Warnings: Some Fluff, Some violence, Some injury, and swearing
You didn't see anyone for two days. You stayed in your room and only came out in the early hours of the morning to grab some food and drink. On the third night however when you made it to the kitchen you see Bucky sitting on a high chair, elbows on the countertop and head in his hands.
You don't want to intrude but you haven't eaten all day and your starving so you decide to approach with caution. "Hey Bucky, you okay?", you silently curse yourself because its obvious that he isn't okay but you didn't know what else to say. He drops his hands and looks at you but he doesn't seem like he's really in the room with you.
You notice his eyes are red and he has bags under them. His hair is dishevelled and you can see sweat glistening on his forehead. You go to the fridge and grab a water bottle, unscrewing the top. You place it in front of him and order him to drink, which he does. He's still staring off into space when you fill the kettle up and start making two mugs of coffee.
When you turn around with the mugs he's already finished the water. You place a mug in front of him as you say, "I know you're feeling warm right now and you're sweating but the air will soon dry you and you'll start to feel cold. The coffee is to keep you warm and to wake you up a bit".
You see him nod his head slightly but you know he's still not in the room with you. You place a hand on his and squeeze. His bright blues slide to your face and you say, "I'm assuming you had a nightmare and it was a pretty bad one. You don't have to talk, just listen. As someone who was affected negatively by your actions I want you to know that I forgive you. I know that if my parents were here they would also forgive you. They were scientists and they'd know better than anyone that you didn't have a choice. I've stared into the faces of bad men and I can tell you that I'm not looking at one right now. I'll be frank with you, I watched the footage and read your file. I tried really hard to stay mad at you for what the Winter Soldier did but every time I see you interact with Steve and joke with Sam and spar with Nat my anger fades. I want you to know that I don't hate you Bucky, and I'm not angry at you anymore. In fact I'm quite jealous".
You laugh at his surprised expression, so you explain, "I'm jealous of what you have Bucky. Of your Friendship with Steve, so strong that it survived decades. I'm jealous of the family you managed to make here Bucky. And whether you believe it or not you deserve it all. The universe owes you." You can hear footsteps coming your way, so you squeeze his hand before letting go. You pick up your mug and walk around to his side of the counter and place a soft kiss on his cheek and say, "goodnight Bucky", before walking out and past Steve without a word to him.
You know you won't be able to go back to sleep. You keep thinking about the way his stubble felt against your lips and how bright his eyes were. You down your coffee and decide to go to the training room. You meditate on a mat for about half an hour and then when you finally think your head is clear you run on the treadmill for an hour.
You take a few minutes to steady your beating heart before going over to the weapons rack. Your hands grace over the blades until you come to a sudden halt. You see your twin knives have been added to the rack and you can't help but smile. You pick them up and adjust your grip. You step onto one of the mats and start the weird dance. You swipe your blades through the air, moving your body to a silent tune of battle. You close your eyes, doing the motions without looking. You slowly feel your muscles relax as your limbs swing through the air. You hear the door to the room open and close but you don't care. You finish your routine and then open your eyes to see Bucky hovering by the door nervously.
You smile at him. The first real smile you've given him since you arrived here. "It's okay Bucky, I heard you come in, and you weren't interrupting anything". He gives you a small smile back and you can still see the ghost of his nightmare in his eyes.
He starts towards the gym at the other end of the room before turning back to you, "hey, I want to say thank you. I was in a bad place earlier and your words really helped".
You see he looks slightly embarrassed so you say, "you don't have to thank me Bucky. It needed to be said and I don't think any less of you after seeing you like that by the way. If anything it just shows how human you really are". You see him smile brighter than his earlier one.
Satisfied you turn away from him and put the blades back on the rack. He's moved closer to you as he says, "you're really good with blades", you laugh lightly and turn to him and he looks sheepish for stating such an obvious fact.
You put your hands on your hips and give him a warm smile saying, "yeah, no shit Sherlock. Its kind of my speciality. Just like you're good with guns".
You laugh some more and he gives your shoulder a light shove, "okay okay, I stated the obvious but I'm being serious. You're quite amazing with blades". You smile at him again for his compliment.
You thank him and he waves it off but then you get serious with it, "no, really, thank you Bucky. Nobody has said something like that without it being followed by asking who trained me".
He looks at you for a moment before he says softly, "I don't see the need to push you Y/N for that information. You'll tell us when you're ready and if we have to know. I trust you to tell us if us not knowing ever endangered our lives". You watch his face for a moment and see nothing but kindness and honesty. You reach your arms around his middle and hug him tightly. It takes him a few seconds to catch up to what is happening but then he brings his arms around your frame and squeezes you softly. You pull away and give him a smile before leaving him in the room to train.
The next day you were finally called to the conference room to be briefed on a mission. You were pretty excited and couldn't wait to get out of the compound. You stepped in to the room and Steve started speaking, "Good, we're all here. It's just us on this mission. It shouldn't be too difficult. We found a hydra base in the United Kingdom, Wales. Its high up in the mountains and did a good job of being camouflaged. There's three floors to clear. Take all agents out in your floor and retrieve all information. We'll pair up and each take a floor".
He looks at everyone getting a nod of confirmation from everyone and before he can continue you find yourself speaking, "I'd like to be paired with Bucky". Everyone turned to you in open shock, except Bucky who was trying to stifle the massive grin threatening to over take his face.
Steve cleared his throat, "I don't know if that's a good idea-", Bucky interrupts Steve saying, "Its cool with me, as long as you're not too hurt over losing your better half", he then shows his massive grin to Steve as everyone stifles a smile.
You feel relieved that he managed to disperse the tension that was building between you and Steve. You couldn't explain why you wanted to be paired with Bucky. Yesterday had opened a connection with him that you felt you didn't have with everyone else. He is the first one to expressly say that he trusts you and if you had to work in pairs you wanted someone who was going to have your back. Once the mood sobered up Steve said, "okay, Y/N and Bucky, Nat and Clint, me and Sam. Everyone ready?", we all nodded and headed to the quinjet.
The ride didn't take long and soon we were passing over mountains with lots and lots of sheep. As we headed further into the mountains it started to rain and the sound of it hitting the jet relaxed the tension in you somewhat.
When Steve said they were 10 minutes from landing you stood up and checked your blades were strapped into place. They had offered you a suit like Nat's but you refused, opting for your usual attire. You wore your black leather trousers, a black vest and a black leather coat. You kneel down and check you have your extra blades in your combat boots. You stand to find Bucky watching you.
He comes over all serious as he says, "you ready for this?", you give him a wicked smile and say, "I took you and Steve down, I think I'll be fine". You see laughter twinkle in his eyes as he hands you an earpiece so that we can all stay in touch with each other.
Before you know it you've landed and Steve sends out Sam and Clint to clear the perimeter of the building so we can slip in without them noticing before its too late. You hear Sam give the all clear in your ear and he tells you all where to meet him and Clint.
We make our way to them, Bucky staying close to your side. You can't help a small grin from escaping. When you meet up with them Sam says, "there's no one behind this door and there is a stairwell immediately to the right and a hall leading straight down". Steve nods and turns to you and Bucky, "you guys go in first, go straight to the stairs and go to the top floor. Nat and Clint, you go behind them and take the next floor and me and Sam will take the bottom floor".
Everyone nods and Bucky closes his hand around the door handle and opens it with quiet ease. He moves swiftly and you follow close behind. You can't help but be impressed by how light he moves on his feet and how great his ass looks in those trousers. You scold yourself and regain focus as you shake your twin blades loose.
You see Bucky put a silencer on his gun just as we reach the top floor. We easily take down the first 4 guards in the hall but its not long and an alarm starts going off. You and Bucky exchange glances as he moves to the first door in the hall. He kicks the door down and you see him take down the agents inside since there were only 3.
You start to make your way to the next door when agents start leaving the rooms because the sound of alarms. They start shooting but you dodge their panicked shots and dive back into the first room and close the door. You could see Bucky getting ready to stand and fight but he didn't see how many men were out there.
You started looking around the room thinking of a better plan. You only now just notice the ceiling and see beams stretching from one side of the room to another and then a plan hits you. You turn to Bucky, "Do you trust me?", he nods without hesitation, "I have a plan and its better than just stand here and fight because there's more out there than Steve said there would be and most of them are armed. I need you to throw me up to those beams up by the ceiling and shoot out the lights so I'm covered in darkness and you need to go hid in that alcove over there, the one furthest from the door".
He nods again and you turn so your back is to him. He comes up behind you and grips your waist tight. He lowers his lips to your ear and the warmth of his breath makes you shiver, "you ready?", you make a sound of affirmation and he lifts you up pushing at the last second to give you an extra boost.
Your arms hook over the beam and you hoist yourself up and crouch low. Bucky makes his way to the alcove and then shoots out the lights just as the agents break down the door and swarm in. You can just about make out their confused faces at seeing nothing in the room. You thank the gods that you packed extra knives to your body and you start picking them off one by one in the dark. You took out 7 agents until they figured out that the attack was coming from the ceiling. You quickly made your way to the end of the beam and pushed your back flush against the wall as the agents started shooting up at the ceiling. You could see Bucky tensing and itching to strike but you willed him to stay still until most of their ammo had depleted.
As soon as they stopped shooting you whispered into your coms, "now!", to Bucky and he shot down the rest of agents with ease. You heard him give out a light 'whoop' before saying, "great plan Y/N, we came out of that one relatively unscathed". You could hear the smile in his voice as he says he's ready to help you down.
You start to make your way over to him but as you push off from the wall you feel suddenly light headed. You feel a warmth dripping down your side and your hand comes away with liquid on it. You've been shot and you didn't notice while the adrenaline was pumping. But as you started losing your adrenaline the pain started kicking in.
Before you knew it you could feel yourself falling and you hit the ground with a loud thud. You grunt in pain as the impact is absorbed by your shoulder and ribs. Bucky comes running over shouting your name. He notices the blood on your side and he puts his hands there applying pressure.
You make a small sound of pain and he apologises. You can feel your vision start to darken and somehow Bucky notices too because you vaguely hear him say, "come on Y/N, you have to keep your eyes open for me okay? The others are nearly done clearing the floors and then I can carry you out".
You give him a smile which probably comes across as delirious when you say, "'relatively unscathed' my ass", and you laugh lightly before the pain takes over and you groan. You hear Bucky laugh too and it eases a tightness in your chest.
He starts to pick you up and scream in pain. You can hear him whisper, "I'm sorry doll, I'm really sorry", as he starts to move down the stairs as quickly as possible without moving you too much. You say through gritted teeth, "I'm gonna kill Steve for putting us on the top floor. What a jackass". You hear him laugh again and it causes some more pain as his chest moves but you don't mind. Its worth being in pain to hear such a rich laugh, and its worth more pain knowing you're the one that caused it.
You feel the air hit your skin and it instantly chills you and you can't suppress a shiver. You feel Bucky hold you tighter. You smile and turn away so he doesn't see but then you think you see a shadow in the forest a couple hundred yards away and your smile fades. You try to squint into the forest but Bucky is walking too quickly and before you know it you're in the jet and he's laying you in a medic bed.
You pass out when you reach the medic wing of the compound. The next time you wake up you're lying in a bed and can feel the sun warm your cool skin through the window. It takes you awhile to figure out that someone is snoring lightly in the room and you turn your head to see Bucky sitting in a very uncomfortable looking chair.
You give yourself some time to take in his peaceful face before calling his name. His eyes snap open and he shoots over to your bed. "You're awake", he breathes, his voice rough with sleep.
You suppress another smile before asking, "how long have I been out? And how long have you been sitting there?". He looks slightly embarrassed by the second question and you can just make out a small blush creeping into his cheeks.
He replies, "You've been asleep for just over a day and I've been here the same amount of time", he looks down at the bed, not wanting to meet your gaze.
You ask him why and he answers still not looking at you, "I feel terrible Y/N. I should have done more back at the Hydra base. I keep thinking if I had acted earlier you wouldn't have been shot". You sigh trying to study what you could see of his face behind his dark hair.
You think about your words carefully before saying, "hey you, why don't you grab that chair and bring it closer? Then sit your pity party ass down and listen to me". You wait for him to do what you say before continuing, "you can't know for sure that if you acted sooner I wouldn't have been shot. I can't even remember being shot. I also think its braver to have to sit and wait and watch everything unfold around you, waiting for your moment. It requires discipline, patience, and courage. We both would have been hurt worse if you had acted sooner."
You place your hand on his metal one and give it an encouraging squeeze. He looks at you with amusement in his eyes, "look at you, you're lying in a hospital bed and you're comforting me", you both laugh, and you can't help noticing how his eyes crinkle and his nose wrinkles.
You pat his hand saying, "now go and get the doctor so I can ask when I can leave". He gives you a smile before getting up and making his way to the door.
Just as he opens it you call his name and turns to you. "Did you guys do a perimeter check before we left in the quinjet?", you see him nod, "did you find anyone else?". Bucky scrunches up his face looking slightly confused but he shakes his head and leaves to get the doctor. The answer he gave didn't give you the comfort you were hoping for.