NOTES:
** I'd been working on this since before the most recent season 3 spoilers were released (the ones with episode titles and synopses) so everything in here is strictly an AU.
** The name Bridgette was a name given to Marinette by fans before her name was officially released, so in this AU, Marinette = Bridgette. Thomas Astruc considers Adrien and Felix as two separate different people, so this Felix is not Adrien.
** Originally in the series, Felix couldn't remove the ring or stop being Chat Noir unless he received a kiss from Ladybug. In addition, the curse included bad luck following him around while not transformed.
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TRANSLATIONS:
Mon/Ma = My (masculine and feminine forms)
Choupinette = A cute way of saying sweetie/sweetheart ("chou" is a cream filled pastry)
Foufou = Nickname for someone who is silly/crazy/wacky
I didn't want to use the canon nicknames between Adrien!Chat and Ladybug (e.g. Buginette, My Lady, Minou, Chaton, Kitty, etc.) because I feel that those are personal and unique to them and their own dynamic, so I came up with different ones for Felix!Chat and Ladybug.
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"I'm in love with you, Felix."
Felix stared at Marinette for a few seconds, then scoffed. He didn't have time for this today; he was planning his own love confession to Ladybug tonight and he didn't appreciate any unnecessary distractions. Marinette's abrupt declaration of love was merely one of numerous others he had received; call it another curse he was inflicted with, although this one wasn't of magical origin like his ring.
"You don't love me, Marinette," he snorted. "You love what I represent. Fame, money, fashion. You think you can get a taste of those things through me." Looking away, he added, "Just like all the others."
Marinette faltered, "Th-that's not true! I like you for you, not just because you're an Agreste!"
"Is that so?" He replied sarcastically. "How could you? You don't even know me," he spat, words dripping with unveiled disdain.
Gathering as much determination she could, Marinette argued, "But I do! I've noticed things that you try to hide from others. You're always very reserved and serious on the outside, but I know that inside you're actually a very warm and loving person." She added a bit more quietly, "I know that you act a certain way because you're afraid of being vulnerable, of letting people in and getting hurt, just like you've been hurt in the past."
Felix glared down at her from his height. "So you've been studying me? I don't appreciate being psychoanalyzed, Marinette."
"No, that isn't—! I didn't—!" she stuttered, panicking on the inside, desperately fighting the urge to run away or hide, anything to escape from his judgmental gaze. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry or upset you! I just want to understand you and figure out—"
"Figure out what?" He interrupted. "How to impress me? How to talk or what to wear to make me notice you? Have you ever taken the time to actually get to know me?"
Marinette recoiled and curled in on herself, the sting of his words chipping away at her heart. "That isn't it! You say I don't know you at all, but you never accept my invitations to go on activities or dates! How can I get to know you better if you won't give me a chance?"
"Maybe I don't want to give you a chance. Have you ever considered that maybe I just want to be left alone?" He crossed his arms and said with finality, "Stop hounding me, Marinette. I can't stand groupies."
Marinette gasped in disbelief. Bristling at being called a groupie, her stomach churned unpleasantly, suddenly feeling the need to throw up. With her voice as even as she could muster, she uttered quietly, almost whispering, "R-right. As you wish. I won't bother you anymore, I promise." She turned away from him, hoping she could force one foot in front of the other despite the sudden feeling of lightheadedness. "Take care of yourself, Felix. Goodbye."
Felix sighed heavily in frustration as she walked away. He could have sworn he heard sniffling, but it must've just been his imagination.
Hours later after dark, Felix ran across the rooftops as Chat Noir, getting some light exercise before his patrol with Ladybug and, if he were to be completely honest with himself, to get away from his stuffy mansion. He paused on top of the bakery by the school, enjoying the delightful smells of foods he didn't allow himself to partake in, when he heard Marinette tearfully talking on the phone. That was odd. Why would she be crying at this hour?
"No... I'm not okay, but I will be eventually. It'll just take time." She sighed. "A lot of time." She paused, listening to the other side. "No... no, please don't confront him. He made it pretty clear that he doesn't want anything to do with me and I'm going to respect that."
Chat Noir became rooted to the spot. She was talking about Felix, about him, and the confession from earlier.
Marinette sighed and resumed tearfully, "Maybe he's right. Maybe I really don't know him at all. Maybe I've just deluded myself all this time because I thought I understood him a little. Oh, how could I have messed this up so badly? I should never have confessed! ...At least I know what he really thinks of me now. I've never seen him look at me that way, like I was the scum of the earth, like-" she choked down a sob. "Like I was lower than dirt! Like he hated me!"
Chat's heart dropped and he felt like he'd been dropped into a tub of ice water. Had his words really affected her that much? He didn't actually hate Marinette. She was a genuinely nice person, always helpful and cheerful, if a bit scatterbrained and lacking in punctuality. Still, the guilt settled uncomfortably in his gut and he felt slightly dizzy, his hands clammy underneath the suit. Part of him wanted to leave so he wouldn't have to endure hearing the rest of this conversation, but another part deep within knew he deserved the torture of hearing how much he'd hurt her.
There was another pause as Marinette continued to sob. "No... I'm giving up on him. Maybe even giving up on love altogether. This kind of pain isn't worth it." She went quiet for a few moments, then replied, "Yeah, you're right. Thanks for checking up on me, Alya. You're the best... Yeah, I'll keep in touch... Sure... Love you too. Bye."
Flabbergasted, Chat Noir still couldn't force himself to leave the balcony. Overhearing (okay, eavesdropping) this discussion had shaken him to his core. Marinette had been honest with him earlier. Her confession was authentic and heartfelt. And not only did she care about him, but she'd also been able to see past his aloof and unfriendly demeanor that he'd used as a shield from the world ever since he was a child. For as long as he could remember, he'd given up on trying to be understood, and Marinette was the only one that had ever even attempted to do so.
Choking back a hard, uncomfortable lump in his throat, he shook his head and stood up. He needed to calm his nerves before his meeting with Ladybug, so he attempted to convince himself that his actions were entirely justified. He couldn't help the way he felt. He didn't like Marinette the way she apparently felt for him. Maybe he could have been more kind in his rejection but that wasn't who he was. Felix wasn't a nice person like her. And Marinette was resilient. She'd get over it. She'd forget him. And eventually she'd find herself a person who was her type and would suit her better. It was never meant to be.
He ignored the large, empty pit in his stomach and with these thoughts in mind, he sprinted away into the night, blending in with the darkness where he belonged.
"I'm in love with you, Ladybug."
Ladybug widened her eyes incredulously, staring first at Chat Noir, then at the ruby red rose he was holding. She felt prickles at the back of her neck, dreading a conversation she'd hoped she would never have to have again, much less within the same day.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and suppressed a groan. Chat Noir theatrically professed his so-called affections for her just about every other week, and this time was no different. She simply wasn't up for any teasing this night.
"Chat, can we stop with the shenanigans today? I'm really not in the mood. In fact, I almost called off tonight's patrol." At his questioning look, she elaborated, "Earlier today I got rejected by the guy I like and he... he didn't let me down gently." She turned away, trying desperately to even her breathing and blink away tears lest she open the floodgates again.
Chat took a step forward and took her hand, stating dramatically, "Who could have possibly been so cruel to you, My Queen? Surely they must be blind or idiotic to reject an extraordinary creature such as yourself."
She scoffed through her nose. "He certainly didn't seem to think I'm so extraordinary."
Chat's mouth widened into his trademark Cheshire grin and he replied with a flourish, "It's a good thing I'm here then, for I'll sing your praises far and wide all over France, letting everyone know of my adoration for you."
Ladybug huffed incredulously, taking her hand away, her voice trembling as she snapped at him, "Chat, don't. Don't do this to me. Not today. Not after what happened to me earlier. Can't you be more sensitive to my feelings and stop being so damn pushy?" After a long pause she took a deep breath and continued, "You don't love me, Chat. You... 'you love what I represent.'"
Chat's eyes grew wide as saucers, feeling a strong sense of déjà vu that was too close to be mere coincidence.
This can't be... No, it couldn't be, it just couldn't. There's no way fate would be this cruel.
Pushing the intruding thought aside, he argued, "But Ladybug, I do love you! I've loved you from the moment we met!"
Ladybug let out a small scoff. "Chat. We both know that's a lie." A few moments passed and she stated bluntly, "I know about your curse."
Chat's mouth dropped open slightly upon hearing her revelation, feeling something akin to whiplash. She knows, he thought. But how?
"You just want to use me. You always have." Ladybug declared hotly. "Well, I'm not going to fall for it! They're lies, all of it! Never in our entire partnership have you been honest with me." She looked up at him and the tears finally started flowing. "You couldn't care less about me," she seethed.
This conversation was quickly spiraling out of his control. Desperately, Chat argued, "You know that's not true! I do care about you!"
"Oh, please," she dismissed him bitterly as the tears fell. "You only care about yourself. All you've ever wanted from me was a kiss to break the curse from your miraculous, and then you'd toss me away when you didn't need me anymore. If you had just asked me then I'd understand, but you couldn't even be forthright with me about it... After all we've been through together, don't you think I deserve at least that?" She squeezed her eyes shut, body shaking.
Chat felt his insides crumple and it was like his body was free falling. Despite Ladybug being correct in her assumption that he didn't start their partnership with the purest intentions, he had sincerely grown to fall deeply, irrevocably in love with her. Did she really, earnestly think he didn't care about her at all after all this time?
"Ladybug, you have to believe me, that's not how it is!" he insisted. "You're the love of my life! You're everything I could ever need!"
Ladybug countered sharply, "But what about me, Chat? How about what I need?"
Chat replied quickly, "I'd give you anything you could ever possibly want! Anything you wish for would be yours."
Feebly, she replied, "I don't even know what I want anymore." She muttered, aside, "Maybe Felix was right. Maybe none of us truly know each other."
Chat Noir paled. This couldn't be happening. All this time, right in front of him. The compassionate, thoughtful, ingenious, most important person in his life. And he'd been too blind, his soul too bitter to notice her. Thinking of it now, there was no real difference between the way the two of them acted, save a bit more confidence and outspokenness as Ladybug. The same couldn't be said about him though. His outgoing and theatrical Chat Noir persona was the complete opposite of everything Felix was behind the mask. There was no way she could have guessed that they were one and the same. He, however, had no excuse. It should have been obvious. But Ladybug was right. He was selfish. And he'd been dishonest. Not only that, but his heartless, cruel treatment of Marinette had ruined any possible chances he may have had with her. She truly was extraordinary and he was just...
I'm an asshole, he realized.
The pain etched on her face, the red and puffy eyes that were visible despite her wearing a mask, none of it belonged there. She deserved nothing but happiness but she was the one suffering. Because of him.
He inhaled sharply as a flood of memories flashed through his mind of all the times when harsh words were directed at him, memories of his younger self hiding inside a closet, sobbing, desperately wishing for even the smallest amount of love and warmth. Until eventually, years later after countless heartbreaks and disappointments, he'd finally adapted and became numb to it. And while this defense mechanism helped him to protect his own heart, it had also rendered him uncaring and indifferent towards others. It was only recently, due to Ladybug's kindness and influence, that Felix was slowly beginning to learn how to feel again (although admittedly he was still pretty lousy at it, as his current situation could attest to).
Ladybug sniffled and suddenly paused, as if a thought had just occurred to her. She steeled herself, resolve filled her face and she took a few rapid steps forward Chat Noir until their bodies were almost touching. She placed a hand on his chest and looked up at him, and yet her eyes looked hollow and dispirited. Her other hand moved to gently cup his jaw, then she closed her eyes and closed the remaining distance between them.
As she leaned in, Chat panicked. "W-what are you doing?!"
"Giving you what you want," she said and puckered her lips.
He pulled his head back and she opened her eyes, revealing a now agitated look. Chat took a few steps backwards hoping to get some distance between them but she followed, never letting go of him, until he backed up against a wall and had nowhere left to go. She pinned him against it roughly, using both hands, holding him still enough for her to kiss.
"L-Ladybug, wait!" he stammered. "Don't do this! You can't!"
Exasperated, she cried, "Don't you want to be free from the burden of being Chat Noir? You'd never have to see me again. That's what you want, isn't it? Your freedom?" she spat. "One kiss and you could get rid of all this, and we can stop this game. You don't love me and maybe I'll never be loved like I want to be, but I can free you from this curse. And from me."
At that instant he did something he never believed he would ever do: he pushed her away. He couldn't accept her kiss. Not like this. This wasn't like her. She was hurting and lashing out and asking for help all at once. This wasn't how he wanted to end his time as Chat Noir. It couldn't end like this.
"Ladybug, listen to me!" he pleaded, holding her firmly by her upper arms. "I don't want this and I know you don't want this! I can't let you do it! You mean so much more to me than this!"
She squirmed in his grip. "I don't believe you!!" she shouted, barely able to see him through her watery eyes.
Not letting go, Chat replied quietly, "I don't blame you. I really don't. I haven't been a good partner to you; I've been deceitful and crass, and I'm sure someone else could do a better job at being Chat Noir. It may not come as a surprise to you that I'm not a good person in real life. In fact, I'm pretty damn horrible." He gave a humorless chuckle.
Ladybug ceased her struggling and looked up at him in confusion.
Chat continued, "But I believe that we're together for a reason and I don't want to give up. I'd like to stay with you and continue to fight alongside you. I want to protect you, to destroy anything that would dare try to hurt you... But if that someone is me, then..." He tightly squeezed his eyes shut. "If you really don't want me here then I can leave. I can leave you alone and I promise I wouldn't bother you anymore." He looked at her pleadingly, eyes glistening. "But if you would have me, if you would tolerate me, then I would stay with you forever. I promise."
Through his hastened speech, Ladybug stared at him, wide eyed and full of disbelief, but as he reached the end, she broke.
Gasping and staring, a horrified Ladybug cried remorsefully, "Chat... Oh, Chat, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" She sobbed openly, not even attempting to suppress it. Chat gingerly pulled her close, gathering her into his arms. She trembled and heavy sobs violently racked her small body. He held her, soothed her, whispered to her, stroking the back of her head gently, careful so that his claws wouldn't snag on her soft, raven hair. They stayed that way for a long time, clinging to each other like a lifeline.
An hour later, Ladybug and Chat Noir sat on the roof side-by-side, legs and hips touching. Chat's arm draped loosely around her shoulders and his thumb stroked against her upper arm, while Ladybug rested her head on his chest seeking comfort. The two sat in companionable silence; Ladybug's crying had finally stopped and she was exhausted. Her breathing had slowed considerably and Chat wondered if she'd fallen asleep. He wished vehemently that they could stay like this forever, but they had school the next day and Felix had a very long apology to prepare, so it was time to part ways.
Chat gently nudged Ladybug's shoulder and she stirred slightly. "Are you awake, Choupinette?"
"Hmmm..." she sighed airily and nuzzled into him. "Barely."
He chuckled lightly and gave her a small squeeze. "I deeply regret having to disturb you, but alas, the time has come for us to say our farewells for the night."
Ladybug harrumphed and tightly wrapped her arms around his waist in mock indignation, which caused him to laugh.
He booped her nose playfully. "You are simply too cute, Ma Choupinette. But we absolutely cannot allow such rebellion from you. You are going home even if I have to transport you there myself." With this said, he abruptly jumped up, carrying her in his arms bridal style, the sudden movement causing her to throw her arms tightly around his neck and squeal in surprise. He followed up by vigorously tickling her ribs with the hand that held her torso.
She squirmed in his hold and laughed freely. "Alright, alright, you win, I'll go home! Now let me down, you doof!"
Chuckling, Chat set her back down on the ground, yet his hands remained on her waist, not quite ready to fully let her go. Similarly, she had released her hold around his neck but her hands had slid down onto his chest. He could feel the hair on his arms stand up and his face heat up, along with the butterflies fluttering wildly in his chest, and he was grateful that his suit covered most of his body so she wouldn't be able to see it.
Her expression sobered and she said with difficulty, "By the way... I'm sorry I tried to kiss you. And I'm sorry I said all those awful things to you."
Chat stroked her cheek and spoke to her softly, "You don't have to say sorry. Not to me. I know you were feeling devastated by what happened to you earlier. I should have been more considerate to your feelings, acted more tactful." He frowned and he spat bitterly, "That other guy... he's a fool. He doesn't deserve you. He will never deserve you," he said emphatically. "You're too good for him, too pure and sweet and kind. There is no excuse for the way he treated you and he doesn't deserve your attention, nor does he deserve your forgiveness."
Ladybug looked away from him and shrugged. "He really isn't a bad person. Honestly, I can't even be mad at him. He had every right to not return my feelings and reject me, even if he didn't go about it the right way. Now I'm just dreading how horribly awkward things are going to be at school."
Chat's eyebrows rose in shock and his throat felt dry. How could she possibly be defending Felix even now? Was it because she was in love with him and she was seeing him through rose colored lenses, or would she have been just as kind to anyone else? Knowing her though, he suspected it was the latter.
Hesitating, he gulped but finally asked, "Are... are you going to speak with him about it?"
She exhaled and she shook her head. "He seems to really dislike me," she replied. "I won't be talking to him unless I really have to, like if we have a school assignment together."
Chat frowned at this. Had he really cost himself the friendship he hadn't realized they'd had?
"I'm sorry," he replied remorsefully. "I wish I could make it up to you."
She smiled weakly, yet it was the most melancholy smile he'd ever seen on her beautiful face. He never wanted to see her look that way again. He felt the protectiveness that he only ever felt around her overwhelm him, promptly followed by the crushing reminder that it was he who had caused her such pain.
She patted his arm. "Don't be sorry, Mon Foufou. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known."
Chat's blood ran cold, the anxiety and self loathing he always carried within himself swelling exponentially every time he replayed that conversation in his head. He could never deserve her; not ever would he be worthy of her love. But... despite that, he still desperately longed for a chance. An opportunity to pursue her, to court her properly, to treat her like the Queen she was. Just one more chance to redeem himself, as much would be possible for a wretched person such as he, anyway. And maybe, just maybe, eventually she might forgive him. It was worth a try. She was worth the effort.
"For what it's worth," he spoke quietly, "I really did mean it. When I confessed." He rubbed the back of his neck and felt his face redden. "I didn't exactly say it the way I should have. I'm terrible at this sort of thing. Sharing my feelings and being sensitive to others. I'd like to try again sometime, and this time I'd like to do it right." He wrung his hands together nervously. "You don't have to say anything, I just..." he looked straight at her and said earnestly, "I just wanted you to know."
Ladybug beamed at him, then nervously reached back to grab at one of her ponytails, developing a lovely blush that made her little freckles stand out. "Hmm... I wonder if that's actually true. But in any case, thank you, Chat. Really." She turned her body slightly, then added, "M-maybe someday, if you actually feel that way, and if you can prove it... Maybe we can--" she hesitated for a few moments, and continued, "Well... I won't get ahead of myself. I don't want to set myself up for any more disappointments. And I wouldn't want to string you along, either; I'll need time to get over my crush... a lot of time." Chat felt his limbs stiffen at hearing those words again, the words Marinette had uttered back on her balcony. "I really did like him a whole lot." She looked back at him and quirked her usual sweet smile. "But if you're willing, then... I guess we can wait and see what happens."
Chat Noir reached forward to take her hand, then lightly kissed her knuckles. "I'll wait as long as it takes, My Queen. Anything for you."