn't feel the same way? I hadn't thought of that when I was about to explode with suppressed emotions. Oh god ... What would I do if he rejected me point blank and blunt?!
I let my eyes drop to the floor, the ghost of a smile I had gracing my lips going with it, but then I felt a hand on my chin. Warm, tingly sparks ricocheted through my system, something that with Cadance, just didn't occur, and it was then that I was sure. That there was no doubt left in my mind.
I was in love with my best friend.
I was in love with Phil.
He tilted my chin up so that I was looking him dead in the eye, before he grinned and spoke softly, just for me.
"I told you earlier I loved Cadance." My world felt as though it might just implode as I heard those words, so I pulled away and turned my back, only to be caught by my wrist and spun back to face a laughing Phil. "I'm not finished yet." I gave him a confused look, what else could he possibly have to say?
"Wh ... What do you mean?" I muttered, frowning at his grinning face.
"Well, I did love Cadance ... For a while anyway. But in the few weeks I was away from the two of you, I realised that to be honest, what I wanted was there the whole time ... I just hadn't taken the time to look. I'd convinced myself that I loved her, but truth be told, I don't think I really did." He paused and glanced over at Pj and Chris, who had stopped looking awkward and were grinning uncontrollably. "Dan ... " Looking back to him, the last thing I saw before closing my eyes and completely melting into his embrace, was him leaning in and softly pressing his lips against my own.
It was perfect.