Warnings: Cursing. Brief mention of Troy being gross and creepy. More cursing. TRIGGER WARNING FOR ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACKS OR FEELINGS OF BEING OVERWHELMED OR STRESSED.
What the hell?
How the hell did everything go wrong so quickly? Everything that could have gone wrong this week, has gone wrong. At first, it began with the little things; you spilled your drink all over your favorite jacket this morning, Troy and his minion wouldn't stop leering at you in Social Studies. Which of course made you so uncomfortable that you couldn't focus on the lesson and now, somehow it had all snowballed and you were behind in a handful of classes in the efforts to catch up. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, the teacher opened her mouth.
"The tests have been graded. To say I'm disappointed would be the biggest understatement of the year."
'Yeah, you can say that again.'
The dreaded clicks of her wedged shoes as she made her way down the isles of desks, handing back every test with a pointed look and a disappointed 'hmpf'. You couldn't handle the wait much longer. You studied so hard for that test. You spent countless late nights hunched over your desk at home and squinting, retaining every word on on the textbook, so many hours went into worrying about this test.
'At least a C. At least a C. Please God, let it at least be a C.' You closed your eyes and said a silent prayer to yourself, however the drinking feeling in your gut said otherwise.
You peeked you eyes open when you realized the clicking of her shoes had stopped and you felt a looming presence over you. You looked up to Mrs. Ratliff sheepishly, bracing yourself. The look she cast down at you was nothing short of soul crushing. Her eyes bore into your own from the end of her nose, her chin up in disgust. Barely looking at you she dropped the paper in front of you before moving on to her next victim.
D minus.
Hours upon hours of studying and you got a D minus. Absentmindedly, your hands curled into fists and your blood began to boil.
'Why the hell was it so hard for me? What is wrong with me? I try twice as hard as everyone and it's all for nothing!'
You decided that you would talk to her. She had to understand. She had to. Right?
***
"Mrs. Ratliff." Class had ended and seeing as you had a bus to catch you had to try and make this quick.
No response. She only continued writing at her desk in silent concentration.
You cleared your throat.
Nothing.
"Mrs. Ratliff!"
"What?" She hadn't even so much as spared a glance in your direction and continued to write.
You tried making yourself look taller and took a deep breath.
"Mrs. Ratliff, I would like to talk to you about my test grade."
"I'm not changing it."
"Well, you see, I figured since I haven't properly learned the material that i would come to you for help and then i could maybe retake it."
"Absolutely out of the question."
"But-"
"But nothing. I told the class that this was your only chance. If you can't even manage to pay attention when I give directions how do you expect to know the material?"
"I have! Every word. I-I-"
"That's enough. I don't know what else to tell you, maybe you should just try harder." This was the first time Ratliff had looked up from her notes, sending a cold, fake smile.
The anger returned in seconds and turned to sadness just as quick. You stood there, mouth agape, trying, struggling to choose the right response from the thousands bouncing around your head.
"Now I have work to do. Go, on." She gestured to the door, her gaze returning to her work.
Your face turned hot out of anger and sadness and the embarrassment at yourself for not being able to form coherent sentences. Your legs carried you to the door without a thought, your mind on fire. You found yourself against the cold metal of the lockers, you back sliding down until you were sitting with your knees tucked into your chest as you try to process what just happened. Hot, angry tears streaked down your cheeks, that overwhelming fit of helplessness sinking in.
"[Y/N]?"
You looked up to see a very concerned redhead that never failed to bring you butterflies. Those butterflies quickly turned to stones and felt them hit the bottom of your stomach when you realized she had caught you in this very vulnerable state. You quickly wiped you eyes and nose as best as you could and turned you head away so you didn't have to think about her seeing you like this.
"Um, yeah?" You sniffed.
"What's wrong?" You felt Max's presence near you on the floor and knew she had taken a seat next to you.
You shook your head, words failing you. Words always seem to fail you around Max but this was for a completely different reason. You knew if you spoke, your sobs would get in the way. Still shaking your head, you reached to pull your sleeves over your hands, a nervous habit of yours whenever someone caught you crying.
"...Are you hurt? Did someone do something to you? Oh, I swear to God if that asshole Troy tried something," she began ranting, anger evident in her voice.
"No, well yes, but no. I mean," you sniffed again, unable to take your eyes off of your lap.
"I mean, he was looking at me again creepy but he- that's not why I-" you tried to hold in your sobs as much as possible but one slipped out and Max hesitantly moved herself closer to you to show she was supportive.
"It's just... Everything is going to shit. And I try and I try and I try but I fail everytime and I'm-" The words bursted from your mouth like a water from a dam yet you couldn't put your feelings into words which only made you more frustrated. You only hated yourself more for showing her this side of you, and you expected for her to give that same crap about how your just "being dramatic".
Only, to be met with something more terrifying. Silence.
'Great. I scared her off.'
This only made you cry more. It had been a couple of months since Max moved here and ever since you got to know her, every time you saw her, she gave you this feeling. You didn't know what it was at first. You thought, maybe you were just intimidated by her. Or, you just thought she was pretty and that's all. But the more time you spent with her the more things started to click. You were terrified of your feelings for her. You were terrified of what people would think. Of what she would think.
You were fine with having nothing more than a friendship with her. You thought, as long as you got to spend time with her, be with her, that was enough. But now you scared her off. Or so you thought.
"I'm so sorry. Is there any way I can help?" Her words surprised you. No one ever asked that before. Everyone always decided to fix it and thought they knew best. It was strange to have someone ask permission. Though, sadly you couldn't think of anything.
"I would actually love help... but I don't think there's anything you can do." You sniffled.
"I just, I try so hard to catch up in class and I work five times as hard as anyone else and I fail everytime, but kids who don't even care, who just guess the answers get it right and I'm just so... I feel so, stupid."
"Over the short while I've known you, I've come to find that you are many things [Y/N] [Y/L/N], and stupid is not one of them." There was a firmness to her tone.
"You are one of the most determined people I've met and I respect the hell out of you for it." Your heart began to flutter at these words.
"Really?"
"Duh! You're amazing! You helped me feel so welcome at this school, and you have just this amazingly warm welcoming presence and you care about everyone and you are just crazy cute and-" She stopped mid-sentence when she realized what she said. Her cheeks turned as red as her hair.
You were positive that your cheeks rivaled her own, and your face became hot. The flurry of butterflies had awakened and occupied your heart and your stomach. You lungs stopped working for a brief second as you stared at her unable to process what she just said about you.
"You-You think I'm... cute?"
"I'm sorry did I just make everything weird?" It was her turn to look down at her lap, avoiding eye contact.
Your heart pounded, you could hear your heart beat in your ears.
"No. For what it's worth," your mouth ran dry. "I think you're really cute too."
It only took one look and you guys knew. You both knew the feeling was not one sided and everything was best left unspoken. Scared to ruin the moment by breaking the intense silence. Relief and pure joy filled you. But fear and excitement accompanied.
A bright smile crossed her face. "Hey, how about you go to the arcade with me? We'll walk. You need a break from worrying about school, and I want to hang out with the cute girl I like."
She rose to her feet, and extended a hand out for you to take. A warm smirk on her face.
Your heart may as well burst at this point. You took her hand and stood.
"It's a date."
*****
Should I do a part 2????