Separate Wants Part 5
If there was a word that would be used to describe Richard as he watched his wife's car fade in the distance from their suburban home, it would simply be terrified. Was he baffled? Certainly. Heart-rending? Definitely. But the emotion that won out the war was the erratic fear that gripped his heart with every breath. He didn't have any idea where Jamie had gone. He tried ringing her phone but time after time Jamie's voicemail was the only voice that responded to him. The toneless voice did little to comfort Richard and his paranoid ridden mind.
He paced their bedroom in a quick and sloppy pace. The thoughts of what his wife was doing was corrupting his mind. He had thought he had been doing well. He had been doing well in staying away from the concept of a baby with Jamie, but then she had to go and call him out on his behavior. Why it had mattered to her was still beyond him though. He was the one that wanted a kid not her. So why had she stormed off like she had? There was no reason for it. She had gotten what she wanted; his silence.
Sinking to the edge of the bed Richard fisted his hair in frustration. He desperately wanted to shake, scream, chase Jamie down, but he knew he shouldn't do any of those things. He needed to keep his cool. Jamie would eventually come back home. 'She will come home, right?' While Richard was sure that his wife would return there was that nagging fear that she would simply leave him alone in their home to never return. Eyes stinging Richard pushed the heels of his palms against his eyes to stop the flow of disgrace. 'No no no...'
A mental mantra clambered through Richard's grief stricken mind. Standing, Richard reached out to steady himself against the dresser his chest rising in falling in labored breaths as an impending panic attack loomed over him. Shaking arms started faltering on the hard wood. Shaky legs began to give out. Before Richard knew it, he was falling to the carpet floor. He felt the soft material under his fingers and tried to focus on that one sensation to try and clear his foggy brain. Breathing not quite steadily but normal enough to try and stand again Richard reached out for the support of the dresser. His fingers slid from the top of the dresser out of unsteadiness and instead landed on one of the drawers. Gripping the drawer drew it out as he rose to stand. The shaking had begun to subside, but the moment he looked down every muscle in Richard's body seized up.
How he wished he was ignorant of the pill holder that laid in the drawer. Jamie's drawer. Laying slightly under a shirt of hers laid a monthly pill compact. The tiny black numbers and days of the week mocked Richard as he stared at the pills. Richard knew that his wife didn't take any medication so that only narrowed down exactly what those pills were. Gone was the panic and instead was replaced with a heavy slap of betrayal as Richard's fingers brushed over the empty slots of the pill compact. "Jamie..."